Here for You

by Pat Simmons

  “Now, very slowly, tell me what’s going on. You were okay when we talked this morning and afternoon. What changed within four hours?”

  “I was taking a shower…I felt a knot—no, it was a bump, lump…” she rambled, trying to untangle her jumbled thoughts. “Something was there.”

  “Baby, I’m confused. A bump doesn’t mean cancer. I want you to make a doctor appointment ASAP.” She shook her head, and he sighed. “Have you spoken with your sisters or Jacqui about this?”

  “No,” she barely heard herself say. Rachel hadn’t planned to mention anything to him either. It just spilled out.

  “I won’t want you worrying. Let’s make a doctor appointment, and we’ll take it from there.”

  She liked the sound of “let’s,” but it wasn’t enough. She sniffed. “I’m scared to go to the doctor. What if I do have cancer? It’ll kill me.” She pulled one hand from his hold.

  “It’s going to be okay.” Nicholas took her hand back and rubbed it softly, coaxing her to look at him. “Don’t work yourself into a frenzy. Trust in God. Whatever it is, we’ll handle it.”

  “Okay.” She nodded. The rest of the night was a blur. Rachel felt like a zombie. This couldn’t be her real world.

  Later that night or maybe it was early in the morning, Rachel stretched across her bed, still in her clothes. She stared at the ceiling with her arms folded against her forehead. “Lord, please help me. I’m scared.”

  She finally dozed off thinking about God’s help.

  Chapter 20

  Nicholas’s world crashed—no, exploded—when Rachel broke down before his eyes. In his opinion, she had held up better as her aunt transitioned from life to death. Her birthday celebration was over.

  Taking her home was the best decision, but it left him in a dilemma. She was in no mindset to be alone, but she didn’t want to tell Jacqui or her sisters in case it was a false alarm. Currently, he was as emotionally discombobulated as she was.

  “You need to call your best friend.”

  She nodded mindlessly.

  “If you don’t call Jacqui…” He paused to consider their options. “I’ll have to call Marcus. Because I love you. Please, baby. I can’t leave you by yourself in this state.” He prayed she heard and saw his desperation.

  When Rachel consented, he exhaled, and they waited in the lounge area by the elevator until Jacqui arrived, but he was still hesitant to leave her.

  “Go, Nicholas. I’ll take care of her. I’m spending the night. Go.” Jacqui wrapped her arms around Rachel’s shoulders.

  Nicholas was rooted in place as he watched the love of his life and her friend walk slowly down the hall. He waited until they were inside before he summoned the elevator. Whew.

  “Jesus, we need you,” he whispered over and over on his drive home.

  This night was supposed to be memorable, as their first night as an engaged couple; instead, their lives could be shattered. He gripped the ring box in his pocket. This wasn’t how he’d expected to spend her thirtieth birthday—tortured.

  He pulled the ring box out of his pants and clutched it as his heart sank. The more he prayed, the more he didn’t know what to pray. More than anything, he wanted Rachel to be his wife. But right now, she needed a prayer partner, and he needed to be that man.

  Before climbing into bed, he called Rachel, but it went straight to voicemail. At least she wasn’t alone. He huffed, then closed his eyes. It would be a long night.

  The next morning, he called Rachel. Jacqui answered and said Rachel was resting. Saturday evening, Nicholas couldn’t stay away any longer. He didn’t call but showed up with flowers.

  Rachel’s appearance reminded him of her anguish when he’d visited her aunt. “Have you been praying?”

  She nodded. “I’ve tried, but I can’t seem to focus. So many thoughts keep running through my head.”

  He didn’t stay long because she looked as if a nap would help, and Jacqui agreed. Before he left, he read her a passage from Psalms.

  “Want me to pick you up for church in the morning?” Nicholas stood. He did his best to encourage her.

  She shook her head. “No. I think I’ll stay home and read. You saw how I collapsed last night after I told myself to hold it in. Right now, I need solitude, not crowds.” Her eyes pleaded with him to understand.

  “Okay,” he said softly, although he didn’t like her suffering in silence. He waved to Jacqui, then tugged on Rachel’s hand for her to stand and walk him to the door. “Remember I love you. Don’t shut me or God out.”

  “I’ll remember.” Rachel’s voice cracked.

  Sunday morning, Nicholas did his best to act like everything was okay without Rachel by his side. Most of the time, Rachel didn’t miss a church service unless she was out of town. It was turmoil to withhold her suspicions from his family and the few church members who asked about her absence.

  When Monday arrived, Nicholas was distracted at work during meetings and interacting with his employees. His question was when could Rachel’s doctor see her? The sooner the better to calm Rachel’s fear, and his too, or to escalate the agony.

  It was one fifteen when she texted him: Dr. Brooks can see me this afternoon as her last patient at 4:15, or first thing in the morning at 8:30. What should I do?

  She was asking him? Rachel wasn’t thinking clearly. Give me your doctor’s address, and I’ll meet you there at 4:10. There was no way he wanted her to go through another night without consulting a medical professional.

  OK. Love you sooo much, she texted back and included the location.

  I love you sooo much more.

  Nicholas left work at three thirty and made a pit stop at the florist. His woman needed sunshine, and he hoped the bouquet he purchased would boost her spirits. When he turned into the parking lot of the medical building, he looked for Rachel’s car but didn’t see it. He parked and drummed his fingers on the steering wheel while glancing in his rearview mirror. When he spotted her vehicle pulling in, he got out and waited for her to park, then took long strides to her car.

  She stepped out and collapsed in his arms.

  “Shh. Baby, I’m right here.” Nicholas did his best to restrain himself from displaying too much public affection, but at the moment, she needed the physical comfort, and he needed to give it to her.

  Once she was somewhat composed, he laced his fingers through hers and handed her the flowers. “For you, just because. How are you doing?”

  Unshed tears filled her eyes. “Scared and nervous.” She swallowed. “I’ll be okay,” she said, either trying to convince herself or both of them.

  They entered the waiting room, and Nicholas was thankful that only one patient was there, and she was very pregnant. This was his first time inside a female doctor’s office. Even if the room had been packed with pregnant ladies, Nicholas might have felt like a fish out of water, but he still wouldn’t abandon Rachel.

  She signed in, then joined him at a cluster of seats near the back. Exhaling, Rachel glanced at him. “If this isn’t good news, then this is going to change everything between us.”

  “Not for me. I plan to keep loving you.” He patted her soft hands. “Please stop worrying. Since last week, I’ve been on the internet, trying to find out as much information as I could. On WebMD, I read an article that said eight out of ten breast lumps aren’t cancerous and may be cysts that can go away by themselves. Let’s have faith in God that this is simply one of those cases, okay?”

  She took a deep breath, then exhaled. “Oka—” Rachel jumped when Dr. Brooks’s nurse called her name.

  Nicholas stood with her, giving her a genuine smile of encouragement until she disappeared down a hall and a door closed behind her, shutting him out. He flopped in the chair, closed his eyes as he tilted his head back against the wall, and prayed to be strong for Rachel and to let God be in control. />
  Since he had forgotten his phone charger again, Nicholas grabbed a random magazine about women’s health from a stack and began to fumble through it. He could only read so many articles about babies and well-woman exams, so he found another magazine about home decorating.

  After an hour, Rachel still hadn’t returned, so Nicholas stood, stretched, and began to pace the empty room. The waiting was driving him crazy, so he walked down the hall to the men’s restroom.

  When he returned to the office and opened the door, he almost collided with another woman. “Excuse—”

  “Minister Adams?” Leah Clemens frowned. “You’re the last person I expected to see at an OB/GYN office. What are you doing here?”

  He wasn’t at liberty to tell her, but just then, an inner door opened, and Rachel reappeared, giving him an exit from the conversation. Rachel’s angst didn’t look as if it had subsided. Without thought, Nicholas sidestepped Leah and opened his arms for Rachel. She accepted his hug, sniffing.

  “I’m so scared.”

  Looking over Rachel’s head, he realized Leah hadn’t moved from her spot. The church member seemed to study their embrace. It was a rare sight; Nicholas prayed hard to not get himself into compromising situations that could be misunderstood. Judging from her curious expression, Leah did misunderstand.

  Leah and Nicholas had been a brief—very brief—item. He had taken her out to dinner a couple of times. That was when he realized there was a difference between a woman who loved being part of a congregation and a woman who truly loved God. He liked Leah, but for that reason and others, they weren’t a good match.

  He led Rachel to a seat. “Talk to me,” he whispered, peering into her eyes but watching Leah in his peripheral vision. He turned to her, and she jumped.

  Embarrassed that she had been caught trying to eavesdrop, Leah hurried out the door while Rachel covered her face.

  “I really need you to talk to me,” he said, prying her hands away from her tormented face.

  “She…” Her lips trembled. “Dr. Brooks is concerned about the size of the lump and wants to have a breast ultrasound done as soon as possible.” She inhaled and swallowed her tears.

  Nicholas tightened his hold on her. When the staff turned off the lights and stepped into the waiting room with the doctor, Nicholas stood and helped Rachel to her feet. Gathering her purse, Nicholas guided her to the door as Dr. Brooks approached them.

  “Miss Knicely, try to get some rest. There is no need for you to upset yourself with something that may not be.” She paused and eyed Nicholas, then Rachel.

  “All right,” Rachel said, then stepped into the hallway in a daze.

  Outside, Nicholas slid behind the wheel of her car and drove to her condo. He would take an Uber back to his car. On the drive there, Nicholas asked repeatedly if she was okay.

  “Yes,” she stated. Her eyes glazed over as she looked out the window. They pulled up to the condo and parked, and he walked her to the door.

  Nicholas didn’t believe her. “Are you okay alone? Do you want me to call Jacqui? Give me her number, and I will.”

  “I’m still processing the unknown, but I’m much better than I was on Friday. Plus, Jacqui has an after-work function.”

  “Okay, but I’m trusting you to call me for anything,” he emphasized and handed over her car keys. “Try to get some rest. I’ll call and check on you later.”

  When her door closed, Nicholas turned and walked toward the elevators, debating whether he should call in reinforcements. By the time he stepped off the elevator into the lobby, he had made an executive decision. Nicholas requested an Uber driver first, then he placed another call.

  “Hey, man,” Marcus answered jovially.

  Nicholas measured his words so as not to cause more unnecessary alarm. “It’s about Rach—”

  “Babe!” Marcus shouted for his wife. “Something about Rachel,” he mumbled.

  So much for not scaring anyone, Nicholas thought.

  “What’s wrong with my sister?” Tabitha’s panicked voice screamed in the background.

  “We hope nothing. Rachel felt a lump in her breast—”

  “I’ll be there in the morning,” she said, cutting him off. “Why didn’t she call me or Kym herself?” Tabitha fumed.

  “She hasn’t been herself since I took her out for her birthday,” Nicholas explained.

  “Her birthday? Kym and I both talked to her and wished her happy birthday and emailed her gift cards. She sounded okay to me and didn’t mention anything as serious as this,” Tabitha said with an edge to her voice, as if she was challenging him.

  “Rachel discovered a lump while she was showering before our date.” He paused. “I don’t think she planned to tell me, but it was eating her up inside, and it just came out. Her doctor wants to ultrasound the lump within the next day or so.”

  “Kym and I will be there in the morning, and I’ll call Rachel tonight. I know she must be a mess.”

  “To put it mildly.” Nicholas couldn’t shake the horror of uncertainty on her face. “I don’t have Jacqui’s number. Will you call her too?”

  “I’m on it. We’ll see you tomorrow.” Without a goodbye, the call ended as his driver pulled to the curb.

  Chapter 21

  Not much scared Rachel. She considered herself fearless, but hearing herself confess her fears to Nicholas made her feel like a little girl again. The what-ifs had been plaguing her. Would she die before her next birthday?

  “Just prepping myself for bad news,” she whispered in the darkness of her bedroom as the phone rang. She wasn’t a drama queen, she told herself, despite Tabitha’s and Kym’s unprofessional diagnosis that Rachel suffered from the baby-sister syndrome—sulking until she got the attention she wanted. Most of her life, she got it. But somehow, none of that mattered at the moment. What she was feeling was real.

  She reached for it and read the caller ID: Tabitha. Rachel groaned. She wasn’t in the mood for conversation. Getting herself into character, she answered. “Hey, Sis.” She capped it off with a smile she didn’t feel, hoping it would come across over the phone.

  “Don’t ‘hey, Sis,’ me,” Tabitha scolded. “Kym’s on the line too. Why do we have to hear from Nicholas what’s going on with our sister?” she screamed.

  “Nicholas has a big mouth,” Rachel griped.

  “I’d call it a big heart,” Kym said, chiming in. “Now, what’s going on, and why are we the last to know?”

  Rachel twisted a thick lock of her hair, a stall tactic she hadn’t outgrown. “Because why should I get you two upset when it may not be anything? Depending on the results, I was going to say something. It’s no biggie,” she added with a shaky voice. I hope.

  “We’ll be there in the morning—”

  “I have meetings all day tomorrow…but your presence would give me some distraction.” Although Rachel didn’t know if there were enough distractions to keep her mind from playing the what-if scenarios.

  Her sisters were silent, contemplating her request. Finally, Tabitha spoke up. “Kym already booked her flight.”

  “I can change it,” their oldest sister said.

  “Marcus and I’ll drive down and be there late tomorrow. I know you think this could be nothing, but if Nicholas is concerned, then that’s telling us you’re not all right.”

  The more Rachel tried to hurry them off the phone, the chattier they became until Rachel begged them to end the call so she could get ready for work the next day. She was scheduled to fly out to Lexington early the following week, so the briefings were crucial. How could she in this frenzy?

  “Let’s pray first,” Tabitha said. She led the prayer while Rachel listened until they all said, “Amen.”

  Before climbing into bed that night, Rachel wondered why it seemed so hard for her to pray and receive peace. “Lord, I don’t understand wha
t’s going on or why this is happening to me. Help me to trust You. In Jesus’s name, amen.”

  Pastor Mann had preached that God answered prayers. With all the people praying for her, surely one of them would be answered. Climbing into bed, she closed her eyes and fought her way to slumber land.

  * * *

  Two days later, on Wednesday morning, at 7:12 a.m., Nicholas met Rachel’s family at the outpatient center at Vanderbilt University. It seemed every time he saw them, it was over a sad occasion—their aunt’s death, the sisters packing their aunt’s belongings, now this.

  Nicholas got a glimpse of Rachel as she was disappearing behind a door and called for her to wait. Reaching her with long strides, he took her hand and prayed for her peace. I love you, he mouthed.

  Stepping back, he released her, dropping his shoulders from the helplessness that overwhelmed him, then faced her family huddled in a cluster of chairs. Their heads were bowed and hands joined. They were praying silently.

  Nicholas hoped that Rachel living a long life was God’s will. He stared out the window and watched Nashvillians cluelessly go about their lives as usual while his and Rachel’s were waiting in limbo.

  If the lump was cancerous… He squeezed his eyes shut to block out the thought before opening them again. No. He had to encourage himself. A grip on his shoulder made Nicholas turn around.

  “You okay?” Marcus cringed. “Sorry, man. Wrong question.” He squeezed his lips. “Honestly, I’m at a loss for what to say.” He shrugged. “We’re all scared.”

  “I’m worried.” Nicholas slipped his hands in his pants pockets. “Every Scripture about faith, trust, belief, hope, and prayer without ceasing is coming to my mind like flashcards.” He huffed. “If Rachel has cancer, then I’ll know what to pray for, although I’m hoping this is a big scare and nothing else.”