They would never know. He just knew right this minute that he liked her. He’d been fighting with everything he had to hang on to his resentment but the confrontation with her mother changed everything. That would make sharing their child easier but complicated the hell out of his feelings for Shelby.
Anger was easier than this growing attraction.
Chapter Six
After Luke left and Emma was asleep, Shelby pulled out the scrapbook and photo album she used to chronicle milestones from her daughter’s birth to the present. She looked at a picture of herself holding her newborn baby and smiled at the memories scrolling through her mind: crawling, walking, Emma’s first birthday, losing her baby teeth in the front.
Between the covers of this book were all the things Luke had missed. Shelby couldn’t imagine how it would feel to be in his position. Actually, that wasn’t true. If he had robbed her of the first nine years of her child’s life, she would hate him with everything she had. How could he stand to even look at her?
If only she could give him back the years. That wasn’t possible, but maybe it would help just a little to see Emma grow up in pictures. She glanced at the time on her phone and realized it wasn’t that late. She looked out her bedroom window and saw lights on at his house.
She pulled up his cell number in her phone contacts list then tapped in U still up?
Almost immediately he answered. Yes. Why?
It’s about Em. Got something to show you.
Okay.
Be right over.
His response was a big yellow thumbs-up emoji.
Shelby smiled and grabbed the album, then quietly opened her bedroom door. She went to Emma’s room and peeked in to make sure she was sound asleep. The long day at the carnival must have exhausted her because she was out like a light, still clutching the bear Luke had won for her. Today was a start to their father/daughter memories so it seemed fitting to show him scenes from Emma’s past to build more on.
After walking downstairs she stopped in the family room where her mom was watching a home renovation channel. “Mom? You awake?”
“Yes—” But she sat up and rubbed her eyes. She’d been dozing. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah. Emma’s asleep. I was just going through this album of pictures. I thought Luke might like to see it.”
The woman wasn’t drowsy now. “Do you think that’s a good idea?”
“If I thought it was a bad idea I wouldn’t be doing it.”
“Shelby, why can’t you just leave this alone?”
“Because Luke is her father and he missed out on everything. It’s the right thing to do.”
Pam pushed a button on the side of the chair and the footrest on the recliner lowered. “Did he ask to see the pictures?”
“No. I volunteered.”
“That sounds like an excuse to go over there. Please tell me you’re not falling for him again.”
Shelby made a scoffing sound. “That ship has sailed. He only wants a relationship with his daughter. There’s no again for us, no going back.”
Even if she was tempted to rekindle that spark, and she wasn’t, Luke wouldn’t go there. And she couldn’t blame him. She had betrayed him in a very elemental way. Showing him everything she could about his daughter was all she could think of to try and make up for what she’d done.
“I won’t be gone long, Mom.” Before her mother could protest, Shelby turned and walked away.
Since he was just next door she didn’t need a jacket but simply hurried across the driveways and up to his door with the album pressed to her chest. She knocked and he answered almost instantly, as if he’d been watching for her.
“Hi. Come in.” He pulled the door wide and stepped back to let her walk past him. “It’s cold out there.”
“Yeah.”
She shivered, but it had less to do with the outside temperature and more to do with the man. He was wearing the same worn jeans and flannel shirt, but somehow seemed more everything now that they were alone.
“So, that’s what you wanted to show me? An album.”
“Hmm?” Oh, God. She’d been staring. Like an infatuated teen. For Pete’s sake. “Yes. I’ll leave it with you. Take your time going through it.”
“No. You can give me context—a story to go with the pictures.” His dark eyes smoldered with something that might have been anger. Or possibly a less hostile emotion. “Stay.”
Her breath caught for a moment but she figured it was guilt. And that accounted for her accepting the invitation. Simple, old-fashioned guilt.
She looked around the room which was practically empty of furniture. There was a stepladder standing in the corner, plastic drop cloths, paint pans and rollers.
“Someone is getting ready to paint,” she said.
“Wow, you should be the one with the detective shield.”
She smiled because he was in fact teasing her. “Where do you want to look at this? There’s nowhere to sit in here.”
“Kitchen, I guess. We can open it on the island.”
“Okay.”
She followed him and set it down where he indicated, right beside a coffee mug with a dried coffee stain in the bottom. Probably from this morning, before they spent the day together.
“Can I get you anything?” he asked.
“It looks pretty bare in here. Do you actually have anything?”
“Water. Coffee. Beer.”
“Tough choice.” She laughed. “Not really. I’ll pass.”
She opened the photo album to the first page where Emma was a newborn, swaddled in a blanket and wearing a pink hat. “Look at those wide eyes and perfect little mouth. She weighed eight pounds, four ounces. Twenty inches long.”
“Is that big?”
“She was in the average range, leaning toward the upper end.”
“That’s good.”
“Stop me if I go too fast,” she said.
He was standing so close that she could feel the warmth from his body, smell the scent of his skin. The combination made her senses hum with awareness. Shelby turned the pages and realized she was going too fast but it had nothing to do with looking at pictures.
Luke put his hand on hers to stop her and she felt that touch all the way up her arm. “What?” she asked.
“Go back to the first page,” he said. When she did, he pointed to the paper there. “Is that her birth certificate?”
Shelby looked closer. “Not the official one with the raised seal from the county and state. This is the cute one from the hospital with her footprint.”
He touched it gently with his finger. “So small.”
“Yeah. I’ll never forget how scared I was. She wasn’t a pet or plant. It was my responsibility to keep her alive.” She shook her head. “I couldn’t stop thinking that I was just a baby myself. How was I supposed to do that?”
“Yeah. I can see it must have been hard.” He turned the page to a picture of Shelby holding Emma in the glider chair where she was no doubt trying to rock her to sleep. “You look tired.”
“I’ve never been so exhausted, before or since. She was up every three hours.”
“But your mom helped, right?”
“I was nursing so she couldn’t feed Emma.” She met his gaze and saw the accusations there. Her mother had many flaws and Shelby knew them better than anyone. But the woman had been there when she’d needed her most and that was something she would defend until hell wouldn’t have it. “She was there and supported me in more ways than I can count.”
He nodded, then traced a blank line on the birth certificate. “Is there a father’s name on the official one?”
No point in lying. “No. But there should be.”
“Did your mom support leaving my name off?”
“She had nothing to do with it. In the hospital th
e nurse asked me if I wanted to name the father and I told her you left and weren’t a part of my life.” Now the look in his eyes was less angry and more wistful. Sad. “I’ll fix it. Your name can be added. I’ve already looked into how to do that. I have to submit her birth certificate to the Department of Vital Statistics, pay the application and you have to sign an affidavit of paternity.”
“So you already researched it.”
“Yes.”
“Bet your mom isn’t happy about that,” he said.
She turned and faced him. “What did she say to you when Emma and I were upstairs?”
“That she didn’t want me in Emma’s life or yours because I would break your hearts.”
Shelby put a hand over her mouth. “I can’t believe she said that to you. Luke, I’m really sorry. She’ll come around.”
“I won’t hold my breath.” He glanced down at the baby picture and there was longing in his eyes.
“I know I said I wasn’t going to apologize any more, but I can’t help it. I’m so sorry about everything. I will regret for the rest of my life that you didn’t get to hold Emma when she was born.” She put her hand on his arm. “Sorry means nothing to you, but it’s all I’ve got. And these pictures. I’ll make copies of them for you.”
“She still hasn’t called me Dad.”
“But she said her dad won her a bear,” Shelby pointed out. “That’s a start. I know it’s hard to be patient after missing out on so much, but that’s what it will take.”
“I was never very patient.” His look was a challenge.
“I remember that. I’m hoping you’ve acquired some in the last ten years.”
He lifted one shoulder in a shrug. “Possibly. I’m taking my time with the repairs on this house. Mom didn’t do much to it because she was renting it out.”
“Oh?” She looked around. “What’s on your renovation list?”
“I’m replacing baseboards and trim. Crown molding. None of that is expensive but will make it show better to prospective buyers. According to the real estate agent it will make the place pop.”
“Popping is good, I guess.” She glanced into the living room. “Looks like painting will happen soon.”
“Yeah. I’m going to pick out colors tomorrow.” He folded his arms over his chest. “If I asked Emma what would she say is her favorite color?”
“Pink or purple. It’s a toss-up.” She was going to throw this out there for the heck of it. In the spirit of helping him know his daughter. “She’d love to go with you and help pick out colors for the wall.”
“You think?”
“I’m sure of it.”
“Okay,” he said. “You can come, too. If you want.”
What? He was including her? That made Shelby ridiculously happy. A little giddy. Like a teenager. This couldn’t be good and she should say no. But she was so grateful that he didn’t seem to hate her, the word just wouldn’t come out of her mouth.
“Tomorrow, then,” she said.
* * *
The next morning Luke poured himself a cup of coffee and looked at the spot where Shelby had stood the night before. She’d been in this house before; used to come over and see his mom. The two of them were friends but his mother didn’t know Shelby wasn’t supposed to be seeing him. So she was back with baby pictures of Emma, photographs that recorded things he’d missed. Seeing them had stoked the embers of his anger but, oddly enough, it didn’t burst into flame. She’d reached out knowing he would probably get ticked off. That was something and he should meet her halfway.
She’d looked so damn sorry about what happened that he was having a hard time not believing she was sincere.
And what the hell had he been thinking to invite her to go along with him and Emma to look at paint? The answer was that he hadn’t been, at least not with his head. He wanted more than anything to give his daughter a father and a sense of family, as much as possible with Shelby. But his plan was the three of them and big gesture stuff—like Disneyland on her birthday, Universal Studios or Legoland. Soccer games. Not the paint store.
But nobody did sweet, soft, warm and sorry like Shelby Richards. And when she was like that he forgot to remember that she knowingly kept his daughter from him.
There was a knock on the glass slider to the outside patio and Emma was standing there. He set his coffee down, then unlocked and opened the door.
“Hey, kid. Why didn’t you come to the front door?”
“There’s a loose board in the fence. I came that way. It’s faster.”
Luke knew it well. Then he realized she didn’t look her usual in good spirits self. “What’s up?”
“I’m goin’ to the store with you to look at paint.”
“I know.”
“Can we go now?” she asked.
“I thought your mom was coming along.” There was a part of him anticipating that. He wasn’t proud, but it was the truth.
“She might have changed her mind.” Emma wouldn’t quite look at him.
“Did she tell you she’s not coming?”
“Not exactly. But I’m pretty sure she isn’t. So we should just go.” Now she turned pleading eyes on him. “Maybe we could get a donut.”
Not to blow his own horn, but Luke was a pretty good detective. He’d cracked a lot of cases involving dishonest people who were better liars than this little girl. Something was definitely going on.
“Okay, kid. We need to talk.” He picked her up and set her on the island. For just a second, a memory flashed through his mind of his father doing the same thing to him when he was about the same age. So they could talk man-to-man. He shook off the image and folded his arms over his chest. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing.”
How in the world was it possible for this little girl to look so innocent and guilty as hell at the same time? “I’m not buying that. Why do you want to leave your mom behind?”
“Do I have to tell you?”
“Yes.”
She heaved a dramatic sigh and glared at him but his sharp detective skills told him it was directed at her mother. “Mommy won’t let me have a donut for breakfast. And she said I have to make my bed and put toys away before we go.”
“I see.” He nodded, pretending to think it over. But this was classic divide and conquer. He couldn’t cancel out her mother’s orders even if he didn’t agree with them. Which he did, in this case. “Here’s the thing, kid. You have to do what your mom says.”
“What if it’s stupid?”
“She’s pretty smart.” Although a little nerdy. He remembered what a turn-on that had been. Hell, who was he kidding? She was still a turn-on, one he had every intention of ignoring. “If she tells you to do something, or not do it, I’m sure she has a good reason.”
“But why do I have to make my bed? I’m just gonna get in it again later.”
“I once heard a commanding officer say that it’s the first task in the morning. Your first success. If you can’t do little things right, how are you going to do the big things? And if you have a bad day, at least when you come home the bed is made. In the army I had to make my bed every day and I still do it.”
“But you’re a grown-up.”
“Now it’s a habit. And I’d have been in big trouble if I didn’t. I’m thinking you’ll be in big trouble with your mom if you don’t.”
She looked uncertain now. “I don’t like it when she’s mad at me.”
“Nobody likes it when their mom is mad.” He should know. His mom was mad 24-7 after his dad died. Pretty soon she would have another reason. A granddaughter she didn’t know about was right here. And he would tell her, after he worked on his own relationship with Emma. When that was more solid he’d deal with his mother.
“Can’t you and me just go without her?” she pleaded.
“We could,” h
e agreed. “But would you have any fun knowing you’d be in even more trouble when you got home?”
She thought about that before slowly shaking her head. “I guess not.”
“Does she know you’re here?”
“No.” She looked up then. “I sneaked out when she got in the shower.”
He could have gone all day without an image of a naked and wet Shelby stuck in his mind. “Look, if you hurry back, maybe she won’t know you left and you can do your chores. No harm, no foul.”
“I don’t know what that means.”
“It’s a sports thing. It means if you don’t hurt anyone, you don’t get a penalty.”
“Like a yellow card in soccer?”
“Sort of.” He lifted her down, then bent and rested his hands on his knees to meet her gaze. “So, if you do what she asked, maybe we can talk her into getting chicken nuggets and fries for lunch. Not a donut but a consolation prize.”
Emma nodded enthusiastically. “See you later.”
“I’m looking forward to it.”
She started toward the door then turned and threw her arms around his neck. “Bye.”
Then she was gone and he had a lump the size of a Toyota in his throat. He felt as if he’d passed a parental test of some kind. A very dad-like sensation came over him.
And the mood stayed with him for a while. When Shelby and Emma walked over to ride with him, he waited for the hammer to fall but nothing was said about unmade beds and messy rooms. He concluded that his daughter had pulled off her covert mission with a high degree of success. When he lifted her into the rear passenger seat, he winked and she put her hand over her mouth to stifle a giggle.
They had a secret and that made him feel pretty darn good.
When they arrived at the hardware store the three of them went directly to the paint section to look at the choices. Luke knew the brand he wanted so they concentrated their efforts there. Emma skipped down the aisle a short way and was checking out stuff.
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