by Leaona Luxx
“Huh?” My brow shoots high above my eye as my mouth hangs open.
She glances at me and the glares. “Shit! Sorry. I wasn’t supposed to tell you.” She takes a deep breath. “Riley hired you a bodyguard so you would be safe. I mean, Walker would show up within minutes every time you needed someone, I thought you had figured it out by now.”
“No, I had not.” I twist my mouth. “Although I’m angry and will speak to both of them, I feel even safer now. Thank you for everything.” I hug her tightly.
“Anytime, and don’t be a stranger.” She smiles when I hug her again.
“So, when’s dinner?”
“Right now.” She grabs me a plate.
We have a nice, quiet dinner, just the two of us. Willow’s been amazing, she’s always been a friend. At one time, I didn’t think I would ever have an actual girlfriend. So many have brought me in the last few months, not only making me their friend but their family.
After dinner, I pack my last bag in my car, happy to go home. As I pull from Willow’s driveway, I come along the side of the guard, motioning for him to roll the window down. “Tell Walker his ass is busted and to tell his brother I love him.” I waggle my brows as I drive away with my bodyguard in tow.
On my way home, I feel a sense of relief, something I haven’t had since the assault. I carry my things in, thinking about asking the guard to help, but I don’t. Once I’m settled in, I get comfortable so I can pull out the Love Box and write Riley.
Ry,
I’m not even sure where to start. Your parents’ showed up for me today. I had a court hearing with Steve, and your dad came in and helped me out. They stayed with me until it was all over. I was astonished, I can’t believe people who don’t know me would come help me.
Over the last few months, I realized I’m not alone anymore. With Torrie, Brannon, and Andi, I was blessed. But now, I have your family, treating like we’re already married. Lea, One, Thayer, Willow and everyone else taking me in as their extended family.
I’ve never felt more wanted like I fit in—I feel loved. Thank you. You helped me see people are willing to help and love me. I’ve been trying to work on me like you taught me. School is going great, and I can’t wait for you to see how much Andi’s grown.
I love you, Ry.
Ava
I park beside the building, as close as possible, because I forgot my umbrella. Jumping out, I run inside, slipping as I hit the front door. I squeal, making the men run into the room. “Sorry. I slipped.” I giggle as Brannon rolls his eyes.
“What are you doing here?” he asks as he walks closer.
I shrug. “Not sure, got a call to come over.” The door swings wide as Walker strolls through and my mouth hangs agape.
“You better shut that before it catches flies.” Walker taps my chin. I slam my mouth shut, but my eyes go wide when Hardy joins us. “Hardy,” Walker presents his hand. “I’m truly sorry for acting like the son of a bitch I was to you and Thayer. You’ll never fully understand my regret, and I do offer my sincere apologies.”
Hardy looks from his hand to his face as if trying to decide which to break. “Hardison,” Thayer calls from behind us. She places their son in his arms, taking Walker’s hand.
“Thank you. This is our son, Holden.” Her smile stretches across her face.
“He’s beautiful. Congratulations.” I hug Thayer as Hardy finally reaches for Walker’s hand.
“He’s his mother,” Walker says as Hardy raises his brow.
“You’re damn lucky because he sure does look like his mom. My kid looks like One.” He shakes his head as we laugh.
One leans over, kissing his nephew’s head. “Jealous? He knows who’s better looking.”
“Just because Lea blows you, doesn’t mean you’re the hottest man on earth.” Hardy smirks.
“Watch it, asshole. I got Walker here, we might be able to take your ass.” One jerks his head toward his office. “In here, guys.”
“Why am I here?” I ask as I sit beside Walker and everyone joins us.
One looks from Walker to me and back. “She doesn’t know?”
“No, but I have her copy here.” Walker pulls out some papers, handing them to me. I scan them quickly as One moves ahead.
“The house is ready, except for landscaping. Holden couldn’t wait so we’re behind on that, but Lea will meet you whenever you’re ready to start to decorate. I think Torrie will be helping as much as she can before she delivers.” I interrupt One before he can go on.
“So, why am I here?” I search everyone’s faces, Brannon’s the one who gets nominated.
“Walker is here as Riley’s proxy because you aren’t married yet.” I throw my hands out. “You’re the other owner, so you have to be here.” I cover my mouth as it falls open.
“What?” I ask through my muffled mouth.
“Girl, before he left, he had Walker draw up this deed.” Thayer points to the papers in my hand.
“You’ll never be homeless again, Ava. That boy loves you.” One smiles.
I’ll be damned. Tears fill my eyes as my chest heaves, and I can’t hold them back as I gasp. “I have a home?”
“Your name is right here.” Walker points it out. “Just sign it.”
It’s my name alright, Ava Pope. Not, Ava Pennington. My heart falls, breaking into pieces. I plaster a fake smile on, but it doesn’t fool Brannon or Thayer. They eye me skeptically. “You okay?” Brannon asks.
“Yeah, great.” My fake smile grows wide. “I’m great. Let’s go on.”
One glances around the room and finishes. “It’s ready to move in, sans the furniture and the landscaping.”
“Thank you so much. I’m sure we’ll love it.”
“I’ll get in touch later this week to pick out some flowers.” Thayer smiles at me. I can tell she’s happy for me, but I’m still a little in shock.
I nod as I smile. “Sounds great. I’d love to get a chance at Holden.”
“It’s a date.” She smiles, standing to hug me.
“Alright, people. Thank you and let us know if we can be of any help.” One shakes our hands as we walk to the door.
Walker escorts me from the building to my car. “So, what’s up?”
“Nothing, everything’s great.” I shift from one foot to the other as he waits. “I mean, I know we’re not married. I kinda thought he’d have you put that, instead of Pope.” I kick dust, trying to not to cry.
“He asked.” My eyes shoot to his. “By law, we couldn’t do it. But if you’ll look closer,” he takes the papers, opening them to the bottom line, “Pennington is in parentheses.”
I bite my lip, trying not to cry or smile too big. “He thinks of everything.”
“He wanted to make sure you knew you have a home. Your name, your home.” Walker flashes me the same lopsided grin his brother has.
“He’s close to impossible, you know that?” I sigh.
“Yes, I do. He’s the baby.” Walker chuckles at his mom’s nickname for Riley.
“I’m going back to my apartment. I have classwork and a house to decorate that I’m not even sure I’ll be living in.” I shake it off.
“You’ll be there, you love him too damn much.” He opens my door.
“Walker, that in there, you’re a great big brother. And take it from me, people will take you as you come, so go easy.” I hug him before slipping into my car.
On my way home, I drop by the store to pick up a few things. When I pass the Valentine’s, I get the best idea for Riley. I may never be able to give to him the way he does me, but I’ll damn sure try to give him his dreams.
I sit on the couch with his box on my lap, slowly I tear out all my favorite Valentine’s. A baseball shaped card with, ‘You’re a hit, Valentine’ and then, a one-eyed monster, ‘I’ve got my eye on you,’ a bird saying, ‘You’re so tweet’ and finally, ‘Be my Valentine’. I fill his box with enough Valentine’s for twenty years.
Riley,
I like you. We can share the Pokeball.
Ava
Riley,
I like you. Do you like me? Check yes or no.
Ava
Ry,
I love you.
Ava
Riley,
Every time I’m ready to give up on us, you do something amazing. Why? If you didn’t believe in us why would you have the deed to the house put in my name? You knew. Deep down, you knew you owned me.
I love you. Ava
Ava,
I’ve waited almost twenty years to say this…will you be my Valentine? Please tell me you said yes. I love you, beautiful. You will make me the happiest man on earth if you’re there when I get home. I want nothing more than to make love to you. Kissing every inch of you.
Why were you surprised with the house? You knew it was for us. I hope you like it, it was built to your specifications. You just need to fill it with love and a bed. Oh, yeah. Better get a couch. Make sure the shower works. And that’s enough of those thoughts.
I miss you. I miss holding you. I miss loving you. I love you.
Riley.
Ry,
I’ll be yours if you’ll be mine? Or is that, I’ll show you mine if you show me yours? Either will work. Yes, I said yes. I’m still nervous, but I keep working toward having you here. Every day, I fight the good fight. The stress is getting easier to manage, but I’m still concerned with my dreams.
Ava
“Ava, do you like this color combination?” Torrie asks as she holds up a pillow with creams and blues.
I nod. Smiling at the memory of Riley’s eyes. “Yeah, they remind me of Ry.”
“We’ll take these and the striped side chair,” Torrie tells the salesperson.
“You think he’s gonna like what we’ve picked out?” I worry my lip as we walk the showroom floor.
She narrows her eyes at me. “Do you?”
“Yes, it’s what we discussed.” I sigh, thinking of that night and how it ended.
She giggles. “No. I meant, do you like it? It’s your home, too.”
“We’ll see. He might have a change of heart by the time he’s here.” I shrug.
Torrie stops in her tracks. “Why would you say that?”
“It may well be the truth, Torrie.” I bite my lip. “We haven’t spoken. Letters, that’s it. Why hasn’t he called me like he does Walker or his parents’?” I wince at my words. “I don’t mean he shouldn’t call them or I’m as important. Just wondering, I thought he would have by now.”
We continue through the store, checking out and arranging delivery dates. As we exit the store, a vapor shop nearby has opened their door, and the smell is wafting through the air.
“Oh, I think I’m gonna be sick,” Torrie says.
“That’s better than the horrid cherry scent.” I shudder at the thought as I begin to tremble. A memory of my dad standing over my mom flashes. I squeeze my eyes shut in hopes to black it out.
Torrie touches my arm, and I jump, scaring us both as we yelp. “AHH!”
“Oh, no. Ava, I’m sorry. Sweetie, I’m sorry.” Her face falls as tears well in my eyes.
I shake my head. “It’s okay. I’m being weird.”
“No, you weren’t expecting me to touch you. You have so much on your mind. I’m sorry.” I bring her in for a hug.
“It’s fine. I’m good.” I’m not good. Did that just happen because I’m here working on Riley’s house? Was this the trigger?
“What?” Torrie’s brows are pulled together in a frown.
I wave it off, trying to rid it from my mind. “Nothing. I’m being silly.”
We say our goodbyes, and I’m off to the grocery store. I’m home before dark, working on my homework as I eat a frozen pizza. Riley would be livid to know I’m eating trash. It’s cheap and easy, like me, so I’m fine with it.
I snuggle into bed by ten, wearing Riley’s Carolina Panthers shirt, wrapped in his scent. I struggle with sleep, even though I’m dead tired. Getting my mind to shut off is driving me crazy. I can’t help but wonder if working on Riley’s house triggered my memory.
He’s straddling her, his hands around her neck as she gasps for air. I watch as she struggles, trying to pry his hands from her. She gulps and winces with every press of his hands, like a vice around her airway. Tears roll down my face as I watch.
“Die. Try to kill me. Die,” he growls as the monster creeps closer.
The room so dark, he doesn’t see me standing by the door. I shudder as my mom turns to look for me. Her hand outstretched now, reaching for me as she takes her last breath. My knees weak, I fall against the wall, drawing the monster’s attention.
When his eyes snap to mine, I begin to scream.
I sit up ramrod straight in my bed. I can hear a blood-curdling scream and soon realize it’s me. I drop to my bed, sweat covering my body. What the fuck? It’s been weeks since I last had a nightmare. Why now?
My hand flies to my throat as it hits me, Riley. It has to be the scent of him on this shirt. So, it is Riley. He triggers my PTSD. I have an appointment tomorrow with my therapist, I’ll tell her then. I can’t believe this is happening.
I was just beginning to think everything was going to work out. This proves we can’t be together. I know I’ve only ever harmed myself, but I can’t take the chance of hurting those I love. Now, how I am going to tell everyone I can’t be with Riley?
Especially Riley.
I didn’t go back to sleep this morning. I got up and took Riley’s shirt off, putting it in a bag with his other things. I need to write him a letter. I think that’ll be easier than to have to face him. He’ll be home in a few weeks, it’ll only be for a couple of days, but I’ll need to take care of the business of us.
I head out for my day a little early, hoping to redirect my mind. It proves to be easier said than done when Walker texts me.
Hey, Ava. -Walker
Yeah, what’s up?
Mail. -Walker
Oh, okay. Where do you want to meet?
Mom was hoping dinner? -Walker
Sure. When?
Friday evening? @six? -Walker
Sounds good, see ya then
Yep. -Walker
My day goes hurriedly by, helping to keep my mind off things. On my way home, I have a great need to see Andi. I don’t even call, which is unusual, but I need her. Turning onto the dirt drive to Brannon’s farm, I’m overcome with memories.
At one time, this was going to be my home. Now, I don’t feel as though I’ll ever have a home. I’m certain my heart will never be the same. Pulling up, I see Brannon’s working his mom’s home. They took his family home when he and Torrie married.
He does a double take as I park. Andi hits the door at a full run as I jump from my car. I rush to her as fast as she does me, and I wrap her in my arms, falling to my knees. I hold her in my lap, hugging her. Some days I miss her, today, my body aches for her.
“It’s gonna be okay, Momma.” Andi soothes me. Ain’t that about right, I can’t even mother her as well as she takes care of me.
I sniffle. “Yeah, eventually, baby.”
She pulls back from me to gaze into my eyes. “I love you. Do you wanna play or just sit and snuggle in the swing?”
Oh my, I love this child. “Let’s swing and read books for a bit.”
“I’ll grab some books.” She jumps from my hold, tearing a path to the house.
I move to get up when I find a hand in front of me. Taking it, I don’t look at him because I’ve been crying. “Hey, Bran. I know I should’ve called but… well, I needed to see her. She makes me better.” I walk toward the house.
He’s by my side in a beat. “Ava, you’re welcome anytime. Don’t think you have to call or ask to see her.”
I wipe my cheek on my shoulder. “Thank you. I’ll not stay long.”
“Stay as long as you need.” He stops, but I keep trudging along. “Ava. Stop.”
I shake my head. “I can’t, if I do, I’l
l lose it.” I wrap my arms around myself. “Oh, fuck it. I’m losing it, anyway.”
Brannon has me in his arms before I know what’s happening. “Come on, please tell me, Ava. Say something. Scream, if it’s all you can do.”
“When my parents’ died, I was with them. I saw it all, Bran. It haunts the hell outta me. I have PTSD, I’ve suffered all these years.
“I ran from Andi. I didn’t even want her Brannon, I’m a piece of shit mother. Just like my parents and their parents. How can I have a family? Why would I even deserve one? I’ve been experiencing triggers, it’s Riley, he’s causing them.” I jerk away from him.
“I can’t have him, and it’s fucking killing me. I’m so goddamned angry at life. I sure as hell have paid my time, when do I get to be happy? Why the fuck can’t I have it all? Am I that bad? Did I hurt people so much that I’ll pay the rest of my life? Is that why it took so long to find Riley? So, it would fuckin’ wreck me like this? Am I so fucking bad that I can’t have love? Oh, God. I just want his love. I want Riley. I never loved you, I’m sorry, but I’ve learned love. I did so many horrible things to you. I’m so sorry, Brannon. Do you think if I apologized to everyone I’ve hurt, I could have him? I love him.” I fall to my knees, letting out twenty-two years of rage and fear.
Brannon joins me on the ground, holding me while I rip myself apart. “Ava, sweetie. You deserve him, love.”
We sit on the ground for I don’t how long while I try to pull myself together. I feel like shit enough for falling to pieces with him. I find a small piece of calm so that I can pull myself together. I take several deep breaths, fighting to regain some semblance of normality.
“I’m okay.” I take another breath before I try to stand. Again, Brannon’s hand is laid in front of me. I take it as he helps me up and into another hug.
He pulls away, taking my face in his hands. “I’ve never seen you like this. I’m proud of you for allowing love to change you. Yes, you deserve love.”