“That is absolutely perfect. I love it. I think Anna will love it, too. How soon can we get those put together?”
“I can have that done tonight, if you don’t need the room for anything.”
“I don’t believe it’s been booked for anything else. So it’s all yours.”
Things were coming together. It was all going to be okay.
“The main thing that’s going to take a while is that chandelier moon, but we’ll see what these torchiers look like in a minute.”
Hansel set about doing a lite install and Zuri checked her phone while she waited. Zeva had sent her pictures of the kids making silly faces to cheer her up. It worked like nothing else.
Until she was reminded that she and Phillip had been talking about having children only the night before.
She pushed it out of her mind. Zuri had already told herself this wasn’t how things were going to be done. She’d worry about what she could control.
And what she could control was the Markhoff wedding.
“Zuri, you ready?” Hansel called.
She looked up and saw the open flame in the torchiers, and for a moment, she flashed back to that day in Chicago when Jenn Gordon had lit her dress on fire.
But this wasn’t going to be that day.
Anna and Jordan were utterly in love. They respected each other, and they were both excited to bring this day to fruition.
Note to self: Never plan another wedding where the groom doesn’t show up for important things like meeting the wedding planner.
She supposed that should’ve been an obvious one, but here she was.
No, this was beautiful. Anna would descend the stairs and lose her shoe, just like Cinderella, and her groom would catch her and carry her up the stairs to the altar, where he’d present her not only with her shoe but with the ring that symbolized his eternal love.
Oh! She needed to catch up with Grammy and make sure she was still a go to officiate. After all, it was close to the full moon, and sometimes, she had a bit of excess facial hair that she needed extra time to have lasered off.
“They’re fantastic, Hansel. You’re a gem.”
Suddenly, several strings of the tiny white lights they’d strung across the ballroom crashed to the floor and a fat red cardinal could be seen hanging upside down from one of the strings of lights.
“I told you it wouldn’t support your weight. Your name should be Chonkey Boi instead of Bronx,” a voice came from the corner.
“Listen here, I told youse, it’s my winter weight.”
“You look like a tomato with a beak.”
“Shut yer snout. Delicate, you ain’t,” the bird said.
“Shut it for me. If your wings can carry you, Stubby.”
“Esmerelda,” Hansel called out. “Don’t you do it.”
Zuri saw who he was talking to, and it was an enormous flying fox. She was rather cute, and she realized this was Ravenna’s familiar that she’d heard so much about.
The fat cardinal waved back and forth on the swinging line of lights that the flying fox continued to spin as the air currents from her wings spun him around. “I don’t feel so good.”
This was new for Zuri, but her boyfriend was a frog, so talking flying foxes . . . whatever. It was fine. It was all fine.
“Esmerelda!” Hansel demanded again.
“You guys, take it outside? Please,” Zuri said.
“He said my mother had rabies.”
“I take it back,” Bronx cried. But then as the string of lights began to slow, he opened his stupid beak. “I meant yer sister.”
The flying fox made a sound that could’ve been a roar, and she dived straight for the little round cardinal.
Bronx yelled and let go of the lights, sending him tumbling toward the ground. He managed to spread his wings and catch air, but he had to flap hard and fast to get any traction. Esmerelda gave chase, and Zuri was sure that she was going to catch him.
“Essie! You can’t eat him. It’s cannibalism,” Hansel cried.
“It’s the law of the jungle. I like a well-marbled chicken.”
Bronx stopped flapping, obviously insulted. “Why, I oughtta—”
And he promptly fell out of the air, sinking like a brick toward their newly constructed stage.
Hansel darted to grab Bronx before the chubby little bird was nothing but a smudge on the stage, but Hansel crashed into Esmerelda, who was in a roll spiral heading straight for him. Hansel managed to catch the flying fox with one arm, and the loudmouthed cardinal in the other, but the tangle of wings and feet and inertia knocked over the torchiers.
And the stage that had taken Hansel so many loving hours to construct went up in flames.
Zuri guessed this was just like Chicago, but it wasn’t a dress that had burned. It was the whole damn wedding.
Chapter 20
Petty could tell by Zeva’s unexpected appearance through the specially designated Fairy Godmother Portal in their root cellar that she was angry.
Their whole cottage shook when Zeva propelled herself through the portal and landed among their jars of pickled garlic, habanero asparagus, and the ridiculous amount of cherry jams and jellies.
“I need answers, Godmothers. I need them now.”
“What kind of critter bit her tail, I wonder?” Bluebonnet asked, following Petty down the stairs into the root cellar.
“I suspect it has something to do with Zuri,” Jonquil said.
“You’re right it has something to do with Zuri. How could you?” Zeva demanded.
Petty was confused. “How could I what?”
“You know very well what!” She stomped her foot, and bits of green fairy dust flew from her foot. “Oh, stop it,” she yelled at her feet.
“Dearie, calm down and tell us what’s the matter. We can’t help while you’re yelling, of course,” Petty said.
“My sister. How dare you give her hope when there was none.”
Petty’s brows knit together with concern. “We’d never do that, Zeva. What’s happened?”
“I think she needs some sugar,” Jonquil said.
“Zuri was supposed to get me some scones, but I had to see you first.” Zeva huffed and blew more fairy dust out of her nose. “Stop it!”
“I hesitate to say this, but really, it’s the only thing that works.” Bluebonnet reached out a gentle hand to Zeva’s shoulder. “But you need to calm down.”
“When, in the history of ever has it worked when you told someone to calm down?” Zeva demanded.
“In the history of Ever After, or ever?” Jonquil queried.
Zeva suddenly looked as if she were about to explode.
“Not now, Jonquil.” Petty took her hand and patted it, sinking to the dusty floor and pulling Zeva with her. “Will one of you please get this FG in training some sugar so she doesn’t erupt?”
“I’m on it,” Bluebonnet said, and trotted up the stairs.
Jonquil sat down with them and took Zeva’s other hand. “Tell us. So we can help.”
“Maybe let her acquire the sugar first to even things out,” Petty said.
“Oh, right.” Jonquil nodded. “I’m beastly if I miss out on my sugar.”
“Too right,” Petty agreed. “All of us are.”
Bluebonnet trundled back rather quickly with a giant chocolate ice cream soda and handed it to Zeva. “Drink it all down. It’s the best medicine.”
“Wait, does this mean I can have as much sugar as I want and it won’t all go to my ass?” She looked around at the godmothers. “Or, is this why you’re all padded so nicely?”
“Diplomatic way to put it,” Petty said.
“I’m angry, not stupid,” Zeva said. “Plus, you’re all comfortably stuffed, if that makes sense. Comforting. Homey. Snuggly.”
“Yep. It makes people underestimate us, and we get away with pretty much everything,” Bluebonnet said with a grin.
Zeva took the treat and downed it in one gulp and then exhaled heavily. “Okay,
I actually do feel much better. Not as angry.”
“Hmm. Yes.” Jonquil nodded.
“Zuri called me this morning with terrible news.”
“What’s happened?” Petty was immediately concerned. Zuri needed to believe in magic more than ever. She noticed that Zeva was already out of her ice cream soda and Petty used her magic to conjure another.
“She’s in love with your stupid cursed prince,” Zeva growled, and slurped more of the ice cream soda.
Petty wasn’t sure how one could slurp ice cream angrily, but Zeva managed to pull it off. Petty had never been more proud.
“Why is this bad? This is what we want, yes?” Petty asked.
“No more stupid Dr. Jackhole, right?” Jonquil nodded encouragingly.
“He’s still a frog,” Zeva managed.
Petty watched Jonquil’s eyebrows climb up into her hair like caterpillars hiding in a begonia bush, and she knew her own had done the same.
“The synapses aren’t connecting. How is that possible?” Bluebonnet asked.
Zeva gave another entirely rude slurp to empty the contents of the glass and then took a few deep breaths. “They spent the night together. They were sure they shared True Love’s Kiss. They shared true love’s everything, if you know what I mean.”
Jonquil snorted. “We do know what you mean.”
“You mean to say, that after all that, Phillip still changed into a frog?” Petty cocked her head to the side.
“I do. And Zuri is devastated.”
Bluebonnet nodded. “I imagine she would be.”
“She doesn’t understand why her love isn’t good enough. Why she isn’t good enough. After what happened in Chicago. . .”
“Of course she’s good enough!” Petty was getting mad now, too. “I cast that stupid spell. Who is it to judge what love is true?” Then the solution hit her like a lightning strike. “Girls.”
“Hmm?” Jonquil and Bluebonnet looked at her.
“If the end isn’t happy, it’s not the end, right?” Petty asked.
“Right, right,” Jonquil said.
“Is that what we’re going with?” Zeva asked.
“It’s the truth,” Bluebonnet reassured her.
“So what’s the problem?”
“The problem isn’t Zuri, of course. It’s Phillip,” Jonquil said, obviously inspired. “We should know better, honestly.”
“Do tell. What do we know?” Petty demanded, displeased that this time she wasn’t the one with the answer. She didn’t like feeling like she’d been left in the dark.
Jonquil reached over and opened one of the cherry jellies and began eating it with a spoon. “This is the part where Phillip has to stick to guns.”
“What do you mean?” Bluebonnet looked at their sister.
“Happily Ever After is never just handed out like candy,” she said between bites.
“You don’t think all the self-reflection and work he’s done in the past three hundred years is enough? I do,” Petty said.
“Petty,” Jonquil said after licking the spoon clean. “He’s gotta prove it stuck. How do we prove who we are? Adversity.” She waved the spoon.
“I see! A knight in shining armor is a knight who has never been tested!” Zeva said.
“Or he’s just really a badass,” Bluebonnet said helpfully. “Or . . . you know. Yeah. I missed the point, sorry.”
“S’okay. We have to figure out what we’re going to do, because obviously we can’t tell him or Zuri. They both have to have faith. They both have to believe. They both have to pick love over everything else,” Jonquil added.
“We can’t tell Zuri?” Zeva sounded stricken.
“Oh, love. I know that’s hard to watch her struggle.” Petty squeezed her hand. “You want to fix it all for her because you’re the big sister. I know. Believe me, I do.”
Zeva looked at her. “This is what it means to be an FG, isn’t it? I’m going to love all my charges like my own family.”
“They are your family,” Bluebonnet said softly.
“Oh, this sucks. I don’t know if I can do this. I want to tell her. My mouth actually burns with the need to tell her,” Zeva confessed.
“Of course it does. That’s natural. You’ll see in time that when you do things for them, they don’t learn the lessons that they need to make the right choices. It’s a very delicate weave, much like a spider’s web. Strong, but delicate,” Jonquil said.
“I need a drink,” Zeva muttered.
“No, probably just more sugar,” Jonquil said. “You’re going to be a beast until your chemistry finishes changing. I’ll get you another.”
“Oh me, too,” Bluebonnet said. “Meddling makes me thirsty.”
“We’re still going to meddle? I thought they had to choose themselves?” Zeva asked.
“We’re definitely going to meddle. We don’t make their choices for them, but we put them in situations where they have the opportunity again and again to make the right choices. It’s not just one chance and fuck you, you’re out,” Petty said.
The sisters’ eyes widened.
“This is a serious situation, and I think it calls for strong language,” Petty said.
“I have to really work up to strong language these days. I don’t like it anymore,” Zeva said.
“Mmm. Yes. When you’ve been doing this a while, you’ll be able to again. The academy is very stern about language. You’ll see. Every word has immense power. Especially the swears. They’re like curses, you know,” Bluebonnet said.
“Like curses? They’re literally curse words,” Zeva said.
“And now you know how that came to be.” Petty grinned. “Anyway. We need a plan. Because, as my sisters know, but I will clue you in, too, Zeva, Prince Dorkling went and screwed everything up by going to Ravenna to break his curse.”
“Oh no,” Zeva said as she accepted another soda from Jonquil.
Petty accepted her soda and sucked happily on the straw for a long moment as the sugar fortified her system. And superpowered her thinking cap.
“I know. I told him not to, but of course that probably made him even more determined. My bad. Anyway, he took Hunter—do you know Hunter?” Petty asked carefully, not wanting to give away too much of her side plotting.
“I met him. He’s very nice.”
“Handsome, in a beastly way, don’t you think?” Bluebonnet prodded.
“Sure, but he’s got it bad for the evil lady with the purple streaks in her hair,” Zeva said. “Zuri was trying to hook me up with him. I guess she thought best friends and best friends are a good match.”
“They are. They definitely are. Those are my favorite pairings,” Petty said.
“Back on point, Pets. Daylight is a-wasting,” Jonquil nudged.
“Yes, yes. Anyway,” Petty began, and studied Zeva carefully. “He took Hunter to Castle Blackheart, and Ravenna had a vision or something of how to break his curse. A wedding. Apparently, to her. Or that’s how the lot of them interpreted it. It totally screwed up the threads of fate.”
“How so?” Zeva asked.
“Ravenna and Hunter aren’t meant for each other. Ravenna and Phillip aren’t meant for each other,” Bluebonnet said.
“Isn’t that up to them to decide?” Zeva asked.
“Up to a point. There are certain things fate wants to happen, and when she has to move the threads to get what she wants, often, it’s rather uncomfortable and ugly,” Petty said.
“So what are we going to do?” Zeva sighed.
“Well, we need to let Phillip make his choice. He has to prove himself. We can support Zuri, keep reminding her to have faith. To believe in herself. To believe in love,” Bluebonnet said. “To believe in Phillip.”
“Okay, I knew that part. You said we maneuver them so they get to keep making their choices. How do we do that?” Zeva asked.
“Phillip is probably going to propose to Ravenna. Or maybe the other way around. Yes, that’s it,” Jonquil said. “Ravenna is not
ready for love. She’s learning to love herself right now, in a healthy way. Not a selfish way. So she’s going to be terrified of Hunter, and to make him not an option, she’ll rush into this curse-breaking with Phillip as an excuse to hide.”
Zeva sighed. “Zuri is going to be so heartbroken.”
“And we have to show that to Phillip. We have to remind him that she means more to him than anything else. Even his future as a man. He has to be willing to trade it all for Zuri. I know that deep down, he is. He just has to be reminded,” Jonquil continued.
“This has been kind of your baby from the start, hasn’t it, Jonquil?” Petty asked.
“A little bit here, a little bit there. I was so happy to see the closure with Alec happened. Alec’s not happy about it, but that’s his problem.” Jonquil grinned.
“I suppose it’s a good thing I didn’t Molotov-cocktail his Benz, then, right?” Zeva asked.
All four of them erupted into deep cackles, and Petty was struck again by how very close they were to being on the dark side of things. Of course, that didn’t stop her from cackling. No, it made her cackle all the harder.
“I mean, maybe we could get away with eliminating his ride,” Jonquil considered. “You know, I’m feeling rather she-devil about the whole thing. We could make a list and then proceed to eliminate all he holds dear.”
“Sisters. And Zeva. What have we learned from cursing Prince Charming?” Petty asked.
Jonquil sighed. “I know. It’s fun to think about, though.”
“We’re so creative. It’s just a shame to let those ideas go to waste,” Bluebonnet said.
“You already nixed the carnivorous anal warts. After that, why bother?” Petty asked.
Zeva cackled harder. “That’s beautiful! Oh my God.”
“I thought so,” Petty said.
The sisters sighed in unison. “No, we don’t use our powers like that,” they said to each other.
“But you could?” Zeva asked.
“We could, but there are consequences and repercussions,” Petty said.
Men Are Frogs Page 20