by Lily Holland
“Indeed…”
“I figured you would be pleased,” I say, one of my eyebrows cocking up as I suspect a change of heart on her part.
“Of course, Your Grace.”
“Goodbye Miss Devinan.”
She doesn’t answer but she nods and I bow to her slightly. When I finally take my leave and get back on my horse, the relief I was expected to feel has been changed in a screed of lead. It oppresses my heart and makes it hard to breathe, but I engage under the rain and start my journey home.
The rain is nothing, a smile and a nod are nothing and yet, when they come from her, I seem to see so many things in them. I chase water from my eyes as the rainstorm gets stronger and I end up hating myself for keeping on thinking about her. Maybe the hint of sadness I think I saw in her gaze was only the reflection of my own despair. What kind of man falls in love with the girl who hates him? Especially when the spite is even on both sides. I wouldn’t have thought I was this type of man but, as I journey under the cold, drenching weather, I know I have been wrong. She doesn’t want to have anything to do with me—she never did—, and yet, I dream only of seeing her again and walking at her side.
Miss Lucy Devinan
He turns away, disappears into the corridor and the door slams behind him. I blink as I am left alone in this room and a cold breeze blows over me. But no window is open.
For a time, I don’t know what to do nor what to think. His words are among those I would have never expected him to say.
Right from the beginning, I knew his opinion of me and he has always known mine, our mutual spite was no secret and I ended up thinking I would be the one putting a stop to the Duke and my father’s stupid little game.
I believe papa must be pleased now, he has succeeded in keeping his land untouched and I will not be marrying a man he resents for offering a business offer he wasn’t willing to accept.
When Mrs. Portman comes in and asks me a question, I look back at her and detail her face.
“I beg your pardon?”
She repeats her words but something isn’t making sense. I shrug and look through the window at the storm raging outside. If he left in this weather, he must have been very eager to depart.
Of course he was, he hates me…
I don’t hear it when Mrs. Portman leaves the room, I don’t even perceive my mother’s voice as she comes in and starts talking to me. Sounds are not cohesive anymore, I am too lost in my own mind.
This is what I wanted, was it not? To be rid of the man I hate so much, of the Duke that is so snobbish a single look at him makes anybody else feel uncomfortable. The gentleman in disguise that helped me out and was so close I can still sense the caress of his breath on my cheek.
I shake my head to clear my thoughts but it doesn’t chase the fog. I was expecting to be happy, relieved by such news, but the reality is almost the exact opposite. A knot has formed in my stomach and I am undeniably upset.
I pass my hand on my face as my mother stares at me and I shrug with a smile.
“I’m fine,” I lie and gesture to my foot. “It is hurting a lot but it will soon pass.”
My mother offers me a worried glance before nodding and asking for Mrs. Portman to bring her a cup of tea.
This is what I was hoping for, it is exactly what I have wanted since my father told me about this impudent affair.
Yes, this is what I wanted. Of course it is.
But if it is, then why does the words ring terribly wrong the more I repeat them to myself?
Chapter 9
Two months later
Andrew Mirabeau, Duke of Peicester
I shake hands with the man, a bright smile on both our faces. A luminous September sun is making Manchester glimmer in its misty coat and I squint my eyes to see where I am heading in the street.
“This new business won’t be as profitable as the mine should have been,” argues Ernest, “but I suppose it will be good nonetheless.”
I smirk at my friend’s comment. This new venture is going to be very profitable, I have checked the figures myself and it will prove to be a good investment, there is no question about it.
I climb into the carriage that is to take me home as my friend settles beside me.
“By the way, you never truly explained why you gave up on the Eastern part,” he says with a cocked eyebrow.
I shrug.
“I told you, there isn’t much more to explain. Lord Devinan didn’t want to give us the right to dig his part of the tunnels and nothing could convince him, so I let it go.”
Ernest scoffs before shaking his head.
“Right, and it has nothing to do with the pretty girl he has for a daughter, huh?”
My brow furrows as I recall Lucy’s face at once. I clear my throat as I stare at my friend.
“Nothing at all. It was taking too long and I didn’t have the patience to wait for a marriage with Miss Devinan.”
“Right.”
I think he is going to let it go but Ernest peers out of the window and clicks his tongue.
“I would have sworn something happened between the two of you…”
“What do you mean?”
Ernest shrugs and turns back to me.
“I don’t know, but it isn’t in you to give up on such a matter. And with a woman involved, I’m pretty certain I cannot be far from the truth if I say it is related to her.”
“But I—”
“And even if you pledged you both hated each other,” he interrupts me, “I’m pretty sure meeting a few times might have brought you closer.”
He stares at my face and I simply shrug in response. I haven’t seen Lucy for two months and I believe I am forgetting about her. Yes, the perfume of her hair is fainting from my memory and the details of her face, well imprinted on my eyes, are appearing less becoming when I conjure them in my mind.
When I finally reach home after a week of journey, I am tired and happy to be home. I did miss Cornwall a great deal and Mrs. Low is content to show me the few curtains she bought while I was away.
Before being my maid, she worked for my father and mother. Without her, this house would be empty and I don’t need this place to be any emptier than it already is. A feminine touch through a few expensive curtains isn’t much to comply with.
I have been away for more than a month, busy as I was investing some cheap money into industrial opportunities up in Manchester. Those ventures are quite small in comparison to the mining business, but I am certain they will prove profitable. I don’t need much more to be happy, great numbers in my ledger fill me with enough joy.
Since I let go of the deal with Devinan, the mine hasn’t been doing great, but it is surviving. I was happy last month not to have to make cuts and dismiss many miners, this activity is the only source of income for a great majority of the people from the nearby villages. Of course, it would be more profitable for everybody, miners included, if Devinan were to accept for us to dig in his soil, but I don’t have any lever anymore.
◆◆◆
The following week, I receive an invite from Lord Thorner. He says he is happy to know I am back in the neighborhood and he wishes to see me for tea. He is one of the persons I like the most, always smiling and chatty and happy, I send my answer the same day and I get ready to join my friend for tea.
Lord Thorner lives in a great mansion, but what is truly impressive about him is his colossal fortune he never seems able to squander no matter how much he gambles or hunts. He is a funny chap and, as I get to his home, I have no idea what I am about to face.
I stop dead by the front door when I notice Lord Devinan talking with Sir Hindsley next to a massive marble chimney.
“Oh, here you are, my dear friend! How we have missed you.”
I smile as Lord Thorner greets me warmly and Lady Thorner soon joins him. We exchange some niceties before I can ask the question burning my lips.
“Is Lord Devinan here with his entire family?”
“He is,
” replies Lady Thorner. “I heard Lady Devinan was quite sad they couldn’t leave for London earlier this year, but she said they should be leaving for the end of the season in London, at the beginning of spring if things go accordingly to their plans.”
“I see.”
I glimpse at Lord Thorner next to me and he rolls his eyes, his wife giving out all the details one might need—or not—at every question she is asked.
On my friend’s command, I grab a glass of brandy as, it seems, the invitation wasn’t only for tea but for supper. As I drift into the room greetings Lords and Dukes and Counts as I go, I end up locking eyes with Lord Devinan. He whispers something to his wife who turns to me and offers me a wide smile.
“Why, Your Grace, if it isn’t a surprise!” she exclaims curtsying slightly as I bow in greetings. “I see you are back among us, what a lovely surprise.”
“Thank you, my Lady. Indeed, I came back on a late afternoon last week.”
They politely ask about my journey and I politely tell them of my business trip and we chat as pleasantly as is possible. When a strange feeling of being observed fills my belly, I look up and narrow my gaze inquisitively only to lock eyes with Miss Devinan. My eyes go wide and she smiles. She whispers something to the woman she has been talking to and she leaves her side to walk to me.
I could be mistaken, but her smile is so big on her lips I end up thinking she might have actually missed me. Somehow, that makes my tensed abdomen relax and I can breathe again, warmth filling the cold spot spending months without seeing her has left in my heart.
“Miss Devinan,” I say bowing as she curtsies in front of me and joins her parents.
“Your Grace,” she says and her voice sends a shiver down my spine. “Long time no see.”
“Indeed,” I agree, “more than two months if I recall correctly.”
She smiles before gazing at the ground timidly and looking back up.
“You seem to have a good memory.”
I snort.
“I hope so, otherwise I would be facing some business issues.”
She laughs softly and her parents decide to drift off into conversation with Lady Knightley.
“I have heard you have been doing some business in the North,” she says as I review her face carefully.
I have missed it so, this face, every curve of it, her nose, her mouth, her pale green eyes and her lovely auburn hair making her ivory skin more luminous than ever. I have missed her so… I would have never believed I could have missed her that way, not after everything, not with the past still standing between us.
“I have,” I answer, “with the war leading to an end, profit will soon arise in this area. It will prove to be a valuable investment soon enough.”
She agrees in a nod and details me intently. I use the occasion to take her appearance in and it takes my breath away, she is becoming in her pale jade dress embroidered with roses designs. The more I look at her, the more I realize I cannot find any flaws in her. When she looks on the side, her neck moves gracefully, her pretty hands following the gesture only slightly but with elegance, with beauty…
I clear my throat and she frowns at me. I smile but I have to try my best to stop being a fool admiring her.
“So,” I say as she blinks and her smile doesn’t leave her, “I see your ankle is pretty recovered by now.”
“Oh,” she exclaims, peering down at her foot, “oh yes, I am very much recovered. It did hurt for a few weeks but I was allowed to stroll to the garden before the summer was over so I could enjoy the best of the sunny season.”
I nod and a faint blush appears on her face.
“I suppose you would have liked it too, there isn’t any root on the path of our garden.”
She laughs and I join her. She is so much warmer than she used to be. It only makes me look at her with more softness and that is precisely what I should be avoiding.
“I have to admit, Your Grace,” she says and I am all ears, “I am happy to see you here, I didn’t expect we would meet before a long time.”
I look deep into her eyes and what I see warms my heart instantly. She is honest, genuine, she is happy to see me.
“Careful, Miss Devinan,” I say with a laugh, “or I might end up thinking you have missed me.”
She smiles at me and my heart rate kicks up.
“Maybe I did.”
I blink as my lips freeze in a surprised smile and I study her face. I can’t see any hint of lie on it, it appears she is telling the truth and it makes my palms sweaty. She has missed me, it makes no doubt, her smile makes no doubt.
I am about to speak some words that are still foreign to me when Lord Thorner raises his voice.
“My friends, it is still early and the sun is high in the sky. What would you think of taking a walk?”
The general conversation stops as everybody agrees to the offer of our host and we all head outside. A corner smile appears on my lips as I eye Lucy next to me. She catches it and grins back at me.
“Promise me to be careful this time,” I tell her as we step outside.
“I promise.”
She turns a happy face to me and the sun hitting her silky hair pressures my heart to miss a beat. What has happened to me? I have never been that sensible to a woman’s charms before.
We start walking as the party separates in many groups and we all stroll around Lord Thorner’s park that he keeps on calling a garden.
“If I remember correctly,” I say, “the last time we went on a walk together, your enemy was the root of a tree. I would suggest you don’t get too close to any plant for your sake.”
She laughs and I smile dearly, the sound of her laugh echoing softly over the park. We stroll through squares and squares of flowers until Lucy stops in front of one.
“This one is gorgeous,” she says detailing a purple flower with long petals.
“What sort is it?”
“An Aster,” she says and I notice her voice just changed, a veil of sadness making her close her eyes and shake her head.
“Are you alright?”
She nods and offers me a smile of convenience but I keep on frowning and she sighs.
“It reminds me of one of my friends, Miss Esther. This flower is her favorite.”
I blink as the name rings a bell. I tense at once and dig my thumb in my palm.
“Miss Esther Palmer?”
She nods and her features darken even more.
“A few years ago, she was very in love with Sir John Edward, I believe you know him.”
I nod briefly and a breeze makes me shiver under my suit.
“Yes, well, of course you do,” she says with a sigh that oscillates between disgust and disappointment. “Because of your intervention in this matter, the match never happened. Esther has had to stand by while the man she loved married another. She will probably remain a spinster all her life, and that… That was your fault, Your Grace.”
I am dumbstruck as she turns to me but her eyes are not mean or angry, they are sad and desperate.
“I have been hating you since that very day at the Hamilton ball three years ago. I have always considered you had no heart.”
I inhale a deep breath and snort at her words.
“Why, Miss, I have to say I am shocked to hear such a tale. Especially coming from you!”
She frowns and underlying anger fills her features.
“And what is that supposed to mean?”
“I believe you are quite mistaken on the real course of events,” I explain as I try to control the quickened pace of my heart. “If you’ll let me explain, I—”
“Please do,” she cuts me short, “I wonder what you might have to say for your defense.”
I study her face with amazement before shaking my head.
“The truth is that Sir Edward wasn’t taken at all with Miss Palmer. I have known him since school and he had a reputation… Let’s say he was especially known three years ago for being a player.”
&nbs
p; “A player?” wonders Lucy with an eyebrow cocked.
I nod in response and she tilts her head on the side.
“With money?”
I swallow at my dry throat and shake my head.
“With women.”
“Oh, I see…”
“I did my best to test his true feelings toward Miss Palmer at the time, but they were only those of indifference so yes, I did not encourage my friend to make any particular move. However, I find it disheartening to think you believed me responsible for such a fruitless endeavor. I never had a say in the establishment or not of this relationship and, if I daresay, I must admit I have always considered you were the one to condemn in regards to Miss Palmer’s unfortunate situation.”
“Me?!” she eructs with a constricted face. “But I have never done anything wrong! Especially not in this matter!”
“From my point of view, you were the one sabotaging your friend’s opportunities.”
“But how?” she exclaims and I square my shoulders to forget about her beauty with the sun thus lightening her face.
“Every time a gentleman was to offer a dance to Miss Palmer, you took it on you to accept in her place! Many of these men were reputable gentlemen, but Miss Palmer wasn’t able to entertain a single one of them because you were turning yourself into the center of attention.”
My words seem to float in the air for a few minutes as we look at each other and nothing is added.
“Since that day,” I resume, slowly, “I have always considered you cold-hearted and senseless.”
Her lips part in shock as she reviews my face and I study hers and we don’t add a thing. We remain silent for a few minutes as we reroute our gazes to the flowers.
“I… I think I need to sit,” she says in such a low voice it is closer to a whisper. “My ankle is still fragile and I… Well…”
She flees my gaze and refuses to look at me and my heart squeezes. Maybe telling her everything was a mistake. Before, she was smiling, and now, she looks as sad and disturbed as that day when she suffered a physical injury.