How to Elude a Vampire (VRC: Vampire Related Crimes Book 2)

by Alice Winters

  “Now we need a picture of our happy adopter and adoptee for our Facebook page!” she says as she whips out a camera.

  “Excuse me, what?” I growl.

  “We take pictures of all our adopters and their purrfect new companions!” she says like I actually wanted an explanation of this travesty.

  Shoot me now. I would rather be shot with a fucking gun than a camera at this moment.

  “No,” I growl, and she snaps the picture before looking at it.

  “How cute! If you have any questions, feel free to call. Here is your paperwork and have a wooftastic day!”

  Oh. My. God. Kill me.

  The creature wiggles and wags its tail as I carry it out to the car in a stupefied daze. What have I done? What has my life become?

  The dog dances on my lap and paws at my chest since I’m ignoring it. When I continue to ignore her, she whines, so I set a finger on her head and her tail starts going a hundred miles an hour again.

  “Stop being so happy.”

  That seems to make her happier.

  That’s when I get a message from DeGray asking if I could sign something before I leave for the day. I text him that I’ve already left, but that I do drive right by the department on the way home, so I’ll sign it then.

  He thanks me and I head to the department as the dog curls up on my lap with a big sigh. Every time I glance at her, her ugly-as-fuck bat ears perk up and her tail starts thumping.

  “You’re hideous.”

  Her tail wags faster.

  “Stop looking at me.”

  She won’t stop looking at me.

  I pull into the department and set her on the passenger seat. “Stay.”

  I open the door and she pops right out the front door and starts prancing off through the parking lot.

  “Dammit!” I growl. “Dog! Get back here!”

  Shit. Now I’m going to get it run over in the parking lot or some nonsense. Then I’ll have to lie and tell Finn they declined the application.

  “What in the hell is this thing?”

  I look up at the worst possible person I could run into during this situation.

  Karsyn.

  He’s holding the little thing in a hand, examining it.

  He cocks his head as he stares at the wiggling monster. “Is this a rat? What is it?”

  “It’s not mine,” I grumble.

  A huge grin explodes on his face. “My, my, my. You’ve become such a weak man and all because of love? Did you get this thing for Finn? To make him feel better about his size?”

  “No. He adopted it.”

  Karsyn is delighted about this. “That’s hilarious. What happened to you, Marcus?”

  “Do you want a fight?”

  That’s when the department door opens and I see Brooks, our boss, glance at us.

  “That’s a big-ass rat!” he says before coming over. “Oh, lord! Karsyn, I thought you caught a rat! What is it?”

  “Marcus’s new doggy,” Karsyn says with a wicked grin.

  Brooks raises an eyebrow before getting close to me and examining me. Then he checks my forehead. “Are you… are you dying?”

  “I hate both of you. Do either of you want that thing? I’ll tell Finn he didn’t get approved.”

  Karsyn smiles at it. “It’s kind of sweet, but she already has eyes just for you.”

  Brooks takes her from Karsyn and then just laughs at it. “Why are its ears so big?”

  “Is there something wrong with me?” I ask, kind of concerned.

  Brooks laughs even harder, which makes the little dog more excited. “The thing about Finn is that he has this way of making everyone like and care for him. Even Karsyn likes him.”

  Karsyn groans. “I try not to.”

  “This has become a disaster,” I decide. “I need to go sign something for DeGray. Will one of you pretend the dog is yours until I’m done?”

  Brooks tucks her back in my arms. “You look good like that.”

  “Very masculine,” Karsyn jokes.

  “Do you think we should get him a purse to carry her around in?” Brooks asks as he and Karsyn head off toward their cars. Brooks is pretending to swing a purse around as Karsyn laughs and laughs.

  “I will strangle you with the strap if either of you gets me a pet purse,” I growl.

  “What color do you think he’ll like?” Brooks asks Karsyn like they’re big ol’ asshole buddies now.

  “I will destroy both of you, and I won’t even shed a tear. Your pleas will be meaningless to my ears.” My threats seem to be ineffective as they snicker to each other.

  “Does he really think he can threaten anyone holding that creature?” Brooks asks.

  I stuff “that creature” into the car and head inside, praying no one else witnesses the travesty that has become my life. Should I have put it in the trunk? Will someone else see it? Can I convince them I’m planning on eating it? Will the authority I’ve spent three hundred years building up evaporate in the span of one hour if one more person sees me with… that thing?

  No. I’m so overpowered that I even look lethal with a fucking pocket pet.

  Right?

  This is ridiculous.

  I sign DeGray’s paperwork and am thrilled when I return to my car and see that there isn’t a crowd gathered around my vehicle while questioning what’s happened to my sanity. Instead, the tiny thing has somehow managed to get her body up on the dashboard where she’s squished between the windshield and dashboard, yowling. I could hear her as soon as I stepped out the door. Clearly, she was convinced that this was the end of her life. No one was ever coming back for her.

  Which… is slightly sad, but I don’t care enough to be too sad. I pull open the door and sit down, and she dives off the dashboard onto my lap where she wiggles before flopping on her side so I can rub her stomach. She’s whimpering and whining with excitement at my return.

  “Dammit, don’t be cute.”

  She’s using that cute card so damn hard. I’ve never seen a monster use their cute card like this besides Finn.

  “I’m sorry I left you in the car. We’re not leaving you for life,” I say as I head home.

  While I wait for Finn, I pull out some of Artemus’s stuff that he doesn’t use. So I get Artemus’s crate out while she bugs Artemus. He just stares at her in wonder as she chews on his jowls and tugs on his ears.

  “He could eat you,” I remind her as I set the crate up before realizing the crate is massive compared to her. So is the bowl, the leash, the toys…

  But there are zero fucks given as she grabs a toy four times her size and trots off with it.

  The door opens just as I’m finishing everything.

  Artemus takes off barking, startling the tiny dog who runs to me for comfort.

  “Artie, my sweetie sugar pie, did your daddy torture you by not giving you a treat on top of supper?” Finn asks as he comes around the corner and his eyes lock on the rat… I mean dog. “You got the dog!”

  He drops to his knees and the dog rushes over, ecstatic she’s found someone new to become best friends with.

  And I realize that it’s all worth it. This is why I do things like this because there’s nothing better than seeing the smile that lights up Finn’s entire face. Nothing Brooks or Karsyn could say to me could make me regret a moment of this. Because when Finn is happy, I feel like nothing else matters. This is the only thing that does.

  Even if I’ve added an ugly rat to the family.

  “I can’t believe you even went and got her for me. That’s so cute,” he says as he scoops her up and rushes over to me before pulling me into a hug. “Thank you.”

  I let out a grumble but squeeze him to me. “You’re welcome. I’m just happy to see you so excited.”

  He gives me that smile that makes everything bad in the world disappear, before pushing into me and giving me a kiss. “You’ve turned into such a sucker. So, I’ll let you name her.”

  “Aw, thank you for bestowing upon me
the greatest opportunity ever. I am truly blessed,” I say as dryly as possible.

  Finn beams at me. But it’s a cocky beam that tells me he’s loving every moment of torturing me.

  I look at the creature and give her the best name I can think of. “Hela.”

  Finn’s beam falters and flickers out. “You’re going to name this sweet puppy after the goddess of death who ruled over Hel?” he asks.

  “Hmmm… yeah. That’s exactly what she looks like to me.”

  He seems suspicious but smiles. “Well… if that’s really, really what you want to name this sweet doggy, then okay!”

  “It is.”

  “Aw, sweet little… Hela.”

  “Music to my ears,” I say.

  He sighs. Clearly, he’s not convinced, but that’s all right.

  Chapter Six

  FINN

  “Why are you handing me that leash?” Marcus asks as I give him the leash to Hela.

  “Because I want to walk Artie,” I say, which I thought was clear when I held out Hela’s leash to him.

  He scrutinizes the leash for a moment. “Hold on… you want me… me to walk this thing you insisted on having?” Marcus seems perplexed by this.

  “Marcus, I don’t want Artie to think I’ve replaced him. I sat with Hela this morning and now it’s time for me to walk Artie. See? When you have a new child, you can’t just only shower the new one with love.”

  Marcus waves at himself. He’s brooding, holding a thin leash connected to a tiny dog, and honestly, it might be the funniest thing I’ve ever seen but only because of the stupid look he has on his face.

  “I didn’t agree with this child.”

  “Oh, suck it up. The baby’s yours,” I say as I head out the door with Artie.

  When Marcus joins me on the sidewalk, Hela is nowhere to be seen.

  “Did you leave Hela in the house?” I ask.

  “No, I have her,” he says as he starts power walking off without me. He knows I can’t match his power walk.

  “Where is she?”

  He stops and waits until I get close enough to crowd in. “Now keep quiet,” he whispers as he unzips his coat enough that Hela’s head pops out, bat ears first. “Don’t let anyone see.”

  I start laughing as I pull Hela out and put her on the ground. “She wants to walk!”

  “Dammit. The neighbors are looking!”

  “The neighbors aren’t looking at shit. And if they’re looking, they’re looking at what you’re wearing.”

  Even though Marcus is old enough that the sun couldn’t severely hurt him, he still wears full sleeves, a hat, and thick sunglasses. I also wear sunglasses since my eyes are sensitive to the sunlight, something that resulted from my accident. Maybe from my sister’s blood or maybe from something else that happened. I’m honestly not sure, but it’s allowed me to see a little farther and track the speed of vampires easier.

  “I am a big scary vampire. I can eat people. I can crush skulls with just a look. I am strong,” Marcus chants to himself.

  “It’s just a dog!” I can’t help but laugh. I’ve never seen such a dramatic person in my life, even though he swears he’s not. “I’m glad it’s nice enough out to finally go for a walk. I was tired of it being too cold to even leave the house.”

  “That’s because you’re so used to being covered in an electric blanket that your body is incapable of maintaining its own heat.”

  I elbow him. “Says the fangyfucker who is always right there next to me under the blanket.”

  He’s turned silent.

  “No comeback?” I ask as we cross the road.

  “My, what a lovely day! Look at all that green! Beautiful green leaves!”

  I grin at him. “You look mighty cute walking your dog.”

  “Thanks. It looks like you could ride yours.”

  “I’ve thought about it,” I say as I turn onto the bike trail bridge. It instantly makes me think of the dead woman since it’s the same river, only about seven miles upstream. Marcus must think the same thing because his smile falls a little. I decide to distract us by bugging Marcus. “Before the blood banks, how did you get blood? Just walk up and bite someone?”

  “I did many different things in my three hundred years. When I was young, I’d feed off animals, but once I got my first taste of human blood, I never wanted to go back. After a while, I found some people who enjoyed the bite and would let me bite them whenever I wanted.”

  I don’t like the idea of others enjoying his bite even though I’m aware this all happened before the laws against biting humans fell into place almost a century ago. “Hmmm…”

  “Oh, don’t give me that look. You’re the one who asked. And, in case you forgot, you’re the only human I’ve ever been in a relationship with. Honestly… I never really did a whole lot of the serious relationship stuff. There was a woman who I spent a lot of time with and loved but only as a friend. We’d have sex but there was nothing more to it. She wasn’t a human, though.”

  “Do I need to fuck her up?” I ask.

  He snorts. “I haven’t seen her for seventy years, so no, probably not.”

  “Well, I’ll fuck her up if you ever need me to.”

  “She’d meet you and think you were adorable.”

  I scowl. “Wonderful. Why don’t people meet me and think I’m badass or rough and rugged?”

  Marcus looks at me and scratches his chin. “Hmm… that is a good question.” Then he holds his hand up to his head before stretching it out above my head and lowering it until it smacks the top of my head like he’s measuring me. “I don’t get it either, honestly.”

  “You’re so annoying!” I cry as I stab his gut with my finger. Of course he has abs of steel that nearly break my finger. “Ow, dammit!”

  “I even braced for that.”

  “I’m going for the balls next time. Can you brace your balls?”

  “I can. I’m just amazing, Finn, it’s not my fault.”

  “God, you look amazing with that little dog you’re parading around.”

  He grimaces as I step back and whip out my phone. I set my hand on the bridge and push back to get a good picture of him scowling with a dancing, excited puppy at his feet.

  My hand smacks something and I look back to see that my glove, which I wear over my prosthesis to keep people from questioning it, has gotten snagged on a nail.

  “Why is this…” I lean in and look at the nail hammered into the railing. Because it’s a bike path, the railing is wide and wooden. So it’s not unusual for there to be nails in it. What is unusual is that there are two nails, about a body’s width apart.

  “Hold on,” Marcus says as he rushes over to me. “Well… shit. I think we stumbled upon where the body was.”

  “Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. The body went quite far, then. I mean, we searched up and down the river, but this far away?” I ask as I pull my glove off in case there’s any evidence on it.

  “It was really windy and stormy those past few nights, remember? The river was moving at a pretty good clip and it’s mostly straight, so the body could have continued moving until it got hung up on something where those teens found it. I’m calling it in.”

  “Alright, here’s my glove, I’ll run the dogs back.”

  “Great.”

  I grab Hela’s leash and take off at a jog as the dogs prance and dance, excited for the increase of speed. Once home, I stuff them inside and grab another pair of gloves. Probably everyone in the department already knows about my arm, but I do like to wear them when dealing with the public so I have fewer questions. Then I head back to where some of the team is starting to arrive. I walk over to where Marcus is talking to Officer Miller and Officer Perez, the two who were the first to show up after the teens’ call.

  “If her body was brought here, there’s a possibility she was killed around here. This bike trail leads straight to the university she was attending and, most likely, isn’t far from her dorm. Can we get the K9 un
it here?” Marcus asks.

  “I’m on it,” Perez says.

  Karsyn is the next to arrive with his kit. Since he’s an older vampire, it’s not uncommon for him to be pulled into our team when making arrests, but he does excel more in the forensic or analysis work. The biggest issue with the VRC is that there aren’t enough of us for a full team, so a lot of the members are stuck doing the work of multiple people. Even so, Marcus and I are involved in more fieldwork than the others, and he’s the oldest, so he’s automatically in charge of most of the cases. Since I’m his partner, I’m given a top position, even though I’ve technically been with the VRC the shortest. It helps that I have a background as a homicide detective.

  I leave Marcus to his work and head over to Karsyn.

  “DeGray and Briar are right behind me,” he says.

  “Great. I hit the nail with my hand, but Marcus has the glove,” I explain as I lead him over to the spot. “I’m going to reach out to her roommate and see if Tonya used to take this path for any reason. Maybe he found her on it. I think Marcus is trying to see if we can get a team to comb the distance between the university and here in case she was pulled off along the way.”

  “Sounds good,” he says as he takes out a camera and begins photographing the scene.

  I head off where I bump into Briar and DeGray and explain to them what I know before the three of us return to Marcus.

  Marcus gives them a nod before turning to me. “I’m going to help the team making the trek between here and the university. There are about four miles between them, but that wouldn’t be impossible for a vampire to carry a body that far. We can now assume he used the path after dark since the path is a common bike and walking route.”

  “Are there any cameras up?” I ask.

  Briar nods. “Wait, isn’t there a wildlife preserve notice in the area? They were documenting something, right? Do you think they could have gotten footage?”

  “What were they documenting?” Marcus asks.

  “I remember hearing about it,” I say. “Some kind of camera setup.”

  “Eagles, right? They have a live feed of it or something that people can watch. It was the hot thing and all over social media when they were hatching,” DeGray says, “but that was weeks ago.”