Big Girl Pill

by K D Williamson

  “Take the glasses, please. I’ll bring the pitcher of margaritas down and get everybody’s orders, too.”

  Nina nodded but didn’t move.

  Despite Maya’s efforts, the air around them hung heavy and warm, and she forced herself to physically move away.

  “Okay. See you down there,” Nina said, voice sounding a little strained. Once she had gone into the basement, Maya practically sagged against the counter. This was for her own good. And Nina’s, who had just broken off her engagement. Her engagement, for fuck’s sake. Nina needed a friend right now, not a come-on. She got the pitcher of margaritas out of the freezer and went into the basement, resolve fortified. For now.

  Over an hour later, Maya went downstairs with the third pitcher of margaritas, though she had cut back on the alcohol for this batch, since tomorrow was a weekday. She made room for it among all the takeout food containers and sat back down next to T instead of Nina. After all, she could only take so much closeness before her head started to spin.

  T leaned forward and loaded up his portable vaporizer.

  “What are you doing?” Maya asked.

  “Crocheting.” T glanced at her. “What does it look like I’m doing? I’m taking it down to once a week, and since we’re celebrating or whatever this is, I thought everyone else would be on board.”

  “Oh, I’m on board,” Rachel chimed in. She had a big-ass smile on her face, and at thirty, she was supposed to be the older, mature person in this group.

  Maya huffed. “Of course you are.”

  “Me, too.” Nina raised her hand as if they were in class. No big surprise, since Nina had smoked with her in college.

  They all looked at Maya expectantly and T chuckled. “Now that’s what I call peer pressure.”

  “Whatever. It’s not peer pressure if I’m into it,” Maya said.

  T finished prepping the vape and passed it around.

  “Oh, holy God. What is this?” Rachel leaned her head back against the couch and looked up at the ceiling.

  “Blue Dream.” Maya looked at him and he dipped his head in confirmation. “Why are you talking so loud?”

  “I’m not.” Rachel paused. “Am I?” she whispered.

  Nina laughed. It was noisy, long, and her head lolled from side to side. “You were.”

  Maya bent forward. Her high was manageable and mellow, but for Rachel and Nina, not so much. “You okay?”

  “Yeah, I wonder if I can fit my whole hand in my mouth,” Rachel said. She stared at her hand and made a fist.

  “Well, that was specific.” Maya snorted. “But I wasn’t talking to you.”

  “Figures.” Rachel elbowed Nina.

  “Ow.” Nina drew the word out, or maybe she didn’t.

  Maya couldn’t be sure of much right now.

  “Maya wants…” Rachel snickered. “I love saying this. Maya wants you.”

  Even through her high, Maya froze.

  T laughed as he blew out smoke. “Oh, she did not just go there.”

  Nina flopped forward, almost falling off the couch. “Huh?”

  Oh, shit. “You okay?” Maya asked again, forgetting Rachel’s comment for now.

  “Awww,” somebody said. She wasn’t sure who it was, so she swatted T, since he was closest to her.

  “Ow, fuck.”

  “I’m okay, but why does my head feel so big?” Nina’s eyes were wide and red-rimmed.

  There was a second of silence before they all laughed.

  “I wonder if it’ll make other things feel bigger, too?” T looked down between his legs.

  “Oh, my God. You might be on to something.” Rachel fiddled with the button on her pants.

  Nina scrunched her face in horror and slapped at Rachel’s hand. “Stop it. Go do that in the bathroom.”

  “Fine, but in a minute.” Rachel said. “And now I have a question. Who was better in bed? Me or Nina?”

  “Oh, shit,” T muttered. Maya met his wide-eyed gaze. Apparently, a high Rachel had even fewer filters than a sober one.

  “Are you serious?” Maya asked.

  Rachel shrugged. “Maybe. I’m curious.”

  Nina seemed just as shocked as T, but she stared at Maya, too.

  “That’s way too personal and you’re high.” But there really was no competition. She didn’t have to scour her brain to recall the night with Nina. The way she’d sounded. The way she’d tasted. Maya’s stomach clenched as heat pooled low.

  “I have to go to the bathroom,” Nina said, breaking the tension. She got up and almost fell. Maya reached out from her position on the couch to steady her.

  “No, me first, and I might be a while.” Rachel stood and smirked. She was just as wobbly as Nina.

  Fortunately, a high Rachel was easily distracted.

  Nina headed toward the stairs and nearly face-planted in her first attempt to climb them. Maya got up to help, gladly putting her arm around Nina. “I got you.”

  “Okay, good.” Their gazes met, and the heat Maya had felt seconds before went molten and raced between her thighs.

  Goddammit. Getting high had probably been a bad idea. When they got to the kitchen, she reluctantly released her hold but followed Nina down the hall as she weaved back and forth from wall to wall.

  “Okay. I’ve got this now,” Nina announced with a giggle, and she went into the bathroom.

  Maya leaned against the wall and waited. Minutes passed and finally, Nina came out and they stared at each other. Maya’s breath hitched, and it was as if the air had thickened. Her nipples tingled and everything else followed suit. She wasn’t sure who moved first, but the important thing was that they met somewhere in the middle. Maya tangled her hand into Nina’s hair and walked them forward until Nina’s back hit the door.

  Their lips met, and the kiss was frenzied, messy, and wet. Maya didn’t hesitate. She dipped her tongue deeply into Nina’s mouth and Nina’s resulting moan surged through her like an electric current. Nina clung to her, grasping at her shoulders, kissing her like she was trying to drink Maya down.

  One kiss blended into another and another, and in between them, Maya whispered, “You were the best. There was no fucking competition.”

  Nina whimpered and her grip on Maya’s shoulders loosened but within seconds, her hands were everywhere. She tugged at Maya’s shirt with one while loosening the fastening on her jeans with the other. The sound of Maya’s zipper added an erotic undertone, and when Nina’s hand slid over her underwear and pressed against her sex, Maya cried out. Her hips surged forward to increase the friction.

  Nina gasped.

  The kiss ended abruptly and their gazes met. Nina’s face was flushed, her lips swollen, and her eyes bright and hungry. Maya put her hands against the door and began grinding her hips against Nina’s hand.

  Nina’s mouth fell open and her body shuddered. “God.”

  Maya brushed her lips against Nina’s. “What—what are we doing?”

  “I don’t know,” she said, still moving her hand.

  Hearing those words was like being doused with ice water. Everything in Maya stopped and all the reasons to stay away came flooding back. She pulled Nina’s hand out of her pants. “We, uh…” Maya cleared her throat. “Shouldn’t be doing this.”

  “What? Why not?” Her brow furrowed.

  Maya took a step back and she missed Nina’s heat immediately. “Because you don’t know.”

  Nina grabbed the bottom of Maya’s shirt. “I…I know I’m attracted to you.”

  The words settled into Maya. They fed her hope and doubt simultaneously. “Okay.”

  “Okay? What do you mean, okay?”

  “I mean…okay. But you just broke up with your fiancé.”

  “I know that, but he has nothing to do with us.”

  “Not directly, but how can you be sure about this? You were with him for a couple of years and you just broke off your wedding. I can’t do this with you again, unless you’re sure.” Maya decided that being blunt was the bes
t course of action. Why change things now?

  “It’s not the same now.”

  “You don’t know that.”

  “Yes, I do. And you can’t decide that for me,” she said, expression frustrated.

  Maya closed her eyes. Something in her deflated. She opened them again. “Maybe not, but I can decide it for me.”

  Nina’s shoulders sagged, and she looked down at the floor. “We should get back downstairs. I need another drink or something.” It sounded like she didn’t want to leave. That had to count for something.

  “Yeah. Good idea. Maybe I’ll make some popcorn or something, too.” She buttoned her pants, smoothed the front of her shirt, and followed Nina back downstairs, thoughts reeling.

  Chapter 13

  Maya shuffled down the hall in the dark. According to her cell phone, it was barely 6 a.m. She didn’t have to be up, but her body had other ideas. When she got to the kitchen, she flipped on the light and cringed. The sudden brightness made her squint and her head pounded.

  The pain made her even queasier than she already was, but she had personal history on her side. She’d never puked after a night of drinking and, compared to the nights in college, this one had been mild. All she needed was coffee and ibuprofen. Then, she could face the day.

  She groaned. What if she didn’t want to face it? It wasn’t like anything good was going to come out of it. She and Nina were seemingly back to square one. They hadn’t talked the rest of the night, and Maya had yet to receive her usual phone call or text. Maybe she should have just given in. Everybody would have gotten what they wanted.

  And it would have been a repeat of college, probably, with Nina freaking out and Maya pining away.

  You are outta your motherfuckin’ mind! Samuel L. Jackson’s voice in her head was a whisper that grew progressively louder. Yes, maybe she was, or it could have been the tequila and weed talking. She didn’t need anyone in her head to tell her what was coming. Sooner or later, Nina would contact her to apologize and take everything she had said and done back. She needed to prepare herself for it and, really, she needed to start thinking about moving on because this ride with Nina? It was getting old and weird.

  She doubled up on the dark roast and poured six cups of water into the coffee maker. After a drink of that, she’d likely be able to hear colors. Small price to pay to be more alert and braced for the inevitable.

  The back door opened and Winston and Chloe walked in. “Morning.” Winston smiled at her.

  Maya blinked.

  “Okay, then. Let’s try something different. You look like fresh shit.”

  Chloe slapped Winston on the shoulder. “Win.”

  “What? I wasn’t lying.”

  “Can you both stop with the screaming?” She turned the coffee maker on and gave Winston a once-over. He was dressed for work. All decked out in his Dickies. “You still live here?” she snarked.

  “I pay the mortgage. So, yeah. I’m having dinner with the boss tonight. None of the ties I have at Chloe’s go with my outfit.”

  “Tragic,” Maya mumbled.

  “No, what’s tragic is you encouraging T’s habits. I can smell what you’ve been up to.”

  “First of all, it’s not what you think. He’s cut down big-time, and you’d know that if you came home once in a while.” She gave him one of her signature glares. He glared back. They were having a glare-down and to Maya’s satisfaction, Winston broke first.

  He crossed his arms. “You’re both adults—”

  “Nuh-uh, you don’t get to have it both ways. We’re either adults or we’re kids for you to gripe about. Treat us like one or the other, because this back-and-forth is for shit.”

  “What? I don’t have ti—”

  Chloe touched his shoulder. “Maybe you need to listen.”

  Maya decided she liked her even more than she’d realized.

  Winston uncrossed his arms. “I’m listening.” His demeanor went from prickly to receptive just like that.

  “T’s scared and he’s struggling. You’ve always done a great job taking care of us. That hasn’t changed. It’s just evolved, I guess, but he needs you to be there to listen, too.”

  “What do you mean? What’s going on?”

  Instead of answering immediately, Maya turned, and searched the cabinet for the biggest coffee cup she could find, and loaded it up with sugar and chocolate caramel goodness. After pouring every drop of coffee into her mug, she took her first sip. It was like creamy lighter fluid. Perfect. She sat down at the table and Winston joined her.

  “So, here’s the deal. T is having issues with figuring out if he wants to leave or stay in North Carolina because he feels like this is home. He’s scared to leave, but he’s scared if he stays, he’ll end up a loser.”

  “Why?”

  “Maybe we’d better make more coffee.”

  “I’ll do it,” Chloe said. “And then I’ll see you later, Win.”

  While the new pot perked, Maya broke T’s fears down for Winston. He seemed to engage, and they hugged before he left. But she still wasn’t sure he had actually heard her.

  By the time T entered the kitchen, Maya’s stomach had settled enough to remind her she needed breakfast. She put sharp cheddar and pepper on her eggs as T sat down at the table.

  “Any of that for me?” T asked.

  Maya glanced at him before going back to the skillet. “Hell no. You’re a grown-ass man.” Her aggravation about yesterday, this morning, and the fact that Nina hadn’t texted yet leaked through into her words at him.

  “Well, you don’t have to bite my fuckin’ head off. It already hurts.”

  “Ibuprofen. It’s a real thing.” She took a second to try to readjust her attitude.

  T scowled at her, and his irritation settled, heavy and heated, on her back. “How the hell are you in a shitty mood? Nina isn’t getting married and last night was fun. What the hell is wrong with you?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Bullshit. And your eggs are burning.” He sounded way too happy about that.

  “Fuck.” Maya grabbed the cast iron skillet by the handle. Not a great idea, since it was hot enough to burn the eggs. A sharp pain in her hand made her drop it. The skillet made a loud clang as it hit the stove top and scrambled eggs spilled out. “Goddammit!”

  T’s arms were around her a second later. He ushered her toward the sink and guided her hand as he turned on the cold water. “Just hold your hand there. I’ll go get something for the burn.”

  Too overwhelmed to speak, she nodded. She wasn’t going to cry. She categorically refused to do so, but the anger, fear, and all her longing for Nina had to come out somehow. Her hand trembled as the water splashed over it, and by the time T came back, her whole body was shaking.

  T pulled her hand from beneath the water and softly patted it dry. Her palm was red. “It doesn’t look bad. Guess you didn’t hold onto it long enough to do any real damage.”

  She didn’t say a word, but gasped as T hit a sore spot.

  “Look at me.”

  Reluctantly, she did.

  “Something happened last night, didn’t it? And you’re not okay.”

  As if his acknowledgment was all she needed, the words started to come tumbling out as they went to sit down at the table. She paused and stared down at her hand, loosely wrapped in gauze, then looked back at T, who brought her some ice cubes. She used the gauze to hold the cubes in place, appreciating that he didn’t say anything until she finished.

  “That’s…damn,” T said. “Here’s some aloe vera gel. It’s good for sunburns and burns.” He motioned at the tube on the table. She hadn’t noticed that he had brought it. “Also, my Friday and Saturday classes have been cancelled this week. My professor had a death in his family.”

  Maya looked at him, puzzled. Was that all he had to say?

  “We can go to Chicago. They have a ton of video game developers. Maybe getting out of here will be the best for both of us. It’ll be last minute, but I ca
n check to see if any of my friends know somebody who knows somebody who could set up an informal tour or two. We had plans to do this anyway, right? Or were you just blowing smoke?”

  “No, I meant it.” She smiled. Concentrating on him would definitely get her mind off Nina. Plus, he deserved it. “Chicago it is. You gonna ask Winston to come, too?”

  T snorted. “Yeah, right. He’s not gonna miss work for something like this.”

  Maya shrugged. “It’s not like you’ve been overly needy. Ask him. Tell him it’s important. You can’t go around avoiding things because you don’t want to get your feelings hurt.”

  “Really? And did you just hear yourself?” He raised an eyebrow.

  “This isn’t about me,” Maya reminded him. At least, it wasn’t right now.

  “I’ll think about it.”

  “Do that and make a decision by tomorrow. It’ll be Thursday, but Winston makes enough to get us all last-minute plane tickets.” The plan came together in her head and this little getaway sounded better and better every second. A weekend away on Winston’s dime? What’s not to love?

  She glanced at her phone. Still nothing from Nina. Maybe her last week in North Carolina should be spent with family, anyway. With the way she felt right now, dealing with Nina would be exhausting. Hell, she was already tired and it wasn’t even seven thirty in the morning yet. She needed some space, even if it was just a weekend, and maybe she could get some shit figured out.

  “Texting Winston now,” T said. “Put some of that aloe on your hand after the ice melts.”

  “Yeah.” She went to the stove to clean up.

  “I’ll get that,” T said. “Go chill out. I’ll let you know what Winston says.”

  She nodded and paused at the doorway. “Thanks, T.”

  “Fuck, I have to look out for my little sister.” He smiled and she rolled her eyes but smiled back, deciding that, yes, going to Chicago for a few days was exactly what she needed.

  **

  Nina rubbed her temples, but it didn’t help her throbbing head. She felt like it weighed at least twenty pounds or more. She longed for a pair of shades to lessen the effects of the harsh fluorescent lights, but she didn’t want to call any more attention to herself. She’d barely been in the teachers’ lounge for a couple of minutes and Drew’s friends had hurled plenty of daggers her way.