In Bed with the Rancher

by Sara Orwig

  Her heart beat faster. She was hoping she didn’t have to do this tonight, when he was so anxious about his father, but it couldn’t go on. She had to say goodbye. “Yes, I will,” she said, hurting for him, and for herself, knowing what was ahead.

  “Good. How’s seven?”

  “Seven is fine. Want me to meet you so you’re free to go if you need to get back to the hospital?”

  “No, he’s doing well. I feel much better about him. I’ll pick you up at seven and I can’t wait.”

  “I can’t, either,” she said, though she could barely get her breath, her throat had tightened with so much emotion. If she was like this now, how would she get through tonight when she was with Wade?

  “I’ll see you then,” he said. “Make it six thirty. That way we’ll be through dinner sooner and we can go back to my condo if Dad is doing okay.”

  “That’s fine,” she said, hurting and wanting to be with him and have his strong arms around her.

  “See you then,” he said, adding a goodbye and he was gone.

  After tonight he would be out of her life. She put her head in her hands and cried because that thought hurt so much. And that’s when she realized that her biggest fear had come true. She had fallen in love with Wade, sooner than she had thought she would, more deeply than she had dreamed possible.

  And tonight she had to say goodbye.

  * * *

  At six thirty that night, after she’d dressed for dinner in a red sweater and brown skirt, she wished she hadn’t pulled her long, blond hair off her face in a low clip. Her heart hurt and knew the pain would just worsen when she saw Wade. How could she be this deeply in love with him in such a short time? She knew the answer to her own question. He was wonderful in so many ways. When his car came up the drive, she went to open the door.

  He came up the porch steps two at a time and crossed the porch in long strides.

  He wore jeans, another blue denim shirt and his boots. She opened the door and his gaze drifted slowly over her. “Whoa, look at you. You look better than any dinner possibly could,” he said, stepping in and closing her door behind him. “It’s been a hell of a day, but it’s better now,” he said, slipping his arms around her waist and leaning down to kiss her as he drew her into his embrace.

  Her heart thudded and she forgot dinner and her resolution to tell him goodbye. She forgot everything except his mouth on hers and his arms around her and his hard, muscled body pressed against her.

  She didn’t know how long they kissed, but he picked her up and asked where the bedroom was and she pointed as she pulled his head down to kiss him.

  He carried her to her bedroom and for the next hour he made love to her. Afterward, they lay in each other’s arms as he lightly ran his hand through her hair, letting the locks slip and fall.

  “You’re so beautiful, Ava. I couldn’t wait to be with you again, and dinner seemed insignificant, but if you’ll throw on the same sexy outfit, I’ll take you out to feed you.”

  “If you want something simple, I have burgers in the freezer. I can put them on the grill and we can eat here.”

  “Fine with me,” he said as his arm tightened around her and he kissed her.

  Soon they showered and dressed again.

  “I’ll get the grill and cook the patties if you want to do the other stuff,” he offered.

  “Sure,” she said, taking him to her kitchen.

  “Your house is nice,” he said, glancing around a roomy kitchen with large windows that in the daytime would allow a lot of light on the yellow-and-white decor.

  She showed him the grill on the patio that was under the limbs of big oaks. Through dinner she had no appetite for, they talked about his dad and the new rodeo arena being built.

  “They’ll have a big celebration when they have the grand opening next year. I’d like you to go with me.”

  She smiled at him, though his invitation brought her nothing but pain. “That’s way too far in the future.”

  “So that’s a no.” It wasn’t a question.

  “It’s a ‘that’s too far in the future,’” she said. Trying to defer further questions, she diverted his attention from the invitation. “Will you perform in the rodeo?”

  “No, I won’t. I haven’t competed in a rodeo for several years. But I like to watch them.” He looked down at her plate. “You’re not eating. Is something wrong?”

  She knew this was the time to tell him. “Let’s go inside to talk. I’ll get these dishes later.”

  “I can help right now and we’ll be through in no time,” he said, carrying their dishes to the sink.

  She caught his wrist. “C’mon. Let’s talk.”

  They walked into her family room, a room with lots of big windows that let in the east light and gave a view of her flowerbeds filled with roses that still bloomed.

  She sat on the sofa and he sat facing her. “What’s the problem, Ava?”

  She hoped she could get through this without getting emotional. “Wade, it’s been wonderful with you. I’ve enjoyed every minute. But this is one of those good things that has to come to an end. I don’t want to get hurt again and this time I think I might get hurt worse than I did by my ex-fiancé.”

  “This is because of my views of marriage and children, isn’t it?” he asked, looking intently at her.

  “Yes, it is. You don’t want marriage and you don’t ever want kids. You’re very firm about that.”

  “Yes, I am. I blame Wynn for Dad’s heart problems. He’s worried our dad to pieces.”

  “I imagine you feel more strongly about it after today and your dad being in the hospital for his heart.”

  “As a matter of fact, yes, I do,” he said, looking somber.

  “On the other hand, I want to marry and I want kids. I think I need to say goodbye and get out of your life now before I’m hopelessly in love with you and have to say these words and hurt way more. This isn’t something where we can reach an easy compromise.”

  “No, it sure as hell is not.” They gazed at each other in silence for minutes and she hurt more than she had thought she would. She stood to move away from him and his dark eyes that seemed to look right through her. She fought back tears and waited to talk until she could get her emotions under control.

  She turned to face him. “I think we need to stop seeing each other completely. I can’t take intimacy lightly. I’ve said what I need to say and tonight has to be goodbye.” Clenching her teeth, she fought back tears.

  He stood looking at her and after a moment he nodded. “I don’t want to tell you goodbye, but I don’t want to hurt you, either. I didn’t want to hurt you this much.”

  “You let me know how you felt. I went out with you, anyway, so that’s on me.”

  He said nothing for a moment, his eyes downcast, then slowly nodded his head. “I don’t like it and I don’t want to say goodbye, but I understand.” His eyes met hers and she saw the anguish there that matched her own.

  She watched as he turned to walk to the front door. Struggling more than ever to hold back tears, she went to the door right behind him. He opened the door, then turned to face her and he frowned.

  “You’ve been wonderful and I’ve hurt you. I never wanted to do that.”

  “I know you didn’t,” she said. “It’s no one’s fault, Wade. We’re just poles apart in our views of love and marriage and kids.”

  “We damn sure are, so this is best,” he said gruffly. A muscle worked in his jaw and he looked tense. “You’ve seen my brother in action, so I hope you can understand where I’m coming from.”

  “Wade, I’ll never understand. Family is the best part of life—love of a spouse, children, relatives. That’s what I want with all my heart and I can’t imagine deliberately cutting yourself out of a lifetime of joy just because of escapades by your twin. If you married, you’re d
ifferent from your dad. The woman you marry will be different from your mom. Any kids you have will have different influences in their lives. I know he’s given your dad, your siblings and you grief, but that doesn’t mean any child you would have would ever be like your twin.” She looked away, clenching her fists because he’d made this a protracted goodbye and she couldn’t hold back her tears. They spilled down her cheeks.

  “Dammit, I’ve made you cry and that I never wanted to do.” He reached out and cupped her face, wiping her tears with his thumbs. “I wish this wasn’t goodbye, but you’re a beautiful, sexy, smart woman and I know you’ll get over me.”

  Would she? Right now she doubted it. He was a good man, accomplished, caring, so handsome and sexy. She knew now she should have walked away sooner before she got hurt. Before she fell in love.

  Once again, she tried to get a grip on her emotions. She shouldn’t be feeling emotional over him. There had never been a declaration of love. They hadn’t even known each other well enough or long enough to be deeply in love. She had to wipe away her tears and stand strong.

  He tilted her face and looked at her. “I don’t want it to be, but I guess this is goodbye,” he said gruffly. He ran his fingers lightly on her cheek and lifted locks of her long hair away from her face. “You’ve been special,” he said. “If you change your mind about the ranch or going out with me or just want to talk, you know how to reach me.”

  “I know.” She brushed a kiss on his cheek and was going to turn and step away.

  Instead his arm circled her waist and he held her tightly against him, putting his other arm around her and leaning over her, and he kissed her hard. A possessive, hot kiss that she knew she would remember forever. She shook in his arms and then she lost awareness of everything except his kiss, his mouth and tongue, his arms around her holding her tightly. While her heart pounded, she forgot all their problems because she was lost in the sexiest kiss of her life.

  Finally he released her, both of them gasping for breath as they stared at each other.

  “I’ll never forget you,” he said in a husky voice. Then he turned and went striding to his car.

  She shut the door and stood there, unable to move. Tears streamed down her cheeks, but her silent, oh, so empty house reminded her why she had told him goodbye. She wanted a family man in her life, a man who loved babies and children, who would be a good dad.

  It wasn’t going to be Wade.

  Putting her hands over her face, she cried because she was in love with him. So deeply in love with him. He was an ideal man in so many ways except the two most important things. She couldn’t take life on his terms. He wouldn’t take it on hers. Besides, he wasn’t a man in love.

  She had tried to minimize her feelings for him and what was happening in her life while he stayed at her cabin, but he had been too wonderful for her to guard her heart and resist him.

  She sat in the nearest chair, placing her head in her hands, and let the tears fall freely.

  “I love you, Wade Sterling,” she whispered through her sobs. “I’ll do everything in my power to get over you and forget you. I’m sure you’ll forget me and you don’t have to get over going out with me.”

  The worst part was, despite it all, she wanted to be in his bed, in his arms. She loved him. And she knew she would for the rest of her life.

  Eleven

  As Wade drove away, he hurt. He wanted Ava in his arms tonight. He wanted to make love to her all through the night and he wanted to take her home to his ranch tomorrow and show it all to her.

  His feelings for her astounded him. She had gotten closer to his heart than any other woman he had ever known.

  He still hadn’t changed his mind about marriage and children, and he never would. But that didn’t stop him from missing Ava.

  All he could think about was Ava, holding her, kissing her. Fabulous kisses that set him on fire and made him tremble from head to toe. But he’d never kiss her again. Now he had only one thing he could do. Get over her.

  He realized she was the first woman about whom he’d had to tell himself that. He had always been able to end affairs with his heart intact—Olivia, for instance—and he told himself this wouldn’t really be any different. He wasn’t in love and whatever he felt for Ava, he could get over it. He had to.

  The next day he left for the Bar S Ranch. He’d stayed in town unusually long and now that he looked back on the days in Dallas, he realized part of it was getting back after the storm and seeing his family, but he realized he had stayed in Dallas because Ava was there.

  He couldn’t get her out of his thoughts as easily as he expected, and last night had been long and lonely. All night he’d told himself he’d get over her, that there would be someone else in his life, but right now, he missed her and he was going back to his ranch, where hard work would take his mind off her.

  He drove another pickup he kept in Dallas to replace the one that went into the creek. It had been found and the sheriff called this morning about it. His wallet had been found,too, in the pickup, and they were sending the dried contents back to him. He’d have to get all new cards. The last thing he did before he left Dallas was place a large order of wild Alaskan salmon to be shipped to Gerald and Molly, as well as four cakes from a famous Texas bakery in a small town near Dallas, to show his gratitude. A similar order went to Sheriff Ellison.

  He wished there was a way to show his gratitude to Ava, but their evening at the private dinner club would have to suffice. He wouldn’t be seeing her again.

  Opening the window of the pickup, he let the breeze blow away his memories of her.

  At the ranch he poured himself into working outside. Sometimes he rode with the cowboys. He made repairs in the barn and he built a new dog house for a stray that had either wandered up or been dropped off.

  The weekends were the worst and he tried to do enough physical work that he would go to bed exhausted and sleep would finally overtake him.

  He had some women friends who lived in the ranch area. On a weekend he’d called one of them and she could go out for dinner and a good time.

  Or so he thought.

  The first Saturday night he went out, he just thought about Ava and took his friend home early. At her doorstep she turned to look at him. “I had a fun time tonight, but I don’t think you did. We’ve known each other a long time, Wade. I heard your dad has been in the hospital and I thought he was doing fine. Is that what’s worrying you?”

  “No, Nan,” he said, smiling at the redhead he’d known for years. She was a good friend. “I’ve just had things in my life that didn’t go the way I wanted.”

  She laughed and punched his shoulder lightly, leaning closer to stare at him. “Are you in love with someone who walked out? It had to happen someday, even to you.”

  He laughed. “I don’t think so. I’m not in love and I’m not a marrying man and you know that.”

  “I know that, but your heart might not. It’s hard to feel sorry for you, though, because you’re the one who breaks hearts and you’ve never had a clue what that feels like.”

  He shook his head as he smiled. “Okay, enough on that subject. Sorry if I wasn’t my best tonight.”

  She kissed his cheek. “I never thought I’d see this day come. Buddy, you’re in love and you don’t even know it, or else you don’t want to be. Well, you’ll get over it like we all do. Thanks for tonight. See you around, my friend.” She laughed as she went in her house and shut the door.

  He walked back to his pickup and drove to the ranch. A big furry dog met him when he stepped inside the fence. “Hi, Buster,” he said, scratching the dog’s back. “Want to go down with the cowboys or come in with me?” He held the gate open. The dog sat and looked up at him. Wade jerked his head and walked toward his house, letting the dog in with him.

  The big ranch house was empty, and as he walked through it, Buster his
only companion, he envisioned Ava here. Sitting on the sofa in her skintight jeans and heels, her feminine touches all around the room. He couldn’t stop thinking about her, wondering what she was doing. Was she thinking about him, or seeing some other guy already? He couldn’t count the number of times each week he’d pulled out his phone and had to force himself not to call her.

  He stalked into the kitchen, the noise of his boot heels the only sound in the house. In the cavernous void, he thought he heard the echo of Nan’s remarks. You’re the one who breaks hearts and you’ve never had a clue what that feels like.

  Nan was right about that. He’d always been able to say goodbye. But this time was different. This was the first time in his life he really missed someone. Not only did he hurt, but he also couldn’t concentrate on work, which had never happened to him.

  He’d worked long hours all week, coming in when it got dark and working in the barn or in his office until one or two in the morning. He hadn’t slept well and he had no appetite at all.

  He felt a tightening in his gut. Could Nan be right in her other assertion? Was he in love with Ava?

  That thought shook him to the core.

  “Damn,” he said. He sat in a kitchen chair and scratched Buster’s back, and groaned. How could she have gotten under his skin in such a short time? Especially when their views of life, love and the future were on opposite ends of the spectrum. He raked a hand through his hair and expelled a tight breath. He didn’t know the answer to that, but he knew one thing for sure. If he had fallen in love, he’d get over it soon.

  He pushed back the chair. “Time to work out, Buster. You want to come run on the treadmill? I tried to get her to come visit us, but she wouldn’t. You’d like her and I’ll bet she would like you. Damn, I miss her.”