by Tatiana Ruiz
— Okay... I’ll be there! - the emotion could be felt in her voice.
Amélia was radiant. It was the chance she needed to tell how much she thought about everything and reached the conclusion that she acted like a complete idiot, with old fashioned ideas and that in fact she just didn't wanted to admit how much she liked Patricia. That staying without her had been worse than death, and that now she knew the reason that led her to that kiss. Her subconscious threw her into the well of the deepest desires from her soul, but like every scared human, she made that be erased from her mind. After work, the two of them said goodbye in a friendly manner, Patricia gave Amelia a long hug, like before, and they went to their homes.
At eight, exactly, the doorbell rang and D. Adelaide opened.
— Hello my darling – they greeted each other – come on in. My god... It’s been so long... - the lady looked her from top to bottom - You’re so skinny! Thank god we have lasagna today. When I found out Paty was gonna invite you to eat here today I made it exactly the way you like it.
— Thank you mom Adelaide... You have always been an angel with me. Where is Trici? She said she wanted to talk with me...
— Oh, she’s I her room – she pointed deeper in the house – I think she went for a bath. But it’s been some time, I bet she’s finished. You know the way. I’ll be on the kitchen finishing dinner, or we won’t eat.
The girl smiled. She ran up the stairs, stumbling on the last step and already entered the room calling loudly to her friend. Not seeing her anywhere, she imaged her to still be in the bath. “That naughty girl... She has always liked looooooooong baths” she thought. She went to wait on the bed, and then found an envelope. “To Meli”. She wondered and opened it.
"Hi Meli...
If you’re reading this it’s because you entered the room with that careless way of yours ad didn't find me and went straight to my bed to wait for me. It’s funny... When you know someone for so long you can predict all their steps.
In all these years of friendship I have always felt something special for you. You weren't just my friend, you were something else. I believe it was you felt for a sister, but later I found out it wasn't. It was much more than that, it was a feeling bigger than anything else in this world. It was love... In it’s purest and simplest form.
Every time we went out I would make out with as many girls as I could in order to try and erase this feeling from inside me. To try to kill this need I had of you, the jealousy I felt whenever I saw you in another person’s arms... Whenever we went back home, you would come back so drunk that you would always crash on the living room’s floor. I would take you to bed and stay on the armchair taking care of you while you slept, seeing if you were breathing okay, seeing if you weren't gonna puke and suffocate... That’s why I would always wake up on that chair.
You know Amelia, I could stand everything... Seeing you with other people, listening about your dates and hookups... Except your look on that day. The way you looked at me was something that harmed me more than anything else. And I can’t stand to live with it.
I just wanted to say that I love the way you read, always out loud so you can understand the words better... And I wanted to thank you for the wonderful years that I spent living with you.
I love you...
Trici."
The end of the letter woke Amélia up, that ran towards the bathroom, breaking down the door and standing there on time to see Patricia, with a sad look, close her eyes. The tub was filled with red water and, on the ground was a large knife – one her mother used to chop meat - that was still stained with the dark blood that started to coagulate.
— No... - the voice refused to make itself heard while she remembered a conversation they had a while back, and the hoarse screams died on her lips – No Trici, you cant leave me know... No! Wait...
***
— If you were gonna kill yourself, how would you do it? - Patricia put both her hands behind her head, laid on the pillow, avoiding the look of her friend who was also on bed at her side.
— That’s insane! Why such a gloomy talk now? I thought you – she moved her fingers and made a funny voice while saying the word- goooooooth phase had passed. - they laughed together.
— No... It’s not gloomy. It’s just that I’ve seen Romeo and Juliet recently - she shook her head, while still looking to the ceiling - so it got me thinking. If I really liked someone and couldn't be with her, would I kill myself too? And the answer is maybe. - she raised her eyebrows, ignoring the fact that Amelia was gasping at her side, ready to speak something. She continued before she could – I don't know. I think you can also die of a broken heart, and I would rather end the suffering before. In a quicker and painless way.
— I can’t believe you’re thinking about those things Trici. That's horrible! - Amélia let herself fall on the pillow again, stretching her arms besides her body and looking at the painted dots on the ceiling - I don think I would ever let someone hurt me like that. I don't have a talent for being a Juliet - she smiled, but her friend didn't react. She saw that for her the matter was really serious. She sighed - OK, hypothetically, if I had to kill myself – Patricia’s head moved a few inches, her incredulous eyes set on the redhead – What? You started it! I’m just following you. Continuing – she gestured – if I had to kill myself, if I was suffering a sow death filled with agony because of some sickness or something that happened and I couldn't stand to live anymore... I think I would shot myself on the head. It’s quick, easy and that’s it. Done. None of that shit of filling myself with medicine like they do in movies. - she made a disgusted face – Besides tasting horribly it’s also probably way too painful!
— But with a gunshot you would ruin that pretty face you’ve got. - Patricia said with a sad smile.
— I would, wouldn't I? - Amélia agreed with a thoughtful look – Then I think... Poison maybe? No... I’d get all bloated. I don't know. I never gave it much thought! What do you suggest Oh Mrs. Persephone, Lady of the Underworld – she was making that funny voice again, which made Patricia laugh. She always had that power.
— Well I don’t know for you – she turned on her side, facing the friend – but to me it always seemed poetic and charming to fill a bathtub with hot water and slit the wrists... Watching the water’s color slowly change and to feel the sleep coming. Not feeling your body go cold because the water won’t let it. - her eyes became distant.
— Yeah... - the green haired girl was pulled from her daydreaming by the other one – You win! You’re way more talented at this than I am. - She jumped out of bed and assumed a master of ceremony posture – And the Oscar of Best Death goes to... - she mimicked the beating of drums - Paaaaaatriciaaaaaa!!!!! - she raised her arms, swinging from one side to the other and making a low sound with her mouth, imitating the crowd calling her name, who was bent over laughing.
— Some fool you are! I was being serious... - she threw one of the pillow, that was thrown back by Amélia, starting a pillow fight – You’re worthless!
— So are you! - she shouted back while hitting the friend with a pillow – Thinking about those things... I don’t allow you to leave me. Ever! Are we understood?
— Whatever you say... Captain. - Patricia pretended to salute and got hit with another pillow - I promise I’ll never leave you.
The spent the next hour playing and another two cleaning all the mess they’d made.
***
She ran there and knelt, her legs touching the cold blue floor. The curtain drawings were scrambled on her clouded eyes. She couldn’t even say if they were colored butterflies of moths from the underworld, ready to cover her eyes and devour her soul. She could barely breath, such was the pain on her chest. That had to be a nightmare. She pinched her own arm, in a childish attempt to prove herself she was dreaming, but the sharp pain brought her to the harsh reality. She turned her attention again to what was in front of her. The skin was red due the hotness of the bath. She raised two fingers and ch
ecked the pulse on the neck, looked for any sign of breathing, she needed to find something, any sign of life, no matter how small, desperation already taking shape in her heart, but there was nothing else to be done. She was dead.
– It can’t be... – she let herself fall to the floor.
The pain she felt in that moment tore through he. It was like dying, reviving, and dying again infinite times in a universe where time stopped existing. Several flashes from childhood went through her mind, in a sadistic and macabre dance. The day they met, when Patricia defended her from an older boy who was pulling her hair. He called her a whore. She cried so much, without even knowing what it meant. It was the first time she received one of her friend’s warm hugs. Also the games e dolls they played with, where the doll from one of them always had to be the boyfriend of the other girl’s doll – because they didn't had a male doll that fit – Amelia’s first kiss – the first of many secrets the friend kept - and the jealousy she felt about the friend’s first crush. The day Trici confessed to her she liked girls... The way her heat beat out of rhythm and she thought it was just because of the unexpectedness of the news. So many small detail, so many beautiful memories that now only made the gear in her chest get stuck and break apart in thousands of rusty pieces. Even with everything she knew about her, she never thought the friend could have loved her like that. They grew up together, it was natural for a stronger feeling to appear, but at the same time it was unthinkable for her. Funny how now everything made sense... How could she had been so blind? But until recently she also couldn't see her feelings weren't only of friendship, so she couldn't blame Patricia’s intentions. Now it was clear in her mind and in her heart how much she loved her, and that she decided to say everything, to open up to her, to ask forgiveness for having been a complete idiot and maybe trying something... They would no longer have time for that... It was extremely unfair! How could God allow something like that to happen? Hadn't she learned it was his the power to decide who goes and who stays in this planet? Also how could Patricia have done this to her? Invite her to watch her die. Maybe she invited her expecting Amélia to notice something, to talk her out of it at the last second. Maybe she wanted to be stopped... In this case it would have been her fault for taking so long to come up, even if in her core she knew she couldn't have gotten to the room faster.
— Why didn’t you wait for me? Why? - the tears were rolling thick – You lied to me... You said we would always be together... You said I would never have to be alone again...
She were wrong. She had been wrong all this time. She doubtlessly had the talent for being a Juliet, because the pain now felt was unbearable. Tearing her insides apart. An idea emerged in the end of the desperation tunnel she found herself in and she couldn't think of anything else. She knew exactly what she had to do. Deep breaths. It was so obvious, so clear. If Patricia couldn't stand to live in a world where Amelia hated her, how could she stand to live in a world where Patricia didn't exist? The answer was simple: she couldn't.
— Wait for me Trici... Wait for me... - she kept repeating while undressing, carefully folding her clothes and putting them side by side with Patricia’s.
She grabbed the knife and entered the bathtub. Her hands were shaking, but in her mind there was no other way. Nothing else mattered to her, only being with Patricia, and she would get that by any means necessary! Again the images came, the boyfriends and girlfriends, the jealousy she felt from every girl who spoke with Patricia, the nightclubs, the times she woke up early and watched her sleep – something she never found out, just like Amélia didn't knew she was put in bed after every party night -, the sound of her laughter... The one she would never hear again. Tears ran freely and there was no going back. With closed eyes she stabbed her own belly, twisting the blade so the wound was in fact deadly. She knew that even with all the current technology and new things in medicine it would be impossible for them to arrive in time to save her life. For everything there’s a way, except for death, is what her mother used to say. Until someone appeared, she would already have bled until nothing was left, just like Patricia. Not even for a second did she thought about her family, as the colored hair friend also hadn't. They’d been selfish, she knew that, but she was totally blinded by suffering. She only felt she wouldn't last much longer. Soon she’d be with her love. With some effort the pulled out the object from her body, biting her lips as not to scream and, enveloping her lover’s body, murmured “I love you too” and delivered herself to the slow and painful death.
D. Adelaide went up the stairs to call the girls after a few minutes, seeing they weren't coming down for dinner. She was so happy to know the girls were talking again. She had witnessed every on the these girl’s phases, since they were little until adulthood, when they decided to fly by themselves and share an apartment. Something in the heart on a mother told her that sooner or later that bomb would explode, but there was no advice for fixing that. The heart is a no man’s land. It even had taken a long time for the friendship to take a hit. She watched her daughter’s tears when she missed the other one, she gave so many advices and waited for so long for them to get back. She knew that when everything was said and done they really liked each other. Maybe Amelia didn't see things in the same way, but she hoped that in some way the two of them would get back. Food was in the tray on top of the table, the silverware were neatly set as if they were waiting for a King to visit. They deserved it. But when arriving at her daughter’s room she saw the letter on the bed. Curiosity took over her and she skimmed through, believing it to finally be Patricia’s declaration of her love for Amelia, in sweet and kind words. Maybe they had even made peace and left without her noticing. In now kind of alternate universe could she had dreamed that what the paper held was a Goodbye filled with suffering and pain. After the last line she was taken to the bathroom by her legs, but the water was already getting cold. After the initial screams of desperation and the unnecessary shaking of the bodies she managed to call an ambulance. Maybe there was still time. She couldn't lose her two girl this way.
When the paramedics arrived they found two corpses hugging, one looking extremely sad and the other with a smile on her lips, as if she had finally found happiness.
During the funeral’s preparation D. Adelaide pieced the puzzle together, coming to the conclusion that her daughter had did from a broken heart the other had followed her, being unable to stand her absence. It was horrible to know that a simple conversation could have prevented all that, that if Amélia had opened up before and if Patricia had listened... But there was no going back. Now she had to live with the pain of losing her two girls as best as she could. She asked, then, permission to Amélia’s family to bury the two of them together, giving them in death what they should have had in life: the chance to fulfill their union foe the rest of their days.
9
— Wake up! Count Emrich requests the prisoner’s presence – said the guard throwing clothes to Lucélia. - And he orders you to be at least presentable.
Lucélia pulled the arm from the whole in the wall, that was caressing Halaesia, to her cell and picked up the dress, going to a dark corner, away from the starving eyes of the guards, to put it. They followed the guards to her father’s house, where he waited for them outside, near the big oak.
— Daddy... - she took a step ahead.
Before reaching him she was prevented, by his loyal men, from getting any closer. She stopped, sadness marking her face, and wait for some reaction from him. She had her arms alongside her body, in a defeat position. Knowing she could do nothing but wait for a reaction from the mighty Count.
— As you know, this was the place where it all happened... Where shame made itself present in my family. - started the Count – It is, without a doubt, where everything should end. João... - he said, signaling with his hand that the man could come closer.
The servant raised the axe and walked towards the tree. His movements were mechanical, as if he lived just to follow orders, wi
thout thinking about any kind of consequences they might have. He twisted his body and struck the trunk for the first time, from where a sort of orange sap came out. A scream followed and everyone look in it’s direction. Halaesia had fallen on her knees and had the hands on her belly, from where blood was spilling.
— NO! - Lucélia could not hold the scream when seeing it. She ran to her lover, and saw a gulp of blood escaping her lips when the wood was struck again. Not giving anyone time to think or stop her, she sprinted to the great oak putting herself between the man and the tree, in a desperate attempt to protect it – Stop this, in the name of all saints... She is going to die!
— Let her die Lucélia. Look what she did to you... - he raised one hand, signaling his daughter’s dirty and bruised body from prison – forget this immorality, let us destroy this damned place so we can clean the stain that threatens your purity, and come back to the bosom of your family. I’m sure we can fix things, I will get you a good husband and a fruitful marriage.
—Never! - she kept her arms up, leaning completely on the trunk, dirtying herself with the sticky orange liquid that dripped from it – If that’s the price I have to pay in order to have my family back, I will never pay it! It’s too high... - she said crying – I love her, dad. And she loves me back. - The man sighed and rolled his eyes – And that’s more than any of you can give me.
— Take her from there. She is mad! - some men tried to get close, but she screamed like a caged animal. The surprise made them stop, looking at their liege like trained animals for a new order.
— Yes I am mad! Because loving is for the mad! The world is for the mad! - she breathed deeply before continuing, looked straight into the depths of the soul of the one who had given her life – And if you can not understand my madness, I am sorry. - she lowered her head for a few seconds, decisively raising it after – You disown me as a daughter and a disown you as a father! - she gasped for air. Her eyes were already red, although dry in that moment.