Men Are Frogs

by Saranna Dewylde

  “Did they ask you what you would wish for, if you had the opportunity, before they gave it to you?”

  “They did.”

  “Then wish for that.”

  “Wishes. True love. Fairy tales. I just don’t have it in me to believe right now.”

  “I know exactly what you mean,” Gwen said.

  Zuri had the feeling that she did. “Can I tell you a not-so-secret secret?”

  Gwen gave her a conspiratorial smile. “Anything. I’ll be the vault.”

  “I’m a wedding planner, and I don’t believe . . .” She was about to say she didn’t believe in love, but that wasn’t true. It wasn’t even true that she didn’t believe in romantic love, because Petunia had reminded her of the Mellenchamp wedding, and it was most definitely the best incarnation of romantic love. “I don’t believe love is for everyone. I don’t believe it’s for me.”

  “We should start a club. Ever After Lonely Hearts Club.”

  “We could have our meetings up at that big, dark castle.”

  “Oh, the woman who owns that? Her name’s Ravenna Blackheart.”

  “Ever After Blackhearts. If we name the club after her, she has to invite us for tea and some fancy little sandwiches, right? Or at least a tour,” Zuri teased.

  Gwen fixed her with a serious look as she lay the list back on the counter. “Actually, I’m sure she’d absolutely love it.”

  “When I first saw this town on the website, I was telling my sister that if they don’t have weddings there, they should. Not every girl dreams of being a princess.”

  “Some of us are Evil Queens,” Gwen agreed. “I am dying to see the inside, myself.”

  Zuri picked up the list. “‘Candied apple from Snow’s Market’? I don’t know if I’m up for that.”

  “What? Give me that.” Gwen took the list back. “Oh. Huh. I don’t know if I’d put that in my mouth, either. But definitely Pick ’n’ Axe. Let’s go there first and get some protein in you. The godmothers survive on sugar, but a good stew for lunch and maybe some axe throwing will perk you right up.”

  Axe throwing? “No darts?”

  “Trust me. You’ll enjoy the axes.”

  Yes, Zuri decided, she was most definitely on a new adventure.

  Chapter 4

  Zuri realized what the godmothers had done in having her collect and sample the various favors and treats from the shops around Ever After.

  She now had a firm inventory from each vendor of what they had available, an idea of the other things they could do, and she’d met everyone she needed to meet in one day without the pressure of an introduction just for the sake of an introduction.

  It was genius, really.

  To top it off, she’d gotten to throw axes and drink the most delicious honey mead she’d ever had. Not that she’d ever tasted honey mead. She was a champagne sort of woman.

  The mead had been after the axe throwing, of course.

  She was sure that was going to be a new favorite hobby.

  Zuri couldn’t wait to text Zeva and tell her everything.

  She had one more favor left to sample, and to be honest, she was very glad it was nothing else to eat. She’d eaten far too many sweets. Although, if she were to be presented with more, Zuri had no doubt she’d stuff them in her face. They were too good to resist.

  That was something that had surprised Zuri. Chicago had many fine restaurants, and there was always somewhere new to try, a new favorite, and she’d thought she’d be giving up fine cuisine to move to a small town.

  Not that small towns couldn’t have good food, but she’d expected the food to be more comfort food instead of fine dining.

  Ever After had everything.

  She pulled the wish coin out of her messenger bag and inspected it.

  It didn’t seem like anything special. Nothing out of the ordinary. Just a gold-plated bit of metal on her palm. She rubbed her thumb over the smooth surface and found she liked how it felt.

  The only fountain to throw it in was the mermaid fountain on the way to the B and B.

  She looked up at the sky and saw that the day was almost gone.

  Even though the little town was quaint and cute, she didn’t want to be gallivanting through some little path in the woods at night. Even if it was as well-lit as everyone had repeatedly promised her.

  A fat red cardinal flew past her to land on a low-hanging branch. He chirped and cocked his head from side to side, watching her. He seemed to say, Move it along.

  Or maybe that’s just what she needed to hear.

  Zuri had saved the wish for last because she’d told herself it was easier since it was on the way to the B and B, but the truth was, she didn’t know what she’d wish for. Not that it actually mattered.

  Wishes, fairy godmothers, and Happily Ever Afters weren’t real. So what did it matter what she wished for?

  The coin had absorbed the heat from her palm and was warm to the touch. The surface she’d previously thought was smooth suddenly had edges, and she opened her palm to investigate.

  For Yourself was etched onto the coin.

  How had she missed that?

  The bird chirped at her again.

  “I’m coming. But only if you come with me,” she said to the little bird. As if he could hear and understand her.

  To her great delight, he hopped from branch to branch as she made her way into the forest and followed the stone path. She saw that it was indeed well-lit, as the small white lights lining the walkway began to flicker to life.

  Zuri wondered what it must’ve been like to grow up in Ever After. No wonder people here seemed to believe in magic.

  She made her way to the grand fountain with the mermaid and saw a gigantic frog sitting on the mermaid’s bosom.

  A sound began low in the frog’s throat, and Zuri could hear a great bass buildup to what she was sure was going to be the loudest and most terrifying sound she’d ever heard from a frog. His throat expanded, and the sound burst from him.

  “My guy. That was rough.”

  The frog seemed to regard her momentarily before launching himself into the water and splashing her.

  “It’s already happened with glitter. Why not fountain water?” At least it wasn’t pond scum, she consoled herself.

  She sat on the edge of the fountain and studied the coin again. Then she looked up for her little bird friend to find that he, too, had abandoned her.

  A wish.

  What would she actually wish for if wishes came true?

  Zuri didn’t know the answer.

  She wanted to wish for her sister to have her heart’s desire, but the coin seemed to tell her that the wish had to be for herself.

  Zuri remembered what her mother used to tell her. When faced with a tough decision, after weighing the pros and cons, if she still couldn’t come to a solution, she gave herself one second to choose. The first thing that came to her mind was the path she should take.

  So Zuri held the coin close to her heart.

  “Tell me what to do, Mama. What should I wish for?”

  She tossed the coin into the fountain and the words came to her.

  “My heart’s desire,” she whispered.

  “And just what is that?” A deep voice startled her from the other side of the fountain.

  “Jesus H.—Didn’t your mother ever teach you not to sneak up on people?”

  A man came around from the other side. He was tall, blond, and . . . oh dear Lord, it was the Ken doll B and B owner. His eyes really were that green in real life. The same color as that damned frog.

  “Sorry, I would’ve introduced myself, but you seemed kind of busy making a wish.”

  “Oh, you too, with the wish stuff, huh? Well, I tested it. I made a wish.” She looked around. “I don’t see anything manifesting itself here other than you.”

  He flashed her a grin. “Maybe it’s me. You never know.”

  “It’s definitely not a man.” Even as pretty as that one was. “No offense.”r />
  He laughed. “Blessings come in unexpected places. Perhaps, if your heart’s desire is to be warm and cozy by a fire with a hot chocolate, then I am the answer to your wish.”

  She arched a brow at him. “Okay, that’s not a pickup line I’ve ever heard before.”

  “That’s because it’s not one.”

  “Why not?” She didn’t want to be insulted, she didn’t want to care whether he thought she was pretty, but an invitation to be cozy by a fire was usually a pass. Wasn’t it?

  He laughed again. “Because you were pretty clear that you’re not interested in being pursued.”

  “A gentleman who is still a gentleman after being told no. I think we can be friends. I’m Zuri.”

  “Ah, yes, my expected guest. I’m Phillip Charming.” He bowed. “Ever at your service.”

  His words caused a strange stab of desire deep in her core.

  “Oh. The B and B owner,” she said out loud, because apparently she needed reminding. “I imagine that the hot chocolate and the fire are just a couple of the many amenities of a fairy-tale castle.”

  “Indeed.”

  “Sorry if I was . . .” She wasn’t quite sure the word she was looking for.

  He held up his hands. “Not at all. You’re alone with a strange man in a forest. You should always, always stay on the path and trust your instincts. You never know who is going to be a wolf on the inside, am I right?”

  “Exactly that. Too many of them look like princes but end up being frogs.”

  “Hey, what’s wrong with frogs?” He looked gravely insulted.

  “Nothing, really. There was a big granddaddy of a frog here earlier who seemed okay. A little indigestion, maybe. Not really the kind for kissing, either.”

  “He might be.” Phillip arched a brow. “No?”

  “Seriously?”

  “Seriously. It’s a local legend that he’s actually a prince under a curse and only true love’s kiss can break it. You should give it a try. Everyone in town has done it. It’s a rite of passage.”

  Zuri sighed. “I suppose it couldn’t be any worse than the last frog I kissed. Although, if I was smart, I’d tell myself that I shouldn’t be kissing frogs and expecting princes. Sometimes, a frog is just a frog.”

  “Wanna talk about it?”

  “No.” Zuri crossed her arms over her chest. “Maybe.”

  “It’s overwhelming to tell new people your story. How about you let me ask questions, and you answer the ones you feel like talking about.”

  “And what, three passes?” She wasn’t sure if she wanted to play this game.

  “As many passes as you want.”

  She studied Phillip for a long moment. He seemed sincere, but she didn’t know why he was willing to walk her drama llama.

  “A person I cared about betrayed me. He lied about who he was.”

  “That sucks, and I can see why it would sour you on people. And poor, innocent frogs.” He sat down on the edge of the fountain.

  “Not only did he break my heart, but he also trifled with my money. That’s really what’s unforgivable.” She made a moue with her lips and was a little upset all over again. She would get past the heartbreak, but Zuri didn’t know if she’d let go of the fact he’d played fast and loose with her livelihood.

  Phillip grinned. “Oh? How did he do that? Leave you a bad review?”

  “He was the groom in a wedding I was planning. No one wants their wedding planned by a groom-stealing hussy. I’m really surprised that Fairy Godmothers, Inc., hired me.”

  “Ouch. Although, since they did hire you, I imagine it was much more complicated than it sounds. Petty, Jonquil, and Bluebonnet fix things. They know what they’re doing.” He looked around and gave her a conspiratorial wink. “Mostly.”

  “You think I need fixing?” Her sister kept telling her she wasn’t broken, but she had her doubts.

  “Not you, but your situation. That’s kind of what they do.”

  “Believe me, I know that they’re capable of things. You can’t walk around with a nickname like Petty and not be a force to be reckoned with.”

  He nodded. “That is most definitely correct. Having been on the wrong side of that woman, it’s not something I’d recommend to anyone.”

  “You? What did you do, cut her off in the checkout line in Snow’s Market?”

  She was actually dying to know what he’d done to make the adorable old dear angry. It was either something incredibly banal or something awful. There wouldn’t be any kind of in-between.

  He appraised her for a long moment. “I’ll tell you, but not until after you’ve been here a while.”

  “Wow, that sounds ominous.” Okay, good to know that her instincts were still determined to lead her astray. It had to be something awful, and here she was, getting all soft in the head over him.

  “It’s just . . . you won’t believe me.”

  “Try me.” She’d rather find out now so she had a solid excuse with which to remind herself to keep her distance.

  “I will,” he promised. “But later.”

  Zuri decided that sounded like bullshit, but she didn’t want to be pressured about her situation, so she wasn’t going to pressure him. It wasn’t like the answer mattered. Zuri wasn’t looking to get to know anyone intimately.

  Liar, liar pants on fire, a voice in the back of her head screeched at her. She definitely wanted to get to know Phillip Charming in the most intimate of ways.

  Her heart said no, but her body said all the yes.

  Her brain, well, it tried to mediate and focus on breathing and heartbeat, and things that didn’t involve all the dirty scenarios her imagination was happy to conjure.

  Logically, she could pursue a physical relationship with Phillip Charming. Wouldn’t that just be the big, fat flower in her Easter hat? When she was younger, many of her friends had advised the best way to get over a person was to get underneath another one.

  She coughed and shook her head, trying to clear out those thoughts and get herself right.

  “Later, huh?” Zuri couldn’t keep the skepticism out of her voice.

  “You’ll understand. I promise.”

  “Makes no difference to me.” She shrugged. “You don’t owe me anything.”

  “If we’re going to be friends, you should be able to trust me. I should be able to trust you.”

  “Who said anything about being friends?” She felt like she was once again back in comfortable meaningless-banter territory. “Maybe we’re not going to be friends.”

  “That would be a shame, because only my friends get hot cocoa by the fire.”

  “If you throw in as many marshmallows as I can fit in my mug, then I’ll accept your offer of friendship.”

  “You drive a hard bargain, Zuri.”

  Her name on his tongue was better than cake.

  His mention of something hard caused her gaze to travel down the length of his body, unwittingly.

  Nope, she wasn’t going to look at . . .

  Oh dear God. She coughed and looked away. “Do I? I suppose I should mention I need a lot of snacks, too. You can’t plan weddings without a lot of sugar.”

  “Oh, love. You’ve come to exactly the right place. The Blossom sisters are famous for their ice cream sodas. My kitchen isn’t too shabby, either. I have a chef on duty at all hours.”

  “Must be nice.”

  “It is. So, have you decided if you’re going to walk with me to the castle?”

  “I suppose. The headline will read ‘Wedding Planner Disappears: Lured by Hot Chocolate.’”

  “I promise you’re safe with me.”

  “Do you keep your promises?”

  “Good question.” He offered her his arm. “As a fairy-tale prince, I am bound to do so.”

  “Mm-hm. I imagine with a last name like Charming . . .”

  “It is a bit of a family tradition, yes.”

  She accepted his offer and put her hand on the inside of his arm. Correction. Make that
well-sculpted arm. His muscles were carved from stone.

  A nervous giggle welled in the back of her throat and she swallowed it. She despised giggling, not as a general rule, but just when it came to men. She was a full-grown, powerful woman.

  She would not giggle just because his muscles were delicious.

  Or because he smelled like fuckboy cologne. (Which to her great chagrin, she loved.)

  Or because he was too pretty to actually exist.

  Or even because he was all those things and he was taking her for hot chocolate with as many marshmallows as she could cram in her cup.

  No. Giggling. Allowed.

  So of course her entire body decided to betray her.

  She tripped over a tree root like an absolute moron, and when he reached out his other hand to steady her, his hand warm and delicious on her skin, she giggled.

  “Hold fast,” he said, then coughed. “I mean, are you okay? The path is usually very well maintained, but I’m not sure where that came from.” Phillip glared at the tree, as if it were the tree’s fault.

  “I’m okay. We’re the ones in the way. The tree is just living its best life.” Hopefully, he’d forgotten about her giggle.

  But she hadn’t forgotten about his hold-fast comment. How antiquated. Strange. Yet, she found it oddly charming.

  “I suppose we are,” he agreed, albeit reluctantly. “Watch this forest, though. It’s easy to get turned around. There’s a reason it’s called the Enchanted Forest.”

  “No, it’s not. Really?” She looked up at the dark sky and the branches that arched over them. “It is kind of magical. I mean, if you’re the sort to believe in that kind of thing.”

  “I am.” He nodded. “And if you stay here long enough, you will be, too.”

  He led her down the path without further incident, and when they stepped from the forest and onto castle grounds, Zuri was stunned.

  It was . . . a fairy tale. Exactly as it had looked in the picture, with white spires and a blue-shingled roof. So many towers and arches and . . .

  “This is insane. Who would build a castle in the backwoods of Missouri?”

  “My ancestors. They had the castle brought over from the old country when they settled here.”