Sources Say
Page 26
Cat tucked her elbows tight against her somersaulting stomach.
“It’s the shoes, isn’t it?” Ravi said.
Cat’s brow furrowed at his plain tennis sneakers. “Uh, well, they’re okay. Nice, and I guess they do make your feet look slim.” Her eyes widened. “Not that you need to look slimmer. You look fine. Good. You’re—”
“The bowling shoes,” Ravi said. “A joke? Maybe slow down and take a breath?”
From the diaphragm.
So she did. Super deep inhale. As she exhaled, she skimmed her sneaker along the sidewalk, running it over a mussel shell encased in the concrete. She could stay right where she was and feel okay, good even, with Ravi as her friend, sharing the newspaper for the rest of the school year, same as she’d done with Stavros and Jen for the past three. They might not become as close as Angeline and her friends, but their mutual interest would sustain them. It’d be a good senior year.
She thought of her sister, of the senior year her sister had expected with Leo. The one of homecoming and prom and parties and nights of pizza and corn hole at the outdoor restaurant that stayed open until the first snow, of Saturdays walking the jetty, searching the ocean for seals, of being in this town where they’d lived as a family their whole lives.
The town where their father had left them.
The town Cat was so sure she wanted to leave.
Was that why?
Was he why?
Why she poured herself into the newspaper and surrounded herself with Gramps and Jen and Stavros, who were interested in what she was interested in so she didn’t have to open herself up to anything else, anyone else? Why she didn’t take chances like she’d done when she’d stepped onto that stage in fourth grade despite her heart booming in her ears and her mind screaming at her that she couldn’t do it, that she shouldn’t even try?
But she’d tried, and she’d failed, and life went on—narrower in scope. But it didn’t have to be. She controlled her dreams as much as her reality. And she didn’t just want good. She wanted great.
So she stepped up. Stepped closer to Ravi. She rested her hand on his arm, fingering the soft cotton of his sweatshirt. He pressed his hand on top of hers, and a rush of adrenaline made her dizzy.
“I’ve wanted to ask you out since last year,” he said, his breath hot against her cheek.
Last year? He’d liked her since last year? She could have had this, her heart pounding, her skin tingling, and her whole body alive with butterflies, since last year?
Regret threatened to dampen the feelings overwhelming her. But last year she wouldn’t have been ready. Without everything that had happened since, this moment would have never become this moment.
So she embraced it all, the excitement and the fear and the way her stomach pitched with surprise and her mind filled with wonder as she brushed her lips against his.
37
When Angeline Rock Climbs
1 DAY TO THE (NOW CANCELED) ELECTION
THE NIGHT BEFORE OPERATION RED, BLUE, AND VIOLET
Angeline and Leo scaled the steep incline, securing each foothold among the small, flat rocks on the uppermost layer of the dune. When they reached the top, they could see the foaming whitecaps in the moonlight, the waves meeting their end against the shore. Though it wasn’t an end. Not really. The froth simmered and eased, dissipating into waters the tide would reclaim and energize once again. The crash was simply a stage in the transition to something else.
Hoping to ease his fear, Angeline extended her arm toward Leo at the same time as his reached for hers. They clasped hands and supported each other as they navigated down the other side of the dune, the clatter of rocks mixing with the thunder of the waves until they hit the beach.
On the ride over, after Leo had again thanked her for finding evidence that might exonerate him, they talked about Emmie. Angeline would have liked to say she was surprised that it was Emmie behind The Shrieking Violet, but it took time to really know someone, to know what they’d do and not do, to know the kind of person they were.
To understand what it meant when that person betrayed you.
They skirted the edge of the water, the occasional spray dancing against their legs. The rock they both thought of as theirs lay just ahead. The destination in each of their minds without having to be voiced.
The flashlight from Leo’s phone lit up the sand, and Angeline spotted the white line of a wish rock right in front of her. Beige. Like the one she’d given Cat all those years ago. She pocketed it and fell back into step with Leo.
They climbed the large green rock whose small, flat top forced them to sit close. Their arms and legs brushed against each other, and Angeline could almost convince herself that it was two months ago, on a crisp summer night, when the beach roses still bloomed and all that lay ahead was more of the same, not an upending of everything.
Leo shut off the flashlight, and Angeline’s eyes adjusted to the darkness. Stars previously invisible began to emerge.
“Bear,” Leo said, pointing to the sky.
“Gemini.” Angeline lifted her own finger beside his.
When they’d first starting coming here three years ago, the only constellation they could identify was the Big Dipper. Using an app on Leo’s phone, they’d discovered more, quizzing each other on each visit until they no longer needed the app.
Angeline realized she hadn’t looked up in weeks. Hadn’t looked at herself for far longer than that. Her life had been all about looking ahead, to a future post, to a future video, to a future she had spent so much time and energy crafting to make a reality. She would never apologize for being ambitious, for having goals, for wanting success. She had that in common with Leo’s mom.
The consequences of such drive had always been so clear when it came to Mrs. Torres. Leo and Sammy feeling less important, more like set pieces than an integral part of a whole, of a family that existed independently of their mother’s grander desires. The intentions or actual feelings of Mrs. Torres mattered less than how her sons interpreted them.
The same was true with Angeline and Leo. She’d been blind to the pitfalls her own demands had laid in their path.
The more success she found, the more thumbs-ups and likes she received, the more she craved. She was supposed to be the influencer, but the truth was, she’d been letting them influence her. Their validation pushed her forward, and it didn’t matter what she actually believed, be it flesh-eating loafers or no limos to prom, she said what she said to gain more. She took for granted that she could do anything in service of her goal and her followers and supporters would applaud using every emoji that existed. She’d allowed it to skew her judgment. And she’d alienated the one supporter she cared the most about.
She laid her hand on his knee. His muscles pulled taut, and she drew back, but he caught her hand and enveloped it in both of his. The warmth spread to her toes.
“I’m sorry,” Angeline said, straight out, no buildup, only the honest truth.
“I know,” he said back, just as simply.
Her heart pounded even though it wasn’t the first time she’d said this. Yet it seemed like the first time Leo was truly open to hearing it. “I never set out to hurt you, Leo. But everything that’s happened since, with us, with the election and the Frankengirls and Emmie and The Shrieking Violet, all of it . . . it’s made me realize something. When I planned that live-streaming, it wasn’t so much that I thought the end result would justify the means, it’s that I was self-centered enough to think the means wouldn’t matter.”
“That I’d just be okay with it?”
Angeline breathed in the smell of seaweed and brine and wanted to have an answer that was different from what it was. “Yes. Because what I needed mattered more.”
Leo rubbed the skin on the back of her hand with his thumb. “I almost was—okay with it. Because how could I hate you for an
ything? And yet, those things I said . . . about missing my mom, missing her knowing me, afraid she never would. Gutted me to say them out loud and to just let the tears come. The reason it was all okay was because I was saying them to you.”
Angeline’s stomach clenched. “And I broke your trust. Just like she did.”
He pressed his hands harder against hers. “Yeah, but that’s it, isn’t it? Like you said, I was partially blaming you for all I kept bottled up about her. About thinking she put everything before us, before me. And then it was like you were doing the same. So I followed Tad’s lead and acted like an ass to get back at you both. Maybe partly even to fit in, back to that kid in elementary school who was afraid to speak up. The worst part is that you didn’t set out to hurt me, but I can’t say the same. I’m really sorry, Ang.”
Her heart ached, and she almost made a wish on the rock that was to be Cat’s—for all of this to have never happened. But it had. And she’d learned so much she didn’t want to forget. “We both did things we shouldn’t have.” She looked into his eyes and was flooded with how much she missed him. “But I’m tired of fighting, Leo.”
“Me too.” They sat in silence, and she let him just breathe, just be, beside her. Then he shifted to face her. “I’ve been thinking about it ever since you came over—not fighting anymore. Us and the school. Say the election’s suddenly back on and they vote for one of us. That’s it? One of us has a say and screw everyone who feels differently?”
“It actually doesn’t feel very democratic when you put it like that,” Angeline said. “Which, though I hate to say it, makes Emmie’s idea about everyone having a voice seem like a good one. Maxine finished the voting app last week, but I never actually asked her to go forward with the Ask an Angel one.”
“She should. That’s what our school needs—to be heard. Everyone does, right? I guess that’s why my mom does all this. To help that happen.”
“I almost wonder if that’s why she wanted you to run in the first place. So you could see what it’s like, maybe have something to share.” Being a politician herself, Mrs. Torres probably knew her son would be good at it—because he was. He had been speaking up. And kids at school had been going to Leo more than to Angeline. He was better at it because he’d become more invested. Her first allegiance would always be to Ask an Angel. “Do you still want to run?” Angeline asked suddenly.
“It’s over, Ang, not going to happen for either of us. Even if you and Cat find out who really did it, they’re not going to change anything.”
“That’s not what I asked.”
“Okay then. Do I want to be on student council? Yeah, I do.”
“Good, because Cat and I need you.”
“Oh . . . is that why we’re here?”
When they first broke up, Angeline had an almost desperate need for Leo to forgive her, to prove she wasn’t the person she’d become. But she’d proved that all on her own. Which made it easier to concentrate solely on what she wanted.
“No.” She slid her claddagh ring to the end of her finger, the point of the heart facing out. “I’m here because what I want is you back in my life.”
A sharp inhale preceded his whisper. “I want the same thing.” He eased the ring back onto her finger with the point of the heart turned in.
A wave crashed on the rock below. They’d been so focused on each other, they hadn’t noticed the tide coming in.
Leo brought his head in line with hers, his lips a breath away. “And maybe a small dinghy.”
* * *
Angeline and Leo held hands as they walked through the door of her apartment, a detail that drew a smile from Cat. Yet her sister’s nervous face and proximity to Ravi made Angeline suspect—and hope—that she wasn’t alone in advancing her love life that evening.
After a round of awkward “hey”s, Angeline sat on the end of the couch. “Leo’s in.”
“Even though I don’t know the details,” Leo said. “How’s that for rebuilding trust?”
Angeline winked and grabbed his hand. She couldn’t get enough of touching him. She had so much lost time to make up for.
Cat’s face lit with excitement. “We’re going to advocate for the election to be returned. Hopefully with you two as candidates, but we’d accept without. Is that okay?”
Leo said yes without hesitation, despite earlier admitting he wanted it. Angeline loved him for it.
“Ravi made us graphics,” Cat said. Words that shouldn’t have made someone blush but totally made her.
“Happy to help,” Ravi said. “Even if that means ranking below Slothy on Principal Schwartz’s hit list.” He sighed. “Poor Slothy.”
Leo bumped Ravi’s fist in solidarity. “But—and don’t take this the wrong way, because I’m all for speaking up about the election—but I don’t think Principal Schwartz is going to listen to the four of us.”
“Maybe not. But he doesn’t have to listen to us. He has to listen to them.” Cat showed them a drawing Ravi had made of the Acedia front lawn crowded with artfully rendered stick figures beneath a marquee that read: FIGHT FOR YOUR RIGHT: THE RED, BLUE, AND VIOLET PROTEST NEEDS YOU.
Leo cocked his head. “Like a rally?”
“A walkout,” Cat said. “During fourth period, right on time for the midday news, if Grady comes through.”
Leo released Angeline’s hand and pushed himself off the arm of the couch. “Students demanding their vote? The media will definitely pick it up. After all the attention on Acedia, it can’t not.”
Angeline stood. “Which means your mom will see. If you don’t want to be a part of it, we understand.”
His eyes filled with gratitude that tugged at Angeline’s chest, then dropped to the notebook he’d given Cat. “No, let’s do this. I mean, what better optics for a politician than her son fighting to preserve the right to vote?” He nervously shoved his hands in his pockets before adding, “Never thought I’d see the Quinn sisters so in sync. Looks good on you both.”
“Yeah, it does.” Angeline smiled at her sister, whose face faltered for a split second before reciprocating. “Okay, so about us as candidates. I’ve got something I’d like to run by you all. And we’re going to need Maxine.”
Acedia Red and Blue @TheRedandBlueAcedia • 2h
Fight for Your Right: Students to Take a Stand Today. http://www.achsma.com/redandbluenewspaper #RedBlueVioletProtest #AcediaHigh #FrankengirlsNoMore #Walkout #ElectionRights #VotingRights
Reply 12 Retweet 25 Like 180
Show this thread
The Shrieking Violet @ShriekWithMe • 2h
Color us ready! Are you? Make sure you’re wearing red, blue, or (our favorite) violet! Yes, that means purple. http://www.shriekingviolet.com #RedBlueVioletProtest #AcediaHigh #FrankengirlsNoMore #Walkout #ElectionRights #VotingRights
Reply 25 Retweet 40 Like 290
Show this thread
Angeline Quinn @AskanAngel • 2h
What use are wings if you don’t take flight? http://www.youtube.com/user/AskanAngel #RedBlueVioletProtest #AcediaHigh
#FrankengirlsNoMore #Walkout #ElectionRights #VotingRights
Reply 50 Retweet 78 Like 456
Show this thread
Leo Torres @LeoTorres2002 • 2h
Replying to @AskanAngel
We can’t be part of the conversation without a voice. It starts here. #RedBlueVioletProtest #AcediaHigh
#FrankengirlsNoMore #Walkout #ElectionRights #VotingRights
Maxine @MaxineChenontheCliffs • 2h
Replying to @AskanAngel
In. Who’s with me? #RedBlueVioletProtest #AcediaHigh #FrankengirlsNoMore #Walkout #ElectionRights #VotingRights
Nat @NatGberg • 2h
Replying to @AskanAngel
Me. #RedBlueVioletProtest #AcediaHigh #FrankengirlsNoMor
e #Walkout #ElectionRights #VotingRights
Dipti P. @drp98 • 1h
Replying to @AskanAngel
Me. #RedBlueVioletProtest #AcediaHigh #FrankengirlsNoMore #Walkout #ElectionRights #VotingRights
BakedBaker24/7 @Josh Baker • 30m
Replying to @AskanAngel
Getting out of physics? 100%
Jay Choi Is Tweeting @J_Choi • 10m
Replying to @AskanAngel
THERE for it. Join me rallying for write-in votes to count!
Acedia Charter School @AcediaCHSMA • 4m
Replying to @AskanAngel
This is not a school-sanctioned event. Participants will be subject to disciplinary action.
Jay Choi Is Tweeting @J_Choi • 3m
Replying to @AskanAngel
Eh, make me a maybe.
38
When Cat Protests Just Enough
THE DAY THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ELECTION DAY
THE DAY THAT IS OPERATION RED, BLUE, AND VIOLET
The bell signaling the end of third period rang. Cat shot out of her seat like she’d been stung by a bee. The whole government class looked at her, and she almost sat back down. Then Ms. Lute gave a barely perceptible nod.
Cat took a deep, shaky breath and returned the same gentle acknowledgment of what was about to happen.
What Cat hoped was about to happen.
She exited the room, her mind abuzz. Ravi was waiting for her, just as they’d planned. He looked as anxious as she felt. As they passed the newsroom, she considered peeling off, dragging Ravi inside, and hiding out until it was all over. Let Angeline and Leo handle it. They were the stars of this anyway. Cat had done her part. She’d come up with the idea, used social media to spread the word. They didn’t really need her.