One emerald eye stared out at me. “To give us access to live stream every professional hockey game during the season.” He closed his eye again, but the corners of his mouth lifted.
I couldn’t believe my ears. Hockey. He’d somehow talked them into allowing me to watch hockey. I would get to watch Kris and Ryan play, to see them when I could no longer be with them.
Jumping out of the recliner, I landed on him, nearly toppling us both onto the floor. His hands landed on my hips, holding me secure to his body, while my own surrounded his neck. Without thinking, my lips landed on his.
It was just a peck, but enough that even though I pulled away to profusely thank him I could still feel their pressure on mine. Trying to hide my embarrassment, I rambled. “I can’t believe you did that. That you got them to purchase it. I’m willing to share. Everyone can watch the games with me. If it’s streaming, then I can use my laptop to watch as well. I’ll get to introduce Chloe to hockey. This is so amazing.”
He chuckled below me, and the movement reminded me that I still sat straddled across his groin. I could feel the heat climbing my cheeks as I tried to wiggle off his lap, but only ended up making things worse. “I’m so sorry. I can’t be—”
“Shh. It’s okay.” His fingers tightened their grip on my hips stilling my movement. But the damage was done. I could already feel a growing hardness brushing up against me. What must he think of me? Throwing myself at him like some of the others do? I wanted to curl up and fall into a deep pit.
His thumbs brushed circles on my hips and I risked looking up into his eyes. I was prepared to see pity or even disgust on his face. I wasn’t prepared to see the same look on his that had been on Kris’s and Ryan’s when we sat in similar circumstances. My breath shallowed. I didn’t know what to do. I wasn’t prepared to deal with this, these feelings.
The sound of footsteps and rolling wheels coming toward up had us both scrambling to lift me off of him. I managed to fall into the recliner with the blanket over my legs before the group surrounding Chloe entered the area.
“Kayla, I hope that Dr. Johnson was able to explain everything to you. Chloe made it through the surgery perfectly, and I anticipate a full recovery.” Chloe’s surgeon placed his hand on my shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. “You should head to bed and get some rest. Chloe will be kept sedated for the night. I’ll give your parents a call to update them on Chloe’s status.” He squeezed my shoulder again before leaving with the rest of the staff. Only the nurse and Adam stayed behind.
Reaching for my hand, Adam hauled me out of the recliner. “He’s right. You should get some sleep, but I know you won’t leave until you see Chloe. So come see her and then I’ll walk you back to your room.”
He was right. I tried to hide my yawn behind my hand as I stepped up to the open bassinet they’d be keeping Chloe in for the night. My hand shook as I reach toward her, worried about how frail she looked. I’d grown used to how small she was, but there was something about her being sedated that made her seem sicker than normal.
Adam’s hand caressed the small of my back, lending me his strength. “She’s perfectly fine, Kayla, I promise.”
Trusting him, I stroked down the length of her arm with the side of my finger. “Sleep tight, Chloe. I’ll be back in the morning.” I hesitated, wanting to give her a kiss like I always did, but concerned about hurting her. Adam’s hand slid higher up my back, giving me a gentle push. He knew my normal routine and his nudge destroyed my doubts. Bending, I placed a kiss on her head and whispered a prayer for her safekeeping throughout the night.
At my bedroom door, Adam pulled me into a hug, dropping a kiss on the top of my head. I knew he was staying the night at the hospital to watch over Chloe, and it eased my mind as much as it added turmoil. Normally, he would spend the evening with me, cuddling until I fell asleep before going to the on-call room. But tonight, with the kiss, I didn’t know if I could handle him next to me. I needed time to try and sort out my feelings. It had only been eight weeks since I’d met him and eight weeks since Kris and Ryan had pulled their disappearing act.
He continued to hold me against him, allowing the tension to ease from my body. When my breathing slowed, I tried to lift my head, but his hand stopped me. “I know you’re still worried about Chloe, so if you don’t mind, I’ll go sit with her while you sleep?”
Dropping another quick kiss on my head, he stepped away from me, spinning on his heel, and walking away. He never gave me a chance to answer, but I wondered if he, too, had been weirded out by the kiss.
I flopped onto my bed, kicking off my shoes as I went. My body, exhausted from all the turmoil, demanded sleep, but my brain wouldn’t shut down. Three faces, three sets of lips continued to swirl behind my eyelids. Me, the girl, who barely spoke to boys, had somehow developed feelings for three amazing males. And although they all appeared to like me, I couldn’t seem to be enough for two of them. Did I risk my heart on the third or would he prove to be the same? And what if things weren’t truly over between myself, Kris, and Ryan? What if it was all a big misunderstanding?
That thought had me sitting up. Could that be the truth? Was it all a misunderstanding? I replayed every moment that passed between the three of us and couldn’t find anything to prove or disprove this new idea. Slumping back down, I pulled up the covers while peeling off my clothes. My pajamas took seconds to slip on. Promising myself to think further about a potential misunderstanding, I closed my eyes and willed sleep to take my body.
Chapter Eighteen
Chloe’s head rustled across my chest, but I was too lost in thought to pay much attention. My laptop, open to an English lecture sat on the bedside table in front of me. The curser, still on the beginning sentence like it had been an hour earlier. Instead of studying, my mind had drifted once again to that brief kiss and Adam. Why couldn’t I let go of it?
For the past two weeks, the two of us talked normally and spent time together like always, but an invisible wall had climbed between us. Every touch, every movement that put us in close proximity to each other was careful, planned out. It was only those accidental brushes that crossed the line. If only I hadn’t kissed him? Maybe then I wouldn’t be so tense and could go back to my self-pitying wallow over losing the losing the loves of my life.
Not that it was all self-pity, I still harbored the romantic fantasy that I would look up to find them both running down the hall, apologizing profusely for their absence. They would pull me into a bone crushing hug, squishing me between the two of them as they took turns kissing me. Each kiss punctuated by sincere begging, wanting me to forgive their stupidity.
The vision had me clenching my thighs together. My lower belly knotted. I was such a fool, but I couldn’t stop the daydream from repeating itself.
A sharp pull on my nipple had me gasping, a rude awakening from my dream. Glancing down, I found Chloe’s little mouth clamped incorrectly onto my nipple. No wonder they said to be careful with her latch. That really freakin hurts!
Sliding my finger carefully into her mouth in an attempt to break her suction, I missed the sound of his approach.
“Kayla.” His hand touched the bare skin of my shoulder making me jump. “Shit. Sorry for scaring you.”
I abandoned my attempt to dislodge her in order to glance up into his guarded eyes. I opened my mouth to say something, anything, but a sharp tug had tears springing to my eyes and my breath rushed out. Gritting my teeth, my eyes dropped back to Chloe.
“Ouch. Need some help, Kayla?” Adam didn’t wait for my response—thankfully, as my mouth clamped shut to keep from whimpering in pain. He pulled down the blanket to uncover Chloe’s head and leaned over. His finger slid up against the corner of her mouth, brushing against her cheek. When that failed to dislodge her, his finger wedged itself into her mouth, pushing forward until the suction broke and I could breathe easily.
“Thanks.”
His eyes met mine, drawing me into a deep, dark pit, which sucked away all my
anxiety. “You’re welcome. Let’s get her latched on properly, shall we?” With Chloe’s head in his hand, he positioned it in proper alignment. His second hand cupped the underside of my breast, ensuring my nipple jutted forward. Gentle pressure by his fingers rubbed my nipple up and down Chloe’s cheek, enticing her to open her mouth. When it opened fully, he pushed her head forward until she’d engulfed my entire nipple.
A small moan escaped my lips. But for the life of me, I couldn’t say if it was from the relief of a good latch or the feel of his hand on my breast. The whole idea of dry breastfeeding for sucking practice was still new to me, despite having participated in it since Chloe’s surgery.
It had been an accidental beginning when Chloe had maneuvered herself during a kangaroo session until she was close to my nipple. The nurse had observed it and become excited, encouraging me to latch her on. It was only later, during rounds, that the staff explained the significance and the benefits to Chloe. They tried to supplement her sucking with a soother, but Chloe wasn’t fond of it, preferring to stop breathing whenever it was introduced. This left me to not only act like her mother, to make medical decisions for her, and to cuddle with her, but to also offer up my nipples to be sucked on for hours throughout the day.
He pulled away slowly, but only far enough to keep his breath from landing on my breast. His hands gripped the chair arms on either side of me until his knuckles were white. His spicy citrus scent surrounded me. I stared into his awe filled eyes. “I’m off tonight and tomorrow. Come have supper with me? Take a little break. Give us a chance to talk?”
I really wanted to. We needed the chance to clear the air, for me to apologize for the accidental kiss, but… could I really leave the hospital for that long? I went out that one night over a month ago, but since then, I’d only left to purchase a few extra pieces of clothing with the credit card Desiree sent.
“If it helps, I’ll tell the staff you’re with me and to page me if anything happens? I can have you back to the hospital within minutes.”
The vein in his neck beat out a visible rhythm. One that was fast enough to dance to. For some reason, knowing he was nervous helped to settle my own nerves. Chloe had recovered from her surgery, and she hadn’t had any further setbacks this week, so the likelihood of her having an issue was low. My head nodded before I’d even fully committed to the night. But the spellbinding smile he wore wouldn’t allow me to change my answer.
“Thanks. I’ll pick you up at five.” He placed a kiss on my forehead and then another on the tip of my nose. My breath hitched as I waited to see if he would travel further south. His head leaned in closer and I felt the air move across my lips in time to the movement of his chest. My own remained motionless. “I’ll see you then.”
And then he was gone. My own breath resumed with large gulps. Worried it may have all been a dream, my eyes darted around the room to see if anyone saw, but no one was in visual distance. With his scent still lingering in the air and my body burning from the inside, I had no choice but to believe it had all been real.
We entered Adam’s condo after stopping to pick up the supper he’d ordered prior to leaving the hospital. I kicked off my boots, hung my jacket on the hook, and followed him into his living room.
Placing the bags on the coffee table, Adam turned on the TV. He flipped through the channels until he landed on a hockey pregame show. Dropping the remote onto the couch, he placed both hands on my shoulders and steered me to the couch. “Now sit. I’ll plate up the food and bring it out.”
I started to protest, but he glared at me, shutting me up. “I mean it, love. Sit on your butt and relax. Let me do this, okay?”
He batted his eyelashes and my heart melted. It was easier to give in than to continue fighting. Besides, I remembered how tight his kitchen was. With the strain between us, trying not to touch him as we moved around would have ratcheted the tension to the breaking point.
When I sat down on the couch, a small smile played on the corners of his lips. “That’s it. Put your feet up and relax. I’ll only be a moment.” He picked up the food and headed toward the kitchen.
Stopping at the entrance, he leaned against the wall and stared pointedly at my feet before lifting his gaze to mine. With a wink, I lifted my feet onto the couch and curled up into the corner. “Satisfied?”
“Yup.”
I couldn’t stop the chuckles from bubbling up. Despite the tension between us, he always managed to find a way to put me at ease.
Adam’s couch cradled my back and my body relaxed. Without the ever constant hum of various pieces of medical equipment within the NICU, I relaxed in a way I hadn’t since Aunt Susan’s. A way that I missed. My eyes closed, and I relished my moment of freedom. Not even the worries over the scheduled talk with Adam about the kiss bothered me.
“…Scotts, the newest member of—“
My eyes popped open and spun toward the TV. Even though there hadn’t been a single peep from either Kris or Ryan, I faithfully scanned every piece of hockey news and gossip I could find. I was desperate to hear about them.
And I hated myself for it.
But what else could I do… I loved them.
A picture of Ryan popped up on the screen, and my eyes drank him in. I remembered the feel of his kiss on my lips, my neck, and that spot below my ear.
The picture changed.
My lungs stopped. Along with my heart before it shattered into a million pieces.
“Looks like he’s already become a lady’s man.”
“Wouldn’t you love to be in his shoes?”
I wanted the power to fail. To throw something at the TV. Anything to make the idiot commentators to stop talking. Anything to remove the picture of Ryan with his arms around two bikini clad women while his mouth was glued to the lips of one of them.
My chest heaved along with my stomach. Why wouldn’t they shut up?
And then it happened. They moved away from the picture of Ryan that was burned into my mind like a brand.
The room began to spin. I needed to breathe, but the hole in my chest refused to cooperate. Forcing myself, I struggled to suck air into my lungs.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
Breathe in.
And then things went for shit.
You couldn’t have a news story about Ryan without one about Kris.
I slid to my knees on the floor. Did I really want to watch, to listen? Was I that desperate? That pathetic?
Apparently I was. My eyes remained glued to the TV. They memorized every detail on the picture of Kris. He looked so handsome, but I could still see the sadness in his eyes. His hair was still in a brush cut to honor his parents. I wanted to reach out, to wipe the dark shadows away, but I couldn’t.
According to the words coming from the commentators, he wasn’t mine anymore. They reported that the word on the street was that he was no longer on the market. They made some comment about how single women everywhere would be weeping now that both Kris and Ryan had girlfriends.
I didn’t know my heart could shatter more than it already had. But it proved me wrong.
Less than three months ago, I was that girl. The one on their arms, in their arms. But I should have known the dream wouldn’t last. I never understood why they’d both wanted me anyways. I had nothing to offer them. I was nothing. It matched the gaping hole in my chest. And I knew nothing would ever be the same.
The sound of footsteps in the kitchen pulled me from my misery. I couldn’t let Adam find me like this. Not if I wasn’t prepared to explain. And I wasn’t.
Hastily rubbing my face in case any tears fell, I scrambled back onto the couch. For being a shattered mess, my heart pounded. Each beat was like a hammer nailing the coffin shut.
And it was a coffin. A coffin containing the relationship that only I hadn’t known was dead.
As the footsteps became louder, I attempted to slow my breathing. But I couldn’t. Instead, I hunched over in a vain hope of disguising my heaving che
st.
“Here’s your plate, love.”
The sound of Adam’s nickname for me had me choking on air. He shoved our plates onto the coffee table and squeezed in behind me on the couch. Pulling my arms over my head, he rubbed soothing circles on my back while I struggled to breathe correctly.
“Focus on my voice, Kayla. Breathe with me, okay?”
I nodded, unable to do anything else. Tears streamed down my face. I didn’t know if they were from the coughing or from the news reports, but it didn’t matter at the moment.
“Breathe in. One. Two Three. Breathe out.” He repeated the instructions multiple times before my chest was able to move freely without aching. Or at least from the pain of breathing since I was positive my chest would hurt for all eternity at this point.
“That’s it, love. I’m sorry for startling you. Are you okay?” His thumbs brushed the tears from my cheeks, but as fast as he removed them, more replaced them from his kindness. A kindness I didn’t deserve.
“Hey, now.” He spun me sideways onto his lap. Pulling my head to his chest, he wrapped his arms around me. I snuggled in, sliding my head lower on his chest.
“Ow.” I hiccupped. My head rearing back as my hand rubbed my nose. Glancing down at his chest, I giggled.
“What happened?”
I couldn’t stop the tears from falling, but this time they weren’t ones of sadness and hurt. Between giggles—most likely hysterics from shock—I pointed the capped pen in his chest pocket. “I shoved your pen up my nose.” I dissolved into laughter.
It really wasn’t that funny, and I knew it. But with everything else that happened, I figured only I could be that smooth. A wonderful, sweet guy tries to help me over a heartache he didn’t cause, and instead of being beautiful, I was a sobbing mess and had a pen stuck up my nose.
Adam’s eyes searched mine. I didn’t know what he saw, but whatever it was, it brought a small smile to his lips. He pulled his pen from his pocket and threw it onto the floor. “Don’t want to put the pen up your nose again.” He winked and then his arms wrapped around me, pulling me back into his chest. “Everything will work out, Kayla. Trust me.”
Hers From The Start: A Collection of First In Series Reverse Harem Page 87