by Janae Keyes
I let my daughter slide in first then followed her into the back of the limo.
“So, are you excited about your dance tonight?”
“I guess so. I still wish it was my dad taking me, but I am thankful that you are taking me. It means I get to go to something finally. They never do mother-daughter things. It would be cool to do something with Mom at the school too.” A small frown laced her face as she stared at her hands.
“I grew up in a large family and there were never enough parents to go around. I never got to do anything with my mom. She did everything with my brothers.”
“I would rather have that than no dad. My mom doesn’t even know who he is. She says it was one-time and they never saw each other again. She doesn’t know I know that though. I don’t think she is ready to tell me everything. I’ve just overheard her talking to Auntie Gracie and Uncle Ben.” She let out a sad sigh. “I just wish she would tell me the truth. I’m old enough. Don’t you think I am old enough Noel?”
The heartache and pain on her face was getting to be too much for me. How had she lived like this? I hated that my daughter had to feel such heartbreak because of me. Because Everly didn’t know how I would have reacted those years ago.
But she had a point. I probably would have freaked out and ran. Or forced her to give away Madison. Or would I? Who knows? I don’t know what I would have done then. No one had ever popped up pregnant before.
“Noel? Is everything okay?” Madison shook my arm.
“Huh? Oh, yeah. I was just thinking about my daughter I just found out about.” I wanted to tell her everything, but I wasn’t going to ruin her night.
“Oh? Does she live out here?”
“Yeah. But her mom doesn’t know I know about her. I haven’t found the courage to talk to her yet. I made a mistake when I was young and didn’t know about her. I would do anything to have her forgive me.” I was being mostly honest. Mostly.
“Oh. I hope you get to meet her. I can pretend to be your daughter for today if you want. You can pretend to be my dad. Just for tonight.” A smile spread across her face, her eyes lighting up, the same shade as mine.
“That would be nice.” I gave her a side hug and let myself smile.
Her school was run down and I felt bad pulling up with her in the limo. Thankfully there wasn’t really anyone outside to witness her arrival. We stepped out of the car and walked up to the doors. I looked down at the girl beside me and took a breath. “Are you ready?”
“Yeah. Let’s go.” She grabbed my hand and pulled me into the school. So much like her mother.
We walked through the halls to the gym where the dance was setup and entered the room. I looked around in amazement. They had set it up like a winter wonderland in here. It was white and fake snow was piled everywhere.
“Casey! You’re early. Where’s your dad?” And she was off to meet with her friends. I was left standing there watching her interact in her environment.
“You must be Madison’s dad.” A voice beside me drew me out of my trance.
“No. Just a friend of her mom’s.” I replied automatically.
“Oh. I can see the resemblance between the both of you, so I thought maybe… Well, thank you for bringing her. She never gets to come to these.”
“Noel Canali.” I turned to face the gentleman standing beside me and held out my hand.
“Jim Halvard. Casey’s dad. I don’t get to see her often since the divorce, but her and Madison have been friends since they could talk.”
“I just moved here from Boston. I went to school back east with Everly for a semester. It’s really odd not having snow for Christmas.”
“I can understand that. It’s odd not having sunshine all year round.”
I turned back to our girls who were dancing with a larger group of girls. I could barely make out Madison from the other girls, but as long as she was having fun, I was happy.
“Hey, hey, hey! Welcome to the eighth annual father-daughter dance. Every dad, grab your daughter and join us for our first dance!” The DJ drawled excitedly as he put on the first song, “Daughters” by John Mayer.
Madison ran up to me, pulling me out to dance with her and the rest of her friends and their dads.
I had taken dance lessons once upon a time, so this was easy for me. “Stand on my feet if you want. I took lessons when I was your age, so I can take the lead.”
“Okay,” she stepped onto the tops of my shoes and we swirled around the makeshift dance floor in the gym.
Before long everyone was watching us, but I didn’t care. Madison was giggling as we spun, and my heart was swelling with joy. I could make her laugh. This was progress. Maybe when we finally told her the truth, she would be okay with it.
Madison stepped off my shoes as the song ended and looked down, her giggles turning to sniffles as she ran out of the doors to the gym.
I ran after her, stopping behind her in the hallway. “Madison, what’s wrong?”
“I thought this was a good idea, but this is wrong. Everyone keeps telling me how much I look like you, all of my friends, but I know you’re just one of Mom’s co-workers. I know I will never know my dad, but sometimes I wish I would.” She let out a hard sniff and buried her face in her hands.
“Madison, hey, it’s okay. Don’t cry baby. It’s okay. Everything will be okay. Trust me.” I scrubbed my hand down my face and looked around, staring at the ceiling as I prayed for the strength I was going to need to tell her the truth.
I slid down to the floor beside her and took a deep breath. “Can I tell you a secret Madison? Will you be able to keep it?”
She sat next to me on the floor and sniffled. She closed her eyes and nodded at me. “Yeah. I’m good at keeping secrets.”
“I know who your dad is Madison. I’ve known this whole time, but I didn’t know how to tell you.” I held my breath and waited for her to ask the question I knew was coming.
“Is it you? Why won’t anyone tell me anything? Why am I always being kept in the dark? I’m not a stupid child.” Madison jumped up and glared at me.
“I only found out when I got here. I didn’t want to keep it from you, but your mom wanted to tell you. Please don’t hate her. She was scared.” I reached out for her hand, but she lurched away from me, stumbled, and turned away running as fast as she could.
Fuck. This was bad. I stood and took off after her, racing through the building she knew better than I did. I took one turn and found myself back by the gym. How the hell did we get here? Was it the other way? Dammit. I didn’t know where I was going.
I turned left instead of right and found an exit. Running around the school I couldn’t find Madison. Fuck, I shouldn’t have told her anything because now I was going to have to call her mother and tell her I lost her daughter.
After I had promised nothing would happen to her.
Chapter 14
Everly
“What do you mean you lost Madison?” I couldn’t believe it. I had trusted him to take her to the dance, not tell her he was her father. Fucking idiot.
“I mean I can’t find her. I’ve been looking for her everywhere here and she isn’t anywhere I can find her. Does she have a special place she likes to go when she’s upset, I can look?” At least he sounded frantic.
I smiled a little despite feeling pissed off at him. He had lost our daughter, but he wanted to find her. Small miracles. I was pretty sure I knew where she had gone too.
“Ya know what. I’ma call you back.” I hung up the phone and dialed the number to my aunt. If Madison was going to go anywhere, she would run there. If she wasn’t there, then I didn’t know where she was.
“Everly? Why is your daughter here?” Uncle Ben’s voice came over my aunt’s line. “She said something about Noel being her dad and she didn’t want to see either of you. I think you need to explain some things.”
“Yeah. I thought she might go there. Thanks.” The line clicked and I called Noel back.
“Did you fin
d her?” His frantic voice came across the line.
“Yeah. She’s at my aunt’s house. I think we need to do some damage control at this point. Meet you there. The party just wrapped, and the restaurant offered to do cleanup for the rest of the food. I’ll come back in the morning and pick up the auction slips.” I hung up the phone and went to find Mr. Carson.
I found him in a dark corner with Ashlee on her knees. I cleared my throat and looked him in the eyes; ignoring her. “I have to go. There was an emergency. I’ll come back in the morning and collect the auction slips and notify the winners. The restaurant wants everyone out in twenty minutes.”
“Thank you Everly. I am sure we can manage that. Now if you’ll excuse me…” He turned back toward his secretary and gripped her hair, forcing her to suck harder.
I just turned on my heel and walked away. At least she was willing. From what I had heard she was willing with all the men and even a few women at the office.
I waved at Louis to let him know I was leaving and raced down the stairs and into my car. I hoped I would beat Noel there, but he was already in that area.
Gah, how could he do something so stupid? Why did he tell her, when I wasn’t even ready to tell her myself? When would I learn I couldn’t trust him with anything?
I raced through the streets of Los Angeles toward my daughter.
When I got to my aunt’s there was a limo out front and Noel was getting his ass reamed by my aunt. I smiled as I listened to her yelling at him in the front yard.
Not an uncommon occurrence in South Central, so not even the neighbors were outside checking it out.
“Hey, can we please take this inside?” I pointed at both of them and then the house. “I don’t want my business all over town.”
“Why not? Your business has been lies. You gonna fill the rest us in?”
“In the house and I will, and I did already.” I walked by them and into the open door. I went looking for my daughter and found her curled up on my bed in my old room.
“You wanna talk to me about what you’re feeling?”
“I want to know why you lied to me.”
“I didn’t lie to you. How do you think I lied?” I was honestly confused. What was she talking about?
“You knew all along who my dad was, and you never told me! You could have said something to me. You could have told me anything. You tell Auntie Gracie and Uncle Ben everything, but you don’t tell me! All I wanted was to know about my dad.” She broke down into sobs on the mattress.
“She’s right you know. I would have been just as upset at her age.” Noel’s voice came from behind me.
“You aren’t helping.” I snapped back at him. He hadn’t been here; he didn’t know what the hell we had been through.
“How am I supposed to help? I want to help. I want to be there for both of you, but you won’t let me! Goddammit Everly, every time I turn around you are running away from me. Why do you think she doesn’t know me? You never gave me the chance to know her!” His voice was raising by the minute and I knew I was making him upset.
“You were never there!”
“You never came back!”
“I didn’t want to after I found out I was pregnant. I couldn’t tell you.” I let the truth slip through in my anger.
“You… What? Why couldn’t you tell me?”
“Because I didn’t want to be another number. I already told you this!” I stood and got in his face, poking him in the chest.
He grabbed my face and stared me in the eyes. “How many ways do I have to tell you that I have always wanted you? You just have to stop running?”
“How many women are you going to flirt with if I say I’ll be with you? You can’t help it Noel.”
“What do you want from me? Proof? Haven’t I proven myself to you? If I was my old self, I would have fucked Ashlee to the moon and back and made it hard for her to walk for a month.” His voice was dangerously low, his eyes blazing.
“Are we interrupting?” My aunt and uncle stood in the doorway.
“Yes.” Noel snapped at the couple behind him.
“No.” I tried to back away from him, but he held me firm.
“Okay, no. We will go somewhere else to talk. Madison, we will talk with you soon, but apparently your mother and I have some stuff to hash out before we can fully be there to talk to you and answer your questions.” Noel walked over to our daughter and squatted in front of her. “I promise.”
“People keep telling me things, and I don’t know what to believe.” Madison looked at him and I could see how red her eyes were from crying.
“I promise to tell you everything, okay. Just give us time.” I looked at my aunt and uncle, “Please, can you watch her for a while? We apparently have to hash some shit out.”
“Go. We got her.” My aunt nodded, pointing down the stairs to the door. “Don’t come back until you have your shit sorted.”
I nodded and walked out of the room, not caring if Noel followed or not. His limo was still here, so it’s not like he didn’t have a way home. I stopped short of my car when he brushed my arm.
“Ride with me. I can bring you back here for your car.” He pointed to the limo. I hadn’t been in one since my senior prom, and I wasn’t sure if I was ready to get into a limo with him. He tugged on my arm lightly and jerked his head towards the waiting car.
I sighed and nodded. “Fine. But you bring me back here.”
“Agreed.” He walked over and opened the door, waiting for me to slide into the backseat so he could follow.
We settled into the limo and he told the driver to take him to his house before he rose the divider. “You’re pissed at me.”
“That would be the understatement of the year. Why the hell did you tell her? Why didn’t you let me?”
“Because you were taking too long. You were dragging your feet. You should have seen her there. She was having a blast and then she was devastated. All because she didn’t know she really was there with her dad. I had to do something. I didn’t think she would bolt.”
“Exactly. You didn’t think. Do you ever think?” Did I really want to know the answer to that question? I wasn’t sure I did.
“I do think. I think I’ve been in love with you since college and that’s why I haven’t settled down yet. I’ve had the chance. A lot of chances. But no one was ever right. I think I want us to be a family. I know I want my daughter in my life.”
I was astonished. I didn’t know what to say. Had he just used the fabled L word? The word we were sure he didn’t know how to use. I didn’t know what to say. I stared at him as we drove. I couldn’t say anything to him.
“Would you say something? I’m laying myself bare here and you’re just staring at me.”
“I don’t know what to say. I come here to talk to you about one thing and you throw a wrench in it. What the hell am I supposed to say when you drop a bombshell like love on me? I don’t even know if I know what that is outside of Madison.” I squeezed my hands together, crushing the bones. Was I ready to take any sort of this leap for my daughter? I didn’t know that either. I was lost in a state of confusion.
“You could say you love me too, that you have since college, that we will finish raising our daughter together. That would be a start. Quit keeping me out of her life. Stop running from me Everly. I want you both with me.” His voice carried nothing but sincerity.
“I need to think Noel. I can’t answer you right now.” I stepped out of the idling limo, not caring how I was going to get back to my aunt and uncle’s house. Right now, I just needed some room to breathe.
Chapter 15
Noel
Christmas Eve
She ran again and this time I didn’t know how I was going to get her back. I had gone by her house, she hadn’t been into work, and her aunt refused to tell me where she had gone.
I didn’t want to stalk her, but I wanted to surprise her and Madison and take them looking at the lights in Aspen. I knew it would come
off as super flashy, but I wanted to take them to play in the snow for Christmas.
I pulled up in front of her aunt’s house one more time and hoped this time she would talk to me. I walked up the pathway to the door and knocked, the flowers in my hand firmly standing their ground.
“Son of a, what do you want Noel. I already don’ told you I don’t know where she is.” Aunt Gracie’s voice came through the door.
“Just talk to me, please. These are for you, not her.” Peace offerings weren’t my thing, but they would be if I needed to make them my thing.
“Boy, if I give you anything it’s that you persistent. Come in the house and go sit down.” The door opened and I was allowed in, though herded toward the living room. “Now give me those so I can get them put in water. You can wait to talk ‘til I come back out.”
I didn’t say a word as I went and sat on the couch, waiting for her to come back into the room. I looked around the room I had only been in once before and thought about how many times my daughter had been in here. Of all the firsts I had missed because of my reputation.
My fucking reputation. A reputation I had been so proud of. Look at Noel. Have you heard about Noel? Noel broke another heart. I could have given it all up and hunted her down years ago, but I was too dumb to. And now I may have ruined it all again.
Batting a thousand. That’s what I was doing.
“Okay, you have five minutes. What do you want?”
“I need to know where Everly and Madison are. I can’t lose them. Not now that I just found Madison and Everly is back in my life. I love them.” I confessed my secrets to this woman in hopes she would finally take some pity on me and throw me a bone.
“Why the hell would I tell you that information? You don’t deserve to know a thing.” The venom in her voice would be enough to melt a lesser man.
“Because, I want to show them the world. I have missed enough firsts I don’t want to miss anymore. I can’t let them walk away again.”