The Scifi & Fantasy Collection

by L. Ron Hubbard

  “Now pinch, slowly,” he cried. “Not too tight. That’s enough!” He turned the flask while McLeod held the cap.

  “All right now, Mac, drop the cap and take hold of the cork!” McLeod did so. O’Brien maneuvered the thermos so that its neck was braced in an angle of the hole in the glass. “Now pull, slow!” he called. The cork came out. O’Brien almost fell backwards off the sill. He clutched at the edge of the glass. It would have cut his hand if he had been larger.

  “Stick your mouth up here!”

  O’Brien never realized what a repulsive thing a human mouth can be until McLeod’s vast red lips came moistly pouting up at him.

  “Closer!” he yelled. He poured the cocktail into the cavern. “Okay, you’ll begin to shrink in a few seconds—I hope.”

  Presently he observed that McLeod’s face was actually a little lower.

  “You’re shrinking!” he shouted.

  The horrible mouth grinned up at him. “You got me just in time!” it roared. “I’d ’a been a dead bartender in another minute.”

  “There he is!” shouted somebody behind O’Brien in the corridor. O’Brien looked around. Down toward him ran the three unshrunken gangsters.

  He yelled to McLeod, “Mac! Put me on your shoulder, quick!”

  McLeod reached for him. O’Brien scrambled out on the window ledge and jumped onto the outstretched palm, which transferred him to McLeod’s bare shoulder. He observed that McLeod’s fingers were bruised and bloody from the strain they had taken in contact with the windowsills. He found a small hair and clung to this. The gangsters’ faces appeared at the window a few feet above him. One of them pointed a gun out through the hole in the pane. McLeod made a snatch at the window with his free hand. The faces disappeared like magic, and O’Brien, over the roar of McLeod’s breath and the clamor in the street far below, fancied he heard the clatter of fleeing feet in the building.

  “What happened?” asked McLeod, turning his head slightly and rolling his eyes in an effort to focus on the mite on his shoulder.

  O’Brien explained, as the windows drifted up past him, shouting up into McLeod’s ear. As they came nearer the street, O’Brien saw hats blown off by the hurricane of McLeod’s breathing. He also saw an ambulance on the edge of the crowd. He figured the ambulance guys must have felt pretty damn silly when they saw the size of their patient.

  “What you gonna do next?” asked McLeod. “Swell yourself up? I’d like to help you against Frankie’s gang, but I gotta go to the hospital. My arches are ruined if there isn’t anything else wrong with me.”

  “No,” said O’Brien. “I got a better idea. Yes, sir. You just put me down when you get small enough to let go the building.”

  Story by story, McLeod lowered himself as he shrank. Soon he was a mere twenty feet tall.

  He said, “I can put you down now, Obie.”

  “Okay,” said O’Brien. At McLeod’s sudden stooping movement, the nearest people started back. McLeod was still something pretty alarming to have around the house. O’Brien started running again. And again his small size and the uncertain light enabled him to dodge through the crowd before anybody could stop him. He tore around the corner, and then around another corner, and came to Orson Crow’s cab. He banged on the door and hopped in.

  “Frankie’s mob is after me!” he gasped.

  “Where you wanna go, Chief?” asked Crow, who was now fazed by few things.

  “Where could a guy a foot tall buy a suit of clothes this time of night? I’m cold.”

  Crow thought for a few seconds. “Some of the big drugstores carry dolls,” he said doubtfully.

  “Well, now, you go round to the biggest one you can find, Orson.”

  They drew up in front of a drugstore.

  O’Brien said, “Now, you go in and buy me one of these dolls. And phone one of the papers to find out what pier a boat for the Far East sails from.”

  “What about the dough, Obie? You owe me a buck on the meter already.”

  “You collect from Mac. Tell him I’ll send it to him as soon as I get to Borneo. Yeah, and get me a banana from that stand. I’m starving.”

  Crow went. O’Brien squirmed around on the seat, trying not to show himself to passing pedestrians and at the same time keeping an apprehensive eye out for Frankie’s friends.

  Crow got back in and started the motor as a huge and slightly battered-looking sedan drew up. O’Brien slid to the floor, but not quickly enough. The crack of a pistol was followed by the tinkle of glass as the cab started with a furious rush.

  O’Brien, on the floor, was putting on the doll’s clothes. “Where’s that boat leaving from?”

  “Pier eleven, on South Street.”

  “Make it snappy, Orson.”

  “What does it look like I’m doing? Taking a sun bath?”

  When they reached the pier, there was no sign of the gangsters. O’Brien tumbled out with his banana.

  He said, “Better scram, Orson. They’ll be along. Yes, sir.”

  “I’ll see that you get off foist,” said Crow. O’Brien scuttled down the pier to where the little freighter lay. Her screws had just begun to turn, and seamen were casting loose the hawsers. Crow glimpsed a small mite, barely visible in the darkness, running up a bow rope. It vanished—at least he thought it did—but just then the gangsters’ car squealed to a stop beside him. They had seen, too. They piled out and ran down to the ship. The gangplank was up, and the ship was sliding rapidly out of her berth, stern first.

  One of the gangsters yelled, “Hey!” at the ship, but nobody paid any attention.

  A foot-high, Frankie Guanella capered on the pier in front of the gangsters in excess of homicidal rage. He shrieked abuse at the dwindling ship. When he ran out of words for a moment, Crow, who was climbing back into his cab to make a quiet getaway, heard a faint, shrill voice raised in a tinny song from the shadows around the bow hatches.

  It sang, “On the road to Mandalay-ay, where the flying fishes play-ay-ay!”

  Crow was too far away to see. But Frankie Guanella saw. He saw the reduced but still-round figure of Euclid O’Brien standing on top of a hatch, holding aloft his bloody ax in one hand. Then the figure vanished into the shadows again.

  Guanella gave a choked squeak, and foamed at the mouth. Before his pals could stop him, he bounded to the edge of the pier and dove off. He appeared on the surface, swimming strongly toward the SS Leeuwarden, bobbing blackly in the path of moonlight on the dirty water.

  Then a triangular fin—not over a couple of inches high, but still revealing its kinship to its relatives, the sharks—cut the water. The dogfish swirled past Frankie, and there was no more midget swimmer. There was only the moonlight, and the black hull of the freighter swinging around to start on her way to Hong Kong and Singapore.

  Glossary

  STORIES FROM THE GOLDEN AGE reflect the words and expressions used in the 1930s and 1940s, adding unique flavor and authenticity to the tales. While a character’s speech may often reflect regional origins, it also can convey attitudes common in the day. So that readers can better grasp such cultural and historical terms, uncommon words or expressions of the era, the following glossary has been provided.

  bale ring: in a large tent, the canvas is perforated by holes where the support poles will be. Each hole is fitted with a sturdy metal ring, which is a bale ring. The poles are placed in the rings as the canvas lies on the ground and the rings are raised up the poles by ropes using block and tackle.

  bale ring to stakes: everything and everybody; the whole circus.

  billiken: a doll created in 1908 that had elf-like pointed ears, a mischievous smile and a tuft of hair on its pointed head. It was a symbol of good luck. Named after its manufacturer, the Billiken Company of Chicago.

  Bl
ack Forest: a wooded mountain range in southwestern Germany. It is known for its highlands, scenery and woods, and in early times it was impenetrable. The Black Forest region is blessed with a particularly rich mythological landscape. It is said to be haunted by werewolves, sorcerers, witches, the devil in differing guises and helpful dwarves who try to balance the scales.

  Borneo: the third largest island in the world, located in southeastern Asia.

  Brobdingnagian: of or relating to a gigantic person or thing; comes from the book Gulliver’s Travels of 1726 by Jonathan Swift, wherein Gulliver meets the huge inhabitants of Brobdingnag. It is now used in reference to anything huge.

  bull man: bull hand or bull handler; circus employee who works with the elephants.

  bung starter: a wooden mallet used for tapping on the bung (cork or stopper) to loosen it from a barrel.

  chumps: suckers; people who are gullible and easy to take advantage of.

  coconuts, string of: money, especially a large number of bills.

  Colossus of Rhodes: a giant statue of the Greek sun god Helios, known by the Romans as the god Apollo. Considered one of the Seven Wonders of the World, the statue stood at the entrance to the harbor of Rhodes, a Greek island, for approximately fifty-five years. It was built in 280 BC to commemorate the island’s survival of a year-long siege. Made of bronze and stone with reinforcements of iron inside, the Colossus measured about 120 feet in height. It is sometimes said to have straddled the harbor so that ships sailing in and out went under its legs and is depicted in one account as shielding its eyes from the sun with one hand.

  crumb castle: cookhouse; where the circus crew eat.

  de facto: exercising power or serving a function without being legally or officially established.

  dogfish: a small bottom-dwelling shark with a long tail.

  fagots: bundles of sticks, twigs or branches bound together and used as fuel, a torch, etc.

  governor: the head of the show.

  gravedigger: a hyena.

  hackman: the driver of a hack or taxi.

  hawsers: cables or ropes used in mooring or towing ships.

  high traps: trapezes high in the air or the people who work them.

  high wire: a tightwire act high in the air, or the performer on it.

  hoople: ring; the circle in which circus acts are presented. The center ring is about forty-two feet in diameter. It is heavily made, as it is where most of the animal acts perform, and it has to be strong enough for the horses to walk on.

  horse piano: calliope; a musical instrument consisting of a series of steam whistles played like an organ. Mounted on a horse-drawn wagon, it is part of the circus parade. It is typically very loud and produces sound that can travel for miles.

  howdy: howdah; a seat on the back of an elephant or camel.

  John Law: an officer of the law.

  Juggernaut car: a large forty-five-foot-tall, multi-ton chariot used in India during annual Hindu processions in honor of Krishna, also called Jagannatha (meaning “Lord of the Universe”). Devotees have sometimes been crushed accidentally as the massive car slipped out of control. Many have also been killed in the resulting stampedes. The sight has led to the use of the word juggernaut to refer to other instances of unstoppable, crushing forces.

  juice joint: a midway concession stand; refreshment stand.

  kick ’em: kickoff parade; the making of a street parade to bring people in to see the circus. Developed in the mid-nineteenth century, the circus paraded through the streets to announce its arrival and to drum up business in the community. Such parades featured marching elephants, caged lions and tigers in circus wagons, clowns, etc.

  kife: the act of bilking the locals of their money; swindle.

  kinker: acrobat or contortionist.

  lot lice: local townspeople who arrive early to watch the unloading of the circus and stay late.

  mite: a very small creature.

  mitt reader: palmist; palm reader.

  pad room: room near the animals where pads, harness and tack for the elephants and horses are kept. It is not really a dressing room, though most of the animal people congregate there and might put their wardrobe there for the kickoff parade.

  physiognomy: the features of somebody’s face, especially when they are used as indicators of that person’s character or temperament.

  pony: a unit of measure for liquor; a glass or the amount of liquor it will hold, usually one ounce (29.6 ml).

  proboscis: the elongated, protruding mouth parts of certain insects, adapted for sucking or piercing.

  Prussian drill sergeant: a drill sergeant from Prussia. Prussia, a former northern European nation, based much of its rule on armed might, stressing rigid military discipline and maintaining one of the most strictly drilled armies in the world.

  Punchinello: a comic character; Italian puppet character and probably the source of Punch, the chief male character of the Punch and Judy puppet show, dating back to the seventeenth century. He is the cruel and boastful husband of nagging wife Judy and the language is often coarse and satirical.

  razorback: circus day laborer; man who loads and unloads railroad cars in a circus.

  red light: a car; in the circus, this term is used when circus workers go to collect their pay and all they see are the red taillights of the employer’s car receding in the distance as he drives away with all the payroll.

  ringmaster: the circus Master of Ceremonies and main announcer. Originally, he stood in the center of the ring and paced the horses for the riding acts, keeping the horses running smoothly while performers did their tricks on the horses’ backs.

  rosinbacks: circus horses used for bareback riding, or the performers who ride them; the performing horses became known as “rosinbacks” by the circus personnel, after rosin, the non-slip foot powder that was placed on the horses’ backs and used by the performers.

  rubbering: rubbernecking; gawking or gaping; twisting or craning one’s neck as if it were made of rubber in eager curiosity to see something.

  rubber mules: work elephants.

  sanctum sanctorum: an inviolably private place.

  shill: the cohort of a dishonest gambler; a circus employee who poses as a customer, plays a game (and is secretly allowed to win), or stands in line to make the box office look busy and motivate other customers to buy a ticket for the show.

  slip artist: escape artist; a performer who entertains by escaping from confinement. Some of the performer’s tricks are accomplished by illusionists’ techniques.

  spec: spectacle; the opening procession of a circus; a colorful pageant within the tent of all performers and animals in costume, usually at the beginning of the show. Used figuratively.

  spots: circus music.

  square-cube law: the way to calculate how much the surface area of an object changes as you scale its size up or down. This mathematical law states that the volume of an object (the size of the three-dimensional space occupied by the object) will change by the cube of the scale, while the surface area will change by the square of the scale; i.e., if a 2" square block is made twice as big (2 x 2), the surface area of the block will be four times as big, but the volume, and therefore the weight, will be eight times as much (2 x 2 x 2). If one kept increasing the block in this way, it would eventually collapse under its own weight. Conversely, if an object’s size is halved, its structural strength (surface area) will be one-fourth of what it was, while its volume, and therefore its weight, will be only one-eighth of what it was. So, proportionally, it would be stronger.

  SS: steamship.

  stateroom: a private room or compartment on a train, ship, etc.

  stern: the rear end of a ship or boat.

  stint: a pause; halt.

  stock: a kind o
f stiff, wide band or scarf for the neck.

  strawberry shortcake: dishonest money.

  swallow-tailed coat: a man’s fitted coat, cut away over the hips and descending in a pair of tapering skirts behind. It is usually black and worn as part of full evening dress.

  thistle chins: local residents.

  van: vanguard; the forefront.

  white wagon: the circus main office on the lot.

  Published by

  Galaxy Press, LLC

  7051 Hollywood Boulevard, Suite 200

  Hollywood, CA 90028

  © 2008 L. Ron Hubbard Library. All Rights Reserved.

  Any unauthorized copying, translation, duplication, importation or distribution, in whole or in part, by any means, including electronic copying, storage or transmission, is a violation of applicable laws.

  Mission Earth is a trademark owned by L. Ron Hubbard Library and is used with permission. Battlefield Earth is a trademark owned by Author Services, Inc. and is used with permission.

  Horsemen illustration from Western Story Magazine is © and ™ Condé Nast Publications and is used with their permission. Cover art; A Matter of Matter, The Conroy Diary and The Obsolete Weapon story illustrations; Fantasy, Far-Flung Adventure and Science Fiction illustrations; Story Preview and Glossary illustrations and Story Preview Cover art: Unknown and Astounding Science Fiction copyright © by Street & Smith Publications, Inc. Reprinted with permission of Penny Publications, LLC. The Planet Makers story illustration: © 1949 Standard Magazines, Inc. Reprinted with permission of Hachette Filipacchi Media.

  ISBN 978-1-59212-821-1 ePub version

  ISBN 978-1-59212-366-7 print version

  ISBN 978-1-59212-239-4 audiobook version

  Library of Congress Control Number: 2007903179

  Contents

  A MATTER OF MATTER

  THE CONROY DIARY

  THE PLANET MAKERS