by Ivy Wild
The logical part of me—the part that hated Silas for teasing and taking advantage, seemed to regain control in the fight for my mind. We were so far away from where we started, negotiating over the cost of my tutoring sessions and I needed to find a way back to that.
“What do you want, Silas?” I asked, hardening my features.
He moved in closer, his mouth a hair’s breadth away from my ear. My hands came up involuntarily to press against his chest, trying to keep him away. But instead, I found myself splaying my fingers against the firm, warm muscle. “To get to know you—the real you,” he whispered before pulling back to a mostly safe distance.
“Then make a proposal.”
His brown eyes sparkled as a smirk rose on his face. As his smile lifted, my heart dropped because if he thought he’d won this battle, than I’d been defeated and I’d even missed when it happened.
“One question.”
“Huh?”
“I get to ask you one question at the end of every tutoring session. Anything I choose. Agree to that and I’ll agree to your extra five hundred.”
I worried my lower lip, momentarily forgetting our positions. “What sort of question?”
“Anything I want. Nothing’s off limits. And you have to answer honestly, otherwise the debt resets.”
My eyes widened. “What? Why would I ever agree to that?”
“Because I believe you think you can be honest. Because I know you want to pay down this debt. And because this is my final offer.”
“That’s not fair,” I huffed.
“I’m not fair,” he drawled.
“I don’t like you,” I said aloud.
“I’m aware,” Silas replied. “And unconcerned,” he added.
I groaned and let my head fall back against the shelves. “Fine,” I said.
“Excellent,” was his immediate response. “First question.” He plucked a book from the shelf to my right and stepped back with his prize. The shadows lifted from around me and I sucked down deep breaths of clean air as I stayed plastered to the shelves.
He turned the paperback around in his hand and pushed it towards me with a raised eyebrow. I pushed off the shelves and reached out for it gingerly, afraid it might bite. Silas let it drop in my hands and then turned back around to sit on one of the plush leather couches in the center of the room. My eyes followed him as he lounged his lithe body out on the sofa and my fingers tingled with the feel of him so fresh in their memory.
“The Sirens of Titan by Kurt Vonnegut. You were reading it when I caught you in here. Why?”
I smiled as I looked down at the little novel full of big ideas. “It’s my favorite book,” I replied honestly.
“Gonna need more to justify five hundred dollars, sweetheart,” he said.
I frowned. “I told you before. My name is Skyler, not sweetheart.”
“My mistake,” he replied coyly.
I made my way over to the sofa opposite him and sat down, holding the little book in my hands. “I’d found a copy in one of those free pop up libraries one time,” I admitted. “I don’t really know what more to say. It just spoke to me. And every time I read it, I felt like it said something different. The characters struggled constantly against something they couldn’t understand and they could never control. They thought they were making choices in their lives but it was all just a façade in the end.”
“Sounds awful. Why like a book like that?”
“Have you read it?”
He tisked. “We’re talking about you, Skyler,” he replied, putting emphasis on my name. “Whether I’ve read it is irrelevant.”
I sighed. He was so very difficult. “Have you ever felt like you spend a tremendous deal of time thinking about a decision, weighing the pros and cons, agonizing over what you’re going to do? And then you finally make that decision. It’s informed, it’s conscious, it’s supposed to be the right choice. And everything just crashes and burns around you afterwards? Things you could never have planned for or anticipated happen?”
He stayed silent and I just shook my head.
“Well, I’ve had that happen, a lot. And these characters did, too,” I explained. “They learned that someone was pulling the strings all along. And the choices they made weren’t choices at all. But despite all of that, they were still able to find meaning in their lives.”
He started to chuckle and I turned to glare daggers at him. “Why are you laughing?”
He shook his head and turned sideways on the couch to face me, looking just as relaxed as before. “That’s not the meaning of the book.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “Says the man who hasn’t read it.”
“I never said I hadn’t read it,” he corrected me haughtily. “I just didn’t want my interpretation to affect yours.”
“Okay then, professor. What do you think it means?”
“Our entire lives are predetermined by a series of accidents. The event that started the chain of events you spoke of was an accident. What meaning is there in that, hm? To find out that you’re the victim of a series of accidents, ad infinitum? Kurt was trying to tell us that there is no such thing as free will. Which means there’s no meaning to any of this. It’s supposed to empower you to live life the way you want, because whatever you decide, you’ll be correct because none of it matters.”
I rolled my eyes. “I think you should read it again,” I said. I stood and made my way toward him, intent on handing him back the book, but he had other ideas. He grabbed the book and tossed it onto the coffee table without care. I gasped, turning to make sure it was okay and in my distraction, he pulled me down on top of him.
His body was so warm. It was in such contrast to his cold outlook on life. I struggled against him half-heartedly but he only wrapped his arms around me, holding me still. Strong fingers tilted my chin up and I was forced to look into his deep brown eyes. “For example, say I wanted to kiss you. I wouldn’t worry about whether it was the right choice. Because whatever I chose would be the right choice. And if I did, it wouldn’t matter anyways.”
I gulped and held still. I didn’t know how to process any of this. I’d never been kissed before. I’d never even been alone in the same room with a boy before. I never allowed myself to have crushes because I knew I’d always be disappointed. Boys weren’t interested in me. And Silas wasn’t either. He just enjoyed teasing someone who was more vulnerable than him.
Just at the moment I’d finally accepted my fate, felt myself relax into his embrace and prepare myself for the tumult of emotions I knew would follow after Silas stole my first kiss, he pushed me off of him and back to my feet and said, “But nevermind. That’s not your interpretation of the book.”
* * *
Present
A whole week had gone by since the time Silas all but ran out of my new apartment at break neck speeds. I tried not to feel self-conscious about it, but the more and more days that passed without getting anything more from him than a forwarded email was disconcerting.
My first paycheck had arrived by FedEx on Monday morning before 8 a.m. I’d held it in my hands, still not truly believing that my enemy from high school had really agreed to pay me six figures to be his glorified secretary. But, the check cashed and I was able to give mom the money she so desperately needed to stay afloat for another month ahead of schedule.
The temptation to go out and spend the rather generous paycheck on all manner of things I didn’t need was tempting. But, I kept reminding myself that I had no way of knowing how long things between me and Silas would last. And if experience taught me anything, things were going to either dissolve slowly with Silas or the ground was going to drop out beneath my feet at the most unexpected time. If either happened, I wanted to have a good cushion saved up.
Silas had told me to expense my move, but since he’d provided me with a furnished apartment, I didn’t see the sense in hiring movers. It had taken me the better part of the weekend, but I’d stuffed most of my everyday items
in random bins, boxes and suitcases I had laying around and packed my Prius to the brim.
The one extra item I’d allowed myself to bring over was the framed piece of notebook paper I had hanging in the kitchen that read, “You are the victim of a series of accidents” written by a very specific high school bully. I don’t know why it was so important to me. But maybe, it was because I wanted a reminder of just who I was dealing with. I set it up on my new kitchen counter so I could look at it every day.
I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t tried to sneak peeks at Silas’ apartment. Mine was on the same level with his and the buildings were fairly close together being just across the street. And both units had balconies that faced the river. But every time I looked over at his side of the street, the blinds were shut tight and I couldn’t tell whether he was even home or not. It frustrated me and that frustrated me even more.
I knew I shouldn’t be thinking about him or caring what he was doing. Silas and I were hot and cold. Mixing us together was sure to form a tornado and bring about an equal amount of destruction.
So, on a Friday morning, as I ate an extremely plebeian breakfast of overnight oats and homemade drip coffee with almond milk creamer while reading a BuzzFeed article entitled “Fifteen Celebrity Tweets you Missed this Week,” my phone screen lit up just as I was about to watch Ryan Reynold’s newest trolling video of Hugh Jackman.
The name on the screen had my heart doing somersaults and I tried to suck in calming breaths as I pressed the phone to my ear. “Hello?”
“Sky!” the voice boomed back at me from the other side of the phone. “Heard from Sophie that you got an upgrade.”
I chuckled half-heartedly. “Yeah, I guess you could say that.”
“You haven’t been by the shop recently and Soph and I were talking and we thought it might be nice to do a little housewarming for you. So this is me formally inviting myself to your new place on behalf of myself.”
I laughed at Trevor’s antics. No matter the situation, he always made me feel at ease. He’d been one of the first people I’d met when I’d moved back to Washington from my failed attempts to become an actress in New York. We’d hooked up a few times, sure. But, ultimately we’d decided on keeping things to a strictly friends-only relationship, sans benefits. We were too similar to be any good together and we both understood that.
“Yeah, that sounds good, Trev. When were you guys thinking?”
“Tonight,” he replied immediately. “We’ve got to celebrate your first week on your new job in style.”
I bit my lower lip, trying to think if there was any reason why tonight wouldn’t work, but I was coming up empty. “Okay. Tonight it is. I’ll text you the address. Are you gonna pick up Soph?”
Trevor laughed. “As long as Connor lets me drive his pregnant wife and doesn’t insist on hiring us an armored vehicle, then yes.”
I laughed. Sophie’s husband, Connor, was a little overprotective of her. But, considering all they’d gone through to be together, I could understand that. “Good luck with that.” My phone started beeping in my ear, telling me I had another call. “I gotta go, Trev. See you tonight.”
I switched the call over without having a chance to see who was on the other line. “Hello?” I replied.
“Be in the lobby in fifteen minutes,” a deep voice said into my ear. My stomach dropped and I pulled the phone down to confirm the caller. Of course it was Silas. “Skyler?” His voice was insistent.
“I’m here,” I said, pulling the phone back up to my ear. “Is there something wrong?” I hadn’t heard from him all week and then the first time he calls me is to tell me to be in the lobby in an unreasonable amount of time? I figured something had to be up. Silas’ general demeanor was calm, easy and relaxed. Somehow, he sounded tense.
“Fine. Just be ready.”
“Okay,” I said, but the line went dead before I had the chance to finish saying the word.
I didn’t have time to dilly-dally anyways. I currently wasn’t wearing any makeup and I hadn’t gone out in public without a heavy dose of color on my face in the last decade.
I all but ran into the bathroom and with a practiced hand, applied eyeshadow, dark liner, mascara, primer, foundation, powder, blush and highlighter in under ten minutes. When I finally felt presentable, I rushed into my closet and threw on the nearest outfit, which ended up being ankle length navy trousers, a silver shell and a snow-leopard patterned blazer in purple. I was sure Silas would comment, but he hadn’t really given me much time to plan out my outfit.
I rushed past the large mirror in the foyer, trying to put my heels on at the same time and cursed as I saw the state of my hair. I had completely forgotten to brush it out and it sat there on the top of my head in a wild bun, mocking me. I groaned and looked at the clock, realizing I didn’t have enough time to brush it out. I pressed the button for the elevator and pulled the nest down, trying to smooth the lumps over with my fingers as best as possible as I fixed it into a more professional looking bun.
I grabbed my purse and put my other shoe on as the elevator carried me downstairs and tried to catch my breath before the doors opened. My heels clicked against the polished floors as I walked my way to the front and I noticed a black sedan waiting out front. I figured it was Silas and decided to take a chance and made my way outside.
The window rolled down as I approached and sure enough, Silas was in the back seat, looking at the Patek Philippe watch on his wrist. “I’m surprised.” His tone was back to its normal ease and I narrowed my eyes at him. “You actually pulled it off.”
His eyes moved up and down my outfit and twinkled as his mouth shifted into a smirk. “Well, mostly.”
“Was this some sort of test?” I snapped, not able to control my temper.
Silas didn’t answer. Instead, he rolled up the window and opened the door. He didn’t step outside, but instead gestured for me to enter. I complied, but with a scowl on my face.
“So, if this wasn’t a test, then where are we going?” I asked, curiosity getting the better of me.
“To the courthouse,” Silas said, scrolling through his phone absently.
“And why would we be going there?” I asked.
“Bankruptcy hearing.”
My breath caught in my throat. “For you?”
He laughed. “No, definitely not for me. For a company.”
“One of your companies?”
His brown eyes stayed fixated on his phone and I took a chance and looked him up and down. His blond hair had been styled slightly and pushed back and he was wearing a dark navy suit with a thin silver tie that contrasted with his slightly olive complexion. He was stunningly gorgeous, at least on the outside.
“Sort of,” he said. He finally looked up at me and I wished he hadn’t. His stares were so intense and they took me back to when we were in high school. To a time when he’d used those eyes of his to put me under some spell. That was the only explanation for everything I’d done for him.
“What does ‘sort of’ mean?”
“Curious today,” he said with a small smile.
“I am your assistant,” I pointed out. “I should know what’s going on.”
He shrugged. “It’s for R&R Realty. Maybe you’ve heard of it?”
I widened my eyes and nodded. “Yeah, everybody’s heard of it.” I didn’t elaborate because I wasn’t sure how sensitive Silas was about the subject. If he were a normal person of normal shame levels, he would have been highly embarrassed by the situation. Carter Ross had given up his position as CEO when he sold all his shares to his father and Silas. The company had not done well under their leadership and had filed for Chapter Seven last year. The carnage was akin to Enron level fallout with twice as much drama.
Sean Ross, Carter’s father, had disappeared soon after the company had filed for Bankruptcy protection and people speculated—a lot. Suicide, murder, kidnap, those were some of the tamer theories. As for Silas, he’d remained out front and visible through
the whole thing, claiming he had only tried to do what was right for the company and its shareholders, but sometimes companies were too bloated to save. The media couldn’t seem to make up its mind about Silas and neither could the public. It was hard to stay mad at someone as beautiful and as smooth talking as him.
“Why are you taking me with you?” I asked.
“You’re my assistant, aren’t you?” he replied, as if that somehow answered the question.
My adrenaline rush had started to fade and was slowly being replaced with increasing amounts of anxiety. “I’m not going to have to say anything, am I?” I had no idea what I was walking into and I knew Silas wasn’t above ambushing people, as evidenced by this morning.
He chuckled. “No. It doesn’t quite work like that. We’ll just be observing. The lawyers will be doing all the work. I’m just trying to stay visible.”
“Okay,” I said uncertainly.
The next two hours of my life passed by at the slowest rate humanly possible. Bank after bank got up to make their claims against the remaining assets of the company as we sat in the church-like pews behind counsel table. I had to stifle exactly twelve yawns and I’m quite sure that Silas had purposefully elbowed me out of a short nap somewhere around the halfway mark.
When we were finally done, the mere act of walking out of the courtroom and back to the lobby felt like some sort of high. “Just hang back a moment,” Silas said to me and I nodded as I stood on the mezzanine overlooking the security checkpoint at the entrance. I turned around to watch as Silas strode over to one of the many men in dark suits. I thought it odd that they didn’t exchange handshakes. The slightly balding man opposite Silas seemed irritated and Silas was his normal calm, easy, charming self.
The man continued to get redder and redder in the face, until it was about the color of Toaster Strudel filling. Finally, Silas laughed, clapped him on the shoulder and walked away, leaving the man fuming over something.