Luke paid admission and bought ride tickets before they moved through the gate and looked around. A lot of people had turned out and the three of them meandered through the crowd.
“Do you want to ride something, Emma?” Luke asked. “Maybe we should start with the carousel.”
“Good idea,” Shelby agreed. “We know you’re tall enough for that.”
“Okay.” The tone had a distinct lack of enthusiasm.
There was a line so they waited their turn. It didn’t take long until the three of them stepped up onto the circle with the horses that went up and down.
“Which one do you want to sit on?” Shelby asked. “There’s a unicorn. You like those.”
Emma’s eyes lit up for the first time. “Yes, that one.”
She ran to it with Luke right behind. Shelby had to remind herself to back off and let him. That was the deal. The individual horses stopped at various heights when the ride came to a halt and the unicorn was too high for Emma to get up without assistance.
“How about if I help you?” Luke said.
Emma hesitated and looked at Shelby before finally nodding. “Okay.”
At nine her little girl was getting too big for Shelby to lift but Luke easily handled it. Then he buckled the belt around her to prevent her sliding off. Shelby and Luke took up positions on either side of her and after the ride operator checked that everyone was securely fastened, they started to move up and down while going in a circle, and Emma smiled as the wind blew her hair.
“Look at you, Emma. I’ll get a picture.” She slid her phone from her jeans pocket and held it up before pushing the button. Nothing like memorializing this child’s stoic expression for all eternity. “I’ll get one of you and your dad.” She did and said to him, “I’ll forward these to you.”
“Thanks.”
When the ride stopped, Emma undid the belt and slid off the unicorn before anyone could help her. That was partly about independence and partly control. So little of this situation was within her power to manage, but she was going to do what she could.
After leaving the carousel enclosure they walked around, trying to decide what to go on next. There was the Tilt-O-Whirl that rocked back and forth while the individual cars and riders turned in a circle.
Shelby pointed at it. “That one is a hard no for me.”
“Why doesn’t that surprise me?” Luke grinned.
She felt the full force of that smile because she hadn’t seen it for ten years. Suddenly he looked like the hot guy who had stolen her heart. She tripped and he caught her arm.
“You okay?” he asked.
“Yeah. Clumsy.” She pulled herself together.
“Why aren’t you surprised Mommy said no?” Emma looked up at him, curious.
“Because when I rode that with her a long time ago before you were born, she got sick all over me.”
“Mommy, you threw up on him?”
“She did,” he told her. “After eating cotton candy. My white shirt had pink all over it.”
“Eww.” The little girl made a face but the story clearly caught her interest.
“It’s official,” Shelby said. “Humiliation is forever.”
“Okay. Pass on that one.” Luke pointed to a ride that had airplanes. “That might be fun.”
“I want the pink plane,” Emma said.
Apparently the idea of pink puke didn’t put her off the color.
When they got to the ticket taker Luke started to hand over enough tickets for the three of them.
Shelby stopped him. “You two go. Only two can ride in the plane and after reliving my past, I’m not sure my stomach can handle it.”
“But, Mom—”
“It’s okay, peanut. I’ll wait for you guys here. Go ride the pink one with your dad.”
Tickets were handed over and she watched the two of them get in their plane. Luke made sure her seat belt was fastened securely. Moments later they took off and all the planes lifted at the same time while going in a circle. Then the arms holding them went up and down and she could hear her daughter’s laughter.
Shelby snapped more pictures with her phone and memories of long ago flashed through her mind. Telling her mom she was meeting friends at the carnival. Technically it wasn’t a lie because Luke was a friend. And so much more then. Because she’d been forbidden to see him, every second they spent together was precious and so very exciting. And now they were here with their daughter. It made her head spin without riding anything but recollections.
Emma’s cheeks were flushed when she got off the ride and ran over. “Mommy, did you see me?”
“I did. Was it fun?”
“Yes.” She looked up at Luke. “He made it go up and down.”
Again with the masculine pronoun. She saw the muscle in his jaw jerk as if he was clenching his teeth. She wanted to preach patience but couldn’t, not with Emma listening.
The little girl pointed to a booth just ahead that was displaying stuffed animals hanging from the canvas top. “I want one of those.”
They walked over and Shelby checked it out. “Those aren’t for sale, sweetie. You have to win one.”
One didn’t have to be fluent in nine-year-old body language to see the disappointment. Apparently it was too much for Luke.
He moved closer to check it out. Cans were set up and the way to win one of the prizes was to knock down a certain number with a baseball.
“I’ll give it a try,” he said.
“You will?” Emma had hope again.
“Yeah. I’m not making any promises, but I played some baseball in high school.”
“Your dad was the pitcher,” Shelby told her.
“Were you any good?” the little girl asked.
He laughed. “Sometimes.”
“Can you try?” Pleading made her brown eyes big.
“Yes. But I make no guarantees,” he warned. “Try not to be disappointed.”
“That’s like telling her not to be surprised when a unicorn pokes that horn in her eye.”
“Your motivational speech could use work,” he said.
“Are you feeling the pressure?” she teased.
“Not me. Army strong.”
He walked up and paid to play, which gave him six chances to knock down four small cans. After picking up a ball, Luke eyed his target, threw and knocked it over. Emma clapped her hands. Number two ball took down the next one and she jumped up and down. He missed the third one and she groaned.
“It’s okay. Good try,” she encouraged.
Luke looked at Shelby. “Wonder where she heard that?”
“Can’t imagine,” she said, teasing.
He knocked down the next can.
Emma closed her eyes and said, “I can’t look.”
“Me either,” Luke said.
“But you have to!” Her eyes popped open. Then she giggled. “I get it. You’re kidding me.”
“I am.” He winked. “Okay, here goes.”
Completely serious now, the little girl looked up at him. “Mommy always says just do your best. It’s all anyone can ever ask of you.”
“Then that’s what I’ll do.”
Shelby nodded her encouragement then she and Emma held their breath and kept very quiet for his last try. The bottle went down with a metallic clang.
“You did it!” Emma threw herself into his arms. “Did you see, Mommy? My dad did it!”
Suddenly she was looking at him as if he were her hero. Shelby saw the emotion in his face and his effort to be nonchalant. It was a big, fat failure. She could see how much this meant to him and guilt came back with a vengeance.
How would he have looked seeing his baby daughter for the first time? Or holding her tiny body in his arms. There were consequences to the decision she made and she was seeing them n
ow. Suddenly “what if” and “if only” were her two best friends. And she didn’t like them, or herself, very much.
* * *
Luke parked the truck in his driveway just as the sun was going down. Even though the chilly wind had gotten colder and stronger, Emma didn’t want to leave the carnival. And he didn’t want to leave her. But he’d backed Shelby’s play that it was time go home and have dinner.
Still, he would always remember the look in his daughter’s eyes when he won her that stuffed animal. She picked a bear and this day was the best he’d had in a very long time. And not just because of Emma. Shelby was sweet and funny, just like she’d been when he knew her before. Sometimes he actually forgot that he was supposed to be mad at her. It was impossible to keep up that level of anger, but he would never be able to trust her.
He shut off the truck’s engine. “Home sweet home, ladies.”
“This was the best day.” Emma removed her seat belt, grabbed her new bear and squeezed between the driver and passenger seats. “I had such a good time.”
“Me, too, kid.” He smiled at her and she returned it.
“You should come over for dinner at our house.”
Shelby had just opened her door and the overhead light revealed her surprise and hesitation. “We don’t know what Grammy’s cooking tonight. There might not be enough for another person.”
“I know what we’re having. She told me this morning not to eat too much junk so I’d have room for spaghetti and meatballs. It’s my favorite.” The little girl looked at him. “Do you like spaghetti?”
The innocent eagerness on her face proved she had no idea how her grandmother felt about him. To be fair, probably Pam should get points for not bad-mouthing him in front of his daughter.
“Spaghetti is one of my favorite meals,” he told her.
Luke met Shelby’s gaze and silently dared her to tell Emma that he wasn’t welcome. He could deal with Pam. He was army strong. No doubt she didn’t want him there but he would risk marching into hell itself to spend a little more time with the child he’d finally managed to impress.
Shelby looked uneasy but finally nodded. “Okay. Spaghetti it is. Let’s go tell Grammy there will be one more for dinner.”
“Yay!” Emma clutched the bear tight as she let herself out of the truck.
Luke followed them across the driveway and up to the front door. The porch light was on, letting them know someone was waiting. It had been a long time since anyone was at home watching for him and he felt a pang of envy mix with a pocket of loneliness.
Shelby found the house key in her purse and put it in the lock, turning it to open the door and let them inside. The smell of onion, garlic and tomato sauce filled the air.
“Hi, Mom, we’re home.”
When the older woman met them in the entryway the whiplash-fast change in her expression was almost comical. She went from a welcoming smile to a look that demanded to know why the spawn of Satan was in her house.
“Grammy, look!” Emma held up the bear that was half again as big as she was. “See what my dad won for me at the carnival?”
Pam wouldn’t look at him and just focused on her grandchild. To her credit she managed to smile. “Look at this. Is it a girl or boy bear?”
“Boy,” Emma told her. “His name is Emmet.”
“Hello, Emmet.” Pam took the furry, stuffed paw in her hand and shook it. “Nice to meet you.”
“My dad had to knock down cans with a ball to win him for me.”
Pam still wouldn’t look at him. “I think this big guy is going to need his own room.”
“Oh, Grammy, you’re silly.”
“Only with you.” The older woman’s smile and the warmth in her eyes showed the unconditional love she had for this child.
“It was a pretty impressive performance, Mom.” Shelby’s voice was a little too perky, the enthusiasm way too forced. “He was cool and collected when he took down those bottles. They were no match for his nerves of steel.”
“He always had nerve.” Pam met his gaze then and hers said the words were not a compliment.
“Mommy, I need to take Emmet upstairs and make room for him. Can you help me?”
Shelby took off her jacket and settled it on the coat rack along with her purse. She was stalling for time to come up with an answer. Finally she turned back and said, “Peanut, we have a guest and it would be rude to leave him alone after inviting him to dinner.”
“He’s not alone.” Emma was completely and blissfully unaware of the tension in the adults around her. “Grammy’s here.”
Shelby gave him a helpless look, as if to say “that’s what I’m afraid of.” She bent over to look at her daughter. “You invited your father, Emma, and it’s the hostess’s responsibility to make sure everyone feels comfortable.”
The little girl looked confused. “Grammy always makes me feel comfortable.”
“It’s okay.” Luke nodded at Shelby, letting her know he would be fine. “You should help her settle the bear in his new home.”
Her grandmother smiled tenderly at the child. “You go ahead and find a place for him, love. I’m sure Luke and I can find something to talk about.”
Shelby looked as if she’d rather jump off a steep cliff, but it was either go with the flow or try to explain to this little girl why he couldn’t be left alone with her grandmother. “Okay, sweetie. But we have to be quick.”
“I will, Mommy.”
Shelby’s look said “I’m sorry about this because it won’t be quick.” She sent a warning glance to her mother that said “go easy.” Luke was surprised that he could still read her so easily. Ten years ago, everything she felt was right there on her face, except that last time.
When they were alone, Pam said, “Can I get you a drink?”
“Am I going to need one?”
She turned away and walked into the kitchen. He followed, not wanting Emma to hear this conversation any more than her grandmother obviously did.
Pam took a bottle of scotch from the cupboard above the refrigerator and poured a small amount into a tumbler. “As I recall, you had a better than passing acquaintance with alcohol.”
“I was busted for it,” he admitted.
Her eyes widened in surprise for a moment. “So you admit it.”
“Yeah. And I admit that I got lucky that the cop who caught me knew my dad. I was young and stupid.”
She set the glass on the island between them. “So, you’re older and wiser now?”
“I hope so.” Two could play let’s bring up past transgressions. “You threatened, bullied and intimidated Shelby into not telling me that she was pregnant with my baby.”
“Yes.” Her eyes were hostile and hard. “And I would do the same thing again.”
“What about what Shelby wanted?”
“I did it for her.”
“You manipulated her,” he said.
“Wrong thing, right reason.” Pam was rigid, relentless. “I would do anything to protect my child. And her child.”
“From me?” He moved closer and set his hands on the granite-topped island, ignoring the untouched drink there. “You wouldn’t even meet me. You didn’t know me. What did you have against me?”
“I knew enough. You had a reputation all over town. Wild and unpredictable, everyone said. It was selfish of you to jeopardize Shelby. Disaster was inevitable and I didn’t want her anywhere near you when it happened. She’d have been collateral damage.”
There was enough truth in her words to keep him from pushing back on them. If he was being honest, it’s why he joined the army when Murph brought up the possibility. Then she could find someone that she didn’t have to sneak out to see. He broke up with her, for her sake. But those words would never come out of his mouth, not within hearing distance of this woman.
“You nev
er gave me a chance,” he said again.
“I didn’t want you in Shelby’s life. She was a straight-A honor student at the top of her class. You were older, drifting from job to job without goals. I didn’t want you to keep my daughter from reaching hers.” She looked away for a moment, pressing her lips together. “She had potential—then she was pregnant. So I had two lives to protect and I didn’t want you mixed up in either of them.”
“Even though I had a right to know?”
“I had a duty to keep you from breaking their hearts then.” She glared at him. “But now you’re back and will probably do it in spite of my efforts.”
Luke was hotheaded by nature which was partially responsible for his youthful reputation. Gossip had inflated it but that was neither here nor there. Army discipline along with time to mature had cultivated the self-control that turned him into a good soldier and now a good cop. He wanted to push back, defend himself to her, but it would be empty words. Success was the best revenge and he would just have to show her she was wrong about him.
He met her gaze and in a calm and even voice said, “I intend to be the best father to Emma that I know how to be. You might want to let me screw up before judging.”
“I have no doubt you will.”
Then Emma and Shelby walked into the room. He wanted his daughter in his life which meant he was going to have to share her with the grandmother she clearly loved. Battle lines were drawn and neither of them would budge but there was silent agreement that it was between the two of them.
Pam gave no hint of their conversation as she reminded Emma her nightly chore was to set the table and remember there would be an extra plate. Shelby glanced at him, clearly curious about what happened, and he shrugged.
But he realized that the conversation with Pam was a window into Shelby’s impossible situation as a pregnant teenager. He had been contractually committed to leaving, even if she’d told him about the baby. If they’d married school would have been hard and she might not have gone. Money would have been tight for a family living on army pay. School and childcare would have been hurdles along with his deployments when she’d have been alone.
But, with her mom’s help, she did go to college while raising a baby. How remarkable was that? And Emma was a terrific kid. Shelby was a good mom. Would any of that have happened if he’d been in the picture?
Daughter on His Doorstep Page 7