Samantha: So, are we going to keep doing this?
Connor: what
Samantha came close to throwing her computer out of the window. Was he intentionally being difficult?!?
Samantha: You know what.
Connor: our bathroom rendezvous?
Samantha: Yes…those
The moments that ticked off before he responded were agony for Samantha. Why was it so important that he said yes? She was desperate for him and wanted to make sure he wanted her. She knew someone like Connor wasn’t really the dating type. Besides, he was going off to college in a couple months and she was staying here to finish high school. There wasn’t a future between them. This could only ever be a fun summer fling. Before Connor, Samantha would have laughed at someone suggesting it. Now, she would take any time with Connor she could get.
Connor: played the best game of my life after last time
Connor: looks like we’re both lucky charms
Samantha wasn’t sure if that was an answer or he was just bragging.
Connor: yep...i’m game to keep going
Samantha: Okay. Fine.
Samantha was trying to stay aloof, distant, and dispassionate, despite feeling exactly the opposite. Connor couldn’t help shaking his head and laughing at the fact that she spelled out okay. Who spells out okay in a chat message?
Samantha: But, we need to be smarter. NO MORE BATHROOMS! We’re going to get caught.
Connor: k
Samantha: I think we should have some ground rules too.
Connor: rules?
Guess it shouldn’t surprise him that she was a control freak. She’d been in complete control each time they’d been together. It didn’t bother Connor. On the contrary, her strength was one of the sexiest things about her. Most people in Connor’s life deferred to him to make decisions. There was just something about him that made everyone look to him for the answers. He seemed to always end up in control, be it his friends or the girls chasing him. He was used to it mostly, but it got exhausting. He craved someone who would tell him what to do for a change. He craved Samantha.
Samantha: Rule 1. This is between you and me. No bragging to buddies.
Connor: didn’t realize I was something to brag about, but I appreciate your discretion ;)
A winking face? Really, Connor? Are you a twelve year old girl? Samantha would have gagged if it weren’t absolutely adorable. Focus Samantha! Set ground rules so you don’t end up falling in love and getting your heart broken.
Samantha: That also means no public displays of affection, no winking, no sexy smiles, no hidden looks. To the rest of the world, we are just Connor and Samantha.
Connor: the rest of the world? i’m something else to you?
Samantha didn’t know how to answer that, so she didn’t. She completely ignored his question and pushed on with the rules she needed in place to protect herself. She didn’t want to get hurt thinking that they were more to each other than he did. She wasn’t stupid enough to think that someone like Connor Grayson, who had the world eating out of the palm of his hand, wanted to seriously date her. She was convenient. She was going to make sure he knew she was aware of their dynamic and that was fine. She didn’t need more.
Samantha: Rule 2. No obligations. We aren’t dating. We don’t do dinner. We don’t do cuddling. We don’t ask how the other’s day went. In fact, least amount of talking is best.
That rule stung a bit. Connor knew Samantha was smarter than he was. He had never taken the advanced classes she was in. He had done fine in school, but he was focused on sports not grades. He was going to UCLA on a baseball scholarship, not because of his academic achievements. He was sure he wasn’t her type. She was making it clear that she didn’t want him for his witty conversation. Connor swallowed his pride. This was going to be a casual summer fling, fine. He could deal with that, as long as she wasn’t with someone else.
Connor: Rule 3. No dating other people. I’m not a cheater. If either of us is with someone else, this stops.
It was a good rule, but Samantha’s stomach turned at the thought of Connor with someone else. He couldn’t be clearer about the fact that she was a good way to kill time until he found a girl he actually wanted to date.
Samantha: Agreed. Rule 4. I can change my mind any time. It doesn’t matter if I ask you to come over at two a.m. I’m not a tease, but if I change my mind when you get here, no objections.
Connor: who the hell do you think I am?!?! i’m not a fucking rapist!!!
Samantha felt a twinge of guilt. She hadn’t meant it like that. She just wanted an escape hatch incase she wasn’t as brave with him in her bedroom as she had been in the bathroom.
Samantha: Sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. I mean no guilt trips or blue ball comments. Whoever initiates the meeting is in control.
Connor: you mean you’ll pretend I’m in control
Samantha: Don’t worry, Lucky. I’m a great actress. ;)
Cheesy smiles were on both of their faces now. As much as they both tried to deny, there was something special between them. It wasn’t just a physical connection. There was something more. In some way, they just fit.
Connor: 6565554798
Samantha: ???
Connor: my number. next time just text me
Less than a minute went by before Connor’s phone buzzed.
Samantha: 62 Rainier Street. Come to the back door (not an innuendo!!!). Text me when you get here.
Connor’s heart felt like it was going to beat right out of his chest. He typed L.C. into his phone to save her number, his lucky charm. Then deleted it and typed “Elsie” chuckling at his new secret code name for her. He put on his shoes and was out his front door in less than ten minutes.
Chapter Eleven - The First Time
Eleven Years Ago
It had been about three weeks since Connor and Samantha had their chat conversation. That conversation had opened the floodgates. They were both intoxicated with each other, addicted to their time together. Each time they were together, regardless of how far they went, it was exhilarating. They still hadn’t had sex, but they spent nearly every night together. At least, they spent several hours each night with each other. Even if sleepovers hadn’t been against Samantha’s rules, they weren’t smart. Sneaking around at night was risky enough. A sleepover was just asking to get caught. Samantha wasn’t keen on explaining to her Dad why he found a boy in her bedroom.
The nocturnal rendezvous meant that Samantha was chronically sleep deprived. She had regularly sacrificed her sleep to study or prep for a debate, but she had never been big on sacrificing sleep for pleasure. It was exchanging short-term rewards for long-term suffering. It didn’t make sense to her. Plus, she hated feeling tired. It kept her from being on top of her game. She was still the stand out in her debate class, but she knew that she wasn’t giving it her all. She could be better if she got even just a few nights of decent sleep in a row. She would spend each day telling herself that she wouldn’t text Connor that night. She would stay home, alone, and just sleep. Then, each night she would maniacally check her phone, waiting for a text from Connor, eager to send one herself. She always needed one more fix. She had no self-control when it came to Connor. They alternated pretty regularly between his house and hers. At first she had refused to initiate two nights in a row, afraid that she would be asking too much or he would say no. He never said no. He was always quick to respond, like he was waiting on her text, just as eager as she was. She could tell he was tired too, but he always seemed happy to see her. As tired as she was, she always left Connor feeling refreshed and relaxed.
Most nights went pretty similarly. In accordance with the rules, they never really talked. They might have a few witty comments back and forth along the lines of “funny meeting you here” and “long time no see”, but they never went deeper. They never let themselves get too attached. The second the door was closed and they were alone together they would spend at least twenty minutes kissing, sometimes s
oft and slowly. Other times, they kissed in a painful fever. Another half hour was spent slowly exploring each other’s bodies. It wasn’t exactly cuddling. It was more active than that. It was almost a form of intimate worship. They took turns tracing the peaks and valleys of each other’s bodies with fingers, lips, and tongues, slowly peeling clothes off each other until they both ended up totally naked. Samantha had the same body image problems every girl has. But, she never felt self-conscious with Connor. He spent so much time kissing every inch of her reverently, it was impossible to think there was a part of her that he didn’t adore. By the end of the night at least one of them would always climax. Usually, they would both find a release. After three weeks, they were very familiar with the first three bases and had even rounded third on occasion as they moved against each other kissing naked in bed.
Kissing Connor was something Samantha could do forever. She could tell what kind of day he had by how he kissed. It was the opposite of what she had expected. When he was happy his kisses were frenzied, no thought in his head other than the feel of her mouth on his. When he was upset, he was almost too gentle to believe, like his lips were directly connected to his heart. Two days ago, she had watched his team lose a practice game. They didn’t just lose, they were utterly destroyed, getting beaten by double digits. Connor had struck out twice and missed a catch that let a runner advance. It was a small error, but the anger was written all over his face. At the end of the game he had kicked his batting helmet against the wall of the dugout, almost cracking it. It had earned him a verbal lashing from his coach in front of the whole team. Samantha had never seen him so furious. It scared her. She made up her mind to give him space. She hadn’t expected to get a text that night based on the mood he was in. She was wrong. Just after eleven o’clock, her phone chimed and the name “Lucky” popped up on her screen.
She made her way over to Connor’s, not sure what to expect. In the past he had been passionate, but never rough with her. She was scared he would be now. Would he take his anger out on her body? The opposite had happened. He had been unimaginably tender. When she stepped into his room he took her hands in his and interlaced their fingers. He kissed her forehead and each of her cheeks before pressing his lips softly to hers. It was like a plea, a desperate entreaty to accept him. Each kiss made her feel how vulnerable he was, a glimpse into his own self-doubt. He had been disappointed, frustrated, and felt dejected. Each kiss broke Samantha’s heart.
She wrapped her hands around his waist to pull his body against hers and hugged him tightly, trying to silently tell him everything would be okay. She was here for him. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and buried his face in her hair returning the sweet embrace. They stood in his room, locked in their first hug, surrounded in a calming quietness. As always, their bodies said the words their mouths never could. It felt like they were each giving a piece of themselves to the other, making each other whole with their acceptance. The intimate serenity brought tears to her eyes, emotion overwhelmed her. They were both fully dressed and yet were more connected and vulnerable than ever before. She let him pull away first, making sure he knew she would be there for him as long as he needed. Once he stepped back, she suddenly had the sense they had crossed some unspoken line. Their normal routine of fooling around didn’t seem appropriate anymore, but she didn't want to leave him. Breaking the rules, she asked him if he was okay. He claimed it was just a bad day as they stood together in silence. She held his hand in hers as she led him to the bed. Without a word, he knew to lie down beside her. They laid together cuddling for hours, listening to the sounds of their hearts beating together. They were connected in an intangible way that brought them both a sense of peace. Just as silently, they got up together and Connor followed Samantha to the door. She had given him exactly what he needed, she was just there, existing with him. He kissed her one last time gently before she left for the night.
That had been two days ago. They hadn’t seen each other since. Two nights was the longest they had gone without seeing each other in three weeks. Samantha was too nervous to text Connor. He had been vulnerable with her and somehow they had slipped into an emotional connection. She had tortured herself for the past two nights, still not sleeping, wondering if he regretted being vulnerable in front of her or if he was uncomfortable with the new type of intimacy they found together. Similarly, Connor was nervous he had broken her rules and pushed her away. They weren’t supposed to be together like that. Cuddling wasn’t allowed. Samantha didn’t want a relationship with him and yet he had called her when he needed someone. He had friends he could have called and talked to, who a month ago he would have. Now, she was all he wanted. It had been a horrible day and all he wanted was to hold her. That night they both realized what they have was more than either of them was ready for. He was scared she was avoiding him, but he didn't want to let her just fade away.
Lucky: come over at ten
Elsie: I’m not sure my parents will be asleep by then.
Lucky: parents took my sisters to a softball game out of town. have the house to myself tonight. come over.
Elsie: I’ll come over as soon as I can.
Samantha’s heart soared when she saw the text from Connor. When he said they would have the house to themselves the whole night, she started to get nervous. She wondered if he was thinking they would finally have sex tonight. She waited for the sound of her parents going to bed. It was somewhere just before eleven when she texted Connor that she was on her way.
Connor’s house was only about a fifteen minute walk from hers, less on nights she was so excited to see him she practically jogged. Tonight was the opposite, she was dragging her feet and second guessing herself. Her fear wasn’t about having sex with Connor. She felt safe with him. It felt right for him to be her first. She had even started birth control after their first night together, just in case. It was just that voice in the back of her head again, the self-doubt, that made her nervous.
You are a clumsy virgin.
He is going to laugh at you.
This is when he finally figures out you have no idea what you are doing.
She tried to push the voice aside as she kept her feet moving her forward. She had been with Connor dozens of times now. He had seen all of her, touched all of her. It was just sex. What was the big deal?
Because you are going to be bad at it.
Samantha did a quick u-turn, heading back to her house as she pulled out her phone to text an excuse to Connor. She was on the verge of a full-on panic attack. She stared down at her phone, trying to think of an excuse she could send him. They had never cancelled on each other before. It felt like a weird form of betrayal to lie to him. Samantha took a deep breath, put her phone away, and turned back toward Connor’s house. This was Connor. There was nothing to be afraid of. After about three more stops and starts, she finally made it to his house about a half hour later.
Sneaking into Connor’s room was extremely convenient, almost like his parents didn't care if he had girls over. His family had four kids and he was the only boy, so he took over the converted garage which had its own door to the outside. As long as he left the side gate unlocked, she could walk right into his room from the street. The first time she had knocked on the door softly like she was there to deliver a pizza or something. Connor had teased her and told her to just come in. Each time since then he had been waiting just inside for her. This time he wasn’t. Samantha looked around Connor’s empty room and noticed his bedroom door was open. It was never open. Connor must have gone to grab something from another room in the house. Samantha stood awkwardly in the middle of Connor’s room, waiting for him to come back. After a few minutes went by, she started to inch toward the open door, peeking out around the corner. Connor had said that his parents and sisters were going to be gone, but she still didn’t want to go strolling through the house in the middle of the night like she owned it.
“Connor? Connor?” she took a tentative step outside the room and call
ed out softly to him. There was no response. She sent a text asking where he was. She thought about going back home for a second before she heard a loud laugh echoing through the house. She had heard Connor giggle before when she had accidentally tickled him, but she had never heard him laughing out loud like this. She followed the sound down the hallway. Connor was standing in the kitchen wearing nothing but his boxers, eating ice cream out of the carton, and laughing at something on his phone.
“And what is so funny?” she called out to him from the doorway. She was hoping that she would surprise him enough to make him jump. Instead, he just calmly followed the swing of her hips as she strutted up to the kitchen counter and stood next to him. His eyes said he approved of the button up dress she was wearing that hugged her curves and fell to her mid-thigh.
“Finally! I thought you were never going to get here!” was his snarky response, but she knew he was excited to see her.
“Calm down. It’s only eleven thirty!” she teased him back as she hopped up on the counter, knowing it would hike her dress up and drive him crazy. “So, what were you laughing at?” Talking was breaking the rules, but it felt comfortable in a way it hadn’t before. And she loved the sound of his voice.
“Watch this,” he started giggling again as he handed her his phone. She laughed out loud as she watched the video of a small puppy disappear into a snow bank, just a wagging tail poking up from the whiteness. Muscled, sexy, manly Connor was laughing out loud at a cute puppy video. Samantha’s insides melted. A text message alert popped onto his screen from a girl named Elsie. A spike of jealousy shot down her back. She knew she shouldn’t read it, but she couldn’t help herself from opening it. It was her text, the one she had just sent from his room a minute ago. He had given her a nickname.
Lucky Charm Page 9