With a pulsing center and a heart that was five seconds away from combusting, I told him I was fine, but it sounded like Wyatt was on his way to the gun cabinet. I’d only ever heard him infuriated a few times. He was always so chill, but all I could hear was a string of curse words and loud thumping.
“I’m sorry, just give me an hour or so, okay?”
“Aww.” He moaned like a five-year-old who’d just got his Hot Wheels confiscated. “I thought we were at least ten minutes closer to our first naked pillow fight. We were so close to solidifying ourselves as BFF’s, Violet.”
“You’re such a freak.” I laughed. “You’ll just have to entertain yourself.”
“Violettt.” He groaned. “You gotta watch what you say, baby.”
My whole body heated with embarrassment at the unintended innuendo, but for the second time that night, need pooled between my legs. When he called me baby, I felt it so hard, I felt it everywhere. I wanted him.
“Later,” I whispered.
“I’ll be waiting,” he replied. I could hear the need in his gravelly tone. Three words that held the threat of a hidden promise lingered and teased as I struggled to hang up the phone.
I stood out front of Wyatt’s bedroom downstairs and rapped gently on the door. I spoke softly through the wood that separated us, “Yeti? Can I come in?”
“I don’t know if I’m really worth being around, Boo.”
I ignored him and twisted the door handle, letting myself in. He was lying on his bed, ankles crossed, hands underneath his head as he stared aimlessly at the ceiling. His boots had been flung at separate ends of the bedroom.
“I’m guessing they were the thumps I heard?” I pointed to the boots before walking over to the bed and sitting on top. I tucked my legs underneath myself as I watched him stare at the ceiling. “You got something goin’ on with the ceiling there, buddy? Can’t seem to take your eyes off the feisty minx,” I joked.
“Charlie and I broke up a couple of days ago.” His voice was monotone but relaxed. For some reason, it didn’t seem that the great boot tantrum of twenty-eighteen was sparked by his break-up with Charlie.
“I never thought I’d hear that,” I admitted. “I thought you two were the real deal.”
“We were, until we weren’t. It just ran its course, I guess.” He sighed and drew in a long breath. “She told me to let you know nothing with your relationship changes. Call her, keep in touch. We’re both cool with that. After everything that happened . . .”
No doubt he was talking about how great Charlie had been throughout the abortion process. I could never thank her enough for walking me through that week. She’d cried with me, laughed with me, held me on the bathroom floor in a collapsed mess when I couldn’t stand looking at myself in the mirror. There’d always be a bond, but my loyalty was to my cousin.
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Shoot,” he said as he rolled his head to look at me.
“Why am I getting the feeling that the door slam, the incessant use of the word fuck and your game of boot shotput wasn’t about you and Charlie breaking up?”
“Cuz you’d be right,” he said, his blue eyes conflicted as I observed him. If it wasn’t his break-up with Charlie, then what could it possibly be?
He moved his hands out from under his head and pushed himself up to a sitting position resting against his headboard. “I love you, Boo Bear, but this is something I gotta work out alone. I’m kinda fucked in the head right now, if I’m being honest. I loved Charlie, but we both saw this coming months ago, we were just too stubborn to admit it. Didn’t wanna give up. But we also didn’t wanna end up hating one another. I moved my stuff into Mom and Dad’s a couple days ago. Got a call that I was needed here asap, threw a bag together, and hit the road.”
“How long are you here for then?”
“Not sure, but I called Stone, his tattoo shops about fifteen minutes away, and he offered me a chair if I need it. Could be a couple weeks, could be a couple months, just playing it by ear.”
“That’s awesome, Wye, but can’t say I agree with you hanging out with Stone, after what happened last year.” My body tensed, his name enough to make my skin crawl.
“I know, you have every reason to hate him, don’t even know why I’m still friends with him to be honest.”
“Yeah, he’s a dick,” I smiled, trying to push the conversation in a different direction. “As to why you’re here, Gamma didn’t need to call you. I was fine, just a bad day.”
A look of hesitation stared back at me. “Gamma didn’t call me, Rads. Becca did.”
“How did Becca call you? I wasn’t aware she had your number. Do you talk often?”
“She’s had my number for a few years. I gave it to her.”
“Okayyy . . . Becca wants to slap your face half the time. You’re like what? Twelve years older? I don’t get it.”
“I gave her my number just after Auntie Caroline passed, Rads. I needed to have contact with someone who you told your shit to. I know you tell Gams, but I also know you’re more likely to tell Becca about whatever is bothering you just to save Gamma from being upset. You put everyone else’s feelings before your own, bub. I needed a point of contact when you were here or if you were ever in any trouble. It was strictly a lifeline, a just in case. Do you understand?”
I nodded, floored at how much he cared for me, went out of his way for me. He might be my cousin, but I’d only ever seen him as my brother. Just like he’d do anything for me, I’d do anything for him. He’d never once given up on me, and I’d never walk away from even the worst parts of him.
“I get it,” I smiled. “I just wish you’d tell me what’s got you looking so fucking lost right now, Wye. What was with the slamming doors and curse words that would make a hooker blush?”
“I can’t give you this one, baby girl. I just . . . shit’s fucked up. I don’t know what I’m doing.”
I could see the anguish rolling off him in waves, the war going on in his head. I’d never seen him like that. Watching him slowly self-destruct and not knowing how to help was torture.
“Can’t you just try?” I encouraged.
“Radley, if I told you, you wouldn’t have the same opinion of me as you do now, and I can’t take that. Not from you. I can’t handle the way I know you’ll look at me. I’m not a good man.”
I shuffled further up the bed and got close enough to take one of his hands in mine. “There’s not one thing you could ever tell me that would have me look at you any different. It hurts, not gonna lie. I wish you’d trust me enough to let me in, but I get the comfort that you think secrets can provide. I also know that secrets destroy us and can take us to a place we might not make it out of if left alone with the demons for too long.”
“Are you dancing with the demons, Boo?” His face held no judgement, but it told me he was aware I was on the Devil’s dance card. He didn’t know everything, and it hurt him equally as much when I kept secrets from him.
“I am, Wye, but I’m getting a little further away from mine each day. The last few weeks here has changed so much, but nothing at all.” I tilted my head. “Does that even make any sense?” I laughed.
“Unfortunately, it does, Boo. Too much sense.” He squeezed my hand and a cheeky-ass grin glared back.”
“What’s the slightly scary smile for, Wye? Should I be worried?”
“Wanna break the law, Sugarnuts?”
A smile just as wicked as Wyatt’s flickered across my lips. Curiosity fist bumped me and screamed yes! “What are you proposing?”
“It’s time,” he winked.
“Now? Like, right now?”
“You bet your ass. You’ve earned it. Now, where’s the power point?”
18
Radley
“If you don’t treat her right, I’ll take your tattoo gun and shove it up your ass, Wyatt!”
Wyatt gave me a big dirty smirk set to rile me up as he turned the key in the ignition. Betty rumbled b
eneath us as he revved her engine. My mouth dropped open, ready to curse, but he held a finger up to shush me.
“Listen to all that horsepower, Rads. You know Betty’s had a thing for me since before you were born, right?”
“You’re sick,” I said, trying to hold back a smile.
“Yep, it was my twelfth birthday and Auntie Caroline was about two weeks away from pushing your big melon-head out. I mean, it was enough that this car was promised to you, but to share a birthday month? I was infuriated!” He tsked in mock disgust. “So, she let me drive Betty up and down Gam’s driveway, teaching me how to change gears, yelling at me when I rode the clutch. She was the one who taught me stick shift. Every Easter and Christmas from about fourteen, she’d take me out those dusty old back roads and let me eat up the road. It was our thing.”
I smiled at him. I didn’t mind, not even a little bit, until he revved the engine again, and I slapped him, hard. He just laughed, rubbed his arm, and began to accelerate down the drive.
“Hey!” I yelled. “Wait, fool! Becca will be here in a minute. We drive to school together.”
“Why do you drive to school when she has the Mini Coop? You splitting the gas bill or something?”
“No, her engine blew out over the summer, and Rachel and Evan don’t have the money to fix it. It’s in their shed under a sheet collecting dust.”
He looked over at Becca’s house in the distance and tapped his fingers on the steering wheel in thought. “Hmm.”
I turned my head, not bothering to figure out what was up with him, looking down at my phone to check the time. Becca was ten minutes late. I dialed her number and her phone went straight to voicemail. I dialed again and the same thing. I scrolled down my contacts until I found her parents’ phone number.
“What are you doing?” Wyatt asked.
“Becca’s late. She’s never late. In fact, she usually grabs breakfast. I haven’t heard from her since she ran away from me yesterday. I have no idea what’s going on with her, Wye, and I’m worried. I know you two don’t care much for one another, mainly because you’re a shit-stirrer, but somethings wrong.”
I dialed her house number. Wyatt’s eyes followed my movements, worry cinching his brows. His hands squeezed Betty’s steering wheel until the leather squeaked under the pressure.
After a few rings, Becca’s mama answered the phone. “Hello, Summers residence.”
I hadn’t talked to Becca’s parents since I’d been back, and it was good to hear Rachel’s voice. “Hey, Rachel, it’s Radley. I was wondering if that daughter of yours was gonna make her way over or have us runnin’ late.”
“Hi, Radley! Oh, it’s so nice to hear your voice, sweetheart. I’ve missed you so much. I thought you would’ve called around by now.” She sounded a little hurt.
“Sorry, Rachel. It’s been a crazy couple weeks, but that’s no excuse, I know.” I was ashamed. Rachel was as close as an auntie, and I’d completely ignored her.
“That’s okay, I know it was a big move. Just make some time, okay?”
“I will, I swear. Now, where’s Bec? Gamma made her French toast this morning and she never showed.”
“I thought Becca was going to call you, sweets. She’s already left on the school bus.”
What? Hurt hit my chest. Had I done something wrong? She wouldn’t talk to me yesterday, and now I’m ditched for the school bus, she hates so much?
“Okay,” I drew out, trying to hide the hurt. “I guess I missed her call. I’ll see her at school.” Wyatt looked over at me, eyebrows raised in question and a little concern.
“Ok, Radley, but come over for dinner soon. I’ll make you your mamas favorite lasagna recipe.” The corners of my mouth drew up into a genuine smile as I told her that sounded perfect.
Mama and Rachel were best friends right up until the day she died. Sisters from different misters, as they’d say. Next to Gamma, Rachel kept me fresh in renewed memories over the last two years. Every time I’d visit, she’d make lasagna and we’d have a slide night, looking at photos that ran the length of their friendship. They ranged from toddlers to embarrassing pre-teens.
They both got knocked up at eighteen, a total scandal, but each of them carried me and Becca around with smiles on their faces, shame non-existent and love abundant. Becca and I were born a month apart. I was first to make an appearance and always joked that she was the runt of the litter.
I said goodbye to Rachel and hung up the phone, pissed. Why would Becca make me wait like an idiot? There was no message, no missed calls.
“Let’s just go, Wye. For some reason she caught the bus to school and forgot to extend the courtesy of letting me know.” I crossed my arms over my chest and looked out the window as Wyatt made his way down the driveway.
“She probably just forgot,” Wyatt said.
I glared over at him. He knew it was unlikely and a stupid suggestion. I had nothing good to say, so I stayed silent, turning back to look out the window. He knew I was pissed and changed the subject as he turned out onto the main road.
“How’s the pain? I don’t want any bacteria getting in, so look after it. Wash it with some fragrance-free soap and don’t forget to put that ointment I gave you on it for at least a few weeks, depending on how it heals.”
He smiled at me, forced at best. He was acting weird, too. It seemed like every one of us were holding onto secrets we weren’t prepared to share. It felt like a brick wall was between me and Becca, and now Wyatt and myself.
I reached down to where Wyatt had tattooed my favorite words from The Wall in Adalita, down the right side of my ribs. Lead me out of the dark.
“It’s sore, but I’m not touching it, don't panic. You gave me the lecture last night. Loose tees, no sun, blah, blah, blah,” I mumbled.
“You took it like a badass, you know? I’ve seen grown men cry when I hit the ribs.”
That brought a smile to face. “Well, they’re obviously complete pussies,” I mocked. “It hurt, but not enough to cry about.” I looked over to him, letting go of the bad mood for a minute. “Thanks, Wye. I know you put your balls on the line tattooing someone underage.”
“What can I say? It’s payback to Uncle Benny for taking my money at our last poker game,” he joked. “I’m not too proud to admit payback gets me off.” He shrugged and looked at me with what I can only describe as pride. “It was time, you earned it.” His eyes softened. “I love you, Rads. If there’s anything, and I mean anything, that you need to talk about, I’m here, okay?”
I nodded and thanked him for taking Betty for a tune up at the shop. “She’s pulling a little left. Can you feel it?”
“I can. Don’t worry, she’s due for an alignment and a good check-up. She drove thirteen hours and needs a day at the spa.” He chuckled.
Ten minutes later, we pulled up to school. I stepped out of Betty and threw my backpack on, leaning into the car before I shut the door.
“I’ll be here waiting for you when school lets out. Just look out for me in the parking lot. I refuse to wait in line with the soccer moms.” Wyatt scoffed.
“Okay, be here at three. Love you, Yeti.”
“Love you too, Boo. Have a good day.” I shut the door before he pulled away. As I turned to walk up the stairs, I caught sight of a familiar blonde trying to escape my line of sight as she rushed through the school’s front entrance.
“Hey, Becca!” I yelled, my voice visibly annoyed.
She stopped dead, caught. “Hey, Rads. Sorry about this morning. I forgot to charge my phone and call you to let you know I needed to get here a little earlier.”
“Well, that’s a pathetic excuse,” I told her. “You have a landline, Becca. Your excuse falls flat. I don’t know what’s up with you, but we obviously need to talk. I wish you’d just talk to me.”
As I looked over at her, tears clouded her eyes, threatening to tumble over in the middle of the school hallway. I felt like a complete bitch.
“Bec . . . I’m sorry. I didn’t
mean to upset you.”
“I’m fine,” she lied. “Just PMS I think.”
I took in her posture, shoulders limp, her face free of make-up, hair in a messy bun. None of this was normal. This wasn’t PMS, this was something she wasn’t ready to tell me, and no matter how much that hurt, I knew from my own experiences that railroading someone and demanding the truth never worked. It just created a bigger problem for the person carrying the burden.
I reached out and pulled her into a hug as she sniffled against my shoulder. “I’m here,” I whispered. “No matter what it is, no matter how bad you think things are, they’re not. I’m right here, okay? When you’re ready, I’ll be waiting.”
She nodded against me and pushed away, clearing her tears with the sleeve of her sweater. “I just need some time with this, Radley. Is that okay?”
“It is, but that’s all you had to say. I was hurt because you didn’t even call. You know I have issues, and I didn’t know if it was something I’d done. I don’t wanna lose you.”
“It was rude and thoughtless . . . I’m sorry. Forgive me?”
“There’s nothing to forgive. Just speak to me next time and let me know?”
She nodded and tilted her head, looking at my t-shirt, breaking into a laugh as she pointed at me. “Taken? I can’t believe you agreed to this.”
“I can’t believe I agreed to this,” I shook my head. “But I’m letting go and letting him in. I want it. Whatever it is he’s chasing, I want it, too.”
“He’s chasing love, Radley. I’ve known him a long time. Never seen him in a relationship, a complete playboy with a heart of gold. Whatever it is, he means it, that much I know.” She shook her head at me, creases appearing at the corners of her eyes, affection stretching into a smile. “You two are right together, Radley. I know it.”
A lump formed in my throat, for so many reasons. I had a friend who cared for me, who told me things a friend should tell a friend, who did things you should do with and for a friend, like support them. I never had that with Lucy. All I ever really felt was used.
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