Brightly Burning Bridges: A Bully Romance (Kings of Capital)
Page 11
I’d let him dig at my insides because he had me convinced he would find my pearl. I was the fool because all it’d done was left me a mess.
I wiped cold tears off my face that I hadn’t realized I’d cried and began my long walk back to our neighborhood. Maybe he thought I’d be able to call for a ride. Rich people always seemed to think everyone was as privileged as them. But I didn’t own a cell phone. Even if I did, I’d left my bag at his house because he said we’d be going back.
It was starting to get dark and the old denim jacket I had on offered little in the way of warmth or comfort. I walked in silence, my mind as numb as the rest of me.
As I turned the corner for our neighborhood, I tried to imagine what I might say to him when I went to retrieve my bag. I couldn’t ask my mother to knock on his door for me, she’d start asking all sorts of questions. Elyse would never stoop to doing me a favor and the realization that I had not one friend I could call upon stung, but I was used to that feeling by now. As I walked towards his house, I knew I’d just have to do this last errand myself.
And I promised myself that it was going to be the last thing I did that involved Silas Jenkins. A part of me understood why he was behaving this way, but the other part, the part that was shivering with borderline hypothermia just didn’t care. Life was all about disappointment. I’d learned that from a young age when my father decided to run out on my mother because I didn’t “look right.” I knew it wasn’t exactly the same, but in a way it was. I’d lost the opportunity to even know my father. At least Silas got some time with his mother in this life.
The closer I got to Silas’ mansion, the louder and louder the music got, until it was pressing against my ears so hard not even my swirling emotions were able to keep it out. I looked up at the overdone borderline palace and my upper lip curled in disgust. It was just like the first party, but worse—far worse.
People I vaguely recognized from my new school were flowing in and out of the house. A couple was making out on the steps as people tried to squeeze by them. Another group of girls sported red Solo cups and no tops as they giggled wildly while two guys chased after them.
I sucked in a deep breath and immediately regretted it because the smell of marijuana and booze filled my nostrils, making me want to puke. How Silas got away with throwing these things I couldn’t quite understand. It was obvious his father was never home, but the fact that no one ever bothered to call the cops on the blatant underaged drinking, smoking and God-knows-what-else was beyond me.
I squared my shoulders and steeled my nerves and pushed my way past the PDA couple and into the house. “Ride It” by Ciara & Ludacris was blasting so loud as people grinded against one another, sloshing beer and spiked juice all over the expensive floors and furniture. I looked around, trying to see if I could spot Silas, but of course he wasn’t downstairs with the rest of the crowd.
He was too fucking good for that.
He had to pretend that he was above it all.
But really?
He was so far beneath it. He couldn’t understand that his perspective had flipped at some point in his life and he saw the world through an inverted lens.
And maybe three hours ago I thought I could be the one to help him flip it back but I was so past that now.
I saw Elyse out of the corner of my eye, trying to chat up some guy I thought might be on the football team. She made a face as I made my way over to her.
“What do you want?” she snipped at me, her eyes watching the guy she’d been talking to move towards the makeshift dance floor.
“I need to see Silas,” I said. “Have you seen him?”
“Why?” she asked, giving me an odd look before turning back to search out her hookup.
“Have you seen him?” I repeated, my attitude getting the better of me.
“No,” she replied. “But he’s usually upstairs.”
“Thanks,” I said as she muttered something about it being my funeral.
I ducked under the rope that blocked off the stairs, just like I had done a few weeks ago and tried to make my way to the second floor without anyone noticing. This evening felt like a repeat of that first night and somehow I had a feeling it was going to be ten times worse.
My suspicions were confirmed when I heard a combination of moans and grunts coming from the east-side balcony. Silas’ mansion was divided into two wings, each of which had large concrete patios that stretched out on either side. His mother’s library was in the east wing, adjacent to one of the doorways that led to the balconies.
Silas had admitted to seeing me through the window when he was out on the balcony that first night and from the sounds of it, he was out there again this evening, but he wasn’t alone. I tried to convince myself that I didn’t care what he was doing and who he was doing it with. I was just here for my bag and that was it.
It was the biggest lie I’d ever told myself though and the weight of it crushed me as I walked past the entrance to the balcony to see Silas pushing a girl wearing a metallic gold dress against the brick facing of the house. His lips were on her throat and his fingers were plunged between her tanned legs, her tits on display as she threw her head of dark brown hair back, moaning his name.
That beautiful green snake called Envy wrapped its body around me and squeezed each and every drop of air I had out of my lungs. I was frozen to the spot, watching him finger fuck this chick to completion and I both hated him and wanted to be her all at the same time.
King barked upon seeing me, startling everyone except no-name chick into reality. Silas turned and our gazes met. The glue that had been holding my feet to the floor melted and I ran into the library as fast as I could.
My feet slid across the slippery tile but I managed to catch myself before I fell. I scrambled over to where my backpack was sitting, cursing the fact that I hadn’t packed up my books and tried to shove them roughly into my bag.
I needed out of this house.
I needed out of this neighborhood.
I needed out of this fucked up reality I’d found myself trapped in.
“And just where do you think you’re going?” a deep voice slurred from somewhere near the door. I didn’t need to look up to know who it was.
“I’m going home, Silas,” I said, fighting back the tears that were threatening to run down my face as I tried to fit too many textbooks into my backpack.
“Like fuck you are,” he said, making his way toward me.
I stood to my full height and looked at him. My heart dropped at seeing him this way. “Silas, you’re drunk.” I could smell the marijuana coming off of him in waves. “And probably high. You should call it a night.”
I didn’t know why I was trying to give him advice. I should have told him to go fuck himself and be done with it.
“I’ll call it a night if you call it one with me,” he drawled, moving in closer to me.
“Get away from me, Silas,” I said, trying to feign confidence but he just laughed.
“You don’t want that, Sky. I saw the way you looked at me. The way you looked at her. You wanted that to be you, hm?”
I didn’t think his comment warranted a response. Either that or I was too choked up to say something back. I picked up my backpack and tried to lift it onto my shoulders, but even in his inebriated state he was quick. The bag tumbled to the floor as he pushed it away and I felt my back press into the wall behind me.
“Admit it, Sky. You. Want. Me.” He was so close to me now. His lips were ghosting against my neck and his hand was pressing against my hip.
I hated this.
I hated him.
I hated the way he made me feel.
And I hated the way he smelled like someone else’s perfume.
“I can smell her on you,” I seethed at him through grit teeth.
He pulled back, lifting his face so that his eyes were even with mine. His fingers moved up, making me shiver on their ascent before pinching my chin. I grimaced as I wondered whether it
was the hand that had, minutes before, been knuckle deep in another woman’s cunt.
“You wish it were you, don’t you?” he drawled.
“No,” I bit back, but I was a fucking liar. Truth was, I wanted Silas. I wanted him bad. And I wanted him all to myself. I didn’t want to share him. Not with some bimbo. Not with anyone. I loved the way him and I had developed our study routine. I loved that out of everyone in his life, except for maybe his mother, I knew him the best.
He had hot edges and a frozen center, but at least I knew all the secrets he kept hidden there were for me and me alone. But I didn’t know how to say any of this. Worse than that, I didn’t know how to admit any of this. I hated and wanted him at the same time. He said I was a contradiction but that was only because he tore me in two.
“You lie like a rug and you’re faker than my smile,” he whispered against my ear.
He smelled like booze, marijuana and sweet pea body spray wrapped in his cologne.
I closed my eyes to this reality as he moved in closer to me. His lips brushed against mine and I didn’t fight it and he could sense that. The only people that knew us better than our mothers were each other. He knew I would have fought back if I didn’t want this.
He knew it and he abused it.
His lips moved forward, pressing against mine at the same time the tears I’d been fighting back spilled down my cheeks. The saltwater mixed in as I tried desperately not to kiss him back and lost.
I hadn’t realized at the time just how much I’d lost in that moment.
Not only had I lost my first kiss to a boy who definitely didn’t deserve it, but I’d lost a piece of myself to him too. His frozen chest pressed against mine, but there was no way I was going to be able to thaw his heart. No, instead a piece of mine attached to his and when he pulled away, he ripped it from me.
I didn’t say anything as he looked at me. I knew he was waiting for my reaction.
He was waiting for me to accept him.
To tell him I forgave him for his behavior.
To want him.
But I wasn’t going to give him any of that.
I was going to give him cold concrete under worn rubber.
I was going to give him a three mile walk home at dusk.
I was going to give him everything he gave to me and more.
I wiped my lips with the back of my hand, slid out from between where his arms caged me, grabbed my backpack and left him alone in the place we were together.
The tears that had started when he kissed me didn’t stop. They poured down my cheeks as I walked the last few steps back to my temporary home behind the Touper residence. The moment I opened the door my mother rushed over to me.
“Mia, what happened? Where have you been?”
As a senior, I was pretty independent by now, but my routine had been to be home by dinner. Considering it was well past nine, I could understand why my mother had been worried.
I just shook my head and let the rest of the tears fall down my cheeks. My mother pulled me in tight to her chest and I stood there, letting her warmth seep into me as the water from my eyes tried to wash away the last few hours.
She asked if I’d eaten and I shook my head, letting it fall to the table as she heated up a microwave dinner for me quickly. When it was finally ready, she brought it over and sat down next to me, looking at me with nothing but love and concern.
“Tell me about it?” she asked quietly.
“It was a boy, mom,” I said.
“That boy Silas who gives you rides sometimes?”
I nodded.
“He didn’t hurt you, did he?”
I sighed as more tears dripped down my pale cheeks. “Just my heart.”
“Oh, sweet chica. I’ve never met a man who hasn’t had the ability to hurt a woman’s heart. It seems like they’re born with the trait.”
“He kissed me, mom,” I admitted to her, feeling a bit embarrassed by the whole thing.
“Well, that’s not so bad, right?”
I shook my head. “I know it can’t be good.”
She patted my hand and pressed a finger to my chin, lifting my head up slightly. “You are as beautiful and bright as a clear blue sky, my love. Don’t ever give someone permission to darken your horizon.”
“Thanks mom,” I said, still feeling miserable. I took a bite of my lasagna. The center burned my tongue.
* * *
I stood alone in my mother’s library, listening to Skyler’s footsteps blend with Lady Gaga’s “Bad Romance.” My teeth grit in frustration. I wasn’t as drunk as she seemed to think, a little high maybe, but I still had my faculties. If she thought I wasn’t going to remember what happened, then she had another thing coming.
She could lie to herself, but she couldn’t lie to me. She’d wanted me to kiss her. The fact that she’d kissed me back was proof enough for me. And then she’d gone and ruined the whole thing by pulling her disappearing act.
“Silas.” The brunette I’d been close to fucking earlier shimmied her way towards me and I held up my hand.
“Don’t.” She stopped suddenly, looking down at her stilettos like the threshold to the library was some sort of lava. My eyes raked up her body. Her dark brown hair was still a mess from earlier and she hadn’t bothered to fix her dress, so one tit hung out as the stretchy fabric sat high on her thighs. A total class act. “The library’s off limits,” I said, pushing off the shelf and making my way toward her.
“I saw that other girl come in here,” she said, not trying to hide the jealousy that was coating her voice.
“She’s a friend,” I almost said, but then thought better of it. “It’s whatever. How about we pick up where we left off?” I slurred, taking a swig from the red Soho cup she was holding. I closed the door behind me and leaned against it.
“And where was that?”
I gripped her chin with my fingers. Her lips were overlined in red lipstick that made it look like she was ready to audition for her next porno. In a way, she was. She tried to press forward, but I held her in place. She was not the sort of girl I was going to kiss.
“Why don’t you show me just how good these lips of yours work,” I said, pushing her down and unzipping my jeans. She smiled as she looked up at me before wrapping her manicured fingers around my cock.
I couldn’t remember who this chick was exactly. Calie? Carly? Something with a C. And I’m pretty sure she was in college. Or maybe that’s where I was getting the “C” from. Either way, she gave good enough head to help me forget the sting of rejection I was currently feeling.
Her tongue wrapped around my crown as she bobbed up and down, but I wanted this faster, harder. I held her still by her long brown hair and fucked her face until she was gagging on my cock, the sounds blocking out the noise of the party below.
I pulled out of her mouth and turned her around, pulling her dress the rest of the way down so she was entirely on display. If anyone came upstairs, they’d certainly get a show. I fished a condom out of my pocket, ripped it open and pushed her slinky dress up over her ass. No panties. Go figure.
I bent her over an antique console table that lined the hallway and entered her in one smooth motion. She was loud, annoying and entirely over the top about the way I fucked her. She screamed my name, begging me for more, almost as if she wanted the entire party downstairs to know that she had managed to fuck the Party King.
Whatever. I hated noise, but I loathed silence. And at the moment, listening to College scream “Fuck me harder, Silas,” was better than reliving Skyler’s silent rejection.
Skyler and I had exactly two classes together. We didn’t usually speak much during school, but today she wouldn’t even acknowledge I existed. She used to smile when we crossed paths in the hallways, not enough for anyone else to see, but I knew those moments were just for me, anyways.
But now all I got from her was silence. It was like she was trying to erase my existence from her reality. And it pissed me off.
And the more I thought about it, the more I was convinced it was because she was embarrassed by me, by everything I’d told her and by my mother. And I would never forgive her for that.
So when the teacher called her up to the front of the classroom to present her assignment, I may have left my leg in the aisle the smallest bit. Her nose was so fucking high in the air when she passed, trying desperately not to notice me, that she fell flat on her face, her papers flying everywhere as her palms smacked against the carpeted floor.
The entire class gasped before a few of us snickered. A friend of mine elbowed me. “Dude. Her skin’s like paper thin, right? Careful or she’ll tear in two,” he laughed.
“Silas,” the teacher said sternly—or as sternly as she could. Ms. Clifford was a long term substitute for an actual teacher who was on sabbatical. She was fresh out of college and had zero control over the classroom.
“It wasn’t me,” I said lightheartedly, holding up my hands in defense, as Skyler got to her feet and collected her belongings.
“Skyler, are you hurt?” the teacher asked in a somewhat concerned voice. I watched as Skyler shook her head before I looked down at the floor to see the faintest stains of blood. She stood in front of the classroom, her voice shaking as she recited her lines from The Canterbury Tales and I looked her up and down. The tights on her uniform were ripped at the knee and a bit of blood was seeping out.
I should have felt bad.
Instead, I felt nothing at all.
Or so I tried to tell myself.
“Something’s not right with you,” Garrett said to me as he took a drag on the joint he was holding.