She pressed her nails into him a little hard, stopping him from finishing what he was going to say. “I want this.” She arched her body toward him, wanting to feel his mouth on her again.
“Maybe I was going to say something else.” He arched back up to press his lips to hers for a soft kiss. When he pulled back, he let his lips hover just above hers. “Stop rushing me. I plan to enjoy this.” He kissed her again, this time deeper, more passionately, stealing the breath from her.
Her hands slid down his body until she found his hips. She wanted to wrap her hand around his shaft, to feel the hardness in her palm and know that she caused it. “Mmmm.” She moaned softly, unable to form any words as he kissed a path down her neck. Sensations collided and threatened to overwhelm her.
“You smell like home.” He nuzzled her neck. “The place I’ve wanted to find again but haven’t had in years and you’re mine. Always.”
There was sadness and longing in his words, leaving her confused, but before she could ask about it, he nipped her neck, applying just enough pressure that her breath escaped her lungs in a deep exhale. She grabbed hold of his hips, pulling him tighter to her.
“You like that, baby?” He dragged his tongue in lazy circles around her nipples and watched her intently. Teasing her nipples gently, pulling them between his teeth until they stood to attention, he rested his weight on an elbow and used the other hand to explore the length of her body. His fingers traced every curve as if he was trying to memorizing her.
He blazed a trail of kisses across her stomach, stroking her thighs with his fingertips. With every touch, she arched her hips into him, demanding more. Desire coursed through her and her thoughts were lost within the sexual haze. With each move he made, she urged him further, speeding the pace.
Unable to wait any longer, she spread her legs farther, giving him the access he needed, and hooked her ankles along the back on his thighs, pressing him toward her. “Now, Carran.” She wasn’t sure what made the need rise within her, but her control had reached its limits and she needed him inside of her.
He must have understood because he slid his shaft into her core, his girth stretching her as he worked deeper into her. He slowly pushed and pulled back out before thrusting in again, until he filled her completely with his manhood. As he pushed into her completely for the first time, a warmth filled within her and she could feel his tiger. The soft fur brushed against her skin, and she sensed it even if it was only metaphorical, the soft purrs vibrated along her body until it felt like they came from her.
He went as slow as he could the first few strokes so as not to hurt her, but with each stroke, the tempo intensified another level until she arching into him, slamming their hips off each other. The thrusts became deeper and faster, falling into a perfect rhythm. Their bodies rocked back and forth, tension straining his muscles as she fought for the release she longed for. The longing was stronger than anything she felt before, urging her forward, demanding she find her release.
“Carran!” Screaming his name, she arched her body into his as her climax coursed through her, her nails digging into his hips and leaving deep welts and angry red scratches.
He pumped a couple more times before he growled her name as his release followed. “Shit, I can’t get enough of you.” He stayed perched over her with his shaft buried deep inside of her, watching her.
Slowly her breath returned to normal and she tried to come to terms with what she was feeling. The world that had once been black and white had grown to include colors that had never been part of the picture for her before. Doors opened within her mind and acceptance poured through her. She had a new understanding of this population of shifters, something she’d never had before. Shifters were able to shift into their animal, but they weren’t any different than the rest of the population. They stood up for what they believed in, fought to make their lives better, and their species stuck together. That was more than she could say for humans. She had seen brother fight brother over a television. Some days, she believed the less important things were often the most violent calls she was dispatched to. Shifters were different.
“It’s…” Words failed her as images flashed before her eyes. Her heart ached, her eyes closing, wanting to stop the flood of terror suddenly pouring through her. “Oh, shit. Sa…” Her voice broke and she reached for him.
Chapter Thirteen
The bandage Carran had over the memories, holding them back, was torn away in the blink of an eye. The mating connection had given her the insight into his darkest secret, the one he kept hidden from everyone. The event that tore his soul into shreds, leaving him in pieces. He’d failed her and he vowed he’d never fail someone else again. He would keep that promise with his dying breath.
Unable to face the memories any longer, he pulled away from her, quickly moving off her to collapse beside her. The loss of his mate’s touch tightened his chest, but not as much as the memories did. “Samar. Her name was Samar.” Refusing to look at her, his body tensed as he stared at the ceiling.
She rolled onto her side, propping herself up on her elbow. “Who is she?” When he didn’t answer, she added, “I can tell she means a lot to you. But you’ve thrown up a wall between us, cutting me off.”
“My sister.” The words seemed foreign on his tongue. It had been too long since he had said them aloud. “She was thirteen and had just come into her tiger, when she got involved with a group that tried to exploit her. I failed her.”
“You were what? Fifteen? Sixteen?” Timidly, she placed her hand on his chest, allowing the connection to flow through them again, but this time he didn’t pull away from her.
“Sixteen. It was my duty and I failed her. I failed them all.”
“What?”
“My father was raised on the reservation, but he has no Indian blood. He was taken in by a family when he was just a child and was found wandering the roads alone. They didn’t know what he was but when they found out, they allowed him to stay. He was one of them. Just as they allowed Samar and me to stay when our parents were killed.” He dragged a hand over his face and as it came away, he kept his eyes tightly shut, trying to stop the memories. “I went after her, but I didn’t realize it was a diversion. I heard her when they called. She cried out for me to save her, but she was already dead by the time they called. They killed her before I even had a chance to save her. Her cries were recorded, because they knew I’d do whatever they said if I could save her.”
“I’m sorry.” She ran her hand up his chest until she got to his face, where she pushed his hair back and caressed his cheek. “So sorry.”
“They attacked the people who took us in. They were accused of betraying humans by allowing animals to live among them.” With his eyes tightly shut, he squeezed the bridge of his nose, wishing he could stop the images flooding through his mind. To remember standing on the edge of the property, watching their homes burning bright in the stillness of the night, drove the knife in his back deeper. “Everyone was dead when I returned, our homes burning to the ground. There was nothing I could do. Once again, I was alone in this world. Twice in two years, but that time I almost didn’t keep my sanity intact. I searched for the bastards who took Samar and everyone I cared about from me…”
Her body was pressed against his side and her hand was still on his cheek, her thumb caressing the curve of his cheekbone. “Did you find them?”
“Yes.” As he answered, he opened his eyes to see her. Emotions ran wild within him, enough to make him question what her reaction might be. He needed to see it. He needed to know if she was repulsed by what that meant. She surprised him by not pulling away and even through the turmoil, he couldn’t feel any disgust. “They killed my family…I couldn’t stand by and do nothing.”
“I know.” She slipped her arm out from under her, pulled the pillow closer to him so she could put her head on it, and snuggled against him. “I wouldn’t have expected anything else from you.”
The sudden change w
ithin her had him rolling over to face her. He couldn’t place his finger on it, but the tide was changing within her. Mating should have made things clearer to him, but at that moment he felt more confused than he had been before. “Baby? If this is about what I did—”
“No, it’s about what I did. What I thought I stood for and now…” She let out a deep breath. “I’ve stood for law and order and I’ve always considered myself the good guy. Now I realize that good and bad are purely objective. To the families of the ones I’ve locked up, I’m the bad guy. I hauled their loved one off to jail. It didn’t matter that two minutes before he was beating on her, or that he’d just killed someone. Now, I realize I’m just as evil as the ones I arrested.”
“Is this because we didn’t go to the police about Donovick and your Lieutenant?” He didn’t like that the actions he took to keep her safe and to get her back were playing on her mind now. “If anyone is evil, that burden falls on me. You listened to me—”
“It’s not. I wasn’t even thinking about that.”
“Then what is it?” he pressed.
“In my dream, I killed the man who murdered my father.”
The minutes the words left her mouth, he could feel the weight lift off her and he rolled back onto his back and tugged her with him so that she was cuddled against him. “My beautiful mate, it was a dream. You didn’t kill him.”
“But I would if I had the chance.” From the curve of his shoulder where she rested her head, she glanced up at him. “I’ve seen my father die in my dreams before. After it happened, each night it was different. After his funeral, no one would tell me what really happened, so I paid the older brother of one of my friends to hack the system and get me the answers I needed. He was against it at first, but it didn’t take me long to convince him. He wanted to see if he could hack their system without getting caught, more than he cared about getting me the answers. I promised I’d take the blame if we got caught, and well…he did it.”
“He must have some skills to hack a police department’s records.” He thought about the time Connor spent hacking the systems they needed. The clan was lucky to have him and they wouldn’t have been able to pull off some of the missions they had without him.
“He does, but now he’s on the government’s team, instead of fighting against them like he did in his teens.” Her forehead crinkled together as she thought about something. “Would Donovick’s record mark him as a shifter? Would the higher-ups who were shifters know he was one of them, just by looking at his record?”
“Some organizations put a code that only one of them would recognize. Why?”
“A few months ago, I was in court and he was partnered with another officer for our shift, when something happened. I never got the complete story and there were a lot of different gossip theories going around the department, all of them worse than the last one. Many of the veteran officers suspected Donovick might get taken off patrol because of it. He was assigned to a desk for two days, but then it came down from above for him to return to his normal duty. No investigation into him, but the other officer was demoted and transferred. Now I just wonder if it was because of what he was.” She chuckled and shook her head. “What the hell does it even matter?”
“Did you know that Donovick was abusing his wife?” He watched as her eyes grew wide and it became clear that Donovick had two sides. The one she thought she knew wasn’t the same man the wife had been living with lately. “I’m sorry.”
“Meghan…is she?”
“She’s bruised, but alive. He went after her before his shift and things were going to come to an end when he returned, but I got to him first. He smelled my scent on you and knew who you were to me, but he didn’t care. Stealing my mate from me was something I couldn’t overlook, especially not after you were injured because of that bastard. But if I had known he was beating his mate, I’d have killed him even if he hadn’t touched you. No man has the right to lay a hand on a woman.”
“Will she go rogue? Can you save her like Ambrose? Or is she human?”
He ran his hand up her arm, doing his best to quell the fear rising within her. “She’s a wolf, but I spoke with her tonight and she’s not in jeopardy of going rogue. She was ready to end it tonight, no matter the cost. She realized that her and Randy couldn’t live like that. They have the pack to keep them grounded. Actually, it’s her family wolf pack that he joined, and the Donovick name is her family name.”
“Randy is still without a father.”
“There is no way to say this without sounding insensitive, but maybe that is for the best. Growing up watching Donovick beating his mother would have taught him that it was okay and it’s not.” Concerned she’d pull away from him again, he held her tight against his body. “He’ll never be alone. The pack will always be there for him. His grandfather, great uncle, and uncle are the Elders within the pack and they will provide strong role models for him. My clan will be there if there is ever anything any of us can do to support the Donovick Wolves.”
“It’s all so much to take in.”
“I know.” He nuzzled his head against the top of hers. “But you don’t have to process it all now. Morning has come, but we’re both exhausted. We should sleep. Everything will still be waiting for us in a few hours. But you’re safe now and that’s what matters.”
“Meghan and her son Randy are both safe, too.”
He kissed the top of her head. “Sleep, mate.”
She laid there silently and he thought she was drifting off to sleep until she glanced up at him again. “Earlier…after sex…I could see you in my mind. It was like your memories were playing on a big screen for me. You’re a black tiger. I didn’t even know those existed.”
“Black tigers are extremely rare. I don’t know of any other black tiger shifters alive today. Unlike albinism where the person has a lack of pigmentation, I have a large amount of black pigmentation. It’s called pseudo-melanism. My otherwise orange fur is black, and my stripes are a dark gray, nearly black. Strangely enough, it only affects my tiger.”
“And your hair.” She reached up to tangle her fingers in the long strands.
“Well, some of that is my fault. After Samar and our home were lost, I spent most of my time in my tiger form. Over time, my stripes wouldn’t disappear. If you look closely at the rest of my body hair, you can see it as well.” When she started to inspect his cheek, he let out a deep snicker, vibrating his whole body. “There is not much there. Your best chance would be my legs, or my arm. Here.”
He lifted his other arm and brought it closer. Holding out his forearm, he reached over with his other arm to point out the thick stripe of charcoal gray hair that ran through the rest of the black arm hair. “It’s hard to see.”
“Wow.” She leaned up to get a closer look. “I never noticed it until you pointed it out.”
“Most people don’t, but when I first noticed it I was self-conscious about it. Never wanting anyone to see it, I’d wear long sleeves and pants. With my hair, there was nothing I could do about that unless I wanted to shave it off. I couldn’t do that. My hair is my past.”
“I like it.” She snuggled into his body, her head resting in the crook of his shoulder, and she teased her fingers along the contours of his chest. “Everything feels so different.”
“Your body is adjusting to being my mate.” He rubbed his hand along her naked back. My mate. He loved the sound of that. “After a little rest, your body will adjust to the new emotions and things will have settled. You’ll find peace within all the turbulence you’re experiencing now. It’s a lot to take in now, but it will be better soon.”
She was his and while that filled him with joy, doubt twisted his stomach. He had failed Samar and the people he considered family, and because of that they were dead. Over the years, he had come a long way and had proven to himself that he was a different man. He kept the Elders of the Alaskan Tigers safe and saved countless others through his duties. There was no way he’d fail his
mate.
He nuzzled his face into her hair, marking her with his scent, reveling in her presence as they drifted to sleep.
Chapter Fourteen
Brooklynn woke to find herself alone in bed with the afternoon sun streaming through the window. A mixture of relief and sadness coursed through her at Carran’s absence. She could feel him just down the hall, with the others, and while that gave her a jolt of relief knowing where he was, panic rose within her. He had told her that after a few hours of sleep, she’d find peace with the changes, but she wasn’t so sure.
Not wanting to be naked any longer, she grabbed the shirt she had been wearing before he’d stripped it off her, and tugged it over her head. This wasn’t like one of the one-night stands she’d had before, something she could forget about the following morning. There was a connection between them, one that wouldn’t allow her to forget about their night together. Only a few hours after they had made love, she longed to feel his touch again, craved his arms around her.
What did that mean? She didn’t know what her future held or even if the Donovick Wolves were still after her. She hadn’t bothered to ask what happened during the meeting. She had wanted to wash away the lingering effects from the dream, to have him hold her in his arms because when he did, she felt like it would all be okay. Knowing he was safe spread to wanting him intimately and further than she had ever planned on taking it.
She pushed back the covers and got out of bed. “I’ve lost my job, my life is in shreds, and all I can think about is getting him naked again. What the hell is wrong with me?”
“Nothing, you’re mated.” Carran strolled through the door, carrying a mug with something steaming inside. “Coffee?”
“A man after my heart.” She took the offered mug and breathed in the heavenly aroma.
“And after your body.” He wrapped his arm around her waist, pressing them close together. “No more nightmares, I see, but I thought you’d sleep for a bit longer.”
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