Somehow he just knew what I needed. He continued to hold me close, offering comfort, until I was all cried out.
“Sorry.” I pushed myself away from his chest.
“Don’t be. I’ll always be here to comfort you.” He bit his lip and then glanced toward the TV. “That is… unless… well, it’s something we’ve never talked about.”
I stilled under his words, knowing what he wanted to say. How was I going to respond? I loved—had loved?—Kris and Ryan for years, but now we were nothing. Yet I couldn’t deny that Adam had carved out his own piece of my heart.
Chapter Nineteen
“I really like you, Kayla. And I think you like me, too.”
Pain shot through my mouth. The taste of blood seeped over my tongue from where I’d bitten my lip. He was right. I did like him. More than I should. Unable to do anything else, I nodded.
“But…”
“But,” I agreed.
He moved from where I’d been on his lap and placed me on the sofa facing him. After sliding a small section of hair behind my ear, he placed his hands on my jean clad bent knees. “How about I start with my buts and then you can tell me yours?” His lips curled up into a half smile, but I could still see the tension around his eyes.
I folded my hands in my lap, not knowing what else to do with them. Plus, it hid my shakes.
“I’m six years older than you and your sister’s doctor.”
Peeling one of my hands from the other, I laid it over his hand. “But Adam, trust me, I’m not worried about the age difference. And you’re not my doctor. Would you still get in trouble though?”
He flipped his hand under mine and laced our fingers together. “Love, I could under normal circumstances, but”—he leaned slightly forward and bopped my nose—”I’m pretty sure the staff already thinks we are.”
I could feel the heat crawl up my cheeks when I thought about our actions. But he did have a point. Many of the middle aged nurses had all made little comments to me about him.
“So.” He squeezed my fingers. “Those are my buts…”
The taste of blood had cleared from my mouth so I chewed carefully on a different portion of my inner lip. My heart jumped into a gallop. But. It was the ‘but’ I was having a problem with.
Adam sat patiently, staring me in the eyes while my mind went to war. The fact that he sat there and let me come to a decision on my own, without goading or pushing, only burrowed himself deeper into my heart.
Taking a deep breath, I opened my mouth and began to talk. I told him about Ryan and Kris without using their names or the fact that they played professional hockey, but I did tell him they were hockey players. His fingers tightened on mine when I mentioned how they left me without a word, but he never interrupted, allowing me to talk uninterrupted. It was difficult to explain how I knew Ryan and most likely Kris had moved on without telling him about seeing their pictures on TV. I’m not sure how I did it, but I managed to.
I hadn’t realized I was crying again until his thumb wiped across my cheek. His hand cradled my cheek. “Whoever they are, they are stupid. I would never leave you.”
My ribs ached from shaking, but the rhythmic stroking of his thumb against my skin calmed the pain. I knew could trust his words. He wouldn’t leave like everyone else had.
Once my chest stopped heaving, Adam looked toward our plates of cold food. “Let me warm these back up. Then we can eat snuggled up while watching something”—his eyes glanced toward the TV which continued to play a pregame show—“like a movie. Take your mind off things.”
His kissed my forehead, grabbed the plates, and walked back into the kitchen. “I’ll give the new shift a quick call to check on Chloe while it heats.”
Even though the odd tear continued to escape, my lips lifted into a smile. Adam never failed to lift my spirits.
I listened to the soft hum of his voice on the phone, but I couldn’t hear a single word. His soothing tone released the last bit of blocked tension. So what if Ryan had moved on. I could, too. Obviously I hadn’t meant as much to them as they did to me.
“Chloe is doing wonderfully. The night nurse said that Chloe misses you, but that it’s good for you to get away.” I dropped my feet to the floor and held out my hands for the plate of warm food. Taking a mouthful of the smoked bacon gourmet mac and cheese, a moan left my lips. Who knew when we stopped for take-out that the crazy comfort food we’d decided on was just what I was going to need.
With the touch of a few buttons, Adam had the movie listings on the TV screen. “So, what should we watch? Do you want to laugh or cry?”
Of course Adam would hit me with a doozy of the question. Did I want to cry or laugh? Not knowing what I wanted, I shoved a giant mouthful of food into my mouth and attempted not to choke.
I really needed laughter to lift the tension, but with my brain wandering, reliving the scenes from TV, I didn’t know if I could even muster a laugh. Would a comedy fall flat?
On the other hand, a tear jerker would allow me to continue to cry. But did I want to? I’d already cried more than I wanted to.
Choices. Choices. And I hated to choose.
I never chose between Kris or Ryan. I never chose to fight my father. I never chose to stand up to my stepmother. My short life was littered with times when I never made a decision, but rather went with the flow.
The warm cheesy goodness slid down my throat before I made a decision. My head hung in shame. It shouldn’t be this hard.
A hand rubbed a circle on my knee, lending me strength. Placing my hand over his, I took a deep breath. “Tear jerker, please.” This way, even if my mind wandered and I cried, Adam wouldn’t know exactly how horrible I felt.
“Tear jerker it is.” He tossed me a smile before scrolling through the movies and picking one. I didn’t look to see which one, not caring which movie he chose. Yes, he had no problems choosing while I wallowed in self-pity.
Gathering our empty plates, Adam placed them on the table. His arms snagged me, shifting the two of us to lie cuddling on the couch. His chest heated my back and his arms held me protectively to him. For someone who’d been scared of guys and never touched them, I wondered what it was about Ryan, Kris, and Adam that made me feel safe when they touched me.
He placed a kiss on the top of my head. “Stop thinking, love. Relax. I’ve got you.”
I lost myself in the movie. But even as scenes flew by my eyes, drawing more tears, I knew I wouldn’t even remember a single plot point.
By the end, I was wiped. Emotionally hollow. My eyes felt heavy, and I found it difficult to keep them open.
Adam slipped from behind me to crouch in front. His fingers brushed the hair from my face. “Let’s get you to bed.” When I began to half-heartedly protest, he shushed me. “No one will say anything. I’ll call and let Chloe’s nurse know so that you don’t worry. But you’re in no shape to go back tonight.”
The fight within me fled without even a flash of resistance. My eyes shut, unable to stay open a minute longer. His arms slid around me, lifting me from the couch. My body swayed, and I knew he carried me to his room. But that was the last thing I remembered.
Dropping my English novel onto the table at my side, I attempted to break Chloe’s latch on my sore nipple. Each time I had to force her to stop, it brought back memories of that wonderfully disastrous night at Adam’s condo.
In the week since, tensions had eased considerably between the two of us. Our interactions were almost like they had been at the beginning, before the kiss, but there was a new and exciting edge to them. We hadn’t really said anything or made specific plans, but somehow I knew we’d reached some sort of agreement or understanding.
My heart continued to ache from the loss of Kris and Ryan. Even though it had only been a week since I’d seen the photos and heard the comments, I’d been mourning the loss of our relationship since the night they disappeared. And mourning was getting old.
I was ready to move on.
; Not to jump into a new relationship. At least not immediately, even if it felt like I was already in one with Adam. But we weren’t. Not officially.
We are taking things slow. I wanted to snort as the thought crossed my mind. Slow obviously had many different meanings. The closeness, the bond we shared was as deep as the one I’d shared with Kris and Ryan. We were as touchy-feely as I’d been with them, too. But it was still slow.
Our kisses held more meaning, even if they were chaste. Our touches were the same. An invisible barrier kept us from taking things further for which I was grateful. While barriers could feel confining, limiting, this one didn’t. It felt protective and safe like loving arms surrounding me, keeping me from harm. But every day I felt that barrier weakening. Little by little, I knew it would fall. And I would be ready.
“Kayla, this letter arrived for you.”
I jumped at the sound of the head nurse’s voice. Her chuckle brought a smile to my face.
“Sorry, Kayla. I didn’t realize you were so lost in thought.”
My fingers tugged the envelope from her grasp. Her eyes dropped to Chloe, finally unlatched, on my chest.
“How’s Miss Chloe this morning?” Her eyes roamed over my sister, performing a quick assessment. They stopped on my sore swollen nipple. “Ouch. I see her sucking reflex is getting stronger. Good for her, but bad for you.”
“Most definitely.” Chloe shifted on my chest, forcing me to drop the envelope to my lap. The head nurse’s hands joined mine in repositioning Chloe on my chest, allowing her to latch on to my other nipple. When she began to suck without any pain, my tense muscles relaxed.
“Kayla, her latch looks great. May I examine your other nipple to see if I can discover the issue?”
With no hesitation, I nodded. Chloe may not have been a child from my uterus, but after months of caring for her, she was more my child than my sister. Sore nipples, from all the readings I’d done, seemed to mean that I was doing something wrong, that it wasn’t supposed to happen. And I hated the idea that I was in the wrong, that I was failing her.
The head nurse’s warm hands cupped my breast while she leaned in closer to examine it. “Infections of various sorts are common and easy to develop in wards like this.” Her voice was calm and reassuring, almost as if she knew my deepest fears concerning my sister. “I think that might be the case here. I’ll have one of the doctors examine you later, but I think that you are developing an infection. And if you are, that means Chloe is the likely cause. We’ll treat you both and get it fixed up in no time.”
She gave me a reassuring smile before grabbing the empty chair and pulling it up to my side. Taking a seat, she placed her hand on my arm. “I never get much of a chance to talk with you, but I wanted to let you know what an amazing job you are doing with Chloe. Most of the time I actually forget that you are her sister and not her mother. I know this must be rough on you, but I’m grateful you’re here. I think the only reason Chloe is still alive is because of you. She was so sick when she arrived. And even with the setbacks she’s had, her stay here has been better than expected. That’s all due to you.”
Her hand patted mine as I lifted my other fingers to wipe away the few stray tears on my cheeks. How did she know I needed the pep talk? I was so lost. Still so far out of my element. Struggling to care for Chloe, to make medical decisions I had no business making, to complete my school work… it was all heavy on my seventeen year old shoulders.
Standing, she smiled down at me. With a light squeeze she released my arm. “Any time you need to talk, I’m here for you.”
“Thank you.”
She nodded and turned to leave but paused. “I know it will seem weird, but one way to help heal your nipple is to leave it exposed to the air.” The blood rushed from my face. What? Sit with my naked chest exposed to the unit? To Adam? It was one thing to have him see them when he moved the blankets in connection with an exam or to help with positioning, latching, but to have them out for him just to see? I didn’t think I could do it.
Her soft chuckle sounded over her footsteps leading her away.
Shaking my head at her parting words, my hand searched my lap for the envelope. When I didn’t immediately find it, my shoulders slumped. I was curious about who’d sent it, since only Desiree knew I was here besides my father and presumably my stepmother. But if I couldn’t find it, I’d have to get up from my comfortable position in the chair. Thankfully my fingers found it wedged in the crack between the seat and the arm.
The return address was from Ottawa. The sight filled me with both relief and sadness. Removing the letter, I discovered Desiree’s signature. Happiness rushed through me, but it was tempered with the knowledge the letter was from her and not her brother. Even though I knew it wouldn’t happen, I’d hoped that Kris had discovered the truth and had written to me.
Walling off the sudden stab of pain, I read her short letter, surprised she’d sent one. This was only my second piece of mail from her. Instead we texted one another on the phone she’d sent. We didn’t text often, school and her activities kept her busy, but she was the one bridge to my life pre-Chloe and the hospital.
Kayla,
I’m so sorry. I told you a year ago that my brother and Ryan were idiots. And they’ve proven me correct, again.
You’re too good for them. Forget about them and find yourself a fresh start. You deserve to be happy.
And even if you aren’t with him, you’ll always be my sister.
Desiree
P.S. I’ve enclosed a little something to help with your fresh start.
My brow wrinkled. What did she mean she’d enclosed something? I preferred to focus on that mystery instead of the rest of her letter. I couldn’t deal with her confirmation of what I’d already known. The fact that she knew I wasn’t with him anymore, that he had someone else.
Oh… I couldn’t even finish the thought. My chest tightened and burned. My eyes stung.
No! I wasn’t going to break down. Picking up her letter, I focussed in on the words “fresh start” and “you deserve to be happy.” Truer words were never spoken—or in this case written. I deserved to be happy.
Tipping the envelope over, a small gift card envelope landed on my lap. I flipped it open to discover she’d made an appointment for that afternoon at a big name spa close to the hospital. The gift card was for a local clothing store.
A smile grew on my face. This was exactly what I needed.
Chapter Twenty
“Kayla, you look incredible. The short hair suits you.”
I smiled and thanked the nurse as I continued into the NICU with loaded shopping bags hanging from my arm. I’d never had short hair before—stepmonster, er mother, wouldn’t allow it—and I loved the new look the spa gave me. After spending the afternoon being pampered, I decided I needed a new wardrobe. So, I’d figuratively shopped till I dropped, purchasing new clothes. Clothes my stepmother would have a heart attack over, but I didn’t care. In nine months I’d turn eighteen, I’d graduate from high school, and then I was gone.
The hospital had been my home for almost three months. In that time I’d heard from my father once when I called about schooling and from my stepmonster exactly zero times. It wasn’t like I wanted to talk to them, but I firmly believed they should have called at least once to check on me.
Dropping my bags on the bed, I ripped apart one of them looking for one of the comfortable yoga style outfits I’d purchased for wearing in the hospital. With a cry of discovery, I rapidly changed before looking around the room with amazement. How did one bag of clothes manage to cover everything?
Desiree had been smart. She hadn’t told me the amount she’d placed on the gift card, knowing that I would have never touched it if I’d known the actual amount. I’d nearly had a heart attack when I used the card to pay for my first purchase and discovered the balance was thousand dollars. I’d never spent so much money in one setting. I felt horrible about doing it, but the manager handed me a note Desiree
had sent them, reminding me that the money was already spent and would be unable to be returned to her if I didn’t use it. Sneaky, beautiful girl.
I still felt uncomfortable with the idea of spending so much money, but knowing that I would, she’d also resulted to guilt, explaining how doing this would make her happy and would make her dead parents happy. Talk about laying it on thick! So really, I didn’t have a choice in the matter.
And looking in the full length mirrors in the store, I’d been excited with the results, proving once again that Desiree was a miracle worker.
Promising myself that I’d clean the room later, I rushed down the hall to visit with Chloe. I’d given the staff my cell number, but the spa didn’t allow cell phones. When I’d explained about Chloe, they promised to have a staff member hold onto my cell phone and answer any calls from the hospital, but it had remained silent. Still, I’d worried about her.
“There you are, sweetie.” I scanned the chart hanging by her bassinet before leaning over to pick her up. “Did you miss me this afternoon?” I know it wasn’t possible, but I could have sworn she looked me in the eye, confused at my different look.
I sat down in our chair already set with fresh blankets on the arm and set her up on chest for some cuddles. The feeling of her tiny, soft breaths on my chest was soothing. It melted all my tensions away.
“Kayla, lov—” Adam’s footsteps stopped as quickly as his voice. “I’m so sorry. I was expecting someone else. Can I ask who you are?”
I lifted my head with a huge grin on my face. “What? Don’t recognize me?” I tried to wiggle my eyebrows, but I didn’t think I succeeded. One day I would get the hang of physical flirting… I hoped.
His chin dropped to his chest. “Kayla? Wow. How? When? You look amazing.” The arm on the chair depressed from his weight. “Short hair suits you. I mean I really liked your long hair, but this is great.”
Hers From The Start: A Collection of First In Series Reverse Harem Page 88