Cajun Fried Felony

by Jana DeLeon

  Ida Belle stared. “Yep. Just like a Mafia movie.” She looked at me. “You heard anything else from Carter today?”

  “Just a short call to say he was working and he’d get in touch when he could. I think there was a break-in at the medical clinic last night, so he’s got that to deal with on top of the Venus thing.”

  Ida Belle’s phone rang and she pulled it out of her pocket.

  “Hey, Myrtle,” she answered.

  Gertie and I perked up. Carter tried to be careful about Myrtle overhearing things because he knew it traveled straight to Ida Belle, but the walls in the sheriff’s department were thin and the air vents carried sound, and Myrtle had been figuring out ways around Carter for a long time.

  “Uh-huh,” Ida Belle said. “Is that so? Well, that’s interesting. Thanks for the information.”

  “Well?” Gertie asked as Ida Belle slipped the phone back in her pocket.

  “Carter is bringing Percy in for official questioning,” Ida Belle said.

  “So the ME declared it a murder?” I asked.

  “Myrtle doesn’t know for sure,” Ida Belle said.

  “But if he’s bringing Percy in for questioning…” Gertie said.

  “Regardless of how she died, someone tried to hide the body,” Ida Belle said. “That’s still a crime. Venus was known to use drugs. She could have OD’d and someone found her and panicked. Decided to hide the body instead of deal with the cops.”

  “Surely Percy would have called the cops,” I said. “He doesn’t have anything like that to hide, does he?”

  “I don’t even know that Percy drinks,” Gertie said. “I can’t imagine him doing drugs.”

  Ida Belle frowned. “You’re right. If Percy had found Venus that way, he would have called the police.”

  “Which means things just got interesting,” Gertie said, getting excited. “So what are we going to do about it?”

  “Nothing,” Ida Belle said.

  Gertie’s face fell. “Why not?”

  “Because there’s nothing to be done,” I said. “It’s police business. We don’t have a client asking us to poke our nose in and although I’m sure Percy is nice enough, I’m not going to get on Carter’s bad side to try to help him out. Besides, getting an official statement from the person who Venus lived with sounds like protocol to me.”

  “You guys are no fun,” Gertie said. “Hey, I’ve got an idea. I can hire you.”

  “And what would be the basis for acquiring my services?” I asked.

  “Because if we had a case, Ida Belle probably wouldn’t be so grumpy,” Gertie said.

  “While making sure your best friend is satisfied with all avenues of her life is a noble goal,” I said, “I don’t think Carter will buy it.”

  “I’m not grumpy,” Ida Belle said.

  “Did you hear your tone when you said that?” Gertie asked. “And look at your expression. Looks like you’ve been sucking on a lemon.”

  “Maybe my feet hurt,” Ida Belle said. “Or maybe my underwear’s too tight. Or maybe I was hoping we could get through one holiday in peace and quiet before things went south again. Things in this town are starting to worry me.”

  She rose from her chair and headed for the house. “I’m getting a refill. Yell if you want one.”

  Both Gertie and I glanced back to watch her walk away, but neither of us yelled for refills. When I heard the back door bang shut, I looked over at Gertie.

  “What’s up with her?” I asked. “You’ve known her since the crib. If anyone’s going to know, you will.”

  Gertie frowned. “But I don’t, and that concerns me. I agree with you that something’s up, but she’s not talking and I haven’t overheard anything. I did see her talking to Walter on the sidewalk the other day. Things looked a bit tense.”

  “Any idea why?”

  “The last time Ida Belle got really peeved at Walter was when he asked her to marry him again.”

  “When was that?”

  “A couple years ago. He usually makes a run at it every two to three years. I wish she’d just say yes to the poor man. He’s got to be miserable on some level, pining over her all these years.”

  “I think she’s afraid marrying him would make him even more miserable.”

  “I know what she thinks,” Gertie said, rather forcefully. She looked over at me and sighed. “She’s never come out and said it, but I know she thinks her choices would send Walter into an early heart attack. Or worse, that if she made things legal, he’d think that meant he had a say in those choices.”

  I nodded.

  When I was deliberating whether or not I could have a future with Carter, Ida Belle had confided in me her reasons and they pretty much matched what Gertie had surmised. I didn’t necessarily agree with Ida Belle’s beliefs in how things would go, but it wasn’t my place to try to push a grown woman into doing something she was dead set against. Especially something as personal as marriage.

  “Mind you,” Gertie said, “I don’t agree with her line of thinking. If Walter doesn’t know by now that can’t no one tell Ida Belle a single thing, he’s the dumbest man in Sinful. And I happen to think Walter’s pretty sharp. He just doesn’t like to let on how much he knows.”

  “Yeah. But if Ida Belle is convinced, I don’t think there’s anything that’s going to change her mind.”

  “Got that right,” Gertie said. “Lord knows, I’ve spent more hours than I should have fighting that battle. Faith might be able to move mountains, but it’s not shifting that woman’s mind.”

  “Well, how long does it take her to get unpeeved when Walter’s asked her before?”

  “Couple days. A week or two. It varies. Maybe depending on how hard it is for her to say no. It seems it’s getting harder as we’ve gotten older. Been worse since we’ve put a couple of friends in the grave. That’s kinda why I was hoping we’d have a case to work on. I thought it might redirect her.”

  “Ha. You want a case to work on because you can’t stand not being in the thick of things.”

  Gertie grinned. “And that. You know me too well.”

  “I’m getting there. But I’m afraid I can’t come up with a viable reason to stick our necks out on this one. You’re going to have to make do with an official police investigation and the local gossip train.”

  Gertie sighed. “Maybe Thanksgiving will perk her up. She really enjoys frying a turkey.”

  “I’m really looking forward to eating that turkey. I’ve never had it fried before.”

  “Once you do, you’ll never want a baked one again.”

  The back door banged again and several seconds later, Ida Belle plopped back down in her chair. She stared at the bayou, completely silent.

  “Walter asked me to marry him again,” she said finally.

  Gertie gave me a knowing look. Bingo. She’d called that one correctly.

  “I’ll bake him a chocolate cake,” Gertie said. “It’s his favorite. Might take some of the sting out of the rejection.”

  Ida Belle looked over at us. “I didn’t say no.”

  Chapter Six

  I hadn’t even had time to recover from Ida Belle’s bombshell statement when Deputy Breaux called out to us. We turned around and saw him walking across the backyard, a worried expression on his face.

  “I’m so sorry, Ms. Hebert,” he said. “But Carter asked me to bring you down to the sheriff’s department.”

  “For what?” Gertie asked. “I haven’t blown anything up in a while, and you can get a search warrant, but you’re not going to find any dynamite at my house.”

  Deputy Breaux looked pained. “It’s not the dynamite, ma’am, although I am relieved to hear you’re currently low on inventory.”

  “Then what is this about?” Ida Belle said.

  “I’m not allowed to talk about an ongoing investigation,” he mumbled, staring at the ground.

  “Ongoing?” Ida Belle asked. “The only thing you’ve got ongoing at the moment is the clinic break-in
and Venus Thibodeaux. Gertie doesn’t do drugs, thank the Lord. I don’t even want to imagine the horror. And surely Carter doesn’t think Gertie hauled that poor girl’s body into that construction site.”

  “I’m not sure what he thinks,” Deputy Breaux said. “He doesn’t give me details, especially when he sends me out to do official business with any of you.”

  “Smart man,” I said.

  Ida Belle rose from her chair. “I guess we’d best go see what this is about.”

  Deputy Breaux’s eyes widened. “I’m only supposed to bring Ms. Hebert in.”

  “You know that’s not going to happen,” Ida Belle said. “Might as well head back to the sheriff’s department. We’re right behind you.”

  Ida Belle strode off for the house. Deputy Breaux looked momentarily confused, but then must have figured that was as good as he was getting. He gave us a nod and headed off.

  “I suppose we have to put on shoes,” I said.

  Gertie sighed. “And a bra. I was really looking forward to keeping my bra off the rest of the day.”

  “So do it. If Carter drags you into the sheriff’s department for some silly crap, why should you care if he has to face you in your ‘afternoon off’ clothes?”

  “What if I have to do a mug shot?”

  “Did you kill Venus?” I asked.

  “Of course not.”

  “Then I think you’re good.”

  “I’m still going to put on my bra. You never know when you might run into a hot man who is in need of an equally hot woman.”

  I stared. “In Sinful? At the sheriff’s department?”

  “You’re right. Maybe just a thicker T-shirt.”

  “I’m wearing flip-flops and I’m not even going to comb my hair.”

  “Are you going to put on your bra?”

  I shook my head. “The only man I put my bra on for on a Sunday is Jesus.”

  Gertie grinned. “Rebel.”

  Carter looked less than thrilled but not surprised when the three of us came walking in behind Deputy Breaux.

  “Sorry, sir.” Deputy Breaux began his apologies, but Carter waved a hand at him.

  “Don’t worry about it,” Carter said. “They’re above your pay grade.”

  The young deputy looked confused but also relieved as he strolled off to his desk.

  Carter looked at Gertie. “I don’t suppose there’s any chance of questioning you alone.”

  “What’s the point?” Gertie asked. “I’m just going to tell them everything anyway. Heck, I might text them from the interrogation room.”

  He sighed and pointed down the hall. We followed him back to the room they used for interrogations, conferences, and the occasional team lunch and all took seats on the opposite side of the table from Carter.

  He reached for an envelope on the table and pulled a plastic bag out of it. Something gold and shiny glittered inside. He pushed the plastic bag across the table to Gertie.

  “Do you recognize that?”

  She picked up the plastic bag and her eyes widened. “That’s my locket. I’ve been looking everywhere for this. I thought the clasp must have broken at church. That’s the last place I had it on before I realized it was gone.”

  Then she frowned and looked at Carter. “You made me put on shoes and a thicker T-shirt just to give me back my own jewelry?”

  “I think there might be more to it than that,” I said. “Or it wouldn’t be in an evidence bag. Sort of.”

  “Evidence?” Gertie said. “This is a sandwich bag.”

  “Apparently, there was a problem with supply delivery down at the ME’s office,” Carter said. “They had to improvise.”

  Gertie’s eyes widened. “ME’s office? You mean? This was…”

  “I’m afraid so,” he said.

  “But how?” Gertie asked.

  “That’s what I need to find out from you,” Carter said.

  “Oh, good grief,” Ida Belle said, clearly frustrated. “You can’t possibly think Gertie offed the girl and lost her locket when she was shoving her body in a hole. Gertie couldn’t even lift Venus. And I want you to think really hard before you say something stupid like ‘she could have had help’ because I’m in no mood for stupid today.”

  Carter raised his hands. “I’m not saying any of that. But the fact is Gertie’s property was found with Venus’s body and I have to figure out why so I can document it.”

  “Why in the world are you making this so difficult?” I asked. “Obviously, it broke and fell off Gertie’s neck and Venus found it. Maybe she was going to return it.”

  “Doubt it,” Ida Belle grumbled.

  “The problem with that theory is that the necklace wasn’t broken,” Carter said. “The clasp is fine and there are no breaks in the chain.”

  Suddenly, Gertie jumped up from her chair, her face red. “That little witch!”

  I grabbed her sleeve and tugged her back into her chair. “Not a good look for this particular line of questioning.”

  “Sorry, but I’m not apologizing for it, either,” Gertie said. “I got a call about an eBay order when we were in Francine’s after church and went outside to take it. When I was finishing up, I saw Venus coming up the sidewalk. I hadn’t bumped into her yet on her return visit so she stopped and chatted for a minute, which I thought was odd. But it was Sunday and I was feeling charitable. Then she hugged me. That must have been when the witch…er, Venus stole my locket.”

  “That sounds about right,” Ida Belle said.

  Carter sighed.

  “Look,” Ida Belle said. “I know it’s the South and we’re all ‘don’t speak ill of the dead,’ but the truth is the truth. Venus had a habit of lifting things she could hock and you know it. I don’t think any of us believe for a minute that she hightailed it back to Sinful because she had a religious experience and changed her ways.”

  “If she’d had a religious experience, she would have been in church that Sunday,” I said.

  “Guys, I’m not disagreeing with anything you’re saying,” Carter said. “In fact, I’m inclined to agree that it probably happened just as Gertie thinks. I just need to put down the facts for the report.”

  “You don’t think Gertie’s going to catch any trouble over this, do you?” I asked. “Because I can get her an attorney.”

  “No,” Carter said. “Let’s not call in the big guns unless necessary. This is just something that came up in the course of the investigation and it has to be documented. I don’t see it going any further than this. I just want to get all the administrative BS out of the way so I can concentrate on the investigation.”

  “Do you have cause of death?” I asked, not ready to let go of the potential for this to blow up in our faces.

  “Yes,” Carter said.

  We all stared but Carter was silent.

  “Well, at least tell us if Gertie’s locket was a witness to a murder,” I said.

  “You know I can’t do that,” Carter said.

  I slumped back in my chair. “You could if it wasn’t homicide.”

  Ida Belle rose from her chair. “I guess that brings us all up to speed. You have Gertie’s statement. Get it typed up and she’ll be back to sign it.”

  Ida Belle exited the room, leaving all of us staring after her.

  “Is she all right?” Carter asked.

  “Peachy,” I said, not about to clue Carter in on the fact that his uncle had sprung the marriage question on Ida Belle again and this time she hadn’t said no. Gertie and I hadn’t had a chance to get the whole story from Ida Belle yet, and no way was I going to send Carter down an avenue of thought that might be incorrect. Not to mention that unless or until Ida Belle declared that particular bit of information up for public consumption, it would remain in my tight-lipped vault. Not even Carter could get past it.

  Gertie had tried to wheedle more out of Ida Belle on the ride to the sheriff’s department, but she’d ignored the question, stating that we needed to focus on whatever nonsense Ca
rter was up to now. Then she’d gone into silent mode.

  Gertie and I rose from our chairs and Gertie looked over at Carter.

  “When can I get my locket back?” she asked.

  “Not just yet, I’m afraid,” Carter said. “I need to clear up some things first.”

  “Surely you don’t have to hold it until the investigation is over,” I said.

  “No. But I need to be a little further along with things,” he said.

  “Please take good care of it,” Gertie said. “My mother gave it to me. I retraced my steps for hours looking for it.”

  “I will put it in the safe,” Carter promised.

  Gertie nodded and we headed out.

  “I’m really sorry about your locket,” I said. “Why didn’t you tell Ida Belle? I’m sure she would have helped you look.”

  Gertie shrugged. “She couldn’t have done anything that I hadn’t already done. I searched every inch of the church and walked my exact route to Francine’s. No one turned in a locket to either place, and if someone had found it on the street, they would have asked Walter or Carter about it. Either would have called me immediately.”

  “She could have had a drink with you and commiserated,” I said.

  “Guess we don’t need to anymore since it’s found,” Gertie said.

  We stepped outside and spotted Ida Belle, already sitting in her SUV waiting on us.

  “What are we going to do about her?” I asked, feeling completely out of my element.

  “Heck if I know.”

  “What do you mean you don’t know? She’s your best friend. How have you handled this sort of thing before?”

  “I haven’t. She’s always said no.”

  Ida Belle honked the horn and gestured to us to hurry up.

  Gertie sighed. “This afternoon just got a lot less peaceful.”

  No one seemed to be interested in sitting on the lawn any longer, and since the breeze had disappeared and the humidity had moved in, I wasn’t about to argue. Ida Belle and Gertie took a seat at my kitchen table and then both of them just perched there, silently. I put the beers I was grabbing back in the refrigerator and reached for the bottle of whiskey I had bought on our last trip to New Orleans. I poured generous amounts into three glasses and sat them all on the table. They didn’t even raise an eyebrow. Just lifted the glasses and knocked back the servings.