Cajun Fried Felony

by Jana DeLeon

“It will get easier,” Gertie said.

  “You think so?” I asked.

  Gertie shook her head. “No. Not really.”

  It was around 11:00 a.m. when I walked into the Swamp Bar. A couple of early adopters were already in place at the bar, throwing back beer and snacking on ribs, the lunch special for the day. Whiskey was stocking the bar for the night and gave me a nod as I walked in.

  “I have some business with this lady,” Whiskey said to the men at the bar. “Anyone walks off without paying better not come back. I won’t be gone long.”

  The men all turned around and gave me the once-over. One of them chuckled.

  “Ain’t saying much about yourself if your business with her ain’t gonna take long,” the man said.

  Whiskey gave him a dirty look. “It ain’t that kind of business, and since you’re going to be a smart-ass today, no discount on your lunch.”

  “Ah, Whiskey,” the man complained. “I was just razzing you.”

  Whiskey waved a hand in dismissal as he walked away, motioning me toward a door at the rear of the bar. I followed him down a hallway and into a room that must serve as his office, if you considered a sheet of plywood on crates a desk. He pointed at a folding metal chair and I perched on it, hoping it wasn’t too rusty to hold.

  I pulled out the paperwork and slid it across the plywood. “The first thing is the contract. It’s a basic representation contract. Details the scope of my work, my hourly rate, and the retainer I’ll collect from you today.”

  Whiskey surprised me by reading every line of the contract and asking for clarification on a couple of points. Then he nodded and signed it. As he pushed the papers back across the desk along with a check for the retainer, he smiled.

  “You weren’t expecting those kinds of questions from someone like me,” he said.

  “Maybe not,” I said, not wanting to just blurt out a resounding “no.”

  “People underestimate me a lot. But I spent enough time on the wrong side of the law and the right side of this business to figure I needed to get savvy on legal matters.”

  “Makes sense. Listen, if you don’t mind, I’d like to keep our business relationship on the down low. I will have a better chance getting information out of people if they don’t know I’m working for you. As soon as things become official, some people clam up.”

  “And some won’t like the idea of helping out a guy accused of murder. I get it. So what do you do first?”

  “I find more suspects so I can create reasonable doubt. That gets the legal side covered. Then if you want me to keep going, I poke harder at the suspects to narrow them down.”

  “And find the killer.”

  “That’s the hope. But I need you to understand the scope of this and the potential cost. Based on my somewhat limited knowledge, I’m already aware that Venus created a lot of hard feelings. That gives me a long list of people to look into.”

  “I imagine it does. But I figure what I spend with you would still be a sight cheaper than a murder defense.”

  “That’s true. Can I ask you a personal question?”

  He shrugged. “I’m your client now so that means you can’t repeat anything, right?”

  “Why Venus? Based on the things I’ve heard, everyone she came in contact with was a mark. What was the draw? You said yourself that you should have known better.”

  He sat back in his chair and scrunched his brow. “You ask good questions. And it’s one I’ve pondered time and time again. I don’t like being made a fool of, especially in front of a crowd at my bar.”

  “I imagine not.”

  He shook his head. “It’s hard to explain, but for starters, Venus was beautiful. I don’t mean your basic looker. It was everything—the blond hair, the big blue eyes, the big, er…hooters. She had the face of an angel and the body of a devil. And when she set her sights on you, she could make you feel like you were the most important, smartest, hottest guy on earth.”

  “So she knew how to work the ego, and the angelic looks helped mask her true personality.”

  “Yeah. But it wasn’t just that. It was that injured-innocence thing she had going. You know—mother abandoned her, father didn’t really want nothing to do with her. She had a way of making you believe that everyone had let her down and that she was counting on you to be the one person who changed her mind about the human race.”

  “White-knight syndrome.”

  “Sounds silly when it’s summed up in a couple words, but I suppose you’re right. I guess some of us men have earned those labels women slap on us.”

  “Sounds to me like you were taken in by a pro. And given the embarrassment of it all, not to mention the potential murder rap, my guess is you won’t make that mistake again.”

  He grinned. “I wouldn’t bet on that. If a woman like you looked my way, I’d probably be a fool all over again.”

  “I don’t have that skill set. I haven’t even managed a moment of whimsy where Carter is concerned, much less a complete abdication of common sense.”

  “Carter is no fool. Never was. And he’s the only cop I trust to do things straight. But ultimately, he ain’t calling the shots.” He frowned. “Bet that pisses him off sometimes.”

  “More than you know. Carter’s not a fan of stupid, and it shows up a lot in our legal system.”

  “Well, I hope taking me on don’t cause you two no problems. But I couldn’t just sit here and pray for the best. Ain’t the way I was raised.”

  I nodded. “Speaking of which, did Venus ever tell you anything about her time in New Orleans?”

  He shook his head. “I poked around there a bit, but she was tight-lipped on the subject. I do know she found her momma. Let that one slip one night when she was drunk. But she caught herself quick enough, even with all the alcohol she’d consumed. Her tone said it all though. I don’t think it was a Hallmark reunion.”

  “Hallmark? Really?”

  “My grandma used to watch those movies all the time. Sometimes a grandson just has to go with it. But I’d appreciate it if you didn’t let on to that kind of thing with other people.”

  I rose from my chair. “Don’t worry. Your sometimes-a-nice-guy secret is safe with me.”

  “You were CIA. If you can’t keep a secret, nobody can.”

  Chapter Nine

  According to Ally, via the local café gossip chain, the job Percy was currently working had closed up shop the entire week, so we figured we stood a good chance of catching him at home. After breakfast, Ida Belle and Gertie had headed to Gertie’s house to prep a casserole and I was supposed to meet them there when I was done with Whiskey. I pulled up a bit after noon. Perfect timing for a food delivery.

  The front door wasn’t locked so I let myself in.

  “Take care of him, Shorty,” Francis said. “No body.”

  I shook my head, wondering how many crimes were saved in that bird’s recall. I headed toward the kitchen and he started singing “Jesus Loves Me.”

  “That’s a new one,” Gertie said. “So far this morning, he’s come out with two hymns, one questionable attempt at rap, and three Elvis renditions.”

  At the word “Elvis,” Francis stopped singing and a second later said, “Thank you very much.”

  “I’m more concerned about what Shorty did with the body,” I said. “Elvis songs never killed anyone.”

  “That you know of,” Ida Belle said. “How did it go with Whiskey?”

  “Good. He’s an interesting guy. And sharper than I thought.”

  I gave them a rundown of our interaction. When I was finished, Gertie nodded.

  “Whiskey was always a smart one,” Gertie said. “Got decent grades in school without really trying. I always wondered what he could have managed if he’d had more push in that direction. But his daddy is an old-school Cajun. He made a living off the bayou until he opened the Swamp Bar, and he intended his sons to carry on the family tradition.”

  “There’s worse things than a viable busines
s in a town like Sinful,” Ida Belle said.

  “It certainly seems to work for him,” I said. “I can’t really picture him in a suit and sitting in a glass office. What do you think about his take on Venus?”

  “Accurate,” Ida Belle said. “We saw a ton of people fall for her act over the years.”

  Gertie nodded. “Heck, I fell for it myself.”

  “What were you going to do?” Ida Belle said. “Punch her in the face for trying to hug you? Wrestle her in the middle of the sidewalk?”

  “I guess not,” Gertie said. “But you can bet I’ll be a lot more careful about that locket from now on. As soon as Carter turns it loose, I’m getting two security clasps put on it to go with the original. I don’t hug anyone long enough to get three clasps undone.”

  “There’s four clasps on your bra,” I said. “You’d hug a hot guy long enough to get that undone.”

  “Don’t encourage her,” Ida Belle said.

  I grinned. “So, we hit up Percy first. Did you two put together a list of potentials?”

  Ida Belle nodded. “I’m afraid it’s a pretty long list. Between the men Venus took advantage of and the women they were supposed to be involved with at the time, she managed to spread quite a lot of animosity.”

  “Boy, isn’t that the truth,” Gertie said. “And we figured we probably shouldn’t limit it only to the trouble she caused on her most recent visit, so we went back to when she lived here before. We put those people on the bottom of the list, but we figured they still warranted a look.”

  “Sure,” I said. “She wasn’t here very long the last time before that concrete thing happened. It’s entirely possible that someone she hacked off before didn’t take kindly to her return. You guys ready?”

  Gertie pointed to a casserole dish on the counter. “It’s still warm.”

  “Then let’s go have a chat with the seemingly unaffected father,” I said.

  We headed out to Ida Belle’s SUV and took a short drive to Percy’s house. It was on the outer edge of the neighborhood, near the park and at the end of the street. I scanned the surroundings, assessing the difficulty of getting in and out of the house unseen. Given that the house backed up to the woods, it wouldn’t have been impossible.

  Ida Belle noticed my gaze and nodded. “You’re thinking someone could have come in from the back without being seen.”

  “Yeah,” Gertie said, “But then they’d have to tote luggage through the woods. Not like they could park one street over or something. And it’s a good half mile through the woods to anywhere you could park a car and not be visible from a house.”

  “You’re assuming they took the luggage away,” I said. “They could have just buried it in the woods.”

  “That’s smart,” Ida Belle said. “Couldn’t just leave it sitting out, because it’s likely to be found, but it wouldn’t take a lot to bury some clothes. Not like an animal is going to come digging them up.”

  “The houses on each side have a view of the backyard, though,” Gertie said. “And since none of them have fences, it would still be a risk.”

  “Who are the neighbors?” I asked. “Retired? Mothers at home with children?”

  “The house on the right is owned by a retired couple,” Ida Belle said. “They travel a lot so there’s a chance they weren’t home when this went down. The one on the left is a young couple. No kids. The husband works for an oil company. The wife is a seamstress—upholstery mostly. So it’s possible she was at a client’s house that day.”

  “There’s also the car to consider,” I said. “It was gone as well. I’m assuming Percy wouldn’t have thought anything of Venus not coming home overnight.”

  “I’m sure not, given her habits with men,” Ida Belle said.

  “So that means the car was probably removed from wherever Venus was last,” I said.

  “Which could have been where she was murdered,” Gertie said.

  “Which also means that car has to be somewhere,” I said.

  “It’s a lot harder to hide a car than a suitcase,” Ida Belle said.

  I nodded. “Let’s go see what Percy can tell us.”

  We knocked on the door and waited a bit but heard nothing inside. Percy’s truck was in the driveway, so it was likely he was home but hoping to avoid visitors. Gertie wasn’t having any of that. She knocked again. Louder this time. Several seconds later, the door swung open and a tired-looking man looked at us.

  Midforties but looks every bit of fifty. Five foot eleven. One hundred eighty-five pounds. Nice tone in his forearms. Probably from the welding. The rest of his body is softer. No threat unless he was holding a blowtorch.

  “Hello, Percy,” Gertie said, and held up the casserole. “We wanted to bring you this and see if there was anything we could do.”

  I could tell Percy would rather have a root canal than invite us inside, but Southern manners won out and he stood by and motioned us in.

  “I appreciate the food,” he said as he took the casserole from Gertie.

  We followed him to the back of the house and he sat the casserole on the kitchen counter.

  “I just made some tea, if you want a glass,” he said.

  “That would be great,” Ida Belle said, and took that as an invitation to sit.

  We all sat at the kitchen table and Percy served everyone a round of tea, still so warm it quickly melted the ice. Percy sat down and gave me a curious look.

  “I’m sorry,” Ida Belle said, noticing his expression. “This is our friend, Fortune Redding. She bought Marge Boudreaux’s old place.”

  Percy studied me a little harder. “The spook? Don’t look like I imagined.”

  “That gave me an advantage,” I said.

  “I suppose it did,” he said.

  “We’re really sorry about Venus,” Gertie said. “I know you two had your troubles, but those things don’t matter anymore.”

  “That’s what people say,” Percy said. “The truth is, I lost my daughter years ago. And that’s assuming I ever had her to begin with. Just like her mother, I’m afraid.”

  “Still, it’s got to be hard,” Gertie said.

  Percy’s jaw flexed. “What’s hard is hearing the gossip about all the people she stole from or scammed and the men she ran around with who was supposed to be involved with others. She never cared about anyone but herself and her wants. And she was willing to do anything to get them. Did you know she got kicked out of kindergarten? She was biting the other kids for the toys. Had so many complaints the principal said they just couldn’t let her stay. She had to mature before she could come back. I’m not sure how you mature someone out of being mean.”

  “I didn’t realize,” Gertie said.

  “Guess I should be happy only the one made it, given how she turned out,” Percy said.

  “What do you mean?” Ida Belle asked.

  “Starlight was carrying twins,” Percy said. “That’s why she had to be in the hospital for so long. Both were born small but Venus’s sister was a lot smaller. The doctors said Venus had been taking up all the nutrients and the other baby hadn’t gotten enough. She was in the hospital for a couple weeks. They tried to save her but couldn’t.”

  “I never knew that,” Gertie said.

  Percy shrugged. “Not the sort of thing there’s any use talking about. Can’t nobody change it and all it does is make people sad.”

  “I’m really sorry,” Ida Belle said. “Is there anything we can do to help? Perhaps with arrangements…assuming the police have let you know when you’re able to.”

  “I already made the arrangements,” Percy said. “She’ll be cremated. I’m not having a service. Don’t see the point as no one would come anyway except to speculate and gossip. No sense obligating people to show up and pretend they care just for my sake.”

  It was a sad statement but I had a feeling he’d probably nailed it.

  “Do the police have any idea what happened?” Ida Belle asked.

  Percy shrugged. “Didn’
t let on to me if they did. Had a ton of questions though. Not that I was any help. The truth is I don’t know what Venus did when she was out of my sight ’cept what I heard from the whisperings of others. I have no idea what she was up to in New Orleans, but I figure it was no good. And I couldn’t begin to guess the things that ran through her mind.”

  He rose from the table. “Anyway, if it’s all the same, I’d like to get to work in my garage. I appreciate you stopping by and I’m sure the food will go down good for supper. But I’m just not feeling much up to company.”

  “Of course,” Ida Belle said, and we all rose and headed to the door.

  Percy swung it open and when he saw the woman standing on his porch, the blood drained from his face.

  “Starlight,” he said, his voice barely a whisper.

  Midforties but easily looks ten years older. Five foot four. A hundred fifty pounds, a lot of it boobs. Too much makeup. Too much hair. Just too much all around. Only a threat to Percy, based on his reaction.

  Gertie sucked in a breath and even Ida Belle’s eyes widened. This was a twist neither one of them had seen coming.

  “What are you doing here?” Percy asked. The color flooded back into his face and shifted from white to red.

  Starlight looked momentarily confused. “Why, I’m here about our baby, of course.”

  “You don’t have a baby,” he said. “You abandoned her, remember? Gave up rights.”

  “Jesus,” Starlight said. “Are you still holding a grudge about all that? It was years ago.”

  “Believe it or not,” Percy said, “there’s some things you can’t sweep under the rug. I suggest you get off my property before I call the sheriff and have you picked up for trespassing. And don’t even think about sniffing around. If I have to load my shotgun, no one’s going to be happy with the outcome.”

  Starlight’s head moved back as if she’d been slapped. Clearly, she wasn’t used to men who didn’t roll over and cater to her. Despite the wear, she was still an attractive woman. And my guess was she knew how to pick her targets well. But the look on her face said she’d made a gross miscalculation this time.