by Jared Stone
Panhavant’s face grew serious as he tilted his head to the side, and Lucian was overwhelmed by the acute sensation that he had missed something. Gus just shook his head beside Lucian. Turning to the boy, he explained, “No, no, Lucian. He didn’t mean the tea was for you; he meant the tea is you.” With a motioning of his hand toward the filled cup, Gus elaborated. “Just like this overflowing teacup, you come already full of your own preconceived notions and perspectives, and this’ll ultimately prevent you from fully absorbing the teachings. In order to become a proper vessel for instruction, you have to cast out all that you think you know. Forget what you’ve learned. Only then will you actually be able to open your mind and gain true understanding.”
Lucian stared at Gus for a moment, amazed by the sudden, profound wisdom explained so eloquently by his otherwise simple new companion. He felt positively stupid and slightly belittled by Gus’ clear understanding of what was said.
“Oh…,” Lucian responded thoughtfully, glancing down at the moist earth in front of him. Then he felt Gus’ hand on his shoulder.
“It’s fine,” Gus said comfortingly. “There’s a lot for you to learn, but we’re only here to help you!” He smiled at Lucian reassuringly.
Lucian felt at least partially comforted. After tea was poured normally into the other two cups, the three of them sat in silence for a few minutes, sipping the fragrant liquid. Lucian enjoyed sitting under this tree calmly and breathing in the fresh autumn air. As people walked and ran around them, it seemed peculiar to Lucian that no one glanced their way, for he imagined that this odd grouping of men would attract some attention. Before he had the chance to speculate further, however, Gus spoke up.
“So, Lucian,” he began. “About these powers of yours from this morning….”
Lucian stopped looking around him to instead focus on Gus, for this was truly why he had agreed to come on this fanciful outing in the first place.
“That was a manifestation of your spirit energy, or ‘Qi,’” Gus continued. “Every being has qi to some extent, as it is the energy that pervades all things, animate and inanimate alike. Yet, some beings have a greater accumulation of this energy than others, and, with enough understanding and practice, many have learned to use this qi for various purposes.”
At this, Gus paused and took another sip of his tea. “Most beings’ qi manifests itself in countless ways, giving different individuals varying abilities. Much like personalities, each being’s unique qi differs from the qi of others because of a variety of factors: heredity, experiences, environment, understanding, mastery, and many other variables which even I can’t fully comprehend. What has become apparent, however, is that you possess particularly potent spirit energy, and, with enough training and under-standing, you could do some great things.”
Lucian couldn’t suppress a smile at the last sentence of what Gus had just said; it just sounded so cool…, yet completely unbelievable, too. “But why was I able to use this energy when that guy attacked me? I haven’t had any training or understanding at all. I didn’t even know I had this qi til you just told me!”
“Qi can be generated in all sorts of different ways,” responded Gus. “My guess is that, at the moment of the attack, your mind immediately emptied and you were fully in the present. It was like a form of meditation, or a state of satori: seeing into your true nature. In such a moment, one is able to utilize qi, even if only subconsciously.”
Lucian pondered over this for a while. It all seemed too good to be true; though he also could not yet formulate another explanation for the events of that morning. He figured he might as well go along with all of it and see where it took him….
“So…, you and Panhavant,” Lucian began again, looking up at the little sage as he sat there listening and rocking back and forth, his elongated earlobes swinging with him like pendulums counting time, “you go around and fight bad guys with your qi?”
“Haha,” laughed Gus heartily. “Something like that. You see, there’s a necessary balance to the universe. You’ve probably heard of yin and yang?”
Lucian nodded his head, thinking of the pendant necklaces he had seen on some of his classmates when he was younger – when they thought they were really cool and enlightened.
“Well, that’s the Daoist representation of this principle,” said Gus. “The universe needs to exist in a state of balance to properly follow the natural Way. There are those who try to upset this balance, destroying life in the process. We Kílánór try to prevent that from happening. Mine’s a very active role; Panhavant’s is more… passive.”
“Okay, so,” said Lucian, trying to fully capture all he was being told. “If I practice and understand well enough, I’ll be a Kílán too someday? And be able to use my powers?”
“It’s not outside the realm of possibility,” said Gus, smiling. “In fact, I’d say it might even be pretty likely. But it takes many, many years to gain proper understanding and realize your full potential. I’ve been around for a few millennia, and even I’m not close to full enlightenment.”
Lucian’s face sank as he heard this. A few millennia was a long time to wait.
“Wait, are you even human!? How do you live so long, anyway?” he asked Gus. He realized that he should have delved deeper into this topic when he had first met the Kílán, but the opportunity hadn’t adequately presented itself until this moment.
“Well, with true understanding and the mastery of qi come certain abilities,” replied Gus. “Some of us never grow old, some can live off the life force of others, some resurrect, others are reincarnated as many times as it takes to achieve enlightenment. Truthfully, every spirit must travel its own path, and each individual will have his or her own personal relationship with death and the passing of energies into a new form.”
“So, this demon character…,” Lucian inquired. “Is he kind of like you guys, too?”
“In some ways, yes,” said Gus. “But demons like Zagan have clung to a wrong understanding. Their power is driven by desire, anger, and ignorance of the true nature of reality. In this way, their existence results in disorder, and, as the universe becomes more and more chaotic, balance and harmony are threatened. Zagan’s particular motivation seems to be vengeance for some ancient vendetta, though one can never be certain with demons.”
Lucian found himself still amazed by the articulate nature of Gus’ discourse. It seemed as if a profound change had occurred in the Kílán upon discussing these important matters, and a sagely wisdom seem-ed to be buried deep within him after all. Whatever his secret, it was all so much for Lucian to wrap his mind around that he started to feel confused and weary. “Okay, last question,” he said exhaustedly. “How would someone know the difference between right understanding and wrong understanding?”
“Like gold in the marketplace!” Panhavant chimed in suddenly, raising one finger with his assertion.
“Hahaha, exactly!” added Gus excitedly. Seeing the perplexed look upon Lucian’s face, however, Gus determined that he ought to continue. “See, just like someone would approach buying gold in a market-place, you should never take ‘truth’ at face value. You should hear it, inspect it, and carefully examine all of its qualities. If you accept it as truth, you may ‘buy’ it. If not, you should throw it away.”
After pausing for a moment, Gus then added, “But this’ll only work if you’re calm and empty and have aligned your body, mind, and spirit as one. Only those who have achieved balance and harmony inwardly can accurately assess the validity of truth. Otherwise, you might run the risk of ending up like Zagan.”
Lucian sat there after Gus had finished talking. All he could think to say was, “Wow…, that’s a lot….”
“Hahaha, yeah,” agreed Gus. “I think that’s enough for one day; we’ll cut this meeting short. We should get you back home to mull over some of the things we’ve talked about.”
“Wait,” countered Lucian adamantly, “I’m not even gonna get the chance to train my powers or any-thi
ng!?”
Smiling, Gus simply stated, “Lucian, the first thing you’ll have to practice is patience!”
Lucian hung his head in disappointment. Sulking, he stood up and brushed off his backside with his hands to remove all the grass and dirt that had accumulated there. Gus stood up alongside him, but Panhavant remained in his crouched position calmly drinking his tea.
“Thanks for the tea,” Lucian said down toward the little old man. Panhavant looked up and smiled back at him brightly.
“Panhavant, we’ll come back to see you tomorrow,” said Gus to the tiny sage.
“Is that so?” Panhavant replied, smiling up at them.
With just a grin and a nod, Gus turned away from the enlightened one and put his hand on Lucian’s back, guiding him across the sunlit field toward the transit stop. As they walked, Lucian had one final thing on his mind.
“Gus,” Lucian began. “Where is Panhavant from?”
Gus chuckled at this. “Honestly, nobody knows, because nobody is still around who can remember that far back. Some say he’s been here since the universe was formed. Others claim that he’s a bodhisattva who postponed his passage into nirvana to aid all sentient beings in their journeys toward enlightenment. All I know is that he is very wise and powerful, and you have the opportunity to learn a great deal from him if you’re willing.”
Lucian heard a whole bunch of words he didn’t fully understand in what Gus had just said, but he was too exhausted by this point to inquire further. He simply stayed silent and contemplative for the remainder of the trip back to campus.
6 - Contemplation
Saturday, October 4th
The next morning, Lucian and Gus awoke in much the same manner as the day before. Gus had insisted he stay over again the previous night for Lucian’s safety, but Lucian was starting to get the impression that Gus just enjoyed his company. Whatever the motivation, the boy was more than happy to oblige. The emptiness of the room was cold and unsettling, and Lucian very much preferred to have a stand-in roommate. Also, considering the events of the other morning, he thought it smart to have Gus around for protection as well, though he was unsure to what extent Gus could actually put up a fight.
The night before had been just a bit awkward. Both of them had been too tired to go out to eat after they had gotten back to Lucian’s room, so they ordered in pizza. Gus had been nice enough to pay, though the whole situation had caused Lucian to wonder how exactly Gus made money in the first place. Is he independently wealthy? If so, how? Just from collecting money over so many years? Did he come from a rich family? Does he just have extremely generous friends? Is he, indeed, a thief? No, I don’t think so…. That doesn’t match his personality at all. Lucian continued to mull over these hypotheses throughout the night.
After the pizza had arrived, Gus and Lucian decided it would be fun to rest their minds and watch some TV shows on Lucian’s laptop. They mostly watched comedies, which sounded perfect to Lucian, though Gus had a way of laughing far too heartily at almost everything. After a few shows, Lucian grew tired of hearing Gus howl, so he said he was tired, and both of them went to bed.
As the two men made their way from the dorm to Deer Park via public transportation the next day, the conversation was light and trivial. Gus asked Lucian all types of questions about how his classes were, what they were teaching him, if he had any plans for a major yet, etc. Lucian gave a brief overview of his courses, particularly harping on how difficult Schuntz was and how misguided he seemed to be. Gus just sat silently, listening as Lucian spoke and only occasionally nodding his head while chowing down on a package of beef jerky. When Lucian had finished his rant, Gus added many more specific follow-up questions about Schuntz, and Lucian was touched that Gus would show such an interest in finding out more about his life.
Upon arriving at the park, the two companions once again traversed the grassy field toward the large tree. The weather that day had been overcast when they awoke and remained that way as they boarded the transit line. But, when they reached the park, the clouds began to clear, and sunlight slowly started to fill the world again and make the colors of the park bright and lively. Despite the weather earlier, far more people had come to the park this day than the day before, which was probably to be expected on a Saturday. Lucian found himself dodging running children and bicyclists along paths as Gus and he made their way to the back of the park.
Underneath the arching canopy of leaves, Gus and Lucian stood and waited. Lucian had learned not to ask questions about their plan, so he followed Gus’ lead and stood there silently. Around them, muted sounds of people talking and playing in the park reached their senses, but it was as if these noises came from a faraway land, wholly separate from the little world beneath the tree. The fact that not a single person paid any attention to them standing there only heightened this perception.
“You are here!” exclaimed a joyous voice beside them. The two men turned to face the little old man who stood there, seemingly having appeared out of thin air.
“Yes, Panhavant,” Gus said with a smile, “we’re here.”
Chuckling to himself as if he had just heard a joke, Panhavant hobbled past them toward the trunk of the tree. Lucian noticed how genuinely happy he seemed as he did it, and the boy was almost envious of the old man’s positivity. He could never imagine being that happy all the time; especially if he was homeless and living under a tree in a park…, or wherever it was that Panhavant lived.
The tiny sage took a seat by the massive trunk, fold-ing his legs one over the other in a manner which Lucian had previously imagined impossible for any human. Panhavant sat there looking up at them for a moment in silence before saying, “Sit,” with a big smile.
Gus turned to Lucian. “Panhavant is suggesting that we meditate today,” he said, as if he had interpreted exactly what the little man was trying to say to them. Lucian was perplexed.
“Why meditate?” the boy asked quizzically. “That doesn’t seem like it will help me learn to control my powers at all.”
“Actually…,” Gus rebutted, “meditation is exactly what’ll be needed if you wanna control your energy and achieve your true potential. You see, like I said before, in order for you to call on your qi when you choose, you’ve gotta unite your body, mind, and spirit. Only by emptying your mind will your qi arise from within you; and, to empty your mind, you need to learn how to meditate.”
Lucian was very hesitant to give it a try. Primarily, it seemed like a huge waste of time. But, perhaps more importantly, Lucian had never attempted any meditation before, and he feared that he would be no good at it.
“But…, what if I don’t know how?” the boy asked Gus timidly.
“Haha, don’t worry!” Gus exclaimed jovially. “You will be horrible at it at first!”
Lucian’s face dropped. “Well, that’s comforting…,” he mumbled sarcastically.
“Oh, you’ll be fine,” Gus said, patting Lucian on the back. “Panhavant can sit in meditation forever, and I can sit for a few hours myself. But, for your first time, just take it easy. Sit a bit and try to empty your mind of all thoughts. When you get uncomfortable, stand and stretch your legs. Go take a walk. Then, come back and try again. You really will be wasting your time if you just sit there in pain, unable to do anything but concentrate on how much you want to go elsewhere.”
This sounded like a manageable solution to Lucian. “Okay,” he said. “But can you help me out at first? Like, tell me how to sit and what to do?” Lucian really disliked trying things he didn’t already know how to do, and his apprehension was quite apparent at this moment; more so than he wanted.
“Absolutely,” Gus responded with a friendly grin. Reassured as much as he could be, Lucian walked over to where the tiny sage was folded and sat down on the grass in front of him.
“Okay,” said Gus, taking his place next to Lucian. “To start, you have to be in the correct position for your energies to be properly aligned. Many different traditions do this in
different ways, but Panhavant and I like to sit up straight with our legs crossed and arms resting on our knees. Try it.”
Lucian pushed himself up in order to swing his right leg out and stick his foot beneath his left calf. This forced his left ankle into the bend in his right knee. Lucian remembered sitting like this on the carpet of his kindergarten classes, and he had always hated it. It was very uncomfortable on his legs; perhaps un-naturally so, as he seemed to have greater difficulty doing this than his other classmates. This was most likely due to his superior height throughout his life.
“Pretty uncomfortable,” he said as he looked at Gus and fidgeted around to try and find a more tolerable position.
Gus smiled back. “Yeah, it will be at first,” he said gently. “But don’t worry; the more you do it, the easier it becomes.”
Lucian hoped that the Kílán was correct, because, for now, he couldn’t imagine staying in this horrible contortion for more than a few minutes. However, he figured he would simply try his best to become accustomed to it. It would be worth it if he managed to call upon his energy again.
“Alright,” began Gus after Lucian had settled down. “The goal of this sitting meditation is to empty your mind completely. Dispel thoughts of your past, and disregard notions of the future. Exist solely in the present. That’s how Panhavant lives at all times.” As he said this, Gus motioned over to the sage, who had been sitting and staring at the two of them with a big crooked grin on his wrinkled face.
Mulling this over for a second, Lucian found that he couldn’t imagine not thinking about the past or the future. He had never given it much consideration at all, but it suddenly became apparent to him that the majority of everything he thought or said was based on something that had happened or something that would happen soon. As he continued to think about this, something else came to his mind.