by Leaona Luxx
Always within the reach of home.
Ry, you loved me so good. Better than anyone ever has. I love you more than I ever loved anyone. I never knew I was capable of the kind of love you have shared with me. I will be forever grateful, for at least once in my life, I knew love.
Ava
Hey -Torrie
Hey
He’s home. -Torrie
Thank God.
He’s in bad shape. -Torrie
He’ll be okay.
I’m not so sure. -Torrie
He’ll forget me, he has to.
I stay in bed all evening, broken. He’s here, and I can’t go to him. The sooner we put an end to this, the better we both will be. I love him enough to want him happy and in love. No matter how much that kills me.
I fall asleep at some point during the night to be woken by my phone. “Hello?” I say with a gravelly throat.
“Where the fuck are you?” Walker growls at me.
“Staying away so I can’t hurt him.” My voice breaks, reminding me of my night.
“Why do you get to decide that?” he snarls, and I cringe.
“I don’t know. I told you, he’s my trigger,” I say plainly.
“That’s bullshit.”
“It wouldn’t be bullshit if I snapped and killed him. Now would it?” I yell. “You listen to me, motherfucker. I’m dying without him, but by god, it’s better me than him or a child.”
“Ava.” He sighs.
“He deserves better than me, Walker. You know it, and so do I. He just needs to learn it.” My heart seizes at the thought of someone else loving him.
“I think you’re making a mistake,” he mutters.
“Maybe. But it’s on me, I’ll pay for it.” My stomach heaves at the truth.
“Not this time, he’ll pay for it, too,” Walker spits at me.
“Better now than a lifetime.” I feel like there’s a vice grip on my chest.
“He’ll fight,” Walker tells me as a warning.
“No. He’ll want me to fight for him.” I sigh, ready to fight but withholding.
“Fine. You know, I used to tell him he was a damn fool for wanting you.”
“So, you were right.” My stomach turns.
“He would always say I’d rather be her fool than any other’s king.” Walker sighs as I gasp. “Better to be a fool, Ava, than alone.” He hangs up, smashing my resolve.
I jump up, hurrying to get dressed. I need to figure this out, now. I can’t believe I’m second guessing, but I’d rather be right than live with regrets. I’m out the door in a flash, I need to get across town in thirty minutes.
I hurry through the doors, Lea and Torrie sit in the conference room. “Tell me. Tell me why this isn’t right,” I beg.
“Because you love him,” Torrie says without bias.
“Is that enough? Will it get us through if something bad happens?” I plead with them to answer me.
“Love will get you through, but only if you want it to. You have to cling to it, work with it, trust it.” Torrie stands, walking closer to me. “When will you ever stop carrying your fear and shame?”
“What do I do with it?” My blood courses through my veins.
“Walk away from it. Run if you have to,” Lea says.
“I’ve run my entire life, I want this to be right.”
“Ava, sometimes in life, you have to turn around and face it head-on.” Lea looks at me. “You’ll never know until you do it.”
“Don’t be afraid to make a U-Turn.” Torrie’s face glows.
“And if it’s too late?” My knees feel weak at the thought.
“What’s holding you back?” Lea presses me.
I run my hands through my hair, plopping into the chair behind me. “The last time I slept in his shirt it triggered nightmares,” I explain.
“Didn’t you also say he kept them away?” Torrie replies.
“Yes. So, what’s triggering them?” I grab my chest, willing the overwhelming anxiety to stay at bay.
“PTSD triggers are smells, sounds, feelings and sometimes, sights,” Torrie reads from her phone.
“So, what do you think triggers them?” Lea asks.
“I wore his shirt to bed, the smell.” I close my eyes at the memory.
“When was that?” Snapping my eyes open to Torrie.
“The day we went shopping.” I chew my nail.
“Ava, you kinda had a moment there that day.” Torrie pulls her brows together.
“I thought it was because we were shopping for his house.” I bite my lip, trying to remember why it happened.
Lea stands. “Let’s go.”
“Where?” I ask.
“Back to the shopping plaza. The only way to figure out what it is or even if it’s him is to go retrace your steps.”
Lea stops to tell the guys we’ll be right back. The door to the office swings wide as Walker, followed by Riley, steps through. When our eyes lock, we are lost to each other. We stand frozen as the world spins around us. Here, it’s just us.
“Ava?” My name a sermon as it leaves his lips. I clutch my chest as I shake like a leaf. “Please, just talk to me?”
I fist my hair as my chest breaks open. “I can’t.”
I step around them to have him catch my arm. My eyes lock with his, and I’m lost. It’s never been about loving him, it’s always been about hurting him. And right now, I’m doing that. How does any of this make sense?
“Why can’t you? It’s us. Just us.” Riley’s words a plea, it makes me want to promise him everything.
“Soon, I promise.” I pull free from him as I watch this man, once so strong, collapse at my words.
His eyes dart to the ground followed closely by my heart. I want to hold him, tell him I love him, but it’s not possible now. “Alright.” He sighs before quickly turning back to me. “I read the letters.”
My body begins to quake. “Soon, Ry.” I run from the man I love, leaving my heart with him. I now realize it’s not enough. He needs all of me. I hurry from the building before my resolve breaks, the door slamming at my retreat.
I’m brought up short when I hear his voice break on my name. “Ava.” I turn, faced with the one man who could ruin me forever. The only love I’ve ever known.
“Oh, God, Ry. Please. I just need time.” I grab my stomach as it twists, the pain sharp as a knife, as he stands before me, broken.
“I refuse to stop fighting for you. I love you.” He pleads as he bares his soul making my heart seize from the pain we share.
“No. I can’t. Not now.” I say flatly, putting my hand up as he walks toward me.
He stops cold, searching my eyes for the girl he’s always known. Always loved. “How do you expect me to walk away from us? Leaving what we have. By god, Ava, you know you love me. Love me.” His supplication as he falls to his knees, his face wet with the tears from the pain I’ve caused.
I did this. Once again, I wrecked everything. My own hand has broken all that is good, all that I know. His love. “For every good thing you have given me, I owe you this. But I can’t.” My head lulls back as I allow my self- loathing to eat me whole.
I turn, walking away when he latches on to my hand. His hold, tighter than he’ll ever know. Deep within me, he resides, marking my hearts pace. As I raise my foot, pulling away from him. He kneels on the ground, ripped apart as his grip on my hand loosens and I’m gone.
Never looking back.
Lea and Torrie walk around from the back, meeting me at Lea’s car, and I leap in the backseat. I fall apart, chancing a glance at him as we drive away. Riley’s been through a war but this time, I was firing the weapons.
“Ava?” Lea asks as her eyes snap to the mirror.
“The plaza.” I need something between me and Riley. Lea takes us to every stop we made that day, the furniture store the last stop.
“Anything, Ava?” Lea wonders.
“No. Nothing.” My stomach twists, and I swallow past the knot forming
in my throat. “This can’t be.” I rush from the store, needing to breathe. My chest is tight, and I struggle for air.
“Now what?” Torrie asks.
“My place. I’ll try his shirt,” I say as I rest my face in my hands, nauseated.
“Alright,” Lea says.
Lea parks in my spot and I jump out, hurrying to unlock my door. I rush through my apartment, searching for the bag I had stashed away. Finding it in a drawer, I hurry through the apartment where the girls join me. I open it, dragging it over my head.
“Nothing,” I say, utterly confused.
“So, nothing we’ve done has triggered a memory.” Lea narrows her eyes.
“We’ve even seen Riley. He touched you, and you didn’t shy away from him,” Torrie adds.
“I didn’t even cringe.” I shake my head as I sit down. “I don’t know. I guess it’s wait and see.”
“I’d hate to leave you to do that on your own,” Torrie says.
“Go to Willow’s or have her come here. Let’s get Torrie back to Brannon and you to your car. We’ll work on logistics on the way there,” Lea declares. I have nothing else, so why not?
By the time we’re back at their office, Riley’s gone. “He beat the hell outta the house. It needs some extensive repair in the living room, family room, and kitchen,” One informs us.
“What the fuck?” I glare at him as my palms begin to sweat.
“He lost his shit, it happens,” Hardy says.
“Alright. I’m going to run by the store, Willow’s staying with me,” I say as I wipe my hands down my pants.
“Let us know.” Torrie hugs me.
“If I can narrow this down, everyone will know. Riley will be yelling it from the rooftops.” And so will I.
I’m lost in thoughts on my drive back, so far gone I forget to stop at the store. Turning around at the light before my house, I whip around to get some groceries. Out of habit, I park close to the front door. I dash in, grabbing some basics.
On my way out, I’m stopped dead. That smell. I walk a few more steps around the corner, to have it hit me full on. The Vape Shop has its doors open, and the scent pulls at me, deep. I’m drawn in, a fog wrapped around my head.
Standing in the middle of the store parking lot, I relive my parents’ death. My father’s scent of cherry tobacco engulfs me. I’m thrown back twenty-two years. I’m a little girl again. Memories as far back as I can remember, I’m inundated with.
Turning to escape, I bump into someone. Steve. His hands grip my biceps, digging in to get hold. He yanks me out the back door, into the alley behind the stores. I struggle against his grip; my bags fall to the ground.
“Get your hands off me, Steve!” I warn, grinding my teeth.
His jaw ticks as he leans into me. “Make me.” And there it is, the smell of cherry tobacco.
Steve was here months before Riley came back, my dreams progressively getting worse. “Have you smoked cherry tobacco the entire time?” I ask as if I’m not in harm.
“You like that, do you?” He licks the side of my face as I turn my head. “Picked it up about the time we started dating.”
I grind my teeth. “We never dated. We went out a few times.”
“Semantics. Besides, we’re together now,” he says as he runs his hand up my thigh.
I sneer, “Think good and hard because whatever you do to me, you better damn well be sure of this, Riley will find you.”
“He’s gone.” He presses his forehead into mine.
I push back, kneeing him, and dropping him to the ground. “You know this, fucker, I have something to fight for and by god, you’ll not stand in my way.” I rear back to kick him as he lay moaning on the ground when I’m grabbed from behind. I spin around, ready to fuckin’ fight to the death.
“What?” I scream as the man holds his hands in the air.
“Calm down,” pleading as he moves around me. He takes Steve, rolling him over to put him in cuffs.
“What?”
“I’m your bodyguard. The Penningtons’ hired me.” I hear sirens in the distance.
I clutch my chest as I struggle for air. “Oh, thank goodness. You scared the hell outta me.”
“I apologize, ma’am. I had to move quickly, although I think you handled it well.” He smirks as we watch Steve roll on the ground. “I called Walker, he should be here in a few minutes.”
I swallow hard as my knees begin to buckle at the realization of what’s just happened. I bend over, my hands on my thighs. “Thank you,” I rasp out.
“You’re welcome.” He pats my back lightly. “Way to go down fighting.”
“You ain’t seen nothing yet.” I stand, gathering myself.
I stay long enough to give a statement as Steve sits in the back of the cruiser. Panicked and pissed, I’m biting at the bits to get to Riley. I trot my leg as I lean against my car. I silently admonish myself over Riley. I was about to lose everything if I haven’t already.
“Walker, where’s your brother?” I can’t wait another minute.
“With our parents, why?” He narrows his eyes at me and I can see it before he says it.
I pull out a notebook from my backpack, writing a quick note. “Can you give this to him? Please,” I beg.
He draws his brows together. “Am I gonna regret this?” He takes it from my hand.
“Not for a minute, brother.” I tiptoe, kissing him on the cheek. “Give me an hour, please.”
He nods. “You got it.” I turn when he calls to me, making me look over my shoulder. “Ava? Forever?”
“Always.”
“Just read the note, I’ll explain the rest later,” Walker says to me.
I sigh, snatching it from his fingers. Opening the torn piece of paper, I read it a few times. I glance from it to Walker and back again. “She give you this?”
“No, I wrote it, asshole. Yes, but the details aren’t important at the moment. What does it say?” He takes it from me, reading it.
Riley,
Meet me at home.
Ava
“Where’s home?” Walker asks as I grin, staring out the back door.
“Across the fields.” I just about take the door off its hinges.
I leap from the deck, hitting a full stride as I run home to my girl. When I pass Big Rock, I can see home now. I round the fence, heading toward the front porch. I take the steps two at a time. Only stopping long enough to admire the fairy sitting by the front door.
My hand on the knob, I try to calm myself, but it ain’t happening. I push the door open to find her sitting on the stairs. Stepping through, our eyes never break contact. “What’s going on, Ava?” My words hitch in my throat as I talk past the knot in it.
“It’s time you get a proper welcome home.” She stands, sauntering toward me.
I’ll be damned if she ain’t a sight for sore eyes. “What are you saying?” My blood courses through my veins the closer she gets.
“It’s about time I get my shit together and get home to my man.” She stands in front of me, naked. Like the fuck only Ava could.
“I’m really hoping that would be me.” As I take the time to drag my eyes down her body. My heart racing. “What happened to your clothes?”
She bites her full, bottom lip with a smirk. “House Fairies hid them.”
I break into a full, megawatt, smile. “Damn fairies.”
She gives me a wry grin and my stomach knots. “I love you, Riley. No more running. No more past. Just you and me, looking to the future.”
Her words grip my heart, and in the middle of our ashes springs hope. “I want nothing more.”
“Good, cause we’re worth it.” She smiles at me, making my knees weak.
“I’m glad you found your way back to me.” I take her in my arms.
“You knew I’d find my way home.”
“I didn’t, but I sure as hell hoped.” My mouth lands on hers.
Our tongues no longer fighting but teasing and accepting. They roll aro
und each other as we linger in this long-awaited kiss. Swirling and loving the taste of each other. Her hands move to the button on my pants, working it lose.
I pull away, hating every second. “Hang on.” Her eyes pull together, but not for long when I pick her up in my arms. “I want you in our bed.” I’ve waited so long to say that to her.
She smiles, nodding. “Yeah.”
Taking the stairs two at a time, in our home, I round the corner to our bedroom. Laying her on the bed, she scurries back. My hand on my zipper, I say it as I think it. “I’ll be damned if that ain’t the best thing I’ve ever seen.”
“What’s that Ry?” She smirks at me.
“You spread out for me.” She bites her lip when my words wash over her.
“Come get me.” Her eyes burn with the same frenzied desire that stirs in me. Building to a raging fire.
I drop my pants, yanking my shirt off with one arm. Crawling up the king-sized bed toward her, I place soft kisses up her legs, taking turns from one to the other. She squirms, earning her a nip of my teeth, rewarding me with a moan.
I place my mouth on her pussy, parting her with my tongue. Just a taste—I’ll feast later, but right now, there are more important things. I drag my tongue through her again, sucking her clit just enough to get it to engorge.
I place my lips on her hips, then her stomach. Slowly, I work to her breasts, sucking one in my mouth and taking her free nipple between my fingers. I twist it as I take her between my teeth. Scissoring both with a deep appreciation for the goddess who lay beneath me.
I palm her breast as my mouth indulges on her other. She bucks and moans, coaxing me on. I run my fingertips down her curvaceous body as she bucks from the bed at my touch. Laying my hand between her legs, my fingers find their place.
I circle her clit, spreading the wetness that has pooled there. I slip my middle finger in her, and she calls my name like a need. Stroking her pussy, I slide the second in and work her ‘g’ like a starving man. My palm rubs her clit every time I sink my fingers deep.
Her moans become a siren to my blazing libido, my cock rising for the occasion. With a final flick of my fingers, she screams my name as her orgasm washes over her. I lay over her, my cock bobbing its head, heavy with want.