Husbandry

by W. W. Jacobs

sniffing.

  "'Ave you got a cold?" I ses, at last.

  "Wot's that got to do with you?" he ses. "Wot do you mean by walking outwith my wife? That's what I've come to talk about."

  For a moment I thought that his bad luck 'ad turned 'is brain. "You'vegot it wrong," I ses, as soon as I could speak. "She walked out withme."

  "Cos she thought you was her 'usband," he ses, "but you didn't think youwas me, did you?"

  "'Course I didn't," I ses.

  "Then 'ow dare you walk out with 'er?" he ses.

  "Look 'ere!" I ses. "You get off 'ome as quick as you like. I've 'adabout enough of your family. Go on, hook it."

  Afore I could put my 'ands up he 'it me hard in the mouth, and the nextmoment we was at it as 'ard as we could go. Nearly every time I hit 'imhe wasn't there, and every time 'e hit me I wished I hadn't ha' been.When I said I had 'ad enough, 'e contradicted me and kept on, but he gottired of it at last, and, arter telling me wot he would do if I everwalked 'is wife out agin, they went off like a couple o' love-birds.

  By the time I got 'ome next morning my eyes was so swelled up I could'ardly see, and my nose wouldn't let me touch it. I was so done up Icould 'ardly speak, but I managed to tell my missus about it arter I had'ad a cup o' tea. Judging by her face anybody might ha' thought I wastelling 'er something funny, and, when I 'ad finished, she looks up atthe ceiling and ses:

  "I 'ope it'll be a lesson to you," she ses.