Nearing September

by Amber Thielman

  “Cut to the chase,” Richard said sharply. “You need to re-explain this custody thing because my precious Samantha seems to be confused.”

  “Don't speak to me like I'm a child,” I said. It was the first sentence I had gotten out since finding this out upstairs.

  “What seems to be the problem?” Howard asked before Richard could open his mouth. Nick, I noticed, was still staring at the cell phone on the table—dumbfounded.

  “Samantha is under the impression that to raise the child, she had to come to Seattle and live with Nicholas,” Richard said. There was another moment of silence—I could barely breathe. After another few seconds, Howard chuckled on the other end of the phone line.

  “Oh goodness, no,” he said. “That's not how it works at all. Samantha, you and Nick can still share custody of Piper despite where you find yourself living. It's like a divorced couple, see. Just so long as you're in the kid's life, you can live wherever the heck you want.”

  Nick

  “I'm going to be late for work.” I stood up from the table, but my limbs felt numb and weak—heavy. “I have to go.” I watched Richard pick the cell phone up from the table and talk into it, vanishing into the living-room. I looked down at Sam, still sitting in the kitchen chair. She was staring at the tabletop, unblinking, her brow furrowed. I stood there for a moment, waiting for her to say something, but she stayed silent. Even she didn't know what to say. The whole situation was new to her. I turned away from her to rinse my mug in the sink, and it was then Sam spoke.

  “He proposed to me,” she said. Her voice was so quiet, that at first I thought I'd misheard her. “And he got me an interview at Yale. Yale Medical School, Nick.” She looked up at me finally, meeting my eyes, and I saw she was crying.

  “Wow,” I said and whistled softly through my teeth. “He's good, Sam. No, he's great.” In the living room, Richard still had the attorney on speakerphone, and I strained to hear as Emily's attorney rattled on about the custody case.

  “He never told us that,” she said before I could think of anything more to say. She seemed angry now instead of confused, the tears dry on her face. “No one ever told us that we could share custody of Piper while we raised her!” She yelled that last sentence just as Richard came back into the kitchen, holding the phone up.

  “I apologize,” Howard said. “I figured it was just common sense. As long as both of you spend the allotted amount of time with Piper until she turns eighteen, you are free to carry on life as you please.”

  “Are you kidding me?” Sam cried. “I uprooted my entire life to move to Seattle, and now you tell me that it wasn't necessary?” Her words stung me. I was just as confused and surprised as she was, but I didn't feel angry. Sam, on the other hand, sounded furious.

  “Of course it wasn't necessary,” Howard said. “Sharing guardianship is as easy as Nick having her some of the time and you having her some of the time—but when you two decided that you'd both move to Seattle, I thought, Hey, more power to them.”

  “Christ.” I leaned back against the counter and put my head in my hands, overwhelmed. “I feel like a fucking idiot.”

  “You are a fucking idiot,” Sam said, and I couldn't tell if she was kidding or not. I wanted to fight back, but I had no idea what to say. It's not like I had been aware of this and had forced her to move there, anyway. We had both been in the dark about it.

  “That's the pot calling the kettle black,” I said. At that moment, I gave no shit if Richard was standing there watching us hash it out. “You were under the same impression, princess.” I paused and took a deep breath, knowing that if I pushed her more, she might sock me. I didn't care. Something about her anger and frustration triggered my annoyance. She was sitting here across from me looking like the last few months had been the biggest inconvenience of her entire life. “But I guess this works out for the best, doesn't it?” I said. This was about her and me, and the words trickled from my mouth before I could stop them. “Now you can go home and be with Dick. It's what you wanted, isn't it?”

  “You're a fucking douche bag,” she snapped, leaning forward. Neither of us was paying any attention to Richard, who was watching the scene with something that resembled amusement. If I could have punched anyone out in that instant, it was him.

  “Don't deny it,” I said. There was anger in Sam's eyes so chilling that I almost caught my tongue before I spoke again, but I didn't. “Richard broke your heart, Sam—he hurt you so badly that you were nothing more than a puddle on the floor. Do you know who it was that picked you up and brushed you off? It wasn't Dick. It was me, remember? I picked you up off the floor, Sam, and I put you back together.” I didn't care that Richard was standing there hanging on my every word. I didn't know if I could take the guy in a fight, but I couldn't bring myself to care.

  “I wasn't in pieces, Nick!” she cried. She stood up from the table, nearly knocking over a vase of flowers that Piper had brought home from school the week before. “I didn't need saving!” I threw my hands in the air and snuck a glance at Richard, not entirely surprised to see the man standing awkwardly near the island. I turned my attention back to Sam, eyes on her hands in case she started throwing punches. There was no mistaking the fact that we weren't talking about the living situation anymore—it was something more than that now, something more profound. On the other end of the line, I could hear Howard breathing, but he wasn't speaking.

  “You were shattered, Sam,” I said quietly. “You were shattered, and I had to glue you back together. And now what? Now he waltzes back into your life, throws a pretty ring at you, and you're sold on that? Are you taking him back? I didn't know you hated being in Seattle this much.” There was more silence, and I watched Richard pick up the cell phone, take it off speakerphone, and press it to his ear. He glared at me.

  “I'll give you two a minute.” Mumbling something into the phone, Richard walked out of the kitchen, vanishing out the front door. There was another silence between Sam and me, but there was nothing comfortable about this silence. It was stony and cool.

  “I need him, Nick,” Sam said finally. Her hands were down on the table, thankfully, but her lip quivered as she stared at me. “I need him. He keeps me on the right road. I can have my life back.”

  “That's why you love him?” I asked her. “Because he keeps you on the right road?” I shook my head slowly, sadly. “Honestly, Sam, it should be so much more than that. So much more.” I took a deep breath. “Does Richard make you feel like if everyone else in the world died tomorrow, you might just be okay because you have him by your side?”

  I fell silent, waiting as Sam stared at me. Her eyes were wide, surprised. I hated that look on her, that look of being completely helpless—I hated it because it wasn't Sam—Sam, the one woman in my life besides my sister who could take anything that was thrown at her with her chin in the air and a smirk on her face. She was not helpless, and it frightened me to see her as such.

  “That's not reality, Nick,” she said finally. “That's a fairytale. Nobody has that.”

  I wanted to yell at her then, wanted to shake sense into her, wanted to scream in her face, What about me, Sam?! What about me? Didn't we have that? But I didn't. Instead, I stood up and tucked my hands into my pockets, shrugging, and looked her right in the eye.

  “Some people do,” I said. When I turned away, I felt Sam's eyes on my back as I walked out the door.

  Sam

  “Mmmm. I missed this.” Fingers trailing down my abdomen, I felt myself tensing under Richard's touch, though I wasn't sure why. There was no buzz from my skin, no overwhelming desire to hold on to Richard and never let go. Both of our touches seemed cold and emotionless like we were simply going through the actions and not feeling anything. I closed my eyes and tried to enjoy it, but the task was difficult. Hi touch was a touch I was used to, but since I'd been with Nick, I couldn't even embrace the familiarity of Richard's skin on mine. Being with Nick had been so emotionally and physically hot—moments that ne
ither of us had ever wanted to lose. Here now, with Richard, I felt nothing—nothing at all.

  “You seem tense, Samantha,” Richard murmured, and I flinched inwardly when he said my full name. I said nothing as I watched his rough, callused fingers slip past the elastic of my pajama pants and caress me through my underwear. Even then, there was nothing. No spark, no fireworks—nothing. After I had stormed out earlier, I had called Piper's friend's mother, Diana, who had insisted that Piper was doing just fine hanging out with Katie and that Nick had planned to pick the kid up later that night when he was off work.

  “I'm so glad you're coming home,” Richard murmured as he stroked my skin. “We’d better go soon, Samantha, or we'll miss our flight. How lucky it is that they got us a flight out today instead of tomorrow? The luck of the draw.”

  I said nothing as Richard got up from the bed and gathered my things. I looked over at my phone. There were three missed calls from Tasha, but nothing from Nick. Fuck it. I couldn't deal with either of them right now. I turned my phone off and then slipped it into my pocket before glancing up at Richard.

  “You're right,” I said. “We’d better go now.”

  Nick

  I couldn't bring himself to think too deeply about the situation that had happened an hour ago at the house. I'd walked out on Sam, angry and hurt, without even waiting to hear her answer—or better yet, her decision. At the time, I hadn't cared, but I knew it was only the anger I was holding on to. Once I'd arrived at work, I tried to focus on the task, but it was impossible. At noon, my cell phone rang—the first call I'd had all day. I reached into my pocket and pressed the phone to my ear, recognizing the Florida area code immediately.

  “Nick?” Tasha said as soon as I answered. “It's Tasha.”

  “Hi,” I said. I glanced over at the director I was working with that day, put my hand up to let them know I had a phone call, and then went on break. “What's going on, Tash?” I asked. “I only have a few minutes. Is everything okay?”

  “I'm worried about Sam,” Tasha said, and I closed my eyes. I'd seen that coming, of course. “Sam told me Richard showed up at your place last night.”

  “She told you right,” I said. I perched myself on the edge of the staff couch and crossed one arm under my arm as I held the phone with my other hand. “I haven't talked to Sam since I left the house this morning.”

  “She's not answering her phone,” Tasha said. “Did Richard leave already?”

  “Oh,” I said. “You mean you didn't hear?”

  “Hear what?”

  “Fabulous.” I closed my eyes, frustrated, and recapped the entire night I'd had with Sam, and then everything that had happened this morning before I'd stormed out. When I finished, Tasha was silent, soaking it all in.

  “That's a thing?” she asked finally. “Sorry, I was under the same impression that you guys were about the custody case.”

  “No shit,” I said. I swallowed, trying not to dwell too long on the situation at hand. I couldn't deal with this—not today—not after everything.

  “Sam's not coming back to Miami with him, is she?” Tasha asked. She sounded horrified, just as horrified as I had felt during the conversation earlier.

  “I don't know,” I admitted. “I just—don't know, Tash.” Another long silence greeted me, and I was just about to tell her I had to go back to work when she finally spoke.

  “Listen to me, and listen carefully, Nick,” Tasha said. “There's no time to explain everything, but you need to make sure she doesn't choose Richard. Do you understand that?”

  “It's not my business,” I said. I was feeling overwhelmed again, powerless in the situation. “Sam isn't my girlfriend, Tasha. She doesn't want to be with me.”

  “God, Nick, you are so stupid!” Tasha shouted. Startled, I pulled the phone away from my ear, my eyes huge. “Sam is crazy about you,” she said, softer now. “She’s head over heels for you, and you're too fucking stupid to see it.”

  “Tasha, I don't think you know what you're talking ab—”

  “Shut up and listen,” she snapped. “Because I had to tell Sam the same thing before I left: don't fuck this up. Listen to me, God dammit. Do whatever in the hell you need to do to make that woman a permanent part of your life.”

  Sam

  I was numb on the ride to the airport with Richard, but not just numb physically—I was numb mentally, too. Tired. No, exhausted to my very core. I couldn’t think straight, could barely form an entire sentence, let alone make life-altering decisions. I knew one thing: there was nothing in Seattle I had to stay for. Aside from Piper, Nick and I would never happen—not now, not ever. I wasn't running from Piper, and I wasn’t running from my sworn responsibility, but if I could be involved in her life without the drama of being around Nick, I'd take it. Childish feelings aside, Miami with Richard was the best decision I could make—not only for myself but probably for Nick. He didn't care, and it was time for me to stop caring, too. Besides, falling in love with a man who would never return that feeling was not worth losing a full ride to Yale Medical School. They say that all you need is love, but that didn't apply. Nick and I didn't love each other—I only wished it hadn't taken this long for someone to step in and force me to see the cold reality. No family was residing in Nick's apartment—there never had been.

  “Settle down, Samantha, you seem anxious,” Richard said. Even as he spoke, his eyes didn't waiver from the screen of his cell phone as we waited for their flight to board. Earlier, I had called the hospital and explained the circumstances to my attending physician. I was sad to leave, especially Kit, but I knew that the ER in Miami would welcome me back with open arms.

  “Sorry,” I murmured and then flushed. I didn't miss that—I didn't miss apologizing to Richard for having emotions he saw as weak and petty. I swallowed, still twisting the ring around and around on my finger. The diamond was huge, glitzy, but there was something I didn't like about it—okay, there was nothing I liked about the godawful thing. The ring reminded me of every moment I had chosen money and success—but compared to what? When there was nothing else in the running—not love, not family, not friendship. It was easy to choose Richard and Yale when I had nothing else to lose.

  Around us, the airport was bustling with people. Flustered moms with screaming toddlers in tow, businessmen and women in crisp suits all eager to catch their flights. My foot tapped as I watched them, and a few moments later, my fingers fell into sync with my foot tapping. After a moment Richard shot me a pointed look, annoyed.

  “That's a bad habit to have,” he said. “It makes you look flighty.”

  “Sorry,” I mumbled again and ceased the tapping. As we sat in silence—Richard focused back on his phone—I wondered how I would have reacted to anyone else telling me not to do something like that. Had it been Nick, I probably would have stuck out my tongue at him, but I knew that I wouldn't have meant it. I couldn't remember the last time Nick had made me feel like I was less than him. Richard, however, did it daily.

  “Flight 102 nonstop to Miami, Florida is boarding now,” the desk attendant said. I looked up to see the line starting at the gate, but Richard didn't peel his eyes from his phone screen. I wondered what (or who) he had been so interested in texting since we'd gotten out of bed this morning.

  “Let's go,” Richard said after a moment. “I can't tolerate this disgusting, dirty city much longer.” Holding my breath, I gathered the few belongings I had, and then followed Richard obediently toward the terminal.

  Nick

  I stared at the enormous screen in front of me, but I didn't actually see anything, despite my desperate urge to compose myself. Standing next to me, her hand in mine, Piper was also staring at the big electronic board, squinting at the names of the cities as I mumbled under my breath. I watched her for a moment in silence, feeling overwhelming love for the kid who had just recently come into my life. Never did I imagine that I of all people would feel so much for a child who wasn't even mine. My world revolved around Pipe
r—and I knew that's how it would be forever more. But something was missing. She was missing.

  My eyes scanned the board, terrified we’d missed her. But then, there it was: flight 102, non-stop from Seattle to Miami. I glanced at the time on my phone, flustered, and then back to the board.

  “They boarded six minutes ago,” I murmured. Piper. I had explained the entire situation to her after I'd picked her up from her friend's house.

  She seized my hand and started for the terminal. She was yanking on my arm, digging her little feet into the ground beneath her. “Hurry up!” she cried. “Maybe the plane is still here.”

  That was all the push I needed. Gripping her hand in mine, we took off at a run, dodging travelers left and right. Twice I bumped into someone and almost knocked them to the ground, but I didn't slow—I couldn't. Piper, I noticed, was in even better shape than me. My heart was pounding, and I was gasping for breath as we came upon the terminal, stopped by the airport attendant before we could continue further. Piper came to an abrupt stop before I did, yanking me to a halt next to her. We both looked on, silent, watching as Sam's plane pulled away from the gate and dimmed into the distance until it was gone from sight.

  Sam

  I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, but breathing was not doing much for me—I had no idea why I was still trying it. Had I made the wrong decision? What was I about to lose? Everything. I was about to lose everything.

  No. No, fuck that. I would lose nothing.

  I opened my eyes and looked around. The plane I had been watching from the window was gone from sight now, in the air already. I stood among the crowd of people, my suitcase at my feet, and the engagement ring missing from my finger. I didn't know what to do now—I was still trying to fathom that I had ditched Richard only moments before takeoff. Granted, I'd gotten all the way onto the plane, and we'd even found our seats. Two minutes before the doors had closed, I had been skimming through my phone, trying to distract myself from the mere thought of running out on Nick and Piper, when I'd come across Tasha's last text.