by Leaona Luxx
Riley’s forehead rests against mine as we try to catch our breath. My legs burn and tremble until I relax them, letting them fall to the side. “Come on, baby. Let’s get you cleaned up.”
He lifts me, spinning around until the water runs over me; he holds me until I steady myself. “By the way, there’s a floral shop through the house.” I pop my eye open to peek at him.
He washes my body down, helping to stoke the flames. “Yeah, it’s my anniversary.”
“Anniversary?” I stammer as a flutter builds in my belly.
“Ours.” He begins to wash my hair, it feels so relaxing. “We’ve been dating a month.”
“All of this for a one month anniversary?” I roll my eyes before rinsing my hair.
“Yes. I’ll spoil you any way I can.” I turn the water off, spinning around.
“Why would you waste that amount of money?” I snap as I step from the shower. I jerk a towel from the shelf, drying quickly.
“I wanted to do something special for you.” He follows me from the room with a towel wrapped around him.
“I know, you do it all the time.” Grabbing a t-shirt from the drawer, I yank it over my head. “Have you ever thought maybe I would like to do something for you?” I tug on a pair of panties, leaving Riley behind.
“Ava, what’s going on?” Riley stands across from me, arms folded as he leans against the counter.
“Why does something always have to be going on?” I slam a cabinet door. “You. This.” I wave my arms around the room. “All of this.”
He drops his head in defeat or disgust, I’m not sure until he glances at me. My chest aches. Shit. “I’m sorry.”
“No, I’m sorry.” I cross my arms, mimicking him. “Do you realize I can’t even buy you a cup of coffee?” I grit my teeth as tears spring to my eyes.
“You give me what I want,” he says softly.
“And you’re enough for me.” I sigh heavily as my stomach turns. “This is amazing, thank you. But it’s too much. I need to pull my weight.”
“Say it, Ava.” He drops his hands, fisting them.
“Say what?” I snap.
He steps toward me, and I drop my hands. My heart races as he gets closer. “Tell me what this is about.”
“I did!” I shout.
“No, you didn’t,” he growls. My stomach knots as my face flames.
“I can’t give you what you want, what you deserve,” I yell as tears threaten.
“Say it, goddamn it,” he roars.
“I’m not enough. Not good enough. Not rich enough. I’ll never have more to offer than what I am right now.” I cover my mouth with my confession, never making eye contact with him.
I shiver when his hands grip my shoulders, still refusing to look at him. His hands run down my back, drawing me into his chest. My knees buckle with the weight of my guilt, my doubt. “You are more than enough, you are more than you see.”
“I’m not. I have nothing to give you,” I sob.
“Ava, give me your heart. It’s more than enough.” He sways us from side to side. “I will always give you more than your fair share because you went so long without it.”
“Wha-what if I fail, Ry? What if I hurt you?” I bury my face in his chest.
“Tell me you love me. Ask me for forgiveness. That’s all it takes, Ava.” He kisses the top of my head. He holds me until I can gather myself.
“The flowers are beautiful, thank you,” I mutter into his chest.
“I’ll try not to order so many next time.” I wince at his promise. “You hungry?”
I nod like a petulant child. Memories flood my mind, flashbacks of the things I pray Riley never knows. Paralyzed, my palms become clammy as my face grows ashen. I feel as though I’m drowning, my head under water as Riley talks to me.
I fist my hair as I try to focus on his voice, praying it will bring me back. I grapple with reality, blinking rapidly to clear my vision. The room begins spinning as darkness takes over me. Yet, it doesn’t consume me. A sound. A singular utterance drags me to the surface.
“Ava. Ava. Baby, come back. I’m here. I love you.” Jolted by his words, I careen back toward reality.
“I’m okay.” I swallow back the rasp. “I’m okay.” I struggle to regain my sight and hearing. It was bad this time, maybe the worst yet. What was the trigger?
“Oh my God, Ava. You scared the shit out of me. What the fuck was that?” Riley cradles me in his lap on the kitchen floor.
I drag a cleansing breath through my dry lips. “Like a-a panic attack. That’s all. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize.” He holds me to his chest. “I didn’t know you had them.” As if I couldn’t feel worse, now, I’ve lied to him.
“Let’s eat. It’ll make me feel better.” I swallow the lump in my throat.
Riley helps me up from the floor, staying by my side the rest of the night. Damn, what’s gonna happen if we make it a year? Riley cleans the kitchen, giving me the chance to slip into my bedroom to find my medicine. This was a bad episode.
Saturday morning, all is forgotten from the night before, or at least, Riley’s not talking about it. We pack a picnic basket and drive to Cherry Grove Beach to meet Brannon, Torrie, and Andi. The sun and relaxing sounds of the ocean are exactly what I need.
“How are you?” Torrie asks as she sits beside me.
“I’m okay.” I squint from the sun as I turn to her.
“Good. Mid-terms coming up?” She questions, and I know it’s more than conversation.
“Yes.” I breathe heavily. “Torrie, I know he’s worried, but everything is fine.” Denial—the first defense in my arsenal.
“He loves you,” she says.
I shake my head as I begin to tremble. “Isn’t it all too much too fast? I know we’ve grown up together, but it’s been a little over a month, a few weeks.” I hold out my fingers.
“I don’t know, Ava. Love takes its own path. No one has a right to discredit how it found you.” She shrugs.
“I never saw it coming.” I look to the sun, letting the warmth bathe me.
“Is that what brought on your panic attack?” I knew it. I narrow my eyes in Riley’s direction.
“No.” I hesitate, deciding to give her half of the story. “I have things, stuff that happened in my life, that come back from time to time. It had been a month since the last one, then a stupid dream the other night. Now, this.”
“Ava, do you love him? Do you love Riley more than your own life?” She pins me with a stare.
I gaze at Riley. He glances at me several times before owning we’re looking at each other with a smile. I turn to her, giving her my honest feelings. “He consumes me. He makes me queasy. His eyes can chase all the bad away with a wink. His kiss buckles my knees, every damn time. My stomach knots up every time he’s around, making my heart race when he smiles at me. It scared me at first, you know? An actual, physical response to another human being.
“And then, I began missing those things when he wasn’t around. Like an addiction, I needed him. I’ve never needed anyone; I wanted, but never needed. Do I love Riley? With all my being. My heart needs him to survive. I love him madly.”
She nods, a grin playing at her mouth. “Then don’t hold back.”
“Torrie, he gives me so much. What do I have to offer him?”
“That, my friend, Brannon can answer better. He felt the same way.” I stare at her with my mouth hanging open.
“What?”
“He felt he had nothing to offer me. All I ever wanted was him, but he wanted to give me more,” she explains.
“I never knew that about him.” I watch as Brannon splashes in the waves with Andi and Riley.
“You loved him. You didn’t care what he had to offer,” she says.
“What I felt for Brannon is nothing like what I feel for Riley, that’s for damn sure.” I can’t help but smile as he swings Andi around.
“And still, you would take him if he only offered what Br
annon did,” she explains it so easily.
“I’ll take Riley however I can get him.” I pause. “I guess that’s how he feels about me.”
“I’m sure it is.” She bumps my shoulder. “Now, help preggers up so we can play in the water.”
I laugh out loud. “I can do that, sister.”
We join Andi and the guys, playing in the tidewaters all afternoon. We pack, walking out together to say our goodbye’s. “You okay, Ava?” Brannon asks. Obvious to me it was set up for us to talk.
“I’m better. Torrie helped.” I bite my lip and press in. “She said... She told me you had a tough time with not having things for her. With Riley, it’s more than not having money to buy him things. It’s me, Bran. When have I ever been good enough for anyone?”
“What in the hell? Ava, you have so much more to offer if you’ll allow yourself to do it.” He turns to me, shaking his head. “I can tell you this; I understand wanting to give as much as you get, but there are times in a relationship when one person will give more than the other. It’s not always equal.”
“So, what you’re saying is there will be times I do take more than I give? But there’ll be times when Riley will need more?” My belly flutters when Riley smiles at me. Naw, I can’t give up on this.
“Exactly. Besides, I seriously think he was willing to kick my ass over you. Torrie is the only person who has done that until Riley.” He grins at me.
“I’m still worried we’re moving too fast.”
“Love doesn’t carry a calendar or keep time. It doesn’t even take score.” He shakes his head. “Love comes at its will, not ours.”
“When did you get so smart?” I bump into his shoulder.
“About the time I fell in love.” He smiles at Torrie as she rubs her growing belly.
We exchange hugs and kisses, saying our goodbyes. Andi hangs from Riley’s neck as he carries her to Brannon’s truck. We wait for them to leave before pulling onto the highway. The ride is peaceful and contemplative for my mind. I have so many demons to fight, I pray I can win the war.
If there’s one thing I know, Riley is sure as hell worth it. I peek at him and notice worry etched on his face. I lay my hand over his as it sits on the gear shift. He glances at me, and I offer a smile. He takes it as he squeezes my hand in his.
If only he could hold my hand through everything.
“I’m fine. Let’s go have some fun. As a matter of fact, you’ve never taken me out on a date.” She stands with her fists on her hips, glaring at me.
“We do things differently, you know that,” I say, praying she buys it.
“True but still, why haven’t you taken me on a date?” She narrows her eyes.
“We haven’t had time and if I had my way, we’d stay in and try to quench my need for you.” I bite my lip as I take in every sexy curve of her.
“We’re dancing and you’re buying me drinks until I’m a sloppy mess. Then, you can carry me home and have your way with me. Deal?” She cocks her brow as if she’s brokering a huge deal. And all I’m thinking is, fuck yes, we can do that.
“If that’s what you want? Far be it from me to deny you such a thing.” I close the distance between us, and her lips part as her chest heaves. “I think I might kiss you now.”
“I think I might let you.” She wets her lips. My dick nods in agreement to take her, so I do.
My hands in her hair, I aim to leave her red lipstick everywhere but on her lips. Craving her taste, my tongue explores her mouth, impatient to own her. My hands itch with the need to roam her curvaceous body. I loosen them from her hair, releasing them to wander.
She pushes away as much as she can, murmuring, “Five more minutes of this and we’ll never leave.”
“You’re right, I can hold you against the wall here.” I fill my hands with her round ass.
“Dance. Drinks. Sex me up.” She kisses and releases. “In that order,” stating as she pulls away. “Ten minutes.”
“Do you know what my tongue could do to your body in five of those minutes?” I pound my head against the wall.
“I’m wet just imagining it,” she calls from the bedroom, and I adjust my hard on.
“Hilarious, says the man with the blue balls,” I huff.
“Blue balls? From what?” She’s right, we have enough sex for ten couples.
“The next time that damn fairy tries to take your panties, I’m letting him.” I adjust myself again, trying not to pout.
Ava steps out of the bedroom in her underwear, black lace with a deep ‘v’ in both the bra and panties. “Funny you mention him, look what the fairy left me.” She turns, slowly, modeling her sexy as fuck lingerie.
“Damn good man, he is.” I fist my cock through my pants, and Ava watches my every move.
“I need a dress.” She twirls around and sashay’s back into the room. She’s killing me. She’s doing it on purpose. Has a man ever died of a hard on? Surely, there was injury.
A noise from the hall draws my attention, and Ava struts toward me in black Stilettos with a white and black bodycon dress. Talk about fitting like a glove. “Hell no, Ava.”
She stops cold in her tracks. “Hell yes, Ry. We’re going to show everybody how good love looks.”
“You’re going to be the death of me.”
She slinks over to me, mere inches separating us. “At least you’ll die satisfied,” she says as she gropes my cock.
“You’re mocking me; I’m dying, and you’re laughing.” I frown as the room in my jeans grows increasingly smaller. Ava’s eyes are teeming with desire.
She leans closer to me, whispering, “It’ll be worth the wait.”
“Let’s go. The faster we get there, the quicker we leave.” She laughs as I pull her out the door.
Malibu’s Surf Club is packed tonight. I asked the guys to meet us here. I pay our cover charge, taking her hand to lead us through the crowd. As only Ava can, she makes an entrance. Every man in this damn place watches us walk in.
I move her in front of me, so I can keep my hands on her and eyes off her ass. She leans into me when we stop to greet someone. This damn dress is causing a stir that’s for sure. We sit at the bar, waiting on the guys.
Ava stands between my legs, leaning against me. Turned just enough so we can talk. When she turns to face me, my hand slips to her ass. My silent warning, fucking know this, it’s mine. “Are you gonna let go of me at any point tonight?” She gives me a lopsided smile.
“Not until we’re home and you’re tied to the bed.” I lift my drink, and she juts her mouth expectantly. I tip the drink for her, watching it cascade across her lips and over her tongue.
“Thank you.” She kisses me, slipping her tongue in, and giving me a taste of the amber liquor.
I take a swig and slam it down. “Come on, rub your ass on me.” I take her by the hand, leading her to the dance floor.
Her damn dress is like a beacon for every man in here; by god, they just need to try. Rihanna’s ‘Love on the Brain’ starts playing as we hit the floor. I keep it real and let my girl have fun. She dances her fucking ass off as she sways and moves to the song.
A seductive creation, Ava and her dance moves combine for a sultry shift in her hips. I’m even more fucked up by the time the song is over. I grasp her arms, dragging her to me as I smash my mouth to hers. She melts into me, telling me all I need to know—I fucking own her.
It’s a heady mix, Ava and sex. But when you toss in a good dose of love, I’m lost to her. A slave to her body, a master of her heart. “Damn, I love you.”
She locks her hands around the back of my head, and we sway to Sam Hunt’s ‘Body Like a Back Road’. Her hips grinding into mine, my hands on her ass. “I love you.”
“Drink?” She nods. “Ford should be here soon.” I lead her off the floor, back to our seat.
She leans into me again and I can see, I’m the envy of every man in the place. I lean in, placing a soft kiss on her jaw. She twists, fisting my hair as she press
es her lips to mine. Opening her mouth freely for my tongue to slip in. We part only because of the catcalls coming from Ford and Walker.
“Hell yes. Bartender, give us a round for ‘young love’!” Ford calls out.
“Hey, y’all.” Ava greets the guys with a kiss on the cheek.
We shake hands as I motion for another round for Ava. “Good of you to show up.”
“We had to make an entrance. It’s all about the women for us,” Walker says.
“God help them.” Ava giggles.
“Damn straight, babe.” I wink at her.
“Just because y’all are practically married, doesn’t mean the rest of the world is,” Ford quips.
“Here’s to locking it down.” Walker tips his glass, and Ava laughs.
“Oh, there’s Emerson, Willow, and Ryver.” She glances at me. “Can I go say hello?” she asks.
“Yes,” I answer with my brows pulled together. “You don’t need to ask.”
“I know, that’s not what I meant. I just wanted to make sure I could leave you.” She shakes her head. “Forget it. You know what I mean, I’ll be right back.” She kisses me, and I watch her walk away.
Turning to my brother and best friend, I find they’re watching her walk away. “What the fuck, dipshits.”
They glance at me and back to Ava. “I mean, dayum,” Walker says as he raises his brows.
Ford’s mouth is hanging open. “Yeah, what he said.” Then he adjusts himself.
“Fuck y’all. Stop looking at my girl, assholes,” I growl.
“You sure you got that tamed?” Walker asks.
“Don’t be a jerk.” I shake my head.
“Seriously, she’s beautiful. Y’all doin’ good?” Ford wonders.
“We’re great. Picked out house plans and talking marriage, eventually,” I answer about the time I feel a hand run up my thigh.
“Hey, lover. I heard you were home.” I glance over, thinking it’s Ava. It’s not, but Ava’s eyes are pinned to my thigh. I grip her hand, ripping it from me.