Men Are Frogs

by Saranna Dewylde

  The idea of the kissing booth just seemed wrong now.

  “I have a question.”

  “I might have an answer,” Petty replied.

  “Well, one would hope, since I’m asking you.”

  She cleared her throat and crossed her arms. “Well. One would. Do go on.”

  “Yes, well. If someone breaks my curse, that means I have to marry them, right?”

  “One would assume you’d want to, since it’s True Love’s Kiss that’s supposed to break your spell.” Petty put her finger to her chin. “Good thing I’ve got my thinking cap on. I’m trying to remember the specifics of the curse. I don’t think there’s anything in there that says you have to.”

  His gaze was drawn to Zuri again. It was actually amazing he’d gotten anything done, because all he could do was watch her, and he savored those secret glances between them.

  “Hey. I’m right here.” Petty snapped her fingers to get his attention.

  “Sorry. I, uh, don’t know if I want to do the kissing booth.”

  “Really? Okay. I mean, it would still be a really cute gig, and it would get you lots of smooch traffic you wouldn’t otherwise get.”

  “This is probably not something you expected me to say, but I think I’m okay without it.”

  “Even if it would break your curse?” Petty asked.

  He took a moment to really consider what that meant. He didn’t want to kiss anyone but Zuri. “I’ve spent so much time trying to break the curse that I haven’t stopped to consider what True Love’s Kiss really means. Even if it’s not true love, I don’t want to kiss anyone else.”

  Petty grinned. “Phillip, that’s really wonderful.”

  “Is it?” he asked, shaking his head. “I don’t know. I might be shooting myself in the foot.”

  “Maybe, but that’s the chance we all take.”

  “So what about some of the other frogs who hang out near the fountain? They might like to get kissed.”

  “That could work, but you’re the only one I know personally. I can’t recommend anyone just kissing a random frog. That’s unsanitary.”

  “You wanna talk about unsanitary? Woman, I’ve been waking up with various insect legs in my teeth for years.”

  “Spiderweb floss does wonders for that. I can drop some off next trip.” Petty picked up one of the cards and inspected it. “No offense to our delightful castle, but this really is topnotch work. You better be careful, or I’ll have you enlisted for hand-lettering invitations on the other weddings.”

  “Trade you. I’ll letter the invitations for the floss.”

  “Fair enough.” She put the card back down on the table carefully. “You know, it’s quite something that you’re willing to keep waking up with those wings and bits in your teeth for her.”

  Phillip considered. “It would be easy to say that I’m doing it for her, but it’s not just for her. It’s for me, too. It’s a chance to really explore being with another person with no endgame in mind.”

  “Since you’re telling the truth, Phillip, don’t try to say you don’t have an endgame in mind.” She tapped his hand with her wand.

  “I suppose I do have an endgame in mind, but it’s for both of us.”

  “Tell me. What is it?”

  “What, do you want me to paint you pictures of castles in clouds?”

  “Why wouldn’t you? You know this is what I do. This is my favorite part!” she pleaded.

  “They’re all your favorite part.” Phillip didn’t begrudge her. He was starting to see why.

  She held out her hand, and a steaming coffee mug appeared. She took a long drink and sighed. “You’re right about that.”

  “Fine. This. Right now. This is my castle in the clouds. Just being close to her while she does what she loves. It makes me love it, too.”

  She reached out and squeezed his shoulder. “That’s good stuff, Phillip. By the way, have you seen Zeva today? I need to speak to her before she leaves.”

  “No, I haven’t seen her.”

  “Can I tell you a secret?”

  “About Zeva?” He looked at Zuri. “I don’t know. I couldn’t keep anything from her about her sister.”

  Petty rolled her eyes and sighed heavily.

  “If you don’t stop sighing, you’re going to blow the castle over like the Bid Bad Wolf.”

  Then she snorted. “Zeva is a candidate for Fairy Godmother Academy. That’s why she could see all the magic as soon as she hit town.”

  “That’s huge.”

  “Right?”

  “I noticed she had a fairy godmother kind of sparkle in her eyes when I met her. That’s wonderful.”

  “She can say no, but I hope she doesn’t.”

  “You know she’s going to want to make sure all those kids are taken care of before she goes.”

  “I think you could help with that.”

  “Me?”

  “Yes. So I have a plan.”

  “Oh no.”

  “Oh yes.” Petty stomped her foot. “You haven’t even heard my plan.”

  “Okay, let’s have it. You want me to foster all those kids at the castle. Is that what you’re going to ask me?”

  “No. And yes.”

  “Have mercy. Out with it.”

  “Well, I know that Zeva loves each of those children like her own. It would be impossible for her to adopt them all. Unless, she could do it here. In the castle. And I know just who I want to help her.”

  He laughed. “Hunter? Are you serious?”

  “He’d be a great father. The kids are all still young enough they’d accept magic more easily than adults.”

  “You want Hunter and Zeva to raise those kids together? Is he going to be a stay-at-home beast?”

  “Well, why not?”

  “First of all, he’s head over tail for Ravenna.”

  “Ugh. I know, but that’s not going to last.”

  “Because of your meddling?”

  “Because Ravenna belongs with someone else. I’ve seen it.”

  “Maybe Ravenna doesn’t see it that way. He’s been to the castle for tea.”

  “Oh my. Things have already started to spiral out of control. I’m telling you, things are going to get ugly for them both if they don’t get on the right track.”

  “What am I supposed to do, tell Hunter he shouldn’t pursue the first woman he’s been interested in in a hundred years?”

  Petty opened her mouth to say something when Bronx, a fat red cardinal almost too fat for his own wings, flew into the hall and landed on her shoulder.

  “Heya, toots.”

  “Hello to you, too,” Petty replied.

  “I bring news, and youse not gonna like it.” The bird turned to look at him.

  “Me? What now?”

  “I got a message from the academy.”

  Phillip’s stomach dropped, but he was careful to school his features.

  “On the anniversary of da curse, it’ll be permanent.”

  That wasn’t so bad. Hunter’s curse was permanent. This wasn’t what Phillip had imagined for himself, but that was okay. He’d find a way to live with it.

  “Not what I was hoping to hear, but okay.” He took a deep breath. “I can deal with this. It’s fine. I’ve been doing this dance a long time.”

  “Nah, Charming. There’s more.”

  “Bronx?” Petty asked softly. “What do you mean, there’s more? How can there be more? I didn’t . . . oh no.” She covered her hand with her mouth, and Bronx rubbed his head against her cheek.

  “Excuse me? Can someone draw me a picture?”

  “Youse gonna be a frog, my friend. Full-time.”

  Phillip had been hit with a wrecking ball. All his hopes, his dreams, his newly born visions of a future had been crushed with only a few words.

  In a panic, he thought about the kissing booth, and his mind began reeling and spinning all his outs and options.

  “This can’t be right,” Petty whispered. “We’ll figure this
out. I won’t let this happen.”

  Phillip couldn’t stand the sight or the sound of her at the moment. His blaming her wouldn’t help, but now that the hope was gone, it had been replaced with a useless fury.

  “Petunia, can you please give me a moment?”

  “I . . .”

  “Go, Petty.”

  He got up from his chair, and without a word to anyone, he made his way to his quarters.

  Phillip was ever pragmatic, and he knew that his feelings for Zuri didn’t matter any longer.

  If he was forced to permanent frogdom, he wouldn’t even remember them anyway.

  His only choice was to somehow convince Ravenna to marry him and pray to all the powers in this universe and the next that it worked.

  And convince his friend not to hate him.

  He guessed Petty was right. Hunter wasn’t supposed to end up with Ravenna, and the threads of fate had moved to decree it so.

  That is, if he could convince her to say yes. She had zero reason to agree to his scheme. He didn’t know what he had, what he could offer her to make it worth her while.

  He scrubbed a hand over his face and realized before he did any of that, he had to tell Zuri.

  It was the right thing to do.

  Phillip supposed it was a good thing they hadn’t consummated their feelings that night of the kiss. It would’ve only made this harder.

  More painful.

  Part of him wanted to rail against his fate. To lash out. To...

  It was all useless.

  Being angry wouldn’t change anything. It wouldn’t automatically mitigate the curse, or the finality of it all.

  There was another part of him, a quieter part of him that told him the curse didn’t matter. He’d lived a long—and mostly useless and privileged—life.

  Wasn’t it worth it to trade it for something that mattered? A few days with Zuri was better than an eternity without her. He could choose, after all. He could choose her.

  In time, he’d be just another frog. He wouldn’t remember any of this. So why not pass his time living with the good things he’d been given?

  “Why not?” he murmured to himself.

  Only, he knew the answer to that. It wasn’t fair to Zuri to ask her to keep spending time with him, to keep building a bond that was going to be torn from them both either way.

  Every single avenue of escape that lit up in his brain like neon always crashed in a dead end.

  For a single moment, he considered marrying Ravenna, and then they could both go on about their business with the people they wanted.

  Number one, Phillip knew magic wouldn’t be appeased with something so simple.

  Zuri wouldn’t even consider that kind of arrangement.

  Neither would Hunter.

  He found it ironic that Ravenna would.

  Maybe he should’ve been a dark prince, instead of Prince Charming. It would’ve been so much easier.

  He wouldn’t be about to become a damn frog for the rest of his life, that was for sure.

  But he also wouldn’t have met Zuri.

  Damn it.

  How did he tell her it was all over?

  How was he supposed to tell her that he was choosing to break his curse over her? He couldn’t do that to her, either.

  This was the biggest pile of troll shit he’d ever managed to step in. Neck-deep.

  When her soft knock came at the door, he couldn’t face her.

  “I’m not feeling well, Zuri. If I’ve caught a bug, I don’t want to take the chance I’ll make you sick.”

  “That’s too bad, Your Royal Hotness. I was thinking we needed another kissing session. I guess I’ll just see you tomorrow.”

  “Not if I see you first,” he replied, and immediately hated himself.

  “Can I bring you something?”

  “No, love. Just get some rest. I will, too.” He leaned against the door and wanted desperately to see her, to touch her face, to kiss her.

  What he fucking wanted was a Happily Ever After, but no one was going to give him that, were they?

  “Good night,” she said.

  He listened at the door until he could no longer hear the sound of her footsteps.

  Chapter 15

  Zuri had decided to spend the day with Zeva since she had to go back to Chicago early the next morning. Especially since it seemed she was doing most of her work for Fairy Godmothers, Inc., with Phillip in the evening.

  Anna and Jordan had easily adjusted to the hours. The only fly in the ointment, so to speak, was Alec. He kept asking her when they were going to talk, but she just didn’t have time.

  She’d admit, it gave her a bit of a thrill to be the one telling him she just couldn’t get away. Not that she wanted to.

  Zuri realized she had nothing to say to him and she didn’t owe it to him to let him speak. He could find closure in his own way. She just knew anything he had to say would be an attempt to push past her boundaries and weasel his way back in.

  She wasn’t tempted; she didn’t want his excuses. So what was the point?

  “You’re awfully quiet this afternoon, Zuri. Daydreaming about your hot nights?” Zeva teased as they walked around the manicured gardens of the castle.

  Zuri’s cheeks warmed. “Actually, no. I was thinking about how I can’t wait to be done with this wedding so I don’t have to see Alec’s face anymore.”

  “You’re not going to talk to him? Isn’t there anything you want to say to him?”

  “I’ve had a chance to think about it, and no. I really don’t.” She waited on tenterhooks to see what her sister would say. If she’d argue with her.

  “Good. I’m glad that you’re moving on.”

  “It’s funny how that works. It seemed like life was at a standstill, and now everything is barreling at me a thousand miles an hour.”

  “I know. Me too.”

  “Did something happen?” Zuri asked.

  “Something amazing. Petty found a way to take care of the kids. They’re all going to come to the castle. Phillip said they could stay. One of their godsons is a lawyer, and he’s going to take care of all the paperwork.” Zeva grabbed her hand. “How do you feel about being an aunt?”

  “You’re adopting all the children?”

  “Yes. And I’ve said yes to Fairy Godmother Academy.”

  Zuri was stunned but happy. Zeva’s joy radiated from her, and it was infectious in the best way. Tears gathered in her eyes. “Oh my God, Zeva. That’s amazing. It looks like we both get to make magic in our own ways.”

  “They don’t usually accept applicants my age, but since I’ve already adjusted to magic and because their numbers are so low, I’m in!”

  “You’re going to change the world in a big way, just like you always wanted.”

  “I’m probably not going to see Phillip again before I leave, since I’ll be headed out at dawn. So can you thank him for me?”

  “Of course. If I get to see him. He wasn’t feeling well last night.”

  “Wasn’t feeling well? Huh. I didn’t think anyone here got sick. Except frog pox.”

  “Yeah, I didn’t, either. But that’s okay. Maybe it was a different kind of not feeling well.” Zuri shrugged.

  “Oh no. Here comes Dr. Jackass now.”

  “Zuri! I was just looking for you.”

  “What do you need, Alec?”

  “Can you come to Rosebud’s and look at my tux. I’m not sure if it’s going to work.”

  “Rosebud is absolutely amazing. I’m sure she can tell you if it’s going to work or not.”

  “Anna wants your opinion,” he said with a helpless shrug.

  “I can’t right now.” Zuri looked at her phone. “This is my off time. When I’m back on the job, I’ll pop on over to Rosebud’s.”

  “Sorry, she’s busy.” Zeva put an arm around Zuri’s shoulder.

  “Look, I know you don’t want to deal with me right now, and that’s fine, but Anna is stressing. Could you come for her?”<
br />
  Zuri didn’t want to tell Anna no, especially with how accommodating she’d been about everything else. “Okay, I can do that, but not this minute. Zeva leaves in the morning and we’re finalizing some other plans. Personal and business.”

  “Okay. I understand. Rosebud did say that she could send the dresses and the tuxes to the castle later this evening, if that helps.”

  “Why didn’t you open with that?” Zeva demanded.

  “Because I’d rather she come now. The rest of us have multiple tasks to accomplish to make sure that Anna and Jordan have the wedding they deserve.”

  Zuri felt a momentary flush of guilt, but it was quickly washed away. “And they will. That’s our job at Fairy Godmothers, Inc., to make sure they get the wedding of their dreams. Go on to your next task, and I’ll see you in about an hour back at the castle.”

  “Fine. See you later,” Alec said, and walked away.

  “What did I ever see in him?” Zuri asked.

  “Well, he is handsome. He’s got a good job. He ticks everything off the list. Except for the personality part, and he hid that with charming manners.”

  “Do you think I’m making the same mistake with Phillip?”

  “No. Phillip is nothing like Alec. But if you don’t know that, maybe you should slow down.”

  “Thanks. You’re right, and I do know that, I guess I’m just scared to believe it.” Zuri sighed. “I suppose I should think about going in to work.”

  “Yeah, I think I should get a nap and pack. Or pack and then nap. Either way, somewhere in there I’m going to take advantage of the baths down in the dungeon.

  “The baths?”

  “There are hot mineral baths down there. Didn’t you know? They’re absolutely lovely.”

  “It doesn’t hurt that you might stumble across a certain person?”

  “We’ve chatted a few times.” Zeva looked away. “Anyway, I’ll let you do what you need to do.” She hugged her. “I’ll miss you, even though it won’t be for long.”

  Zuri squeezed her back and then let her go.

  After Zeva was gone, Zuri tilted her face up to the sun and let herself enjoy the warmth for a few minutes longer. The smell of the grass and the singing birds helped her to ground herself and just enjoy the moment