Big Girl Pill

by K D Williamson

  “Whoa. Let’s just get out of here. The fresh air will do you good.” Maya held on tighter and Nina sagged into her warmth.

  By the time they got outside, Nina was laughing, big belly laughs.

  “What’s so funny?”

  “I don’t...I don’t know. It just feels good.”

  Maya grinned. “Carry on, then.”

  She did, for at least another full minute or two. It took her a little longer to catch her breath, and during it all Maya continued to hold on to her. “This was good, right?”

  Maya nodded. “Yeah. I’m glad I came.”

  “Me, too.” Nina rested her head on Maya’s shoulder as they waited for their Uber. It didn’t register at first that Maya didn’t move away. She was safe and everything in the world seemed okay. Despite being drunk, she wouldn’t forget how it felt to stand here like this, no matter what happened when she got home. Right now, she just didn’t care.

  Thirty minutes later, she took a deep breath and unlocked her apartment door. She was a lot more aware than she had been even though her head still buzzed. She stepped inside and, except for the light above the stove, everything was dark. She exhaled in relief. Maybe Drew hadn’t waited up after all. She’d seen his car parked beside hers in the lot and assumed an angry lecture was waiting on her. He was upset with her, Nina was sure of it, but, strangely, she was okay with that. She went into the bathroom to get ready for bed, not caring what Drew might say later.

  She stared at herself in the mirror. Did she look a little different? A little stronger, maybe? A little more alive? If so, that made tonight totally worth it.

  Maya was the catalyst for all these feelings. She’d definitely been worth it, too. It was a thought she was determined to take to bed with her. Nina smiled at herself in the mirror.

  Chapter 9

  Nina looked at her oatmeal with its artfully arranged berries. What kind of person ordered oatmeal when out for breakfast on a Saturday morning? Dumb question. Her mother, clearly. Or maybe it was a penalty for being five minutes late to meet with her and the wedding planner.

  She stabbed at a berry then put her spoon down, choosing to drink her apple juice instead. Small favor that it wasn’t orange. She finished the tiny glass and glanced up. Her mother and Stephanie, the aforementioned wedding planner, stared at her. Had she missed the entire conversation? She’d only sat down a few minutes ago, but she hadn’t been paying much attention. “I’m sorry. What?”

  Stephanie picked up the empty glass. “I believe that was mine.”

  Then why had Stephanie’s juice been so close to her bowl of mush? “Oh, sorry.” She really wasn’t. It was good apple juice.

  “That’s all right. Accidents happen.” Stephanie moved her chair slightly away and then brought her plate and its half-eaten plain egg white omelet closer.

  Like Nina would attack Stephanie’s food next. She didn’t need to worry, because her meal didn’t look the least bit edible.

  “I apologize for her behavior,” Sarah said. “I’ll get you another right away, and Nina will be more than happy to pay for your breakfast. Wouldn’t you, sweetheart?” Sarah smiled, but her expression was hard and distant.

  Nina looked away. “Sure.”

  Sarah laughed, but it was one of her fake shows of humor. “She’s so focused on getting married, her common sense has—”

  “You didn’t like your omelet?” Nina smiled at Stephanie and ignored her mother, even though she felt her glaring.

  “Oh, it was fine. They forgot the cheese, but I didn’t want to be a bother,” Stephanie said.

  “Why not? You’re paying for it. At least you were at first.”

  Stephanie waved the question away. “I don’t like to complain.”

  For whatever reason, the comment didn’t sit well with Nina. “I don’t under—”

  “For God’s sake, let her mind her business and concentrate on ours,” Sarah said, practically hissing the words. The disappointment and exasperation in Sarah’s expression was enough to make Nina cringe. She gulped her water—hopefully, it belonged to her—to keep from saying something she’d regret. Counter to her normal peacekeeper approach, however, the temptation to let loose on her was damn near overwhelming.

  Stephanie politely cleared her throat. “I know he hasn’t really taken an active part, but shouldn’t Drew be here at this point? The wedding is less than two weeks away.”

  Nina reached for her glass again. She shook it gently to redistribute the ice. Then, she drained it. She and Drew were barely speaking. Nina’s outing on Thursday had been especially hard for him to take. Had it just been a couple days ago? Drew was hurt, and Nina felt a little guilty about it, but not enough to apologize because she’d done nothing wrong.

  Her mother’s canned laughter made another appearance. “He’s learning early. Happy wife. Happy life. Drew is deferring to whatever Nina wants.”

  Nina gritted her teeth. No, he wasn’t.

  “Still? Lucky woman.” Stephanie tilted her head as she glanced Nina’s way. “Usually brides-to-be have trouble containing themselves at this point in the process.”

  Silence.

  Nina stared at her bowl of sad, gloppy oatmeal. She was really hungry.

  Sarah coughed loudly and glowered at her.

  “Oh, I’m looking forward to it,” Nina said with a smile she didn’t feel. She was excited. She just didn’t need to be overly effusive.

  Her mother sighed.

  Stephanie continued to look at her. “I…see.”

  Nina did her best to ignore Stephanie’s doubtful expression and took a raspberry out of the oatmeal and popped it into her mouth. The fruit was sweet, juicy, and more than likely organic, since this was Asheville. She was surprised there wasn’t a sprig of kale sticking out of her breakfast.

  The woman at the next table, who’d been alone nursing a glass of some kind of juice since Nina had arrived, stood and welcomed another woman with open arms. Nina put a blueberry into her mouth and almost choked on it when she saw the two women kiss. This was far from the first time she’d witnessed PDA from a same-sex couple, and she wasn’t sure why she responded that way.

  The two women sat and scooted their chairs close until there was barely any space between them. Nina’s face heated, but she couldn’t look away. There was a presence around them that was sensual and somehow familiar. Maybe it was because they were in love. Maybe it was because they were women and, while the resulting tingle from her voyeurism wasn’t brand new, it was still unexpected. In college, when Nina had gone to visit Maya and she had company, her “friends” were usually in Maya’s lap. They hadn’t had a care in the world, even as Nina sat there and attempted to have a conversation with them.

  Then, there had been the incredibly hot kissing between Maya and her woman of the week. More than once Nina had left in an aroused state and ended up with her hand between her legs the second she stepped into her room. The burn in her face extended to her neck and chest. Even her heart rate increased. All the while, Nina continued to stare. Why were all these thoughts coming up now?

  Someone coughed.

  Nina blinked, and everything came into focus. The women smiled at her. Nina turned away quickly and got caught in her mother’s penetrating gaze. If the red hue slinking up her neck and face was anything to go by, she was livid.

  “I think I need to apologize for my daughter’s behavior. She’s obviously being distracted by the most... inappropriate things.”

  “Don’t worry about it.” Stephanie tilted her head again, as if she were a dog trying to figure out what she was looking at.

  Nina stood abruptly. “Be right back. Bathroom break.”

  Once in the stall, Nina lined the toilet seat with tissue before sitting on it. She was still fully clothed but that was beside the point. She sat there and stared at the door, willing her heartbeat to slow. There was no reason to try to decipher what had just happened. Nina knew exactly what it was. She’d been able to keep a lot of things at bay
for a long time, but in the last few days that had become extremely difficult, exemplified by the argument with Drew, going out with Maya, almost talking back to her mother, and now this. At the moment, she didn’t know what to call it. Her predilection toward women? Maybe that was a bit too clinical.

  She continued to wait for fear to overwhelm her, but it didn’t.

  The main bathroom door squeaked as it opened. Someone’s heels clacked against the floor. It sounded as if she stopped at each stall. A few seconds passed and she recognized her mother’s shoes when she stopped in front of her door, visible in the gap between the bottom of the door and the floor.

  “Did you fall on your head on the way over here? I can’t believe what an embarrassment you’ve turned out to be,” she said. “How do you think this makes me look? Thank God Nadine wasn’t here to see any of it. I can keep her in line most of the time, but she has a big mouth. I’d never be able to live any of this down.” She pulled at the door hard enough to make the whole stall rattle.

  Without the blatant insults, her mother’s words sounded a lot like what Drew had said to her on Thursday morning. She swallowed, hard. “I, uh, think I’m just getting nervous. My head is all over the place.” The lie came out so smoothly.

  “Well, I trust you can get it back on straight and survive the next thirty minutes. Fall apart later. As far as I’m concerned, Drew can handle the rest.”

  She closed her eyes and took several deep breaths. Is that what Drew was? Her handler? Anger rose within and went from a simmer to a boil within seconds.

  The stall shook again. “Today, Nina.”

  As if someone else had control of her, she jumped up. The bathroom door squeaked again and she heard others enter. When she stepped out of the stall, her mother was the picture of placidity as she engaged the women who’d just entered. Nina went to the sink and checked her appearance. A blonde, green-eyed stranger looked back at her. That woman felt like an imposter, too, and Nina didn’t know who the real deal was. She thought about the sense of freedom and belonging she had with Maya and wondered if she could be that person all the time.

  The sound of her mother’s phony laugh brought her back to the moment. She turned on the tap and squirted soap onto her hands then washed them.

  “I’m going back to our table, sweetheart,” Sarah said. “See you in a minute.”

  Nina met her mother’s gaze in the mirror. For a second, her eyes widened, and Nina wondered what Sarah had seen. She very much wanted to ask. Instead, Nina nodded.

  **

  Maya stopped the car and took the keys out of the ignition.

  “You could’ve doubled back and found a closer parking spot,” T grumbled.

  “Okay, you complaining just shows that you obviously need to get out of the house more. Lazy ass.” She grinned and pushed his shoulder. “It’s Saturday. You knew it was going to be busy. So, c’mon, it’s just a few blocks.”

  “Yeah, but not so busy that we had to park down where the common folk live,” T said as he smirked.

  “Shh, all of Montford area is an architectural wonder.”

  He snorted as he opened his door. “That’s code for rich white people in the front and blacks in the back.”

  Maya got out, too. She looked at him over the top of the car. “I’m glad we understand each other.”

  “Always, Sis.”

  They walked past boxy white houses with an array of different-colored shutters and stepped over a few tree roots that had made the sidewalk a misshapen mess in some spots.

  “I haven’t been here in forever. I hope the food is still good.”

  “Please, Nine Mile has been around for how many years, now? And it’s still like my mouth and tongue are having a party when I eat there.”

  “Don’t women usually do that for you?”

  She laughed. “Sometimes. They could do it for you, too. I’d be more than happy to give you some pointers.”

  He scoffed. “I get plenty of ass, thank you. Just because I don’t parade it around at home like Winston, doesn’t mean anything.”

  “I don’t know—calling a woman a piece of ass makes me think you don’t know what you’re doing.”

  “Well, I could always use the kitchen table and invite you in to watch.” He grinned.

  “God, don’t joke like that. You’ll make me have flashbacks.”

  T chuckled. “I wish I could have seen your face.”

  Maya hooked her arm around his. “Well my face wishes it hadn’t been there, either.”

  “Mmm, so do you think Winnie is gonna show or call at the last minute with some work-related thing?”

  “Winnie? As in Pooh?” Maya looked at him.

  He shrugged. “If the honey pot fits…”

  She groaned. “I hate you for that.”

  “Whatever. And you didn’t answer my question.”

  “I don’t know. He might surprise us.” They were now passing even larger and more ostentatious houses. She hoped Winston showed up. Maya missed him. At one time, they used to eat dinner together on a weekly basis.

  “Yeah, maybe. Why didn’t you invite Nina?”

  “She had a thing today with her mom.”

  “All day?”

  Maya shrugged. She didn’t want to think about it.

  “Wedding stuff?”

  “Yes.” Her stomach kind of hurt thinking about it.

  “You talk to her today? The two of you have been doing that a lot lately.”

  Maya stopped walking. “What’s with the twenty questions?”

  “Just doing a welfare check.”

  “Don’t I look okay?” And she was okay at the moment. Earlier, she’d been disappointed at the lack of phone call or even a text, but Nina had to put her game face on when she saw her mother. Still, in such a short period of time, Maya had gotten used to talking to Nina again. Despite their initial awkwardness, it was almost like they had never stopped.

  “Fine as hell, just like me, but that’s not the point.” He started walking again and pulled her along.

  “It is what it is and I’m dealing.”

  “You know who you’re talking to, right?”

  “What do you want me to say? That it’s hard as fuck?” She rubbed her forehead.

  “Yes. If it is, say that.”

  She sighed, “Sometimes it is and sometimes it isn’t as hard as I thought it was going to be. Things have always been easy with her. That’s probably what got me into trouble in the first place.”

  “Just please take care of yourself.”

  “Nothing’s changed. She’s still getting married. I won’t be front and center, but it’s still happening. I’m sure it’s gonna have the same effect.” She focused on the sidewalk.

  “Yeah, right after it hurts like fuck.”

  “I’m used to that.”

  He looked heavenward. “Whatever. I know you’re gonna do you.”

  “Yeah, I want you to do you, too. You know New York or Chicago isn’t all that far away.” She glanced at him as they finally approached the restaurant.

  His forehead wrinkled with his expression. “Those places just sound too big for me.”

  “You still got time to apply for internships at other places?”

  “Yeah, I think I do. The companies set their own time frame. That’s usually an individual thing.”

  “We can go visit Chicago if you want.”

  “You’d go with me?”

  “Yeah, I’ve got plenty of time off, especially since I’m not going to the wedding. I’m not encouraging you to skip class, but we could fly up on Friday and make a weekend out of it.”

  “Yeah, I think I can do that.” His smile faded a few seconds later. “You don’t think it’s weird, though?”

  “What?” Maya asked.

  “That I really don’t wanna have to leave home?”

  “Nope. It’s where everything is. It’s where you’re comfortable and safe. I get it.”

  “Good.”

  They walked in
to Nine Mile. The place was packed for lunch just as Maya knew it would be, and the customers were louder than the Rasta music coming through the speakers. It had been about six months since she’d last been here, and the restaurant seemed even more colorful than she remembered. There were more paintings lining the walls, most of them displaying black, gold and green, the Jamaican colors. However, it still smelled sweet and spicy simultaneously.

  The hostess appeared. “Two for lunch?”

  “It’s actually going to be four. I know it’s crowded, but do we have to wait for them?” Maya asked. Sometimes, they were picky.

  “No need. We just seated the last group from the waiting list and there are a few tables free in the back.” She waved for them to follow.

  Once they were seated and given menus, it didn’t take long for the waiter to show up. “Can I start you off with something to drink and an appetizer?”

  “Cheerwine and we’ll start with the reggae militis,” T said.

  Reggae militis was the king of the nacho world and just thinking about them made Maya’s mouth water. Who the hell knew that black beans, mangos, and Gouda went so well together?

  “Shouldn’t we wait for them?” she asked.

  “Hell, no. I’m hungry now.”

  “In that case, add diced jalapeños, please.” Maya grinned.

  “Cheerwine for you too, then?” The waiter glanced at Maya.

  “Yeah. It’s still fountain drinks, right?” Just like most sodas, Cheerwine was best that way.

  “We have cans if you—”

  “No way. Just checking.”

  The waiter smiled and left.

  “So, it’ll be interesting to meet Chloe with her clothes on,” Maya said.

  T laughed. “I know, right? But she seems all right. She’s gotta be to have him glowing like Christmas lights.”

  “For real.” Her pocket vibrated. She took her phone out and T did the same. Maya looked at the group message from Winston.

  Can’t make it. Got caught up in last minute mtg. Will make it up 2 u. Chloe should be there tho. B nice.

  Maya rolled her eyes at T. “We should’ve bet on it.”

  He snorted. “That’s brave of him to throw Chloe in the mix like that.”