by Sarah Delany
“Did something happen?” I ask.
He stares intensely into my eyes as he says, “I explained what I went through with Quinn dying and how that affected me and everyone around me.” He continues his light movements as he closes his eyes for a beat then says, “I told him how my own darkness affected me and how I had to reach out to someone before it started to get better.” His words cause tears to drip down my face onto his t-shirt.
“Is he going to get help?” I ask, my voice shaky with hope.
“He called his parents Sweetness. He told them he needs help and that it wasn’t an accident,” he says, staring into my eyes. My whole body starts to shudder so he places his hands under my arms and hoists me flat against his chest, crushing me in a hug. “It’s okay baby. He’s gonna be okay now,” he whispers into my ear. I maneuver my hands under his neck to squeeze him back as he holds me while I let all the tears fall, needing to release them all. All the pain and relief rolled into one big emotion. His large hand rubs up and down my back, letting me take my time to let it all out. A heavy wave of relief floods me as I know Rafe will get the help he needs. We stay wrapped in each other’s embrace for a while as I let everything out. When my tears have finally run dry, I lift my head from where it was buried in his neck to stare into his eyes.
“Thank you for doing that,” I tell him, grateful he came back into my life. He not only saved me but he has helped save Rafe too.
“It was no problem at all. I’m honestly just glad I got through to him,” he says, and I catch his glance to my lips. I move the last bit of distance pressing my lips against his, closing my eyes. His arms around me tighten as he deepens the kiss. I press my body firmly against his and savour the moment.
“Ahem,” I hear the fake cough coming from my door and I jump off Tate as if I’ve been shocked by an electric fence. My mum’s amused face is staring back at us as I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand. “Definitely keep this door open,” she says, and I’m mortified she walked in on us like that.
“I thought you might like to know Tanya, that Rafe has admitted to his parents that he needs help,” Tate directs at Mum, thankfully changing the subject while I feel my face heat up.
“Awww, that’s wonderful news,” she says, with her own tears in her eyes. I know she cares about the guys as much as I do. They’ve become a permanent fixture in my life now and I know she’s always had a soft spot for Rafe. A lot of people do. She flings a tear across her cheek, collecting herself before she says, “I just got off the phone with your aunty Tate, she said you were going to have tomorrow off school and wanted to double check it was okay for you to stay the night.” I raise my eyes because I didn’t know he was planning to stay but I’m excited at the prospect.
“Is that alright Mum?” I ask, hopeful.
“Yeah, that’s fine bub. I told her I’d let you stay home tomorrow as well. It’s been an emotional weekend.” I think of Rafe and sadly nod at her. “Now, make sure you leave the door open,” she warns firmly, but I see the amusement in her eyes. She knows how much I missed Tate when he was gone, so I know she’s happy he’s back for good. “I’ve made some chicken stir fry and there’s enough for you Tate, if you two want to come down for dinner.” I look to Tate and he nods. I’m starving and Tate’s a growing boy who is always hungry so we shuffle off the bed and follow Mum downstairs.
Once Mum is a few steps ahead of us, I lean up on tippy toes and whisper sarcastically in his ear, “Well that wasn’t embarrassing at all.” His light chuckle draws my eyes to his and he delivers a small kiss to my forehead as we walk hand in hand down the stairs.
Chapter 7
-- Tate --
The next morning I’m pulled out of my sleep by my phone ringing where I left it on Tamsyn’s bedside table. She stirs as I grab my phone, probably getting woken by the noise too. I glance at the caller ID and see it’s JP.
I swipe to answer and say, “Hey man,” as I wrap my arm tighter around Tamsyn’s body that’s tucked into my side.
“Hey, what are you and Tamsyn doing?” he asks.
“We were still sleeping, what time is it?” I question, thinking it was still early.
“It’s nearly lunchtime,” he informs me.
“Oh man, I guess we both needed to catch up on our sleep.”
“Yeah, makes sense. I haven’t had much sleep since the other night either,” he says softly. “Anyway, I was ringing because Rafe’s dad rang me. He wanted me to gather all Rafe’s friends who were at the hospital yesterday together to head in today and see him for some reason. It’s got me a bit anxious. I guess I’m always going to expect something bad now” he says, as his voice drops in volume.
“It won’t always be like this man. He will hopefully get the help he needs to feel better.”
“I really hope so,” he sighs.
“What time did they want us at the hospital?” I ask, trying to distract him from his worrying. My question has Tamsyn lifting her head off my chest, inspecting my face for clues as to what’s going on in my conversation.
“They just said as soon as we were ready to head in there. You were my first call. I’m going to ring Penny and Scott now. I think they were both taking the day off school as well. I’ll text you after I talk to them but probably best to get ready so we can go as soon as possible.”
“Sweet man, sounds like a plan. Talk soon.”
“Laters,” JP says, ending the call.
“What was that about?” Tamsyn asks, sitting up next to me on the bed, while I replace my phone on the bedside table.
“Rafe’s dad wants us all to go to the hospital for some reason. So let’s get up and get ready so we are ready when JP talks to Scott and Penny,” I say, as I lean over and kiss her temple.
“Okay then, I might jump in the shower first,” she says, as she scoots off the bed, walking to her dresser to grab some clothes. “I won’t be too long,” she says, with her clothes gathered in her arms as she leaves me lying in bed.
I lean back on the pillow and close my eyes, breathing deeply. All this stuff with Rafe is so overwhelming, I need a minute to just breathe. I focus on my inhale and exhale. Trying to remember what the hippy lady said at senior retreat we did earlier in the year. I let all the thoughts circle in my head and let them drift away, not holding them for long. My thoughts are mixed with images of Rafe’s smiling face and ones of Quinn too. It still pains my heart to picture her but I hope one day it will get easier. I know my mum wants me to see someone in regards to Quinn and I’m starting to think it wouldn’t be such a bad idea. I want to be someone Tamsyn can depend on so I need to fix my head. I can’t always be struggling to stay and fight or ready to run whenever I think of my sister.
As my eyes are closed and I’m lost in my breathing, I sense Tamsyn walk into the room. I feel her as she inches closer to me and leans down, her soft lips pressing a kiss to the corner of my mouth.
“You look so peaceful,” she whispers, with our lips touching. Her minty breath fills my lungs.
The minty smell has me sitting up and murmuring, “Can I use your toothbrush?” between pursed lips.
She leans back smirking at me saying, “Are you trying to hide your morning breath from me?” I shake my head vigorously, while trying not to laugh.
She lets out a soft chuckle saying, “My toothbrush is the red one in the bathroom.” I throw the covers off and kiss her on the forehead while a smile lingers on her face as I rush to the bathroom. Bad breath seems so trivial to worry about with everything else going on but I still want my girl to want to kiss me. I hurriedly brush my teeth and get back to Tamsyn. She’s strapping on her sandals as I enter. Her hair hanging loose in front of her as she leans over to fiddle with the buckle. As she straightens I can’t help myself. I cup her face and press a kiss to her lips.
“I’m so lucky I found you,” I whisper, which has her cheeks tingeing pink.
/> She wraps her arms around my neck and presses her body flush against mine, before replying, “I’m the lucky one.” She leans in and deepens the kiss. I tug her closer, our minty breaths mixing together. Lately I can’t get enough of my girl whenever I’m near her. As we pull apart, both of our laboured breaths can be heard as we stare into each other’s eyes. Our unspoken words drift between us. Both of us are feeling the electric charge that has surrounded us lately and it’s only intensifying.
My phone ringing breaks our stare off so I turn to grab it, answering.
“Hey bro, we are ready now. I’ll pick up Scott then come for you guys and Penny is going to meet us there. That good?” JP asks.
“Sweet man, we will wait outside,” I tell him, and he hangs up. “Let’s go,” I say to Tamsyn, as I grab her hand and lead her to the stairs.
“Mum said she was needed in the office early this morning so would’ve already left,” Tamsyn tells me, as we make our way down the stairs. She locks the door as we exit and we walk hand in hand down the footpath to wait for JP and Scott.
It isn’t long before JP’s car rolls up to us and we hop in. I give Scott a head nod as we get in and he returns it. We sit in silence all the way to the hospital, lost in our own thoughts. Penny meets us at the hospital entrance.
The familiar sanitary smell hits my nostrils as soon as we enter and make our way to Rafe’s room. I don’t know if I’ll ever get over the association this smell has with Quinn. As we get to Rafe’s door, JP pauses before he knocks, pushing the door open. Rafe’s parents are sitting to the side of his bed and Rafe is still in the same position as yesterday. He turns to us as we walk in and for the first time we see the Rafe behind the smile first. He looks worn out.
“I’m glad you kids could make it. We know how close you are to Rafe so we wanted to let you know what’s happening,” Rafe’s dad starts. We all stare at Rafe, wondering what’s going on.
Rafe takes a big breath in, closes his eyes to steady himself and then opens them and glances at each of us before he softly says, “I’m not okay guys and I haven’t been for a while now. The doctors here have managed to secure me a place at Oakley House. It’s an emergency suicide prevention programme.” I run my thumb back and forth over Tamsyn’s hand letting her know I’m here. It hurts to watch our friend in so much pain, but this is a good thing. He’s going to get help. “I’m not sure how long I’m going to go for and they want me to go today,” he says, and his eyes lock on JP. His best friend. I place a hand on JP’s shoulder to let him know I’m here for him too. It’s silent for a minute before JP speaks.
“And you’ll get the help you need there?” he asks.
“He will, son. It’s the best place for him at the moment,” Rafe’s dad says, as JP and Rafe stare at each other.
“Then that’s where you need to be. And we are with you one hundred percent. We only want what’s best for you Rafe,” Scott chimes in, as he takes a step towards Rafe and grips him in a tight hug.
“Thanks dude,” Rafe shakily whispers, as he returns the hug patting him on the back. Scott lets go and Penny steps towards Rafe wiping at her cheeks to clear the tears that have escaped.
“Look after JP for me please?” Rafe says to her, and she nods her head where it’s stuck in his neck. When she releases him, his sad face glances at her as she wipes her face. Tamsyn rushes forward and bowls into Rafe’s arms, crushing her small body to his and he hugs her just as tightly.
“Shhh, it’s okay Petal, I’m okay,” Rafe says, as he flattens her hair down on her head and I can hear her sniffles. “Thank you,” he softly whispers, which I nearly miss and she lifts her head then leans in and kisses his cheek. He wipes the tears from her face and nods at her in a silent conversation letting her know he’s got this. JP still hasn’t moved from his spot so I walk around him and hug Rafe myself.
“I’m proud of you man, you got this. And we will all be here rooting for you to get better,” I tell him, and he nods against my shoulder. I let go and step back to Tamsyn, taking her hand back in mine. JP still hasn’t moved and Rafe’s dad picks up on it.
“Hey kids, why don’t we give JP and Rafe a minute?” he suggests, as Rafe’s parents stand and head towards the door. We turn to follow. Before I exit I turn back and see JP rush to his best friend and all his hurt and anger gets released into sobs. It hurts my heart to see JP so broken but I follow my feet out the door to give them the time and privacy they need together.
About ten minutes pass before JP comes to the door with his red rimmed eyes, telling us Rafe wants to say goodbye so we follow him back in. The somber mood surrounds us as we look at our larger than life friend who looks so defeated.
“I’ll be back in no time guys” He says to us, trying to lighten the mood.
“Well we need to get Rafe sorted and then drive him out to Oakley House but we will keep you guys updated through JP so you know how Rafe is getting on,” Rafe’s dad says. We all nod and then one by one say bye to Rafe. Tamsyn gets another hug off him before we leave and he sadly smiles at us as we go.
The ride back in the car is as quiet as the ride there. Penny left in her car and we drop Scott off home first. As we pull up in front of Tamsyn’s house, I’m torn between going with her and staying with JP as I feel like they both need me right now.
Before Tamsyn gets out I say, “Sweetness, why don’t you text your mum and let her know you’ll be home later and come back to ours for a while?” I hope she can sense that I don’t want to leave JP without me having to say the words.
She must catch on as her eyes flick to the back of JP’s head before she says, “Sure, that sounds good.” She reaches for her phone to text her mum as JP drives away from her house and pulls up at his in no time.
We hop out of the car and as we enter JP’s house, his mum and dad are both there. It doesn’t look like either of them went to work today. They look up as we enter.
“Is Rafe okay?” his mum asks.
JP takes a seat on the couch and starts filling his parents in. His mum sits down next to him and pulls him into her arms and JP lets out more tears. I lead Tamsyn to my room to give them some space.
“Will JP be okay? I’ve never seen him like this before. He looks so lost,” she says, as she wraps her arms around my waist.
I embrace her back as I say, “I hope so. We will help him though yeah?”
“Absolutely. How about we watch a movie here? The three of us?” she suggests and I nod.
“Yeah, let’s get it set up so it’s ready for when JP is finished with his parents,” I say, which has Tamsyn jumping on the bed, grabbing the remote and flicking through movies. “I’ll go get some snacks while you find something,” I say, as I leave her to her search.
As I step back into the hall, JP is getting off the couch so I tell him the plans and he sadly nods following me to the kitchen to make popcorn. He puts some in the microwave to pop while I hunt in the fridge for drinks. I also manage to find a couple bags of lollies in the cupboard which we take with us. Once we get to my room, Tamsyn smiles at us, patting each side of her for us to take our places there. We both sit and I look to the T.V and see she’s picked Die Hard. Probably avoided romance because that’s Rafe’s favourite movie genre. As we get comfortable Tamsyn rests her shoulder on JP’s arm while she holds my hand. This beautiful girl is perfect and I meant what I said to her earlier. I’m damn lucky to have her. Hopefully we can help hold JP together until his best friend returns.
Chapter 8
-- Tamsyn --
It’s Wednesday now and all our parents are in agreement about us needing to get back to school so that’s what we are doing. They let us have a couple of days off school to process everything but I know Mum wanted me to get back to my normal routine. Walking hand in hand with Tate up the concrete stairs to enter school, he gives it a squeeze to reassure me. The drive to school with JP and Scott was filled with a s
omber silence. We are all dealing with Rafe’s missing presence in our own ways.
Once the bell goes to signal the beginning of the day, I freeze. First Aid is our first class of the day and I don’t know if I can face it right now. Tate must sense my apprehension as he gently places a finger under my chin to lift my gaze to his.
A sad smile graces my lips as he says, “It’ll be okay. JP and I are with you.” I stare back into his eyes for a few minutes before nodding and following him to our First Aid class.
I’m thankful when Lily and Zac start the lesson because we have moved on from CPR. Today we are learning about fractures, strains and sprains. I manage to focus on the lesson and don’t let my mind wander to our missing friend. I’m grateful when the class is over and let out a sigh of relief. We only have a few more of these classes and then the life lesson classes will be finished. The class started off exciting and fun but now it makes me nervous more than anything.
We decided not to tell anyone else about what happened with Rafe. His parents were going to inform the school because of all the time he will be missing but we didn’t want it getting out to the students. It’s the last thing Rafe would want.
We all meet up for lunch and the somber mood seems to have followed us around all morning. We all sit quietly eating our food. My thoughts wander to Rafe and wonder what he’s doing and if he truly is okay. It’s hard not to notice Rafe is missing. He’s usually the one who would be cracking jokes or breaking up the awkward silence but without him here it’s like a heavy cloud is hanging over us and none of us know how to deal with it or make it disappear.
The bell for the end of lunch goes and Tate, Scott and I slowly traipse our way to human bio. As Ms. Chadwick starts class, I try to listen by sitting up instead of leaning on my arms. Rafe wouldn’t want to be the cause of me not focussing so I try my best. Ms. Chadwick is talking about the nervous system and I catch her glances at Rafe’s empty chair with a sad smile of her own plastered on her face. The faculty staff must have already been informed of what happened over the weekend with Rafe. Pain tugs at my heart to think of all the people who would have been affected if I hadn’t made it to Rafe in time. I guess he can’t see what kind of impact he has on the people around him and that makes my chest tight. I can only hope he gets the help he desperately needs.