“She isn’t your baby,” I snarled at him, my jealousy lashing out like a lion about to take down its prey.
“Does she know about your little plans?” Travis butted in. “Is this all part of it? Get my sister into your bed and then break her heart, or find some other way to get to our father through her?”
I swallowed hard, biding my time before I replied, thinking of the best way to shoot this down, get them out of my apartment and out of our lives for good.
“You don’t know anything about us,” Ryley spoke, mirroring my own inner thoughts.
“Maybe so, but he’s not so innocent.” Justin narrowed his eyes at us. “He’s always known who you were, Ryley. At least he did when we went to visit him that first time in his office. He made you think he didn’t, but he did. It was all part of his plan. All of this is.” He held his arms up, gesturing around him. “This is what he wanted. To come between us and destroy you. He planned it like this, baby.”
I went to move forward, take this gutter rat by the scruff of the neck and teach him a lesson, but Ryley pulled me back.
“Bullshit.” She leant further into me as if to challenge him.
“No, sis, it’s not bullshit. It’s one hundred percent true. Justin’s right. I know because he came for me first.”
I felt ready to call his bluff, make him show his hand.
“You don’t need me to fuck up your life, Travis. You’ve always been selfish enough to do that all by yourself,” I said, with violence seeping through my veins, making me feel like the savage beast I’d become well versed in hiding.
“I might be selfish, but I’m no liar.” He glanced between Ryley and me before delivering what he believed to be his killer blow. “I found Lilly. She told me everything.”
“The girl you cheated on Cassie with? And what exactly did she tell you?” Ryley asked, with a look of pure disdain on her beautiful face.
“That this asshole hired her as some kind of honey trap to seduce me. He wanted Cassie and me to split up. He made it happen.”
Ryley laughed. “That’s ridiculous. No one forced you to stick your dick in another woman; that was all on you, Trav. I mean, do you really believe this Lilly? A woman who sleeps with you, then says she did it for money. She sounds like a real keeper, bro.”
Travis’s face turned to stone. “She told me everything.” He nodded my way. “He paid her to trap me. He gave Cassie the hotel room key card. It was all him. He has some fucked up plan to get to us; you, me, and Nate. I don’t know what he’s got in store for you, Ryley, but you can’t trust him. He used Justin to get to you. I wouldn’t be surprised if he got Justin hooked on the drugs himself.”
He was dancing really fucking close to the flames of truth, and if he wasn’t careful, I was gonna burn this motherfucker to the ground. Ryley took deep breaths in, but stayed rooted to my side.
“I dread to think what he’ll do to Nate. He hates our family, Ryley. He has for years. God knows why. He spent almost every day at our house when we were kids.”
I froze, and Ryley tensed too. She turned to look at me, a pleading look in her eyes, begging me to refute his claims.
“Tell her, Jax. Tell Ryley how you grew up with us as kids. Then, one day, when we were about fourteen or fifteen, you just up and left the city. Now you’re back and you’ve been plotting to bring misery to our family ever since. Why is that? Why do you hate us so much?”
My throat was stuck solid, glued shut with fear. I could hardly breathe. But we were a team, Ryley and me. She spoke when I couldn’t.
“I don’t know what you hoped to achieve with this little visit of yours. Some kind of two pronged attack to try and come between Jackson and me? Is it jealousy, Justin? Is this your way of getting back at me for leaving you?”
She looked over at Travis. “And you? Call yourself my big brother, but you haven’t messaged me or called, not once in the last three months. In fact, you don’t bother with me for months on end, and only come round if you need something.”
She reached down to take my hand. “I don’t know what’s going on, and to be honest with you, I don’t really care. So Jackson knew you years ago, what was I? Five, six years old maybe? I don’t remember, and I couldn’t care less what happened back then. All I know is how I feel now, right this second.” She glanced up at me with tears brimming in her eyes. “I think you should leave.”
For a split second I thought she was talking to me, but she turned to look back at Travis and Justin and repeated, “I want you both to leave, now. This is our apartment and you’re not welcome here.”
Travis shot up from the couch, fire-like rage burning through him. “What the fuck, Ryley? Is this some kind of Stockholm syndrome shit? Has he brainwashed you so much you can’t even think straight?”
“Oh, grow up, Trav. There’s nothing wrong with me or my judgement. Not now, anyway.” She sneered over at Justin, making it clear she doubted her previous judgement of his character.
“Isn’t that what someone suffering from Stockholm syndrome would say?” Travis argued.
“The only syndrome I’ve suffered from is blinkers for assholes, and trust me, those blinkers are well and truly off.”
Justin laughed at her admission. “Are you sure about that, princess?”
I hated the way he was using pet names for her. His smarmy character and cocky persona made my blood boil. He better hope he never crossed my path again, otherwise I’d be unleashing the beast I kept hidden from society on his ass.
“Oh, I’m sure.” She smiled back. “I don’t respond to your bullshit anymore, Justin.”
Both men reluctantly made their way to the door, and Ryley turned to watch them leave.
“I don’t know what the hell that was,” she whispered. “But please, give me some space to get my head straight. I don’t think I can take all of this in right now.”
She let go of my hand and walked off in the direction of her bedroom. The room she hadn’t used since we’d finally found our way to each other. My chest felt heavy and my body ached to go to her, but I knew she needed time. I couldn’t give her long though, not with the crippling guilt I felt weighing me down. I was losing her, I could tell, and I had to act fast to stop her drifting away from me forever.
I paced the living room, stalking up and down like a caged tiger. The urge to go to her, to make this all right, bubbled inside me like an active volcano, ready to erupt. The pressure building up inside me was too much to bear and my chest ached with a tension I’d never experienced before.
‘Fuck it,’ I thought, and marched off to her room to lay my cards on the table, and get this whole sorry mess out in the open once and for all.
I didn’t bother knocking on her door; I wasn’t going to ask for permission to go in. I needed to see her. Being apart, even though it was just metres, was too painful for me. I had to make her see reason. Understand why I’d done the things I had.
She was sitting on the edge of the bed, hugging her arms around her body as if she was cold, but it wasn’t the temperature of the room that was giving her chills. I knew she was starting to doubt me.
“I know you need space, but I can’t stay out there when you’re in here, thinking God knows what about me. Please, Ryley, I need to talk this through with you. I need you to understand some things.”
She wouldn’t look at me, and that hurt more than anything.
“What things? What is it you think I need to understand? And don’t tell me to keep an open mind, Jackson. I’ve had enough of keeping an open mind and an open heart for all the men in my life.” She looked into my eyes, and what I saw reflected back at me broke something inside me. “What’ve you done?”
I let my head fall forward, feeling the weight of all the guilt dragging me down. Years of hurt, anger, and suffering were rushing to the surface, and I couldn’t control it anymore.
“I did know who you were, that day in my office.”
She shook her head and turned away from me slightly, but I
moved to stand in her line of sight. I wasn’t going to give up that easily. I’d come in here to state my case, and I was going to make damn sure she knew my side of the story.
“Travis was right, they both were. I’ve held a lot of… bitterness towards your family for years. Anger that’s festered inside me, coursing through my veins, spurring me on to take action.”
“Action? What action? Just be honest with me and tell me, what’ve you done?” Her voice was harder now. She was rebuilding those walls I’d managed to break down over the months we’d been together.
“I paid Lilly to fuck up your brother’s life.”
She leant forward, her head in her hands as she gave a regretful sigh.
“And I had the key to the hotel room delivered to his gullible girlfriend. It wasn’t that hard, trust me. Your brother gave in to Lilly’s charms days after meeting her. That whole virtuous act he’s so good at showing everyone is just bullshit.”
“And me?” she whispered. “What’ve you got planned for me?”
I knelt down and took her hands away from her face. “Nothing,” I said, with as much sincerity as I could muster. “I could never hurt you, angel. I will never hurt you. You have my word on that.”
She pulled her hands away from mine, and I felt the twisting pain in my chest intensify.
“But you are hurting me, Jackson. If you hurt my family, you hurt me too. Travis might be weak, but he’s still my brother. I love him. I don’t want to see him in trouble.”
I sat next to her on the bed, hoping our closeness would help her see my point of view. See that there was justification for what I’d done.
“So you knew who I was, that time in your office. What were you going to do, Jackson? Please. I need to know.”
I wanted to be honest with her. If we were going to make this work between us, we needed all of this out in the open, I knew that. I wanted to start afresh. Have a life with her, without fear of what she could find out.
“I knew who you were. I’ve always known you, Ryley. I’m not going to lie to you anymore.” I took a deep breath, before I took that first step off the cliff that could lead to purgatory or salvation.
“I watched Travis for a long time. Watched his movements, where he went, who he hung around with. I employed Lilly to get to your brother, but I also hired a guy named Ed. Ed’s heavily into drugs and other illegal shit, but he came highly recommended, and for what I needed at the time, he was the perfect fit. The plan was to get Travis hooked on drugs, offer him a few tasters and reel him in. He wasn’t interested though, but his friend Justin was all over that shit. I had no idea at first who Justin was, but Ed did the research for me, found out he was your fiancé, and I changed the plan. I couldn’t destroy Travis that way, but I could get to you.”
“You got Justin addicted to drugs to get to me? Why?” She was trembling, and I tried to reach out to her, but she pulled away.
“Ed supplied him, I bank rolled him further. I reeled him in and made his debt spiral out of control, because I knew you’d come to bail him out eventually. I need you to understand one thing though, angel. If you do nothing else today then please just do this. Know that the minute you came into this apartment, the plan was off. I fired Ed, stopped the whole sordid plan. I-”
“You kept me here, with the intention of doing God knows what to me. Why? What is it that’s made you hate us all so much?” She seethed with anger.
“I kept you here because I liked having you around. You made me feel something other than bitter and fucked up. I told Ed to stay away from you. I told him I’d kill him if he ever came within a mile of you again. That night, when he went to your apartment, that wasn’t sanctioned by me. I swear to God, Ryley, I would’ve killed him with my own bare hands if he’d hurt you that night. I wanted my revenge on your father, your brother even; but I don’t hurt women. I’d have never hurt you.”
“There’s different ways of hurting someone, Jackson. It’s not just about violence.”
“I know that.” I sighed. “But you were always safe here, Ryley. You always will be.”
“You wanted to hurt me and my brothers? Jesus, Jackson. Nate is only sixteen, what’s he ever done to you?” She turned to face me, her eyes bulging in fear. “Please tell me you haven’t done anything to Nate. If you’ve hurt my baby brother I won’t ever forgive you.”
She let me hold her hand this time. She was obviously numb and dazed by what she was hearing.
“No. I haven’t hurt your other brother. I have no intention of hurting anyone else. I’ll probably hurt myself before the day is out, but that’ll be my own fault, I guess.”
“I’m so confused.” She shook her head, frowning. “Why do you want to hurt us, Jackson?”
“It’s a long story.” I blew out a long, slow breath, readying myself for the painful trip down memory lane.
“I’ve got all day,” she replied with a hint of sorrow and a touch of trepidation.
“Okay.” I took a deep, fortifying breath and continued. “Your father and mine were best friends. I probably spent more time at your house growing up than I did at my own. That wasn’t such a bad thing though. My dad suffered quite badly with his mental health, and at times it could be tough to be at home with him, on our own. When he was going through one of his dark phases, it was difficult to distinguish between the parent and child. I was his care giver during those times, but I could barely take care of myself, let alone a grown adult. My mother died when I was a baby and my dad raised me on his own. He never remarried and I never met any of his girlfriends, but we did spend an awful lot of time around your house. I came to see your house as a sort of respite from the darkness my own house was often buried in. Travis was my best friend, and your mum and dad took me under their wing, treated me like one of their own.”
“Why don’t I remember you?” she interrupted.
“You were very young when it all fell apart.” I pulled her arm across my lap and lifted her sleeve, tracing her scar with my finger. “I was with you, the day you fell from the ladder leading up to the treehouse. The day you got this scar here. I carried you in my arms back to the house. I was so scared you’d hurt your head or had internal injuries. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so helpless in all my life… well, apart from the night Lovall took you.” She winced at the mention of his name. “I’m sorry, angel.”
Her brow was furrowed like she was trying to solve an impossible puzzle. “But I thought it was just me and Travis that day? Travis always told me he carried me back.”
“That’s what he wanted you to think. He’s your brother, why wouldn’t he want to be a hero? He was a coward that day though. He begged me to lie to your parents and say we were watching you. We weren’t. We left you to look after yourself. We neglected you because we were selfish assholes. I couldn’t keep that a secret, it would’ve eaten me up inside. I carried you back and I told your parents exactly what we’d done wrong. I’ve always regretted it.”
“But you don’t regret hunting us down like wolves and fucking with our lives?”
“Of course I regret it. I regret anything I’ve ever done to hurt you in any way. Travis is a selfish prick. He needed a dose of reality, but not you.”
She moved her hand away from mine. “So you helped me when I fell, and you knew us years ago. What went wrong? What pissed you off so much you had to come after us?”
“I don’t think you’re gonna like what I tell you next, angel,” I said, trying to pre-warn her.
“Trust me, the sick feeling I have right now couldn’t get much worse.”
She had no idea.
“I was fourteen years old when my dad told me he’d met someone else. She was going to be moving in with us.” I screwed my eyes shut, then braced myself. “It was your mum, Ryley. My dad had been having an affair with your mum.”
“Bullshit,” she said with conviction. “My mum would’ve never cheated on my dad. They’re inseparable.”
“They might be now, but back then s
he was packed and ready to leave him. She was coming to live with us. I think she was bringing you too.
“I stormed out, called him out for being the bastard that he was, and vowed that I wouldn’t stand by and let him break up your family. I hated him for what he was doing. I hated them both.
“I spent the day moving from place to place around the city, anything to avoid going home. Eventually it got late, I was freezing cold, and I headed back to the house. When I walked up the drive, I saw your dad’s car parked at the side of our house. I was walking up the steps towards the front door when I heard the shot ring out. A single shot. I thought it was a car backfiring, or a firework going off. Gunshots aren’t something you usually hear in England, and it was the last thing that entered my mind.
“I went inside expecting to hear voices, but it was dark and the quiet… I’ll never forget how quiet that house was. I pushed the door to my dad’s office open and there he was. Sprawled on the floor, with half his head blown off. There was so much blood, all I could smell for weeks after was the metallic smell of his blood and the smoky sulphur-like stench of the bullet. The gun was on the floor, about a metre away from his body, but I knew in my heart that he hadn’t done this to himself.
“Car headlights flooded the office, and your dad’s car sped off down the driveway. Your father killed my dad, Ryley. He murdered him in cold blood and made it look like suicide. My dad had everything to live for that day, he was looking towards the future. A future with your mum. Seems your dad had other plans.”
“No, no, no,” she muttered in a daze, her eyes hazy and her body limp. “He wouldn’t do that. My dad wouldn’t hurt a fly. He’s gentle and kind and… no. He just wouldn’t do that.”
She was mumbling incoherently. I could understand why. I’d delivered a pretty damning blow. I never expected her to accept what I was saying. I felt conflicted. On the one hand, it felt good to finally let it out. Tell her what had eaten me alive for the last seventeen years. But, on the other hand, I felt cruel for being the one to destroy her perfect childhood. Taint the idyllic image she had of her saintly father.
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