“Elsie?” she held up the phone to show him their chat history.
“Yeah. Lucky Charm. L.C. Elsie,” he replied with a prideful smile, taking back his phone. “Why? What am I saved as on your phone?”
“Lucky. With a little four leaf clover icon.” She looked away, blushing with the juvenile confession.
“Elsie and Lucky. I like it. Like we're spies or star-crossed lovers or something,” his mouth turned up in a sexy irresistible smirk.
“Come here,” she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulled him between her legs and kissed him. It was cold and sweet. “You taste like strawberries!” she giggled into his lips.
“Try some,” he said as he pulled away from her a little, but stayed anchored against her hips. He fed her a spoonful of the strawberry ice cream, relishing the happy moan she let out at the taste.
“Yummy. So, this is what you do when you have no adult supervision? Eat ice cream in your underwear?” she teased as he continued to alternate feeding them each bites of ice cream.
“Of course, this is my perfect night. Nothing but me, some ice cream, and my beautiful woman,” his words were sultry. Samantha barely had time to register that he called her beautiful before realizing he called her his woman. Her heart was so full. She loved the sound of it, despite the mild misogyny. Still, terror filled her veins. So many rules were getting broken, so many walls crumbling.
“So I’m your woman now?” she was trying to sound light and playful, but her voice came out shaky and insecure. Connor set down the ice cream and slid his arms around her waist.
“Well, I’m yours, so I guess I just assumed you’re mine too,” his eyes locked on hers with a questioning passion. Samantha couldn’t even respond. She just grabbed him and pulled him to her, kissing him deeply. The kiss was all the answer he needed. He wrapped her legs around his waist as he lifted her off the counter and carried her back to his room. He sat down on the edge of his bed, pulling her down on top of him, her lips never leaving his. Samantha knew she wanted to make love to Connor tonight.
“This is my first time,” she didn’t need to explain. He knew exactly what she was talking about. They had never talked about having sex before, or the fact that she was a virgin, but like always there was a silent communication between them that didn’t need words. She pushed away and stood in front of him, far enough that he could see all of her. Slowly, she pulled her dress over her head and let it drop to the floor. She reached behind her, unhooked her bra and let the straps slowly slip off her shoulders before she pulled it off and dropped it next to her dress. Connor let out a ragged breath, staring at Samantha in just her panties. She nodded to his boxers. He caught the wordless direction and slipped them off to the floor, sitting completely naked on the bed, eyes locked on Samantha’s. She hooked her fingers into the sides of her panties at her hips and slid them down her body painfully slowly. Connor had seen her naked before, but never like this. He had never been able to take in her entire naked body, knowing he would soon be inside her. She let his eyes dance over her body, building anticipation before she climbed back into his lap, straddling him on the bed. She rocked her hips and suddenly their bodies were aligned, seconds from coming together. He wrapped his arms around her waist, keeping her from being able to sink down onto him. Samantha was confused and looked down into his eyes for an explanation for his resistance.
“This is my first time too,” he confessed, his lips tangled with hers.
“Good,” was her only reply. She was surprised at his words, but happy at their meaning. She would be his first and whatever else happened between them, he would never forget her. He eased his grip on her waist and she let herself slide down onto him, feeling him fill her completely. There was a sharp stab of pain marking the fact that she was no longer a virgin. It quickly faded in the warmth of his arms. He reached his hands up her back, gripping her shoulder and cradling her head as she slid up and down his thickness. Their bodies were connected, forehead, chest, hips all pressed together. Their lips tickled each other as they took ragged breaths together.
It felt better than Samantha thought it could. It wasn't awkward or scary. She was in control, but giving herself to him completely. The feeling of Connor filling her entirely, over and over, hitting places inside of her she never knew existed was pure ecstasy. Hearing his hungry moaning, knowing she was the cause, thrilled her. His arms helped guide her as she sped up her motions, coming down on him faster and harder. Knowing he was close to coming was exhilarating.
“Come inside me,” Samantha’s words triggered Connor’s release instantly. He held her tight as his body shook with pleasure. His final wild thrust pushed her over the edge and they came together. Exhausted and completely spent, he collapsed back into his bed, taking her with him. They scooted up the bed, so they were both able to relax. Samantha was resting on his chest, entranced by the steady sound of his racing heart, a heart that was now forever connected to hers. They were cuddling again, this time with their naked bodies intertwined. Samantha couldn’t help herself from breaking her own rules. It just felt so right. They were both asleep within minutes, bodies tangled together in a satisfied peace.
Samantha woke up first. Brushing the sleep from her eyes she saw a still sleeping Connor underneath her. I love you. The uncontrollable thought invaded her mind instantly. She was in love with Connor Grayson. Completely. Utterly. Stupidly. In. Love. She panicked. This wasn’t supposed to happen! She jumped out of bed, away from Connor, like the distance would make it less true. Connor began to wake up as Samantha hurriedly got dressed.
“Connor wake up! We fell asleep,” she was already halfway dressed as he reached out to look at the time.
“We still have time. I can give you a ride to school,” sleep was still thick in his voice as he reached out to her. There was no way she was going to take his hand, much less get back in bed with him. She needed to keep as much distance as possible.
“No. I’ve got to get back and try to sneak into my room. What do you think my parents will say when they find my room empty this morning!” she was nearly screaming at him and becoming frantic. It didn't seem to give him any sense of urgency.
“Just text them that you got up early and went to school,” his response was reasonable, but it didn’t fit with Samantha’s need to get away. He stood up and Samantha realized he was still completely naked. She looked away as he pulled up his boxers, her revelation about her feelings suddenly making her bashful.
“That isn’t going to work. I’ve got to go,” she brushed past him heading toward the door. He grabbed her wrist and pulled her back against him. Her entire body stiffened. If he noticed, he didn't show it.
“I’ll talk to you later,” he said with a soft, sweet kiss before he let her go.
Samantha didn’t respond. She had no intention of ever talking to Connor Grayson again!
Chapter Twelve - The Loss
Eleven Years Ago
Samantha practically ran the entire way home. She told herself it was to get home before her parents woke up, but in reality it was because the burning in her lungs helped distract her from the ache in her chest. How could she have been so stupid? She set up rules to keep her distance from Connor, to keep what they had casual, to keep her from breaking her heart. She had gone and broken her own rules and now she was in love with Connor Grayson. There was no denying it. She felt it every time she pictured his face. Was there any chance he could love her back? He had called her his. He had said he was hers. She felt their connection every time they were together. And he had made love to her. They had been each other’s firsts. Is it so hard to think that maybe they could have something real? That maybe he could love her?
He doesn’t love you.
You were a summer fling.
He is leaving for UCLA in a few weeks.
The voice was louder than the drumming of Samantha’s pounding heart as she ran at full sprint back home. Samantha opened the back door to her house to see her father sitting at the
kitchen island in his pajamas, reading the paper. Her eyes went wide, her mouth dropped open, and she froze in the doorway. He lifted his coffee cup to his lips and took a slow sip, keeping his eyes on Samantha, silently demanding an explanation.
“Morning, Dad! You’re up early. I was just going to head to school, but I forgot my bag,” she tried to keep her voice calm as she lied to her Dad for the first time in as long as she could remember. She knew he could see right through her. Even if she wasn’t covered in sweat and still panting from running away from Connor, she had always been a horrible liar. Her only hope was that her Dad didn’t bother to challenge the obvious lie that sat between them, a giant elephant in the room.
“Mmmm, is that so?” he tested her. His look said “is that really the story you want to go with”?
“I’m just going to grab my stuff and get going,” Samantha tried to casually brush past him, hoping if she didn’t acknowledge the lie she could avoid the confrontation.
“Sammie, come sit with me for a second,” he patted the seat next to him at the counter.
“I’m really running late, Dad…”
“Samantha, sit down,” using her full name was a red flag. He never called her Samantha. “I have been up for an hour. I know you were out all night. Let’s stop pretending otherwise.” The look on his face kept her from trying to object. He was right after all. Her face flushed with shame. She had been caught. What must he think of her?
“When I first realized you weren’t in your bed I was terrified. I just about called the police.” It killed her to think of the worry she had caused him. She squirmed in her seat with the growing guilt in her heart. “Then, when I realized your wallet and cell phone were gone, it occurred to me you must have snuck out of the house, and I was furious.” Samantha cringed. The thought of disappointing her Dad was torture.
“I spent the better part of an hour devising new cruel and unusual forms of punishment while debating nailing your window shut,” he said the words with almost a snort that sounded strange given the circumstance. “You know what I realized then, Sammie?”
“What?” she was terrified of the answer. She braced herself to hear how disappointed he must be in her.
“I realized you are almost eighteen. You are basically an adult.” The words caught Samantha off guard. Her eighteenth birthday was just a few weeks away, but she didn’t really think of herself as an adult. It seemed like she was still screwing everything up too much to be considered anything other than a stupid kid.
“I may not like it, but my baby girl is growing up. You have always been responsible. Even when you were little, you refused to let us start the car until everyone had their seat belts on,” he chuckled a bit at the memory. “Now you are a bright, beautiful, strong, and confident woman. I can’t control what you do or the person you will become any more. Before long you are going to be at Stanford, making all kinds of decisions and choices about how you want to live your life. About the kind of person you want to be. I know you will make good choices. You always have. I trust you.”
Tears began to stream down Samantha’s cheeks at her father’s words. When she most expected his censure, he was giving her his unconditional love. He believed in her and it made her believe in herself.
“I only ask two things of you, okay? First, promise me you will be safe. And, please don’t lie to me again. Deal?”
“Deal,” she barely got the words out before she reached out and hugged her father, basking in his acceptance and love. No one ever believed in her the way her father did.
“Okay. Now get to school. You are going to be late,” they both laughed as they broke the soft moment.
“I can honestly say that last night was an accident,” she wouldn’t call being with Connor a mistake, but she hadn't meant to sleepover. Or, to fall in love. “It is not likely to happen again anytime soon.” She wasn't telling the whole story, but it was the truth. Her father accepted it and smiled as she made her way to her room.
“Oh, and let’s not tell your Mom. I don’t think she is ready to let go of you just yet. You'd still be wearing pigtails and getting walked to school if it were up to her! Love ya, Sammie,” were his final words to her as she walked out of the kitchen.
Samantha was already hopelessly late, so she decided to go ahead and take a shower and change. There was a part of her that hated the idea of washing off Connor’s scent, not being sure when or if she was ever going to see him again. In the end, her reason overtook her sentimentality. What was she going to do, never shower again? As the warm water rushed down her body, she started to feel more confident. The conversation with her father had reminded her that she was a strong and capable woman. She wasn’t nearly as terrified about being rejected by Connor. As she replayed the last few nights they had together, she began to let herself wonder for the first time if Connor Grayson could be in love with her. Two nights ago after his baseball game he had been so sweet and vulnerable. Last night, he had held her in his arms the whole night. In the morning, he had reached for her as she was getting dressed. He wanted her to come back to bed with him. Even as she was leaving, literally running away from him, he grabbed her to give her a goodbye kiss and promised to talk to her soon. That didn’t sound like someone who was desperate to get away from her. Samantha floated through most of the day in a dream awash with new possibilities. Possibilities for her and Connor to be together, really together. By the end of the day, those dreams would seem like a distant memory as her entire world came crashing down around her.
Elsie: I need you.
Elsie: Please come over.
Connor’s phone lit up around seven. He was hoping to hear from Samantha today. She had run out of his room that morning like it was on fire. He was terrified she regretted being with him. As much as he wanted to hear from her, he had a bad feeling about this message. It was so much earlier in the day than any of their other message. It didn’t feel right. Then she used the word need. Samantha never said she needed him. She didn’t even say she wanted him. Her messages were always orders. Come over tonight. Be here by one. Now she was saying please. He was worried. He had just gotten out of the shower after practice, threw on some shorts and a t-shirt before driving over to her house. Usually he walked so that no one saw his car parked outside her house, another one of Samantha's rules, but there was a feeling in the pit of his stomach that just made him desperate to get to Samantha as quickly as possible.
He saw her as soon as he rounded the pathway to their backyard. She was sitting on the back step, her knees in her chest, her head buried in her arms. She looked broken. He started jogging to her, the need to take her into his arms nearly overwhelming.
“Samantha? Are you okay? What’s wrong?” she lifted her head as soon as she heard his voice. Connor’s eyes met hers and he could tell she had been crying. Not softly weeping, but soul shattering wailing. She jumped up and ran into his arms, nearly knocking him over with the force. He pulled her into him, holding her as tightly as he could, his body saying he would never let anything hurt her.
“He’s gone. Connor, he’s gone,” her voice was a soft whimper in his ear. He could barely hear it.
“Who? Who is gone?” he was trying to understand.
“My Dad. There was an accident. He is gone.” She collapsed into him entirely, sobbing uncontrollably. He swept her up into his arms and carried her to her bed. He didn’t care about walking into her house or being seen carrying her into her bedroom. All he carried about was taking care of her.
Still holding Samantha, Connor kicked off his shoes and climbed onto her bed, cradling her to his chest. He sat back against the pillows, settling her into his lap, as he stroked her hair and kissed her forehead. He didn’t say anything. He just held her until her sobs slowly quieted and started to subside.
“He was driving home from work. There was a truck that jack-knifed. He is dead,” the words came out in little suffocated jerks, as if they were physically painful to say.
“I am so sorry
,” there wasn’t more he could say. He didn’t have the words to make her feel better.
“I can’t believe he is gone. He was here this morning. Everything was fine this morning.” Connor continued to rub her back gently in the silence.
“You know he caught me? Sneaking in.”
“Really? What did he say?”
“He said he trusts me and he loves me,” soft cries started to shake her body again. She grabbed fistfuls of Connor’s shirt and buried her tearstained face in them.
“I’m sure he did. I am sure he loved you so much,” Connor’s words were both soothing and excruciating. They were a reminder that her father loved her very much, but that she was never going to feel that love again. A silence passed between them once more. Connor didn’t push. He was just there for her. Several hours went by with him just holding her, crying intermittently with the occasional soft whisper of “I can’t believe he is gone”.
“I need to check on my Mom,” were Samantha’s first words after the several hours of silence. She pushed herself off his chest and let herself look at his face for the first time since she ran into his arms earlier. He looked devastated, like her pain was his pain. There wasn’t any sense of pity, only compassion and commiseration.
“Do you want me to come with you?” His eyes were full of such loving tenderness.
“No, I need to go on my own,” she kissed him softly on the lips as he brushed the most recent tears off her cheeks. Her kiss was a silent thank you. His touch said you are welcome.
While Samantha went to check on her mother, Connor made his way to the kitchen. He was rummaging through the refrigerator when she came back a few minutes later.
“She is still asleep,” Samantha told him, taking in the scene before her. Connor was making a sandwich.
Lucky Charm Page 10