“I’m coming,” he panted, then hot, salty cum burst onto the back of my throat. I swallowed hard and sucked gently, knowing he was sensitive himself now, and wanting to elongate his pleasure for as long as possible. In that moment, I felt like I would do anything for him. The depth of my emotions startled me, they had grown so quickly.
In all the time I’d been with Justin, I’d never felt as treasured as Jackson made me feel. He took care of me, and I’d always been the one doing the taking care of. The role reversal was surprisingly welcome.
We held onto each other as we finished our shower, kissing, petting, nurturing. It was perfect. I couldn’t believe the monster I thought I’d met all those months ago was now this gentle, loving Adonis in front of me. It was crazy how things could change in life. I certainly felt as if my life was never going to be the same again. I just hoped I wasn’t enjoying the ride before the fall. I didn’t think I could survive another knockback. Not if it involved Jackson, or any kind of heartbreak.
So I pushed thoughts of broken hearts and betrayal to the back of my mind. I wasn’t going to let past mistakes cloud my happiness. If there was one thing I’d learnt recently, it was to grab every moment of joy with both hands, and hold on for dear life.
We spent days holed up together in his apartment, making the most of being together. Making love, not wanting to be apart. We couldn’t get enough of each other. It felt like neither one of us wanted to let the other go, we needed that constant contact. It soothed us both. For such an early relationship, it certainly felt intense and powerful. Our feelings, well mine at least, were overwhelming most of the time. I craved this man.
It was a Friday evening, and we were lying naked on the sofa after another heavy session, and watching T.V., when we heard the front door click open.
“For fuck’s sake,” Jackson cursed, and grabbed a throw from the back of the sofa to cover us up.
Cillian strode into the living area without a care in the world and plonked himself down onto the sofa opposite us, a smug-ass grin plastered over his face.
“What the fuck? Just let yourself in, why don’t you?” Jackson moaned. “You know that key is for emergencies only, right?”
“It was an emergency.” Cillian shrugged innocently, as if the last thing he’d expected to find was us together like this. The liar. “You haven’t shown your ugly ass at work for days now. Sounds like an emergency to me. You never miss work.” He kicked his legs up onto the coffee table, settling himself in for the long haul.
“And you couldn’t put two and two together?” Jackson said with irritation in his voice. He wrapped his arm around me, holding the throw protectively against my back, as I lay draped over his front.
“You know maths has never been my strong point, dude,” Cillian joked, and I couldn’t help but chuckle. “So, what are we watching?” He put his hands behind his head and winked at me.
“We’re watching a movie. You’re leaving,” Jackson grunted back.
“Are you naked under there?” Cillian was enjoying teasing Jackson a little too much.
“What do you think?”
“I think I’m never gonna be sitting on that couch again. I mean, I don’t mind her naked ass, but yours? Ugh.” Cillian made a face of pure disgust and Jackson snapped.
“That’s it. Get out!”
“I’m going. Chill out.” He smirked, and rose from the couch with painfully slow movements, just to piss Jackson off further. “Enjoy the movie in the background whilst you bang each other’s brains out.”
I laughed and Jackson threw a cushion at Cillian’s back as he made his escape. He might tease the hell out of him, but I knew Cillian was a good friend to Jackson. The best.
“How did you two meet?” I asked, curious to find out how two polar opposites could become friends like these two.
“It’s a long story,” Jackson replied, stroking my hair and kissing my forehead.
“I’ve got all day. Tell me, I want to know.”
He sighed and stayed silent for a moment, probably contemplating whether to say anything, then he started to open up to me.
“We met on the streets.”
“The streets? Like walking down the street or something?” I hadn’t a clue what he was telling me.
“No.” He smiled on a sigh. “On the streets. We were both homeless, Ryley. I lost my father at fourteen. I went to live with an aunt, but she kicked me out when I was fifteen, and I lived on the streets for a few years after that. I met Cill one night in an alley behind a club, getting the shit kicked out of him by some gang. He was even more gobby back then than he is now, and he was pissing a lot of people off. It wasn’t a fair fight though, so I stepped in and helped. The rest, as they say, is history.”
My throat had gone dry; I could barely get the next words out. I had no idea he’d been homeless.
“I’m so sorry. I had no idea. How did you manage to get yourself to where you are today? I mean you’re… you… and I’d never have guessed for a second that you’d been on the streets like that.” I was rambling, I knew that, but I was stunned, dumbfounded.
“No one knows what life’s gonna throw at us. I was dealt some pretty shitty stuff when I was younger. I never lost sight of my goal though. I worked my way out of the gutter, doing whatever I could to make money, to build a reputation in this city. I wasn’t the only one. How do you think I met Luca and Freddie Marquez? They ran in the same circles as me on the streets back then. I took Cill under my wing. God knows why, but someone had to. That guy was one smart-ass comment away from getting his head kicked in for good. I don’t like injustice, I like to play fair. The streets might be tough, but I kept my own code to live by, and looking after someone like Cill was part of that.”
“How did Cill find himself homeless?” I asked.
“That’s not my story to tell, angel. But I’m sure he wouldn’t mind me telling you that he had a rotten childhood. One of six kids, his father beat him pretty badly. One night, he snapped and fought back. His mum threw him out and he hasn’t been back since. He doesn’t have anything to do with his parents anymore. I don’t think they ever wanted him. He’s a good guy though. He’s kept me from spiralling into a black hole on more than one occasion.”
I hugged him close. I didn’t like to hear him talking about black holes and spiralling.
“Well, you have me now as well,” I said. “I’m fighting your corner too.”
“We’ve come a long way from that first meeting in my office, haven’t we?”
I lifted my head up and rested my chin on his chest, giving him my full attention.
“You mean when you told me about all those women begging to be in your bed?”
He groaned and covered his face with his hands. “I have absolutely no idea why I said that. I was such a dick that day.”
“Yeah, you were.” I smiled. “Why did you say that?”
He grabbed me around the waist and pulled me up his body so my face was hovering over his. “Because I was jealous. You were draped all over that little shit and I hated it. I hated how you looked at him like the sun shone out of his ass. I wanted you to look at me like that. I wanted you to want me.”
“Telling me about other women wasn’t the best way to win my heart, you know.”
“I know that, but I’m crap at making my feelings clear. I’ve always wanted you, Ryley. I wanted you so badly I’d have done anything to get you here.”
My heart swelled at his candid admission. “You’re doing okay now,” I whispered, planting a kiss on his gorgeous lips.
He threaded his fingers into the hair at the nape of my neck and deepened our kiss. It didn’t take long for the throw to be discarded on the floor, and me to straddle him and ride him like my life fucking depended on it. There’s a lot to be said for straddling a beautiful man and sliding up and down his thick, hard cock, watching his face as he comes deep inside you. Even better when you come hard around him and see those sparkling grey eyes roll to the back of his he
ad. Pure fucking heaven. I didn’t think I’d ever get enough of this man. He was my kryptonite and I loved it. I loved him. So fucking much.
I’d done the maths and I knew the three month mark was up any day. Surprisingly, Jackson had kept up the rehab payments, and Justin would be leaving soon. Heading home to the messages and emails I’d sent him, telling him what an asshole he was. That was if he hadn’t seen those messages already. I hadn’t heard a thing from him though, not since the day he went in. I wasn’t surprised. Justin always was good at focusing on himself. I’d been so blinkered over the years, but I could count on one hand the number of times he’d come to visit me at university. It was always me doing the travelling. Me putting myself out for him. Rarely the other way around. So the fact I hadn’t heard a peep out of him, it wasn’t totally shocking to me.
I wasn’t the only one feeling ansty about his imminent return. I heard Jackson talking to Cill on speakerphone one afternoon, venting his frustration. Cill asked him if he’d ‘tied up all the loose ends’, whatever that meant, and Jackson assured him he had.
“That little shit isn’t getting within fifty feet of us. I swear to God, I’ll rip his balls off if he does,” Jackson said, sounding more like the devil I’d met three months ago.
“I’d watch your back, mate,” Cill replied in a hushed tone. “I saw Freddie Marquez last night, and he said Ed is on the warpath. Seems your bad-mouthing him has cost him big. He’s not getting any work these days, and he’s pissed as fuck at you. Apparently, he’s telling anyone who’ll listen that he’s gonna annihilate us both. God knows what I did to piss him off. Maybe he’s jealous of my witty banter and smoking hot looks. Can’t blame the guy, he’s got a face only a mother could love.”
“I couldn’t give two shits what Ed says. He’s not even on my radar. Just let me know if that gutter rat shows his face around the club when I’m gone.”
“Gone? You going somewhere, chief?” Cill asked.
“Just gonna lay low here for a while, keep my girl happy,” Jackson replied.
“Best thing to do.”
Jackson cut the call, throwing his phone onto the couch and pacing the floor like an army major.
“You okay?” I tiptoed into the living area, not wanting to let him know I’d heard every word.
“I’m okay, just work stuff. Come here.” He put his arms out to me and I went to him, revelling in the warmth of his strong arms and the intoxicating scent of delicate aftershave and him. It’s crazy how a smell can calm your very soul. That’s what he did to me. Did I do that to him too?
“You know, I thank God every single day that you came into my life,” he said into my hair as I held him. “You’re the only person who’s ever made me smile for no reason, and I never smile.”
“I’d noticed.” I grinned back up at him. “You make me smile too. Inside and out.”
He laughed and squeezed me hard, then led me to the couch to sit.
“Ryley, you know your ex is getting out soon. Are you ready for what that could mean?” I could see hesitation in his eyes, as if he was wary of my reaction.
“Yeah, I know the date. It makes no difference to me though. I don’t want to see that creep ever again. He’s nothing to me.”
He reached forward to hold my hands in his. “You say that now, but you and he have a past.” He lowered his head in defeat. “He had you for seven years. I’ve had you here for three months, and most of that time you hated me. Can you understand why I’m a little nervous?”
My heart hurt for him. He had absolutely nothing to be nervous about and I told him as much.
“In all the time I spent with Justin, he never once put me or my feelings first like you do. He never took care of me. He never loved me, not really. And me? I was his enabler. Letting him get away with all the shit he was doing, and making excuses for him. Okay, so we haven’t been together long, but that doesn’t change the way I feel.” I tensed slightly, not sure he was ready to have the whole ‘relationship’ talk. Would it scare him off or freak him out?
“You know he’s gonna make a ton of shit up, do anything he can to come between us. I need to know you’re ready to face that.”
I was ready. I could take any shit Justin threw my way, because I didn’t love him anymore. He couldn’t get to me like he used to. I was stronger on that score.
“He can say what the hell he wants, it won’t make a shred of difference to me. He’s no-one.” I made sure to emphasise that last part, making sure Jackson understood how little Justin’s opinion meant to me now.
He grabbed my chin in his hand and moved my face to look directly at him.
“This isn’t just about sex for me, Ryley.” I took a deep breath to steady myself. “I don’t want to be your rebound guy. I want to be the guy.”
My heart melted into a puddle at my feet, my eyes watering and my lips quivering with emotion.
“You are everything to me. You are the guy.”
He held my face with both hands and kissed me hard, our tongues doing that erotic, sensual dance together as he licked and stroked, tasting me. Devouring me.
“I need you to know, I’m not some punk-ass kid like him who’s gonna fuck this up. At least, I hope I don’t fuck it up. I’m a thirty-one-year-old man, and I know what I want. I want you, Ryley.”
I sighed and my insides pooled with warmth. I never dreamt in a million years that he’d be so honest and candid with his feelings. Jackson Caine wanted me. Three months ago I didn’t even think he was capable of liking anyone, and yet here we were on his couch, and he was telling me he wanted me.
“I feel the same,” I said, stroking his bristly, beautiful face.
I wanted to say those three little words that I knew would change everything for us. I longed to tell him I loved him, more than anyone I’d ever known. More than Justin, that was for sure, but I didn’t. Something held me back. I don’t know if it was fear or self-preservation. I couldn’t fully let myself go though, not yet. Maybe I’d been burnt too deeply. Maybe traumas from the past were still holding me hostage. Chaining my deeper core of emotions within me. But if anyone could break those chains, and smash through the walls I’d subconsciously erected, it was Jackson.
His face broke out into the biggest grin I think I’d ever seen from him.
“I can’t believe three months ago you were such an ass, anyone would think you wanted me to hate you,” I joked.
“Back then it worked in my best interest to have you hating me. It served a purpose. It doesn’t anymore, angel. What can I say? You’ve grown on me.” I playfully elbowed him in the ribs and he laughed. “You’re a part of me now.”
I hated being away from her for even a second, but I had to go into the club to sign a few documents and checkout a few things. Cill had done a sterling job holding down the fort, but he couldn’t do everything. Three hours I spent away from my apartment, wading through paperwork and finalising deals. Three hours without her scent, her body, her smile. Three hours without my new drug of choice. Three long hours, and when I returned, I found my whole world balanced on a knife’s edge. Everything teetering on a cliff. My life was about to blow wide open, and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it.
I strode back into the apartment, ready to sweep her up into my arms and carry her back into our bedroom. But I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw we had visitors.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” A searing pain sliced into my chest, and I fought the overwhelming urge to launch myself at these unwelcome guests.
Justin sat on my couch, looking every inch the filthy rat he was. But next to him, looking smug as shit, was Travis, Ryley’s older brother.
“Get out.” I gritted my teeth. Every muscle in my body was tense and my defences were on full alert.
I couldn’t bring myself to look in Ryley’s direction. I had no idea what they’d said to her, and the realisation that she could be slipping through my fingers was too much to bear.
“I told them to leave,
but they insisted on waiting for you,” she snapped, coming to stand by my side and wrapping her arm around mine.
My nerves settled slightly at her contact, but I wasn’t ready to stand at ease just yet. I was still in full on attack mode, primed and ready to defend their impending assault.
“Jesus Christ, sis. What the hell has gotten in to you?” Travis looked right at me, sending daggers my way.
“Don’t you think you should concentrate on your own love life? Leave me to deal with mine?” Ryley hissed. “You’re no expert at relationships, are you, Trav? In fact, you two must’ve come from the same mould. You’re both lying, cheating assholes who can’t keep it in your pants.”
Justin sucked in a breath, and Travis turned to glower at him.
“Did you cheat on my sister?” He sat forward on the couch, as if he was ready to pounce on the gutter rat instead of me.
I put my arm around my girl and pulled her close. Maybe these two would annihilate each other, and I wouldn’t have to go on the defensive after all.
“Dude, I was high as a fucking kite. I’ve absolutely no idea what the fuck I was doing. I love her though. I always have and always will. You know that.” He looked up at Ryley, ignoring my presence completely. “I love you, Ryley, and I’m sorry, for everything. We can work this out, baby. Don’t throw seven years away for a stupid mistake. We’re worth more than that.”
“It wasn’t one girl though, was it? There were multiple girls, multiple times that you cheated, and yes, I got to see it all in glorious Technicolor, because you had Liam record every seedy fucked up minute.”
He winced as she spoke, sinking farther back into the sofa. I could feel Ryley shaking beside me, so I kissed the top of her head to try and calm her down.
“And you think he’s gonna treat you any better?” Justin nodded over at me, grimacing at the way I was holding her. “He’s the worst kind of snake there is. He’s a monster and he’s gonna destroy you, baby.”
This Cruel Love (A Dark Hearts Stand-Alone Novel Book 2) Page 21