Tag Forever Mine

by Catherine Charles

  “Glad you could make it son. However, I was not expecting such a grand entrance.”

  “Yea. Is Pres—I mean Donovan—is she here? I got a note saying someone was waiting for me.”

  With his hand on my shoulder he leads me to the pitcher’s mound. “Robert, meet Kevin.”

  A lanky, red headed, freckled, glasses wearing kid sticks his hand out to me, “Nice to meet you sir.”

  I look over at Coach before I offer a shake back, “Just call me Robert.”

  “Kevin here, needs some help with his pitching. Donovan set it up so you guys will work together every day over the next couple of weeks.”

  I look to Coach in shock, “Wait, what?”

  “Didn’t she tell you? It’s part of our mentor program she’s set up. It’s an amazing program and the students get so much out of it.”

  It shouldn’t surprise me that Presley would do something like this, she was always an incredibly giving and generous person, but for some reason it does. Maybe after my week of planned torture, I just wasn’t expecting something so selfless from her. “She did that? Wow. I, um, I had no idea.”

  Coach pats my shoulder with a quick nod, “Well I’ll let you two get started.”

  Coach leaves us alone for a solid two hours as I watch Kevin throw a few pitches and take note of where his skill level is at. The kid’s got talent that for sure, but he needs to be finessed. I guess that’s where I come in. We work on his stance, and accuracy with a curve ball and by the end of practice I find I’m actually smiling and laughing with the kid. I haven’t had fun on the mound in years. I was becoming robotic and predictable, but this, helping a tiny freshman out, I felt as if my life had purpose once again.

  We say goodbye and I promise to see him tomorrow, a promise I know I’ll be keeping. I recall the promises I’ve made to others before, the ones I broke, the ones specifically linked to Presley. Coach’s firm hand to my shoulder halts my haunted trip down memory lane.

  “So I take it you haven’t found her yet?”

  “This a common thing?”

  “Yea, but usually it doesn’t take this long. Come on. Come sit.”

  As we near the bleachers I pull her note from my back pocket and wave it triumphantly in the air.

  “What’s that?”

  “She messed up. Now I know where to find her.”

  He shakes his head in utter defeat. Elbows resting on his knees with his head in his hands, looking back at me. “Son, you’re stupid. You didn’t find her. She basically drew a map and told you where she was you idiot.”

  He looks back at the field and my heart dips low in my chest. She outmaneuvered me. Coach was right and I was just too dumb to see it.

  “Just a word of warning son, you may not like what you see when you get there.”

  I had this nagging, achy feeling that he was right. This unsettled uneasiness about the situation I was about to venture into, but that couldn’t be right. I was the smart one. Wasn’t I? I waited until she was ready to come to me. I look at the folded square of paper and shove it back into my jean pocket before getting up. “Well, guess I’ll be going. See you tomorrow Coach.”

  His eyes never reach mine. He pulls out his phone and presses a number on his speed dial as I walk away.

  I’ll show them. I knew how to play this game. As I make my way into town, feeling slightly ridiculous riding a horse down main street, I finally stop in front of the hotel Presley was staying in and dismount, tying the reigns to a nearby bike rack and make my way inside.

  She isn’t hidden, and my nerves of steel quickly faulter. She’s sitting at the bar watching major league baseball, beer in hand, she takes a long pull of the bottle as if she can almost sense my presence. I stroll up behind her and in my most seductive yet hate-filled tone whisper in her ear, “Tag.”

  Her silence is deafening, never once taking her eyes off the television, never flinching as my hot breath dances across the nape of her neck. What once pulled goosebumps, now goes unacknowledged. I take a seat next to her and the bartender immediately serves me a beer without my asking. Something tells me she did this.

  “So the name; care to explain it?” She sits there in silence causing me to wonder if I’ll ever hear her voice again. Tension fills the bar and a heavy uneasiness fills the air. Other patrons leave the area proving to me that I’m not the only one that can feel the weight between us.

  “Everyone calls each other by their last name. Do you honestly think I would have been given the time of day if I went by Presley?”

  I don’t know how to respond, but this is proof that she’s worked her perfectly sculpted ass off to get to where she is today. “The answer is no, in case you were wondering.”

  I take a drink, “Okay. So West?”

  Once again silence speaks louder than any word. I watch as she blinks back the moisture that has settled on the rim of her eyes, commanding them not to fall.

  “I hoped, that just once, I’d be important enough to find.” Her eyes burn permanent holes into my soul. Her glance was no longer than a millisecond, but it was one of those looks that will stay with you until the day you die. She takes a final sip of her beer and I watch as she heads out the hotel door.

  I can't chase her. Even if I wanted to, I was glued to the red leather bar stool. Cemented in place by her words as I take everything in, kicking myself for wanting to go after her, but waiting for her apology for treating me like crap. She was the one that walked out on me. She gave up on me. We had it all and then we had nothing. There’s no way after all this time I could be wrong.

  Chapter Twenty-one

  I came home from the hotel to find my door unlocked and the battery put back in my car. Presley’s bedroom door was closed with the sounds of a muffled television on behind it. I was drawn to her. Standing just inches away I listened to a sports broadcaster announcing the major plays of today’s games. She was on the phone with someone; it sounded professional. I wanted to see her. To look into her eyes and find the truth I knew was there. If she wanted me at all though, she could come to me, we were at least sleeping in the same house and that felt like comfort to me.

  The next few days were quiet. The same old monotonous routine, shovel shit, clean a barn, and pitching practice with Kevin. I looked forward to lunch when a sandwich would appear, made by Presley no doubt. Just the idea of her now caused my heart to skip a beat, and my lips to involuntarily turn upwards, but then I would be dealt a crushing blow, “Just once, I’d be important enough to find.” Her parting words on repeat in my mind.

  I went to her dorm once and she was already gone. I never tried to find her after that. I never called her. I never sent flowers. I never chased after her. I didn’t see her until Liv tricked her into working with me.

  In high school she was the one that unknowingly found me. She always knew where I was in Arizona, and even now, she practically sat in the open after drawing me a map to find her, giant red X and everything.

  This past week I sat on my butt like an entitled, arrogant ass waiting on her. I did nothing for her. No attempt to find her. The old me, would have done everything in my power to make up to her, but now I’d hardly recognized the man I’d become since arriving in Arizona. Coach was right when he said I may not like what I find. I was now being forced to face my self-centered ass-of-a-self.

  The one person that should have given up on me, the one person with every reason to give up on me was now sleeping fifty feet away from me. She knew my stats better than I did. She knew what made me tick, she saw my weaknesses, and knew things about me that couldn’t be found on a spreadsheet. She knew what I needed because she had seen every one of my games over the last five years. She watched every play. Studied my every movement. It was time for me to step up to the plate and be the man she remembered. Mrs. D often found solace in the evenings on the back swing with my mother and a bottle of Cabernet. Mom would be here soon, but this was something I didn’t want her chiming in on.

  I found Tina in the
kitchen uncorking tonight’s bottle of wine as I set two wine glasses down on the counter for her. She looks at me suspiciously from the corner of her eye and I hesitate for a moment. “Mrs. D?”

  “Yes Robert?”

  I shift my weight back and forth for a second as her gaze is fixed on me. “I was wondering, well, could you help me out with something? I need to do something for Donovan.” I almost choke on her name, but it’s a name she’s worked hard for.

  She stops mulling about the kitchen and smiles at me.

  “What?” I asked rather confused.

  “I see it’s finally clicked.”

  I nod in agreement back, “Yea. I think it’s beginning to. Doesn’t mean your daughter is still not part she-devil.”

  She lets out a deep belly laugh, quickly covering her mouth at the realization of her loud outburst, “I haven’t heard that one before.”

  I smile at the easiness of our conversation; a feeling of nostalgia encompasses me, and I wonder where we would be if things hadn’t gone so wrong so many years ago. “Can I ask you something?”

  She stops and looks at me.

  “Why does she do it?” Tina’s eyes soften and I feel myself winning her back over. I want to understand her daughter.

  “Oh honey,” she pats my cheek, “you’re gonna have to ask her that yourself.” She wears a beaming smile and for the first time in years I feel as if I’ve done the right thing, said the right thing.

  And I almost believed it myself.

  “Now, what are we doing for my daughter?”

  I tell her what I have planned. She makes a few notes and assures me everything will be ready tomorrow. I draw her a map of a spot I found this past week while out riding and if this doesn’t turn Presley into putty then I don’t know what will.

  Mom comes inside as soon as Tina and I finish going over everything. I chat for a little while with her and then excuse myself into my room for what is hopefully my last night away from Presley.

  * * *

  Morning comes and I’m eager to complete the daily chores Gramps has for me. I check in with Tina who assures me everything has been set up just right and I start my search for Presley who is somewhere on the ranch. She always gives me space, she doesn’t linger about making sure I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing, and with the exception of the sandwiches I find daily I wouldn’t even know she was here.

  I check the cattle barn and call out for her, nothing.

  I take the four-wheeler to the orchard, it’s empty.

  I make my way to the stables and am pleasantly surprised when Kringle runs up to me. He’s never far from her.

  “Hey boy. You know where your momma is?” His tail violently swings back and forth as he bounces around me. Barking with each step he takes closer to the stables. Two steps forward, one step back, always looking over his shoulder to make sure I’m following.

  I push the barn door open and call out to her. “Donovan?” With the exception of a shuffle from the hayloft the barn is quiet. “Donovan?” Again silence. “Kringle told me you were in here so you might as well come out.”

  “That dog is a traitor.”

  I look up to the hayloft and see her making her way to the edge of it. Her eyes are red, and makeup smeared. Her usually perfectly made up face has tear marks streaked down her cheeks and her eyeliner has transformed her into a little raccoon. As if Cupid’s bow has struck me, my heart thumps at the beauty that towers above me. My heart yearns to hold her, to wipe away her tears, to put an end to all the hurt that she has gone through. Today, this second, I want to do everything in my power to assure her things will be better for us.

  “What do you want?” she says through a sob.

  I feel my entire body soften under her words and I feel myself slowly giving in to her. “Come with me please?”

  “Why?”

  “Because I’ve been an ass and I want to make it up to you.”

  She rolls her eyes and wipes her thumb underneath her eyes, only smearing her makeup more, and intensifying my desire to comfort her. “That’s the biggest understatement of the century.”

  “Please. Come with me for an hour and I’ll bring you right back.” So much between us has happened when I beg for one hour. One hour changed the course of our relationship in high school. One hour opened my eyes to the truth at prom, and now one hour was all that sat in between this moment and our future.

  “One hour is all you get.”

  “Thank you.”

  She descends the ladder from the hayloft as I mount my horse, stepping it in front of her path. “Move.”

  Her guard is up as I stretch my hand out to her.

  “Not gonna happen.”

  She hesitates, looking between my hand and my face before sliding her hand in mine, sending a tidal wave of emotion coursing through my veins. Gripping tightly to her, my thumb resting on her rapidly beating pulse point, I pull her up, settling her in front of me. She adjusts herself in the saddle, as I whisper in her ear, “You okay?” Goosebumps rise on her neck under my breath and down her arms as my fingertips drag along her skin to take the reins. “You cold?”

  She shakes her head a little, clearing her throat before squeaking out a “No.”

  I take the reins in one hand while wrapping my arm around her waist, holding her firmly against me. Her head falls slightly back against my shoulder, tilted just the right amount exposing her soft skinned neck to me. I want to kiss her here and now, but I refrain. She deserves the grand gesture, so I let her go untouched.

  Pressing my heels against the horse’s side, he jerks forward, and she settles against me, leaving me feeling complete.

  * * *

  Gram and Liv were right. It wasn’t a question of if I would fall for him again, but when. And the when was right here and now. Or maybe it was the minute I first saw him back on the field in Arizona. The specifics didn’t matter. All that mattered was that my heart, for no good reason, was rushing back to Robert West and no matter how much I tried, I was unable to stop it. The pain he caused me all those years ago was an after-thought, and I felt like an utter fool because of it.

  For five years I had avoided him like the plague. I hoped that if his career washed away that it would help me heal from the pain he had caused me. I was in control now, not him, but as I hid in the rafters of the stables, the harsh reality was that the love of my life was lurking just fifty feet away from my bedroom door.

  I cried as I watched sports center each night. I wanted to be held by him. I wanted to fall asleep against his chest. I wanted to hear whispered ‘I love yous’ as I drifted off to sleep. Each day my heart ached for him as my heart and my head waged war against the suffocating feeling I had towards him. This was why I was cautious when I came home. This is why I never took him on as a client. I knew I would never find another to replace him, and I had just gotten used to the idea that I would one day die alone. Unmarried, no children, I would become a slave to my company, to the players I helped, and I was okay with that.

  I should have known something was up when Liv insisted she could get Robert to Hawaii and less than three hours later, I had a plane ticket sitting in my email. I could kill her for forcing me to deal with this, her and Trey both, and yet as I sat buried behind a pile of hay, in the far back corner of the loft all I wanted was to talk to her.

  Three rings and a bubbly Liv answered the phone. I’ve never hidden from her and I wasn’t about to start now.

  Through broken tears I muster all the strength I can, “Liv, I’m sorry. I can't do this anymore.”

  Expecting the soft and sweet Olivia telling me everything will be okay, I’m stunned when I get drill sergeant Liv, “Don’t you dare quit on me. Daddy needs this. Hell you need this. One job Pres and you’re set for life.”

  “I don’t care about the money Liv! I’ve been a complete bitch to him hoping it would make me feel better. Hurt him like he hurt me.”

  “But…”

  “But I just ended up getting h
urt even more. He never even looked for me. He didn’t even try. It’s too late and my heart is too broken for this. I’m in physical pain Liv. I can't do this.” My tears stream down my cheeks, landing on my bent-up knees in puddles. I gasp for air after every word. I just want to disappear. I want to wake up from this excruciating nightmare.

  “Sweetie, you can’t treat him like some random player.”

  “I’m not Liv! I’m treating him way worse and it only makes it that much harder on me.”

  “Honey,” her voice softens, and I brace myself for a full-on ugly cry, “What do you really want?”

  “I just want him. And I know you’re going to tell me it’s stupid. You’re going to remind me of what I went through. I don’t need reminding Liv. I feel the sting of his words every time I look at him. I feel rejected and abandoned. Abused and, and, and I still want him like a stupid fool.”

  “Sweetie you’re not stupid, and you’re not a fool. I can’t even begin to imagine what you’re going through. You and Robert, you’re tethered to one another. You breathe and exist because of the other. He exists because you pushed him, you supported him, and you exist because he hurt you; that hurt fueled your business and it pushed you to become this kick ass woman.”

  “So you don’t think I’m stupid?”

  “Not one tiny bit Presley. You are an amazing woman who’s just been dealt a shitty hand at the moment. If I could take all this pain away from you sweetie you know I would, but it’s not my burden to bear. All I can do is listen to you and support you, wrap you in a giant hug and when you’re ready for it, drink with you.”

  I laugh a little and attempt to dry my eyes.

  “Has he apologized for anything yet?”

  “No. We haven’t even talked about it.” I hear Kringle barking incessantly outside the barn and then a light masculine voice.