The History of Richard Raynal, Solitary

by Robert Hugh Benson

  Of Sir John's Meditations in Westminster Palace

  _Et existimabam cognoscere hoc: labor est ante me_

  And I desired that I might know this thing: labour in my sight.-_Ps.lxxii. 16._

  XIV

  Master Blytchett told me that Master Richard was still asleep. He hadblooded him last night, and reduced the fever, but God only could savehis life. For himself, he thought that the young man would die beforenight, and he did not know whether he would speak again.

  I was drawn towards Master Blytchett; he seemed a sour fellow withsweetness beneath; and I love such souls as that. I loved him more thanI did the King either at that time or afterward. The King appeared to meat that time a foolish fellow--God forgive me!--for I had not then heardwhat Master Richard had to say of him; nor that such opinion was to beall part of his passion.

  I thanked Master Blytchett for what he had done for my lad; but he burstout upon me.

  "I was all against him," he said, "at the beginning. I thought him acrack-brained fool, and a meddler. But now--" And he would say no more.

  It seemed that many were like that at the Court. They were near allagainst him at first; but when they knew that he was wounded to death;and had heard what the King had said of him; and seen my lord cardinal'srosy face running with tears of pity and anger as he tore the lad out oftheir hands; and gossipped a little with the porter of the monastery;and listened to the holy ankret roaring out in his cell againstHierusalem that slew the prophets;--and, most of all, remembered, ortold one another of Master Richard's face as he came out from the privystaircase before he was struck down--like the Melitenses--_convertentesse dicebant eum esse deum_. ["Changing their minds, they said he wasa god" (Acts xxviii. 6.)]

  * * * * *

  I talked with many that morning (for I could do nothing for my lad), whocame in to see one who knew him so well, and had been his friend in thecountry.

  And after dinner my lord cardinal came in to see me, and I was broughtback to the parlour.

  His ruddy face was all blotched and lined with sorrow or age, and for awhile he could say nothing. He went up and down with his sanguine robesflying behind him, and stayed to look out of the window at the boatsthat went by until I thought that he had forgotten me. And at the lasthe spoke.

  "I do not know what to say to you, Sir John, or what to say to GodAlmighty on this matter. It appears to me that we have all been blindand deaf adders, and with the venom of adders, too, beneath ourtongues--except one or two rude fellows, and my lord King who knew himfor a prophet, and the ankret, who tells us we shall all be damned forwhat we have done, and yourself. There be so many of these wild assesthat bray and kick, that when he came we did not distinguish him to bethe colt on which our Lord came to town--and now, as it was then,_Dominus eum necessarium habet_." ["The Lord hath need of him" (Lukexix. 34.)]

  "But I know what I wish to be said to him, though I dare not say itmyself, or set eyes on him--and that is that I pray him to forgive us,and to speak our names before the Lord God when he comes before HisMajesty."

  "I will tell him that, my lord," I said softly, for I did not doubt thatMaster Richard would speak before he died.

  After a while longer my lord cardinal asked how he did, and I told himthat he had lain very quiet all day without speaking or moving, andthen, for I knew what my lord wanted, I bade him in Jesu's name to comein and look on him. For a while he would not, and then he came, andknelt down beside the King.

  Master Richard was lying now upon his back, with his hands hidden andclasped upon his breast, and his lips were moving a little withoutsound. I think that he had never had so long and so heavenly a colloquyas he was enjoying then. I do not know whether it were the cardinal'spresence that disturbed him, or whether in that secret place where hissoul was retired he heard what had been said by us, but he spoke aloudfor the first time that day, and this is what he said:--

  "_Et dimitte nobis debita nostra; sicut et nos dimittimus debitoribusnostris._" ["And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive them thattrespass against us."]

  I saw my lord's face go down upon his hands, and the King's face riseand look at him. And presently my lord went out.

  * * * * *

  I cannot tell you, my children, how that day passed, for it was like noday that I have ever spent. It appeared to me that there was no time,but that all stood still. Without, the palace was as still as death onthe one side--for the King had ordered it so--and on the other there wasthe noise from the river, little and clear and distinct, of the waterwashing in the sedges and against the stones, and the cries of theboatmen on the further shore, and the rattle of their oars as they tookmen across.

  Once, as I stood by the window saying my office, a boat went by withfolk talking in it, and I heard enough of what they said to know thatthey were speaking of Master Richard, and I heard one telling the taleto another, and saw him point to the windows of the palace. But whenthey saw me look out they gave over talking.

  A little after the evening bell Master Blytchett took the King out tohis supper, and I was left alone with Master Richard, but I knew thatthere were servants in the passage whom I might call if I needed them.

  So I sat down by the pillow and looked at him a great while.

  I will tell you, my children, something of what I thought at this time,for it is at such times when the eyes are washed clean by tears that thesoul looks out upon truth and sees it as it is. [I have omitted a greatnumber of Sir John's reflections. Many of them are too trite even forthis work, and others are so much confused that it is useless totranscribe them. Sir John seems to have been dearly fond of sermonizing.Even these that I have retained and set within brackets can be omittedin reading by those who prefer to supply their own comment.]....

  * * * * *

  {I thought of the _ironia_ that marks our Lord's dealings. MasterRichard had come to bring tidings of another's passion, and he found hisown in the bringing of it. It was as when children play at the hangingof a murderer or a thief, and one is set to play the part of prisonerand another to hang him, and then at the end when all is prepared theyturn upon the hangman and bid him prepare himself for whipping and deathinstead of the other, or maybe both are to be hanged. But our Lord isnot cruel, like such children, but kind, and I think that He acts so toshew us that life is nothing but a play and a pretence, and that Hiswill must be done, however much we rebel at it. He teaches us, too, thatthe blows we receive and even death itself are only seeming, though theyhurt us at the time, but that we must play in a gallant and merryspirit, and be tender, too, and forgive one another easily, and that Hewill set all right and allot to each his reward at the end of theplaying. And, since it is but a play, we are none of us kings orcardinals or poor men in reality; we are all of us mere children of ourFather, and upon one is set a crown for a jest, and another is robed insanguine, and another in a brown kirtle or a white; and at the end thetrinkets are all put back again in the press, ready for another day andother children, and we all go to bed as God made us.

  But you must not think, my children, that our life is a little thingbecause of this; I only mean that one thing is as little and as great asanother, and that maids maying in the country are as much about God'sbusiness as kings and cardinals who strive in palaces, and who give tothis man a collar of Saint Spirit, and to that man a collar of hemp. Itwas for this reason, maybe, that our Lord did all things when He wasupon earth. He rode upon His colt as a King; He reigned upon the rood;He sat at meat with sinners; He wrought tables and chairs at thecarpenter's; He fashioned sparrows, as some relate, out of clay, andmade them fly; and He said that not a sparrow falls without His love andintention; and He did all and said all in the same spirit and mind, andat the end He smiled and put on His crown again, and sat down for ever_ad dexteram Dei_, that He might let us do the same, and help us by Hisgrace, especially in the sacraments, to be merry and confident. [This isa very puzzling philosophy. It is
surely either very profound or veryshallow. But it certainly is not cynical. Sir John is incapable of sucha feeble emotion as that.]....

  * * * * *

  This then, too, I thought at that time.

  It is marvellous how our Lord sets His seal upon all that we do, if wewill but attend to His working, and not think too highly upon what we doourselves. He had caused Master Richard to wear His five wounds until heloved them, and to set his meat, too, in their order, and then He hadbidden His servant tell him that he did not need the piece of linen, forthat he should bear the wounds upon his body. And this He fulfilled;for, as Master Blytchett told me, there were neither more nor less thanfive wounds upon the young man's body, which he had received from thecrowd that set on him, besides the bruises and the stripes. He hadcaused Master Richard, too, to be haled from judge to judge, as Himselfwas haled; to be deemed Master by some, and named fool by others; to beborne in a boat by one who loved him; to be arrayed in a white robe tobe judged without justice; to be dumb _sicut ovis ad occisionem ... etquasi agnus coram tondente se_ ["as a sheep to the slaughter ... as alamb before his shearer" (Is. liii. 7.)], with many other points andmarks, besides that which fell afterwards, when a rich man, like him ofArimathy, cared for his burying, and strewed herbs and bay leaves andmyrtle upon his body.

  There was the matter, too, of the bees that I had seen. [Sir John laysgreat stress upon the bees; I cannot understand why. He says that theybetokened great wealth and happiness.]....

  * * * * *

  And again there was the matter of the seven days that Master Richardfulfilled from the time of his setting out from his house, to the timethat he entered into his heavenly mansion. Seven days are the time ofperfection; it was in seven days that God Almighty made the world andall that is in it; there were seven years of famine in Egypt in whichJoseph gathered store, and seven years of plenty. [I cannot bring myselfto follow Sir John through the whole of the Old and New Testaments.]....And it was in seven days that Master Richard Raynal completed his course,from the sowing of the wheat and wine on Corpus Xti, to his joyfulharvest in heaven....}

  * * * * *

  I thought, too, at this time of many other things, such as you maysuppose--of Master Richard's little cell in the country which wouldnever see him again (for I did not know at this time what the Kingintended of his grace), and of the beasts that awaited him solamentably, and then of this great room hung all over with royaltywhither it had pleased God that his darling should come to die. Ilooked, too, very often upon Master Richard as he lay before me, uponhis clean pallour, paler than I had ever seen it, and his slenderfingers roughened by the spade, and his strong arm, and his smilinglips, and his closed eyes that looked within upon what I was not worthyto see, and I wondered often what it was that he was saying to our Lordand the blessed, and what they were saying to him, and I prayed that myname might be mentioned amongst them, lest I should be a castaway afterall that I had heard and seen.

  When it was dark (for I dared not kindle the candles) the King came inagain, and as he came in Master Richard spoke my name, and moved hishand towards me on the coverlet.

  How Master Richard went to God

  _Transivimus per ignem et aquam: et eduxisti nos in refrigerium._

  We have passed through fire and water: and Thou hast brought us out intoa refreshment.--_Ps. lxv. 12._

  XV

  The King presently kissed Master Richard's hand and asked his pardon andhis prayers, saying that he had known nothing of what went forwardduring those two days, until the crying of Jesus' name by Master Richardbefore the cardinal, but blaming his own craven heart, as he called it.

  And when Master Richard had spoken awhile, he asked the King to go out,for that he had much to say to me in secret.

  So the King went out very softly, and set other guards at the doors,and we two sat there a long while.

  * * * * *

  I was astonished at Master Richard's strength and courage, for he hadspoken aloud to the King, but when the King was gone out, he spoke in alower voice, holding my hand. It was very dark, for he would have nolights, and I could see no more of him but a little of his hair, and thepallour of his face beneath it, until the morn came and the end came.

  * * * * *

  He told me first of what he had done, and what had been done to himsince a week ago, when we had kissed one another at the lych-gate--allas I have told it to you. He talked quietly, as I have said, but helaughed a little now and again, and once or twice his voice trembledwith tears as he related our Lord's loving-kindness to him. (I havenever known any man who loved Jesu Christ more than this man loved Him.)

  I asked him a few questions, and he answered them, but the effect ofall that he said was what I have written down here, and sometimes I havehis very words as he spoke them.

  At last he came to the end of what he had to say, and began to tell meof the _Night of the Soul_, and here he talked in a very low voice sothat I could scarcely hear what he said, and of what he said I did notunderstand one half, [I am thankful that Sir John recognized his ownlimitations.] for it was full of mysteries such as other contemplativesouls alone would recognise--for all contemplatives, as you know, relatethe same things to one another which they have seen and heard, and thewords that each uses the other understands, but other men do not; forthey speak of things that they have seen indeed, but for which there areno proper human words, so that they have to do the best that they can.

  He told me that the state that I have described to you continued untilhe came before my lord cardinal, so that although he saw men's facesand heard their words they were no more to him than shadows andwhisperings; for since (as it appeared to him) he had lost God by hisown fault there was no longer anything by which he might communicatewith man.

  Yet all this while there was the conflict of which I have spoken. Therewas that in him, which we name the Will, which continued tense andstrong, striving against despair. Neither his mind nor his heart couldhelp him in that _Night_; his mind informed him that he had sinneddeadly by presumption, his heart found nowhere God to love; and allthat, though he told himself that God was loveable, and adorable, andthat he could not fall into hell save by his own purpose and intention.

  Yet, in spite of all, and when all had failed him, his will stroveagainst despair (which is the antichrist of humility [A curious phrase,and, I think, rather a good one. I suspect it was originally MasterRichard's.]), though he did not recognise until afterwards that he wasstriving, for he thought himself lost, as I have said.

  Then a little after noon, at the time when I saw his image at the doorof his cell, stretching himself as if after labour or sleep, he had hisrelease.

  Now this is the one matter of which he did not tell me fully, nor wouldhe answer when I asked him except by the words, "_Secretum meum mihi_."["My secret is mine."] But this I know, that he saw our Lord.

  And this I know, too, that with that sight his understanding came backto him, and he perceived for himself that Charity was all. He perceived,also, that he had been striving, and amiss. He had striven to bear hisown sins, and for those few hours our Lord had permitted him to bear theweight. He who bears heaven and earth upon His shoulders, and who borethe burden of the sins of the world in the garden and upon the rood, hadallowed this sweet soul to feel the weight of his own few little sinsfor those few hours.

  When he saw that he made haste to cast them off again upon Him who alonecan carry them and live, and to cry upon His Name; and he understood inthat moment, he said, as never before, something of that passion and ofthe meaning of those five wounds that he had adored so long inignorance.

  But what it was that he saw, and how it was that our Lord shewedHimself, whether on the rood, or as a child with the world in His hands,or as crowned with sharp-thorned roses, or who was with Him, if anywere; I do not know. It was then that he said "_Secretum mihi._" A
ndwhen Master Richard had said that, he added "_Vere languores nostrosipse tulit; et dolores nostros ipse portavit._" ["Surely He hath borneour infirmities, and carried our sorrows" (Is. liii. 4.)]

  * * * * *

  He lay silent a good while after that, and I did not speak to him. Whenhe spoke again, it was to bring to my mind the masses that were to besaid, and then he spoke of the Quinte Essence, and said that it was tobe mine if I wished for it; and all other things of his were to be mineto do as I pleased with them, for he had no kin in the world.

  And after he had spoken of these things the King came in timidly fromthe parlour, and stood by the door; I could see the pallour of his faceagainst the hangings.

  "Come in, my lord King," said Master Richard very faintly. "I have donewhat was to be done, and there now is nothing but to make an end."

  The King knelt down at the further side of the bed.

  "Is it the priest you want, Master Hermit?" he asked.

  "Sir John will read the prayers presently," said Master Richard.

  I heard the King swallow in his throat before he spoke again.

  "And you will remember us all," he said, "before God's Majesty, and inparticular my poor soul in its passion."

  "How could I forget that?" asked Master Richard, and by his voice I knewthat he laughed merrily to himself.

  I asked him whether he would have lights.

  "No, my father," he said, "there will be light enough."

  * * * * *

  It would be an hour later, I should suppose, after Master Blytchett wascome back, when he put out his hand again, and I knew that he wished forthe prayers.

  Now there was only starlight, for he would have no candles, and the moonwas not yet risen. So I went across to the parlour door, and as I wentthrough I could see that the chamber was full of persons all silent, butit was too dark to see who they were. I asked one for a candle, andpresently one was brought, and I saw that my lord cardinal was there,and ... and ... [The names are omitted as usual. This discreet scribe isvery tiresome.] and many others. It was such a death-bed as a king might have.

  So I read the appointed prayers, kneeling on my knees in the doorway,and I was answered by those behind me.

  When I had done that, I stood up to go back, and my lord cardinal caughtme by the sleeve.

  "For the love of Jesu," he said, "ask if we may come in."

  I went back and leaned over Master Richard, taking his hand in my own.

  "My lord and the rest desire to come in, my son," I said. "If they maycome, press my hand."

  He pressed my hand, and I spoke in a low voice, bidding them to come in.

  So they came in noiselessly, one after another; I could see their facesmoving, but no more--my lord cardinal and the great nobles and thegrooms and the rest--till the room was half full of them.

  The door was put to behind them, but I could see the line of light thatshewed it, where the candle burned in the parlour beyond; and I couldhear the sound of their breathing and the rustle once and again of theirfeet upon the rushes.

  Then I knelt down, when the others had knelt, and waited for the agonyto begin, when I should begin the last commendation.

  My children, I have prayed by many death-beds, but I have never seen onelike this.

  The curtains were wide, and the windows, behind me, that he might havebreath to send out his spirit; and without, as I saw when I turned tokneel, the heavens were bright with stars. This was all the light thatwas in the room; it was no more than dark twilight, and I could see nomore of him than what I saw before, the glimmer of his face upon thepillow and his long hair beside it. His fingers were in mine, but theywere very cold by now.

  But he had said that there would be light enough, and so there was.

  It may have been half an hour afterwards that the room began to lightensoftly, as the sky brightened at moonrise, and I could see a little moreplainly. His eyes were closed, and he seemed to be breathing very softlythrough his lips.

  Then the moon rose, and the light lay upon the floor at my side. Then alittle after it was upon the fringes of the coverlet, and it crept upmoment by moment across the leopards and lilies that were broidered ingold and blue.

  At last it lay half across the bed, and I could see the King's face verypale and melancholy upon the other side, and Master Blytchett a littlebehind him.

  And presently it reached Master Richard's hand and my own that laytogether, but my arm was so numbed that I could feel nothing in it; Icould see only that his fingers were in mine.

  So the light crept up his arm to the shoulder, and when it reached hisface we saw that he was gone to his reward.

  Of his Burying

  _Quam dilecta tabernacula tua: Domine virtutum._

  How lovely are Thy tabernacles: O Lord ofHosts.--_Ps. lxxxiii. 1._

  XVI

  It was upon the next day that we tookMaster Richard's body down again to thecountry, and there was such an attendantcompany as I should not have thought thatall London held.

  The King had ordered a great plenty oftapers and hangings and a herse such as isused....

  [The MS. ends abruptly at the foot of the page.]