Abigail Rath Versus Bloodsucking Fiends

by Catherine Schaff-Stump

  I grabbed my shake, and Dad and I went out the exit. The line through the in door was still formidable.

  Outside, the beach was putting on quite a show for us. Clouds were crossing the sun and making stripes on the sand. People often don’t think of how windy California can be. It wasn’t one of those nice calm days. It was one that made my hair fly in New Year’s streamers. I jammed my hands into my jacket pocket.

  “You know,” said Dad, “if I didn’t know any better, I would say that Vince is under some sort of diabolic

  mind control.”

  So much for Dad changing his ways and changing mine. “Yeah. I’ve heard being interested in girls has that effect.”

  “Well, he certainly isn’t behaving like his normal self,” said Dad. “Do you suppose that vampire at the mall did something to him?”

  “I don’t know. Vince was being a jerk to William beforehand, and the attack was probably karmic retribution, or maybe karma for how he is today.” I softened. I was not usually this mean. Down, Abby.

  Down near the boardwalk was what would obviously be the new skate/biking/jogging path once the concrete was poured. “Keep an eye on him,” said Dad.

  Wait a second. Was this evidence of vampiric mind control? How could I have been so stupid? My reaction was foolish and visceral because I was jealous.

  “Shoot.”

  “What is it?” asked Dad.

  “What if you’re right? What if Vince is under vampiric mind control?”

  “It is possible.”

  I watched the waves run forward and retreat. “Why the fixation on Coral?”

  “Where was she when the attack happened, Abby?”

  I squinted in the bright sunlight at Dad. “I know where you’re going with this. I think it’s some place against new parental rules.”

  “You aren’t breaking the rules,” said Dad. “You are answering a few questions in my investigation.”

  “Okay. She and William both went home before I left the group. I know it looks bad, and I thought about it. But Dad, do you notice how this is daylight, and Coral is out in the daylight?” A weird thought crossed my mind. “I’ve never seen William during the day, but I know Vince has.”

  “Or Vince thinks he has,” said Dad.

  This conversation had taken an odd turn.

  “My theory is Coral is supernatural, maybe a siren or a nymph or something.”

  Dad coughed. “You chose not to share this with your mother and me?”

  I crossed my arms. “I’m trying to be civilized,” I said. “You know, give the monster the benefit of the doubt? Coexist?”

  “She hasn’t done anything dangerous?”

  “Unless you count what’s going on with Vince now, which you think is mind control.” I shrugged. “It could also be a boy thing.”

  “Come on,” Dad said. “Let’s get Vince and take him home.”

  Vince was sitting like a happy store mannequin. Marty and Coral were giggling. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that either. Good on Marty for making a new friend. Good on Coral for being okay with Marty. I wasn’t sure if Marty was in for a new friendship or a colossal letdown for her crush.

  “Everyone done?” I smiled so hard I wasn’t sure I’d be able to turn the corners of my mouth down again.

  Coral stood up. Vince also stood up. “This was fun. William is going to be so jealous I met you, Mr. Rath.”

  “Maybe you would like to take him an autograph?”

  “Would you?”

  “No trouble at all.”

  While Dad scrawled his name on a placemat, I tapped Vince on the arm. “Your mom asked us to see you home. Hope that’s okay?”

  “Yeah, fine.”

  Coral folded the placemat so it fit in her purse. “Don’t forget about the party, Abby.”

  “Don’t worry,” I said. “I won’t miss it.”

  We smiled at each other like we were in some sort of out grin each other contest. Marty waggled her fingers goodbye, and Coral left the store, dabbing at her lips with a napkin.

  Dad looked sideways at Marty’s neck, just checking. My parents wondered what was wrong with me?

  “She’s clean,” I said to Dad.

  “Of course I am,” said Marty.

  “I was looking for fudge,” I said, offering a sensible alibi. “Let’s go. Rath express leaving for points east.”

  We dropped Marty off first. I asked her if she’d be skating tonight, and she assured me she’d had enough skating for one day. Vince was polite as she left, but seemed daydreamy. He looked out the window on the front passenger side.

  “Penny for your thoughts, Vince?” One of my Dad’s favorite sayings, but I could use it too.

  Vince pulled his thoughts back to the car. “Nothing important.”

  “She certainly is pretty.”

  Vince took a moment to answer that. “She’s okay.”

  I leaned forward. “Are you skating tonight?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Cool.” Because I was about to do something unprecedented in my time as a monster hunter in training. I was going to have Ned take a look at Vince, get a second opinion. If Ned could detect a whammy on Vince, Mom and Dad would know to do something.

  As soon as Coral hit the rink, Vince was Coral’s constant attendant. I was glad Marty was sitting the night out, because even as untrained as she was at the whole relationship thing, she’d notice. Come on. I noticed. Then again, what I was noticing were Dad’s voiced suspicions. I didn’t know how mind control looked different from romance. My experience and observations hadn’t been much help with that distinction.

  Maybe the reason I was such a weirdo was my parents were such weirdos. How could I not see vampires everywhere if they suspected vampires were everywhere? I mean, some vampire attacked Vince, even if it wasn’t necessarily a Petrova.

  Tonight Mr. Cooper was our chaperone, and like Mrs. Cooper, he was pretty chummy with Ned. I owed Ned twice now, but something rankled me about being friendly with a vampire. However, this evening I needed Ned’s expertise, so I was determined to be nice. I started to head over to the snack bar, but I was intercepted by William. He looked good. Not a mark on him from a WWJD bracelet, which would be under his chin, based on what I saw at the mall. Observation cleared him for now.

  “Hello, Abby.” William was trying for the smolder. It seemed to be working. I reminded myself that I didn’t actively care for boys. However, there was a lot to recommend this one. Big eyes, perfectly blow dried hair, excellent knowledge of monster movies. Maybe I could be interested in a boy like that.

  Except of course, if he was a vampire and he’s putting the whammy on me. Dad had raised the possibility of Coral, and the logical place to go with my observations was vampire siblings.

  Maybe I could be interested in a vampire like that.

  Who was I kidding?

  William smiled at me. I checked him out for fangs. No fangs. “Hey. Willie.”

  He frowned a bit at that. “I prefer to go by William.”

  “I’d guessed.”

  “Sorry I didn’t get to Kaplan Kone. Coral says she met your dad. I am so jealous.”

  “Yeah,” I said. “My dad is pretty cool.”

  “Gonna win limbo tonight?”

  Crush! Kill! Destroy! “I’ll give it my best shot.”

  “I want you to win.”

  I snickered. “You have no family loyalty,”

  “Coral wins at too much already. Can I buy you a Coke?”

  I shrugged. “Sure.” Another illicit Coke. What my mother didn’t know…

  We skated over to the bar, and I settled into a plastic bubble chair. Vince rolled by, glaring at me.

  At the beverage counter, Ned was glowering.

  William came over with the drinks. The bubbles of the Coke tickled the back of my throat. I chewed on the straw and smiled at William. “Liking the new school?”

  “It’s okay,” said William. “The soccer’s nice. Do you play soccer?”


  “Nope. I’m on the field hockey team. Coral too, I hear. I haven’t seen her play yet.”

  “Yeah. I hear you got into trouble.”

  “What can I say? I’m a bad girl.”

  William laughed. “Are you coming to Coral’s party?”

  “If my parents let me.” Not a whole lot was more normal than a slumber party.

  “If you come, and all that makeover stuff bores you, we can watch movies. I just got a disk of Subterranean.”

  Mole people on television in the sixties. “Very tempting.”

  Vince and Coral skated over. “Abby,” Vince scowled. “Is this guy bothering you?”

  “Wow. That was...predictable,” I said.

  William veiled his eyes. “Hey Vince.”

  “Do you want to skate?” Vince asked me.

  Coral placed a hand on his arm. “Maybe we can get a drink,” she said.

  Vince and Coral moved to the snack bar.

  “He really does not like you,” I said to William.

  “Of course not. But I’m winning.”

  “You guys are having a little contest?”

  “You haven’t noticed?”

  I sighed. “You know, Vince is my oldest friend. I value that. A lot.”

  William nodded, leaning forward. His voice softened. “Of course I do. That’s why I’m being polite.”

  That seemed reasonable. William wasn’t the guy with the jealous chip on his shoulder. “Look,” I said. “I’m gonna get a candy bar.”

  “Let me.”

  “No,” I said. “I want to say hi to Ned. I’ll be back.”

  The cash register behind the counter rang as Ned stowed some bills. “Two Snickers, please.”

  “Is that guy bothering you?” Ned asked.

  “Did you and Vince plan that?”

  “What?”

  “Nothing. We’re just talking.” I slid two crisp bills onto the bumpy counter. “I wanted to ask you a question. You know, Vince?”

  I saw a little flash of canine in Ned’s smile. “Why yes, Abby, I do know Vince.”

  “Dad says he has a case of vampiric mind control.” I leaned on the counter to look at the skaters. The effect of all the turning and weaving made them look like a school of fish. Coral and Vince were in there somewhere. “I say no.”

  “I say that you’re not as good at this as you think you are.”

  “Thanks, Ned. I’ll have you know I am awesome at detecting vampires. But you know, vampires aren’t out during the day. They have fangs. They don’t drink Coke.”

  “Because the sugar will rot out the fangs?”

  “Ha, ha. However, Coral and William are ruled out by very alive-like behavior.”

  “They’re vampires, Abby.”

  “I don’t think they can be, Ned. They would be subject to the same limitations as, I don’t know, yourself.” Smart aleck.

  Ned exchanged my money for the candy bars. “Okay, what do you think is wrong with Vince?”

  “He’s jealous, because I’m his best friend and William likes me?”

  “Actually, that’s probably right. I’m surprised you caught on to that.”

  “Why?”

  “You’re like me, Abby. You are a geek.”

  “Ned, I’m a nerd. I’m too smart and my hygiene is too good to be a geek.”

  “Why does Reginald Rath”—here Ned sniffed—”think that Vince is mind-controlled?”

  “His interest in Coral is over the top.”

  Ned paused, weighing this. “I wouldn’t be too certain that’s vampirism.”

  “Yup,” I said. I had to face up to the fact that Vince was going to turn into a jerk for a while without any help from the supernatural.

  “You know, Abby, Coral cheats at limbo, because she’s a vampire.”

  “Yeah. Right.”

  William joined me at the counter. Ned snubbed him. Suddenly, shiny bags of potato chips were under siege from Ned’s organizing blitz. William ignored Ned. I unpeeled a Snickers and bit into chocolaty caramel gooey-ness.

  “Do you want to skate?” said William.

  “In a second.”

  William fidgeted, rattling the wrapper of his candy bar.

  “Would you go see a movie with me?”

  Now William had my attention. That was a date question. “What movie?” I licked the chocolate off my fingers.

  “The new Geist film.”

  Geist was a lame series of films about a pimply high school girl who had died due to a series of bizarre events her classmates were barely responsible for. She blamed them anyway, and the whole series of films was about how she was working her way through first the murder of her classmates, and then ultimately the murder of pretty much everyone else in the school. They were up to Geist number thirteen. I figured that the school would be empty soon, and then Rita on a Rampage would have to start murdering folks who sponsored the extracurricular activities at the YWCA.

  “I have a better idea,” I said. “Maybe we could catch Revenge of the Summer Camp Gill Monster at the Alex? The film society is having my dad come out for it next weekend.” That was the kind of thing that happened in Dad’s life. One day you’re an extra, the next day you’re on the stage signing autographs as the personification of vampire-killing cool.

  “That would be awesome,” said William.

  Since Dad was doing a special commentary on the film, it meant we would have built in chaperones, and Dad could get a closer look at William. Something weird was going on.

  Later, I lost again at limbo. Vince cheered loudly for Coral who won. I didn’t talk to him for the rest of the evening. Ned was wrong about Coral being a vampire. I didn’t understand how someone so tall could win limbo. Maybe she was folding herself into an interdimensional space.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  The Terror That Is Junior High

  At breakfast Monday morning, Mom, Dad and I talked about Coral’s slumber party.

  Imagine Mom reading a really thick book while sipping her tea. Imagine Dad working on the crossword puzzle in the paper, because he’s already finished his breakfast and is waiting for us to finish so he can do the dishes. Imagine me wiping grape jelly off my upper lip and kissing Mom on the back of her library bun because I’m off to school. I stop in the kitchen doorway, turn and say something like this:

  “Coral’s invited me to a slumber party. Can I go?”

  “Yes.” Mom turns a page of the giant book.

  “Yes?”

  “Yes. Anything you do which reinforces the idea you are thirteen years old is okay with me.”

  “I concur,” said Dad. “At least I will if your mother wants me to.”

  Dad got a kiss on the cheek from Mom for his comment. I looked at the plates lining the shelf above the china. No one wants to see her parents get mushy. I turned to go again, and then I turned back. “Um, Mom, about Vince’s vampire?”

  Mom looked up. “Your father and I are on it. See you after practice.”

  I picked up my bento from the counter. Dad had made it. I was banking on cute octopi sausages again. As I left the kitchen, I heard Mom and Dad talking a bit about it.

  “Do you think the slumber party is a good idea?” asked Dad.

  “Right now, I believe Coral’s a normal girl,” said Mom. “Bring me some evidence, and I’m sure Abby will understand if we cancel.” Hunh. Mom had suspicions.

  Now that I was a real person at school again, I had things to catch up on. There would be hockey practice after school every night except Friday, when we had a band concert. I play the French horn. You may wonder how someone who aspires to become a monster hunter also has time for sports and music. Hey. I don’t want to be a narrow-minded, shallow monster hunter.

  There was no Marty hanging in the hallway this morning. I searched, and I found her, a fringe satellite on the edge of the Coral galaxy. I found myself staring at Coral. She had the same smolder as William, and I found myself liking her. Some people were super charismatic. Or, this was not natural. T
here was a vampire attack, and there was a sudden rash of crushes. I would keep my eyes open. Mom and Dad were sure to ask more questions.

  I settled into my usual front row seat in science. My parents were beginning to confuse me. There was a lot of double standard going on. Do as I say. Don’t be a monster hunter. Yet, they were asking me what I thought about the vampire attack and the possibility of mental manipulation. They kept dangling their work in front of me. I cracked open our text to the chapter on scientific method, and began an internal scan. I was supposed to be an ordinary girl, if not in thought, then in deed. My parents had noticed something was weird and were consulting me about it. These two things did not intersect. They were as bad as I was at being normal, whatever that was. The next opportunity I had, I would point out to them that hunting monsters was normal for our family, and that they both were asking me questions. Maybe I could get them to come around and accept that I wanted to be a hunter too.

  “Abby?”

  I swiveled my head to face the front of the classroom. I can multitask, but sometimes I might miss a beat. In front of me was the word hypothesis, written large in glowing black letters on the smart board. Mrs. Lester held a computer marker like it was a scepter. “Yes, ma’am?”

  “Define hypothesis.”

  “A plausible explanation for observed data that goes a bit beyond what you know for sure.” Mom would have been so proud.

  “Very good.” She moved on to ask Jo the next question.

  I sighed. All right. I had to get logical. I had to think about how to gather unbiased data about what was going on. Dad thought someone was mind-controlling Vince. His candidate was Coral. I could observe Coral. I had to keep an open mind. I would get behind the scientific method, and keep my eyes open. Just the facts.

  My eyes wandered back to Coral. She waved again.

  Just the facts.

  I wrote the steps of the scientific method in my notes, and underneath the list, I underscored the sentence “Keep an open mind.”

  Mrs. Lester finished the review. It was time for the observtainer lab. Observtainers were boxes with a mystery in them and we couldn’t open them, but we had to guess what was inside of them. There were plenty of ways to get data when you couldn’t see something for sure, plenty of ways to make educated guesses.