Magic & Memory Loss

by Eleanor Rousseau

  “Sometimes,” I agreed softly.

  He leant forward until we were so close our noses almost touched. Dark eyes watched me with surprising intensity. “Kiss me,” he murmured and I felt his warm breath against my cheek.

  My own breathing sped up. I’d come close to kissing Adam, but he hadn’t said the words, hadn’t been so close.

  “Please,” he whispered, the soft word closer to a plea than a request.

  I shut my eyes and his mouth found mine tentatively. His lips were softly but firm. His hands cupped my face, tilting it back so he could deepen the kiss. He bit my bottom lip and I gasped, my mouth opening and allowing for the invasion of his tongue.

  My toes curled in my boots and my body melted against his.

  I couldn’t remember being kissed like this, maybe I’d never been kissed like this, with such passion. When he broke the kiss he rested his forehead against mine and gently nuzzled my cheek. I wanted to linger in that moment, to let him take me in his arms and succumb to the need that pooled low in my belly and sent shivers through me.

  It would be so easy to give in and the hunger in his eyes told me if I did he would gladly rock my world. But instead, I pulled back. “Vince-”

  “Please, don’t-” he said softly, stark longing filling his gaze. It didn’t make sense, for him to want me so bad when he hardly knew me. Hell, I hardly knew me.

  It was too much too soon.

  I turned and ran inside, then up to my room. Once the door was closed behind me I dropped onto the bed and buried my head against the pillows. It seemed that I was destined to run away from any romantic entanglements, both literally and figuratively.

  But I had good reason to resist the pull of... what? Romance, love, sex? I had no idea what I wanted, let along what they might want. And it wasn’t that I was afraid of putting myself out there... or, it wasn’t just that.

  Pushing myself up onto my elbows, I reached for the small box on my bedside table. I opened it and looked at the plain dark metal ring.

  I wanted more than anything to know who had given it to me and what exactly it meant. Had I betrayed someone by kissing Vince? Was I a horrible person? I had just let him kiss me right in front of his kid and I’d enjoyed it.

  It had been two years since I’d been found walking around, having no idea who I was or where I’d come from. It seemed cliche but no matter what I did I couldn’t remember. It was why I was always so unsure of myself and what I wanted. How could I pursue anyone if there was someone else out there that I belonged to?

  “You want to go for a run?” asked Murray from the doorway. I hadn’t even heard the door open.

  I sat up and nodded, biting my lip. I put the ring away and rose to my feet. He held up my running shoes and walked over to shove open the window. I pulled on the shoes before following him out the window, onto the narrow ledge.

  He jumped down, landing with supernatural ease. I jumped down too and he caught me, setting me on my feet. I wasn’t sure whether he knew of my need to avoid the man at the front of the house or if, for him, it just made more sense to jump straight out the window. Werewolves were sometimes weird like that.

  Either way, I was grateful.

  “I’ll race you,” I said, running towards the forest.

  He laughed and came after me. I ran full pelt into the forest until my lungs burnt and my muscles ached. It wasn’t enough to outpace him, I really couldn’t compete with a werewolf but he never made me feel bad for holding him back. Eventually, I slowed until we reached a clearing where I promptly collapsed.

  He allowed me a moment to catch my breath before saying, “Talk to me.”

  I glanced up at the sky. “I don’t want to.”

  “I don’t care, talk.”

  I sighed. “I shouldn’t have let him kiss me.”

  “Why not?” he asked, dropping down beside me. He didn’t sound surprised, the bastard had probably been eavesdropping again. Damn Werewolf hearing.

  “He has a kid.”

  “So? He’s a good kid.”

  “He’s a great kid but he’s still a baby, I’m not ready to be with someone who has a kid. I don’t want to be responsible for screwing up someone’s life.”

  “You could never screw up anyone’s life,” he informed me.

  “It could never work anyway,” I murmured.

  “Why not?”

  “Because before I was born I was promised to the prince of the mole people and should they discover my affection for another they’ll come and steal him away,” I explained, deadpan.

  He laughed. “Mole people, really?”

  “You're a werewolf, you can’t be sceptical,” I stated, distracting myself from the serious topic with humour. I could deflect like a pro.

  “How about I keep an eye out for mole people and you be with whoever makes you happy?” he suggested.

  “Things are not that simple.” I tossed my arm over my forehead, as my heart rate began to drop back to a normal speed.

  “Is this about the ring?” he asked softly.

  I glared at him. “Drop it.”

  “Answer me honestly,” he growled. Murray was the alpha of his pack and therefore used to getting his way.

  “Leave me alone.”

  “I can’t help if you don’t talk to me.” Alpha’s were like that, always looking to fix the problems of their people. They were fiercely protective and only happy when everyone else was happy.

  “I don’t need your help,” I growled.

  “If you didn’t need help you wouldn’t mind talking about it.”

  That was some twisted logic but I knew he wouldn’t drop the topic until I at least gave him something. “I don’t know what the ring means, it could be some piece of junk I picked up in a charity shop or I could be married! Can you even imagine how it feels? Not knowing?”

  “It’s been two years, if you had a husband don’t you think he would have found you by now?”

  I rose to my feet abruptly. “I’m going home.”

  “I’m not trying to hurt you, I want you to understand,” he called to my retreating back.

  I had been walking, growing colder with each passing moment. Night was falling. I’d ran further than was probably wise. I hadn’t been dressed for a run, but I still had my coat on, it was long, black and too nice to wreck by wearing it on my jogs but it would keep me warm.

  I hadn’t gotten much further when a large wolf brushed against my hand, not Murray. Murray was larger than this one. “Hey, Wilson,” I said softly, burying my hand in his warm fur.

  He growled and his body quivered as he shifted. I let go and stepped back to give him room. He straightened, bones cracking as they set back into place. Then he scooped me up against his warm, very naked chest, even though he was still panting from the effort it took to shift.

  “Hey!” I protested.

  “Settle down, pup, you shouldn’t be out here alone this late.”

  “You and your brother are the scariest things out here,” I reminded him.

  He started moving at a brisk pace, heading back to the house. “For now, but you’re not exactly dressed for the hike back.”

  “I’m tired,” I said, rubbing my cheek against his shoulder. There was a distinct melancholy tone to my words but it didn’t matter because I knew that, unlike his brother, he wouldn’t push the issue.

  “Sleep if you wish, I’ll make sure you get back safe.”

  And I knew he would. Werewolves could be protective, overbearing, and downright intrusive at times but they also had a way of making you feel incredibly safe.

  Chapter Seven

  I was putting plates away in the back room of the cafe when I felt hands on my shoulders, I turned and took a step back in surprise when I saw who stood there. “You shouldn’t be here.” How was he here?

  He dropped to his knees and wrapped his arms around my hips. “Give me this time, let me hold you again.”

  I frowned. “Who are you?”

  “The man who wil
l love you with his last breath.” He pulled me down so I straddled his lap. We were naked, but how? Was this magic? His muscles were taut with tension, his skin warm. My body fit so perfectly against his, I was so comfortable here. Safe.

  “I’m so confused, did I lose you?” I asked.

  He let his fingers brush my cheek. “You could never lose me, not for a moment. I’m always with you.”

  “But I did, I lost everything,” I told him, sounding lost even to my own ears.

  Hot lips pressed against my neck, hands explored my body with some urgency. “Don’t think like that, just be happy. That’s all I want for you, all I’ve ever wanted for you.” The stranger kissed my lips, the touch scalding me, and suddenly I knew exactly what he was, he was mine. And I was his.

  I clutched him to me, suddenly desperate to feel him, to know him and have him know me. Maybe I didn’t need to know myself, so long as he knew me, understood me, loved me.

  “I do. I understand you and I will always love you.”

  Had I spoken aloud? Was he reading my mind? I was so confused. I kissed him, needing the connection and he pulled me closer.

  I awoke with a gasp, glancing at the empty space in the bed beside me and was barely able to hold back tears. This dream wasn’t new to me, I’d been having it on and off for the past two years. Which is how I knew that the harder I tried to hold onto the details of the dream, the faster they’d slip away.

  Maybe I should stop trying to hold onto something as insubstantial as a dream. And stop holding out hope that someone out there would find me and know who I had been.

  Maybe it would be enough for someone to know who I was now.

  “YOU’VE BARELY TOUCHED your plate,” Beth admonished.

  “I’m not really hungry.” I picked up a piece of bacon and fed it to Trip whose head appeared at my elbow. Yesterday, when I’d come home from work I’d found Trip tucked inside a small basket filled with the blankets that she’s put in the living room for him.

  “Come, now, you’ll hurt my feelings if you don’t eat,” she said firmly.

  Wilson glanced up from his seat. “Eat.”

  I prodded the eggs. “What if my life was so horrible I don’t want to remember?”

  They both paused, then shared a brief look. “Don’t you even think that, not ever,” said Beth.

  “I’ve got scars, normal people don’t have scars like this,” I said, studying the scars on my palms. There was a pattern to the cuts, a deliberateness. Somebody had done that to me or, worse, I’d done it to myself.

  Wilson reached to take my hand, bringing it to his chin. “What you were doesn’t matter, focus on who you are now,” he said firmly, unknowingly echoing my own sentiment.

  I sighed softly. “Is that what you tell new pack members?” I asked.

  He smirked. “That’s exactly what I tell them.”

  I nodded, smiling a little too. “Thank you, I think that’s what I needed to hear.”

  He reached to run his fingers through my hair. Werewolves, I’d learnt, took a lot of comfort from physical contact. Boundaries weren’t really in their vocabulary. I leant into the touch because it felt nice. “I can drive you to work,” he offered.

  “That would be nice, thanks.”

  He nodded at my plate. “Now eat.”

  I huffed but started eating, feeling a little better, though the aching sense of loss in my gut was still present even as the memory of my dream faded away.

  Twenty minutes later, when we pulled up outside the cafe, I saw Vince standing against the front wall. My anxiety shot back up a few notches. Wilson reached over to stroke my hair, sensing my stress. “It’s okay, pup, we can go back home,” he assured me softly.

  I shook my head. “It’s fine, really. Thank you for the ride.”

  He smiled. “Anytime.”

  I stepped out and walked over to Vince, chewing my lip nervously.

  He straightened, looking almost as anxious as I felt. “I had to come, to apologise for the way I acted. There’s no excuse,” he said seriously.

  “It’s okay,” I said softly.

  He shook his head. “It’s not. I just... I need to accept that you don’t want me.” He glanced away, expression pained. “I’ll... I’ll stop coming by, if that’s what you want.”

  I frowned. “That’s not what I want. I like you, and April, and the kids. I’m just not in a place at the moment where I can be with anyone.”

  He buried his hands in his pocket. “Is... is there anything I can do?”

  I bit my lip. “Just... don’t go disappearing on me.”

  He smiled and his shoulders relaxed slightly. “Never.” He hesitantly reached for my hand and I gave it to him. “I’m truly sorry I upset you, I didn’t want that.”

  My insides melted a little at his sincerity. I wanted him to kiss me again, to hold me, but that wasn’t what I needed. I would only hate myself later if I let that happen before I was ready. “You didn’t upset me, it’s just that I’m pretty sure I’ve got intimacy issues.”

  He lifted my hand to his lips, lips that I vividly remembered being pressed against mine. “I just want you to be happy.”

  I smiled. “I’m happy, but I need some time to figure things out.”

  He nodded. “I understand.” He hesitated but then leant forward to kiss my cheek.

  I sighed softly and watched as he turned, walking away. After a moment I forced myself to walk inside the shop. Julie smiled over at me as I walked in. “He’s been waiting there since I got here,” she told me.

  I huffed softly. “He’s so sweet.”

  “You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

  “It is. I don’t want him to be sweet, I want him to be a jerk or dumb or unattractive.” Preferably, all three. I pouted.

  “You can’t always get what you want,” she said with amusement.

  “I’m not dating Vince,” I said firmly as I ducked behind the counter.

  “So you are dating Adam?”

  I huffed out a soft breath as I tied on my apron. “No, what on earth would make you think-” I broke off as I turned to face her and saw the slip of paper in her hand. “I’m not going,” I said firmly.

  “Of course you’re going,” she stated, waving the invitation at me.

  “Why on earth would I?”

  She eyed the impressive calligraphy and fancy design. “A girl doesn’t get invited to a party like this every day. You have to go, when was the last time you went out in the city?”

  I gave a half shrug. “I don’t like the city,” I informed her.

  “You’re going and I won't hear another word about it,” she said firmly.

  “I told Vince I’m not in a place where I can start seeing someone and I meant it. I’m not the sort of person to say one thing and do another,” I told her, frowning.

  “I know that. You’re a good girl but you need to step out of your comfort zone, live a little.”

  A part of me was tempted, I’d never been to a party before. Unless you included pack gatherings, which I didn’t. “How would I even get to the city?”

  She grinned. “I tell you what, we can get the train and make a weekend of it,” she said excitedly. “I have friends in the city, I’m sure they could set us up for a couple of nights.”

  I bit my lip but she really was excited and I wasn’t going to disappoint her. “Okay, fine, you win. Are your girls already at their father’s for the weekend?” I asked when I noticed the little girl’s absence.

  She nodded. “It’ll be fun,” she assured me.

  I sighed softly and resigned myself to my fate.

  Chapter Eight

  “And when will you be back?” asked Murray, tapping his fingers against my desk. He wasn’t taking the news of my trip very well. I wasn’t sure if this was just him being an alpha, or if he’d slipped into big brother mode.

  “Probably Sunday evening.” I put a couple pairs of underwear in the travel bag I was packing and pretended not to notice his obvio
us displeasure.

  “You should let Wilson go with you,” he said, frowning.

  I rolled my eyes. “I’m going to the city, not into enemy territory.” I picked up a shirt and pulled open the bag, only to see two bright blue eyes peering up at me. “Trip, get out of here, you silly fool.”

  He made a small questioning chirp sound.

  “You can’t come with me,” I informed him.

  Murray sat beside the bag. “Why’d you call him Trip?” he asked curiously. At the Werewolf’s approach, Trip tried to duck deeper into the bag. He was starting to get used to the wolves, but it would take time.

  “He was a very clumsy baby.”

  He smiled. “He’s the thing you’ve been hiding.”

  “That was more his doing than mine, he’s pretty shy.” I reached in my bag to lift the small creature out. He chirped softly in alarm and, as soon as I let go, he scampered off under the bed.

  “Why are you going?” Murray asked.

  “I told you, Julie invited me to spend the weekend, she says it will be fun.” I’d decided not to mention the other invitation I’d received.

  He looked conflicted. “You should still take someone with you.”

  I shook my head. “Normal people don’t have bodyguards, Murray, I’ll be perfectly safe. You're like the fussy mother I never wanted.”

  His eyes narrowed at me and he growled softly. “I’m not your mother, I’m your alpha which means you’re my responsibility.”

  “You take that whole alpha thing way too serious, I’m not even a Werewolf,” I said as I finished packing.

  “You’re still pack,” he informed me.

  I shot him a look. “You don’t treat other pack members like they’re made of glass.”

  “That’s not what I’m doing. You just don’t know the city well, I have a right to be concerned.”

  “Julie knows the city and I won't stray far from her,” I assured him.

  “See that you don’t,” he murmured as I zipped up the bag.

  I stuck my tongue out at him and he rolled his eyes. Lowering myself to the floor, I stuck my head under the bed. “Trip, I’m leaving soon but I’ll only be gone a few days. Beth and the wolves will take good care of you.”