Thirteen Hours To You

by Annie Emerson

  “Okay, Gamma, I’ll be up in a few.”

  “Okay, butterball, I’ll let her know.” She turned and made her way inside, waving a hand behind her and yelling out to Meekai to drive safely.

  I made my way around to the opened driver’s side door and leaned in to kiss Meekai goodbye. Again. He grabbed my waist and pulled me in for a long, slow kiss. I struggled, but eventually found the strength to push away, my lips swollen, his lips just as plump. His lips . . .

  “I gotta go.” I panted, breath stolen, nerves of the best kind alive and firing off from the top of head to the tingly tips of my toes.

  “Don’t forget about tomorrow night,” he whispered. “I expect you to prepare notes and a PowerPoint presentation identifying all the parts of you that you want me to search and destroy.”

  “You’re so dumb.” I laughed, walking backwards, shaking my head, no clue how to navigate what he had planned for tomorrow night. I’d never touched myself before. I’d always felt guilty when I went to try, fearing I’d be struck down by God. Now here I was, curious, yet sick to the stomach. My body buzzed with anticipation of the unknown, how would I come out on the other end of this?

  Meekai closed his door and threw me a smirk. “See you tomorrow, Violet. If you can’t find me in the hallway, just look for the six-foot three guy having totally inappropriate thoughts about you. I won’t be hard to spot.” He winked.

  “Go. Now! If you don’t, I’ll make sure my phone is completely disabled tomorrow night,” I threatened.

  “You’d never!” he protested. “I have to make you tingle and shit.”

  “Go!” I yelled.

  He beamed back at me, a new understanding flickering across his lips. It spoke of all the things he was intent on helping me discover.

  “Miss you already, Violet.” His face sobered, his eyes softened. “Talk later.”

  I waved as he pulled away, before turning to face the house. “Now, we need to have a talk, Becca Summers,” I muttered under my breath.

  “Hey,” I greeted as I walked into my bedroom, dumped my backpack and toed off my shoes.

  Becca was sitting on my bed, texting away. “Hey. I didn’t know when you’d be home. I tried to text, but you never replied.” She raised her head to greet me, placing her cell beside her.

  “My phone died,” I told her. “But I’m here now, and I think it’s about time we had a talk, don’t you?” I questioned, brow arched. I needed to get to the bottom of whatever it was that was going on with her.

  She drew in a breath and nodded. The same lost look that she’d been carrying around for the last few days tried to muster a smile but fell back into a sigh, her energy so depleted she couldn’t even seem to fake it.

  “Is it true?” she asked, head tilted to the side, waiting for me to answer.

  “What? That my best friend is clearly keeping something from me?” I responded, as I changed into some sweats and a baggy tee.

  “It seems my best friend is keeping something from me, too,” she countered.

  I went over everything that had happened over the last few days trying to pinpoint what she could possibly be talking about, coming up empty.

  “What do you mean?” I replied. “I seriously have no idea where this is going. Something’s up with you. I don’t know what exactly, but you haven’t been yourself and unless you tell me, I can’t help you.”

  “Right.” Her voice was backed up with a dose of sarcasm I was pretty sure I didn’t deserve. “You expect me to confide in you when you can’t even confide in me? You know I’d never judge you.” She threw her head back and grunted in frustration. “When were you going to tell me about the abortion?”

  I felt like the rug had been pulled from beneath me, the floor beneath the rug crumbling and unstable. I never expected to hear those words leave her mouth. I’d planned to tell her. I wanted her to know. I needed her support, and to have any kind of friendship you needed to know the worst so you could deserve a person’s best. I stared at her, stunned. Totally blindsided. There were only two ways she could've found out.

  “So that’s how you approach this? With the judgement you just told me you wouldn’t give me?” I scoffed. “Who the fuck told you that? Wyatt? What’s going on there, Becca? Seems I’m not the only one omitting truths. The difference here? It was my right to tell you, no one else’s. What the hell is this? You’re more concerned with the fact that I haven’t had the chance to tell you? And now you’re taking it upon yourself to make me feel ashamed about it? I was gonna tell you on my terms, Becca. Not Wyatt’s, not yours. How fucking dare you!?”

  Her face fell, her lip trembled. “He didn’t tell me. I heard him talking to Gamma this afternoon.”

  “You should’ve been at home. What were you doing here? Didn’t Wyatt drop you home?”

  “I told him I’d walk from here, there was no need to drive me home. I left my business studies book in Betty, so I came back to get it and the car was locked. I knocked on the door and no one answered, so I let myself in. It’s not like I haven’t before. You know I would never intentionally listen to a private conversation.” She looked at me, her tear-filled eyes asking me to believe her. But I stood with my arms crossed, infuriated with her.

  “I know you wouldn’t,” I told her because I knew Becca. I knew that was the last thing she’d ever intentionally do. “But the way you approached it was unacceptable. It happened to me, Becca,” I said, punching a pissed-off finger into my chest. “What gives you the right to be so insensitive? You have no idea what I went through, and you’ve turned this around and made it about you. How did you come to that conclusion? That you had the right to come at me with zero sensitivity? You should be mature enough to know that that’s something given in trust. I don’t owe you that.”

  “I know, I’m sorry. I just . . . My mind’s all over the place right now, and when I heard that, I was like, ‘Why couldn’t she trust me enough to confide in me?’ I knew there was another reason you came to Georgia, but I didn’t anticipate this. Is it because the guy left you alone to deal with it?”

  I laughed, a maniacal undertone. “Yes, Becca. Yeah, he left me alone with it.” I walked to the bed and sat on the edge, looking at nothing in particular as I spoke. “He knocked me up and left me with no choice.”

  “I didn’t even think you were seeing anyone. You told me you had no one other than Lucy as a friend. She was a poor enough consolation prize as it was. I wasn’t aware you’d had a boyfriend. How would I not know that?”

  “I didn’t have a boyfriend, Bec.” My voice was flat. I wasn’t in the place where I wanted to admit for the second time in two days that I’d been raped. “He was a loser; I was an experiment. He used me.”

  “Why would you trust someone? You knew they were out to hurt you. It was a daily freaking mission, Rads.”

  Hurt and anger built to a roaring inferno. How could she judge me? Even if that was the truth, if I’d had a one-night stand, it wasn’t her place to shame me. But I had to push it down. I wasn’t ready to go there with her.

  “I guess I was a slut for a night.”

  “No, that’s not what I meant. I didn’t mean to insinuate that you were a slut or that you deserved to be left alone with a baby, Radley.”

  “Look,” I said, my voice firm. “I don’t want to get into it. I was going to tell you. I’d planned to. I’m upset it happened like this, yet here we are.” I leaned forward, my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands. “It wasn’t because I didn’t trust you. I wanted you to know, I needed you to know. There are times I need to talk about it. I wanted to be able to come to you when it gets to be too much.”

  “You can come to me,” she said as she raised to her knees and shuffled to the edge of the bed, pulling up alongside me. “I’m sorry I put my own feelings first. It was a shitty thing to do.”

  “What’s going on with you, Becca? What are you hiding?” I turned to look at her. Her face told me that she wasn’t going to be as forthcoming with he
r own secrets.

  “It’s just Mom and Dad, the farm. We owe money, it’s just built to a point where I’m not dealing.”

  “No. It’s not just that. This started when Wyatt got here.”

  “You know he pisses me off with the whole kiddo thing.” She laughed, thinking that was enough to push it aside.

  “When you’re ready, I’ll be here,” I told her. “I’m not gonna force something you’re not ready to tell me.”

  A single tear fell, and she did nothing to hide it. She didn’t wipe it away. She didn’t make an excuse for it. She just told me there was nothing to tell. She stood, gave me a hug, and told me she loved me before she turned and left, saying she’d see me at school in the morning.

  “You’re not coming with me?” I asked.

  “Umm, no, I have to get to the library. I’ll just catch a ride on the big yellow bird.” She smiled, but it didn’t meet her eyes. “I’m sorry about today, about forcing you into telling me that way. Can you forgive me?” she asked, her voice small, unsure.

  “Of course, I forgive you. You’re my best, Becca.” I smiled. “Even when you’re an insensitive asshole, I’ll still manage to love you.”

  I let her off the hook and told her I’d see her at school. Everything felt like it was changing, a storm on the horizon. I felt unease settle around me. I’d felt like this for days, but I pushed it aside, resolute to concentrate on the one thing I knew.

  Meekai. I knew Meekai, and that was all I needed to know.

  22

  Radley

  The day had been spent on autopilot. All I could think about was the call.

  Meekai walked around smug all day, couldn’t wipe the knowing smirk of his pretty face. Asshat! He made sure he touched me twice as much, stared twice as hard, and left me with a kiss in the school parking lot that was so hot and thorough I could still taste him.

  It was ten minutes to eleven, and I laid under the covers in only my bra and panties. I couldn’t bring myself to get completely naked. I knew Meekai wouldn’t demand to see me, no matter how much he’d want to. I knew it was more about knowing that he could, if I chose to show him. He was giving me choices. I could’ve said no to this and he wouldn’t have pushed it. That was the thing with Meekai; I always knew that no was an option and no was perfectly okay. He’d prefer to earn any yes I gave him.

  I’d already admitted that I had never really touched myself and, unlike most teenagers, I’d never looked up porn on the plethora of free websites. I fell into hate with myself at an early age. I felt dirty and desperate anytime curiosity spiked. Nobody wanted to touch me, so why would I touch myself? It was almost like self-imposed punishment. Me, myself and I had quite the attitude towards us.

  I felt so sad for that girl, for all the things she believed, maybe still believed a little. But I was trying to change the negativity and challenge it. So much so that it was a few minutes to eleven, and I was about to masturbate over FaceTime with my boyfriend. A boyfriend of a few days, someone I’d only met just over three weeks before.

  “This is so demented,” I muttered to myself.

  My phone vibrated in my hand and a woosh of dizziness hit. I’d set it to vibrate about ten minutes before, realizing that Gamma and Wyatt didn’t need to hear the faint warble of Adam Levine float through the walls only to come and investigate. I had a lock on my door, a lock I’d flicked back and forth and tested for a good couple of minutes, just to make sure that no one could walk in unannounced, seeing and hearing only God knew what.

  The lights were off, and everything was dark, but for the light of the moon that peeked through the ensuite bathroom window. What was I even doing? Other than that one time with the shower head, which I was alone for and failed at, I’d never got off in the presence of myself, let alone with Meekai Lannister on the other end of a video call.

  I hit answer with a dramatic exhale as my heart packed its bags and left. I was confident it was over the consistent abuse that I put it through. There was only so many times a day a heart could be thrashed with an unbalanced, teenage psyche.

  Once I was connected, I was met with a very illuminated Meekai. He was bare chested and glorious, wearing a smile and little else. I, on the other hand, was in the dark, the moon my faint spotlight.

  “Are you wearing pants?” I whisper-yelled, paranoid I was going to be heard. Gamma and Wyatt’s rooms were conveniently downstairs, but you could never be too careful. Shit. Had my heart really packed its bags? My body fell into a panicked state of realization.

  I. Did. Not. Know. What. I. Was. Doing!

  “Well, hello to you too, Violet. A little wound up? Anticipation got your imagination firing off in all fifty shades of weird?”

  “Answer my question. Are you wearing pants?”

  “Considering I told you to answer the call naked, it would be hypocritical not to turn up in the same state of naked, baby. Oh, and don’t forget you promised to show me the shade of weird that will be wrapped around my cock when you make me come.”

  I felt my whole-body heat, my hormonally overworked senses remembering what I’d said to him yesterday. It was all fun and games until you had to deliver on promises you made while under the influence of Meekai’s fingers. Fucking traitorous nipples!

  “You are naked, aren’t you, Violet?”

  “No,” I gingerly admitted. “I’m in my bra and panties.”

  He threw his head back, a rough and low groan that I could feel through the phone buzzed beneath my hand. “Baby, you can’t do that.”

  “Do what? Say bra and panties? You can be so overly sensitive, drama queen.”

  “Violet, bra and panties are trigger words. I thought you naked would be my undoing, but the only thought I have now? What it would feel like to settle between your legs, to see your hands thrown back, pushed against the headboard, ever so slightly raising your hips, demanding that I remove those panties.”

  I watched as he moved away from the headboard and shimmied down the bed to drop onto his back. He placed a tattooed and bulging bicep under his head and looked straight down the barrel of the camera.

  “I’m getting close to rock hard, baby, just imagining your flushed face looking down the length of your body, watching as I gently glide my fingers through your soft, wet, folds for the first time. I can almost hear you whimper, baby. Fuck . . .” he hissed.

  My lower stomach jerked in reaction, the way he drew out fuck, so slow and unfiltered, I loved it. I wanted to hear it again. A rush of tingles floated through my center, a gentle throb stirring between my legs, slick with desire.

  My fingers gently ran over my collarbone, inching down, down, down. The sound of Meekai’s rapid breaths had my nipples peak and harden in reply. It was so easy.

  I took in his achingly beautiful face and watched it morph and change. I swore I was ready to throw caution to the wind and throw on my bedside lamp, throw every inhibition out the window and refuse to come up for air until I was satisfied and free from the memory of him. I was shocked that I felt I could give in so quickly. I was shocked that my body reacted so easily.

  “Of course you’d react. I always knew you had a thing for me, Boo. The way you’d stare at me. You’re a desperate little slut, aren’t you? Only sluts fall so fucking fast . . .”

  He’s not him. He’s not him. He. Is. Not. Him!

  I took in a rush of air and dropped the phone on my chest, searching for a way to shake the thought, to shake the feeling. To be present with Meekai.

  “Violet? I’m here. It’s just me. It’s just us. He’s not here. This is ours. He has no place here. You’re safe, baby. I need you to hear me. Listen to my voice. Take slow, deep breaths.” I heard a scuffle through the phone. I heard him begin to point the finger at himself before he even spoke. “I should’ve known this was too much. Fuck, I’m so sorry, baby. All I do is push, thinking I’m some sort of fucking psychologist. This was way too soon . . .”

  “No!” I gasped, mad at myself. “It’s time, Meekai. I need
you to help me. This was never going to be easy, but there’s this feeling that I can’t explain. I see him, hear him, I know that’s not what you wanna hear,” I rushed out. “But it’s the truth. Yet in spite of that, I see you, I hear you. You make me feel. I feel you. The memory of him is here a little bit, yeah, but I want this. I want this, Meekai. Don’t back away because you can hear the fear he left behind. Please, please don’t,” I begged, my throat dry with panic as I felt him slip away. “Don’t make me a victim when I’m trying to give myself to you as a lover. I see you. Amongst it all, it comes back to one place. You. Make me feel everything, Meekai, because you’re the only one who can.”

  It was silent for a long while before he spoke again, no doubt going over what I’d said and how he felt.

  He looked directly into the phone, eyes dark. “Remove your panties. Take off your bra.”

  And I did. A determined thrum vibrated through my body, a feeling that resembled freedom.

  “They’re gone,” I whispered.

  “Lie back.” There was no humor in his voice. It had disappeared. All that reverberated back was intense need. “Everything that happens between us, right here, right now, everything you feel as you touch yourself, that’s my hand. Every moan, it’s mine. Everything I feel as I touch myself, that’s your hand. Every groan from my mouth, is yours. There is no place for fear, Radley.”

  My name, Radley. He always seemed to use it when he needed me to truly hear him. It was a statement, sometimes a warning, other times a clear need for me to take him seriously.

  “I’m not scared.”

  And I wasn’t. Fear ran away the moment he took control. Hearing him like that did something to me. This wasn’t a joke to him, this was more than bringing me to orgasm, more than just getting me off for his own benefit. My freedom was what this was about. My freedom meant as much to him as it meant to me.

  “Good,” he said with a relieved sigh. “Spread your legs and place your feet flat on the bed.” I threw back the covers, removing all barriers and did as he asked.