Daughter on His Doorstep

by Teresa Southwick

  He half turned away from the window when a flash of pink by the front door caught his eye. Emma’s backpack. She left it here yesterday when she’d come to see him after school. Tomorrow was Sunday and she might have homework to do. After picking it up he glanced out the window and saw just one car in the driveway next door. It was Shelby’s and that meant the dragon lady wasn’t there.

  Before he could talk himself out of it, Luke exited his front door and headed over to return his daughter’s stuff. It didn’t matter that she could get it in the morning. This was a thinly veiled excuse to see Shelby but he didn’t care. Some would call him desperate. He preferred to think of himself as resourceful.

  Luke knocked and a few moments later heard footsteps inside. The front porch light went on and then the door opened. His heart was beating just a little too fast as he anticipated seeing Shelby but her mother stood there.

  He cleared his throat. “Is Emma here?”

  “No. Shelby took her to a movie.”

  “Oh. I thought—Her car is in the driveway and—”

  Pam glanced over then back at him. “She took mine because hers needed gas and there wasn’t time before the show to stop for it.”

  Suddenly she looked small and sad, not at all like the formidable woman he’d always been a little afraid of. “Is something wrong?”

  “That depends on your point of view. I was just thinking that putting off getting gas is a perk of living here with me that will go away soon.”

  That made zero sense. “What’s going on?”

  “You don’t know?” Pam looked mildly surprised.

  “No. Should I?”

  “Since you’re the one responsible for this, I would think so.” Oddly she didn’t sound angry, just really miserable.

  “What are you accusing me of now?”

  “Shelby told me what you said about her still living at home.” She folded her arms over her chest. “I suppose being a detective has some characteristics of being a shrink. You do get into motivation.”

  He suspected she’d been watching too many police procedurals on TV but wasn’t completely off base here. Except she hadn’t answered the question. Her statements were random pieces of a bigger puzzle and he was getting a glimmer of the bottom line. “Is she moving out?”

  Pam nodded. “And she has the audacity to take my granddaughter with her.”

  “She’s Emma’s mother—”

  “Relax, Luke. That was a joke.”

  This was a side of Pam Richards that he’d never seen. Vulnerability. Still, he felt an overwhelming urge to explain why he’d said what he did. “I never suggested she move out. But she had to face you after we—” Crap. This wasn’t awkward at all.

  “I know you had sex with my daughter. At least twice.” Again it was odd but she didn’t look mad. She smiled and that was more shocking than if she’d slugged him.

  He cleared his throat and was slightly horrified that his palms were sweaty. “I didn’t plan that. She came over and we were talking about Emma. One thing led to another—” He met her gaze. “I’m not going to apologize.”

  “I didn’t ask you to.” She shivered then ran her hands up and down her arms. “It’s cold out here. Do you want to come inside?”

  “Yes. Thanks.” If nothing else, he was damned curious about what was going on.

  She stepped back and pulled the door open wider. Light filtered into the living room from the kitchen but she turned on the lamp beside the floral patterned sofa. “Can I get you something to drink?”

  Who was this woman and what had she done with Shelby’s mom? That woman couldn’t stand the sight of him, let alone invite him inside for a drink. Unless...

  “No, thanks.”

  “I promise I won’t spit in it or lace it with poison.” Her expression was amused not hostile.

  Again joking. He’d been so sure she had no sense of humor.

  “I have a beer at home. But I noticed Emma left her backpack and I thought she might need it.”

  “And you were hoping to see Shelby, not me.”

  “Well, yes.” Because he was tired of texting and tired of missing her so much it hurt.

  Pam took the backpack he held out and set it on the floor at the bottom of the stairs. “Why don’t you have a seat.”

  Now Luke was sure he’d stumbled into an alternative universe. But, why not? He sat on the sofa. “Thanks.”

  She sat in the small swivel rocking chair at a right angle to him. “The thing is, Shelby and I had a fight the night she was with you. She said this was all my fault and by that she meant what happened with you. And, no, you don’t have to apologize. I do. And I should have a long time ago.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “I’m responsible for you missing all those years with your daughter, Luke. I’m not making excuses but I want to explain where I was coming from.” She looked down at her hands for a moment as if gathering her thoughts. “My husband left me for another woman. She was pregnant and he started another family with her. Whatever was wrong in our relationship, that was on me. But Shelby didn’t deserve to lose her father and that’s on him. He turned his back on her, too. So I was alone to raise her.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Not your fault.” She let out a breath, then continued. “It was Shelby and me against the world, and then she told me she was pregnant and the baby was yours. I didn’t approve of you.”

  “I know,” he said wryly.

  For just a moment the corners of her mouth turned up, then she grew serious again. “Forbidding her to see you, I thought I was doing the right thing for my baby. In the end it was wrong to keep you from yours.” She looked down again for just a moment, gathering herself. “And your letters. I didn’t look at them.”

  “If you read one, you read them all. They were variations on the same theme.”

  “Which was?”

  “I loved her.” He met the woman’s gaze. “And I was an idiot to let her go.”

  “You weren’t the only idiot.” Pam sighed. “Keeping them from Shelby was wrong, too. I just wanted her to break off all contact. I was afraid you’d ruin her life. But I’m afraid I did that. It was so many kinds of wrong and I realize that now. And I’m paying a high price for those mistakes.”

  “I imagine you are.”

  “Thank you for listening. It’s more of a chance than I gave you.” She nodded. “I hope someday you can find it in your heart to forgive me.”

  He wasn’t there yet, but this was more than he’d ever thought could happen. “I take it you never expected me to come back.”

  “That’s true. But here you are.” She hesitated a moment, then seemed to make a decision. “I did a lot of things wrong, but not all of it. I know my daughter. And when you moved in next door I saw the way she looked at you.”

  He sensed this was a turning point but wasn’t sure whether or not it would kick him in the head or the heart. “How did she look at me?”

  “Just like she did when she was seventeen and so obviously in love with you. I couldn’t believe that she’d fallen for the bad boy next door.”

  “What?” He couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

  “It has to be said that you made some questionable life choices back then and she only had me to protect her.”

  The feelings of wanting to make her world perfect were as strong now as they had been then. “I would have given my life for her.”

  “I know. If I hadn’t had a stick up my butt I would have seen it. That’s what every mother wants for her child. And I’m the fool who stood in your way. And I’m sorry for that. More than I can say.” Pam smiled with genuine warmth. “You’re a good man, Luke. Shelby always knew that. She defended you then as fiercely as she did the other night.”

  That meant more to him than he could put into words. “Thank you for tell
ing me.”

  “It’s the least I can do to try and make up for my mistakes.” Suddenly earnest, she leaned toward him. “And I’ll tell you something else, too. One can make a case for your poor decisions back then. The loss of your father at an impressionable age can’t have been easy. Going into the army was a good move.”

  “It was my mom’s idea.”

  “By the way, thank you for your service.” Pam smiled. “But you’re a grown man now. Not many people get a second chance. You’re going to blow yours if you continue to be a stubborn ass. You can hate me, Luke, I deserve it. But don’t shut Shelby out.”

  “I think you’re talking to the wrong person. She’s shut me out.”

  Pam thought about that for a moment and nodded. “I know my daughter. She’s in love with you but the idea of it scares her. She won’t risk not having you in her life and has pulled back. And I don’t have much to lose by saying this. I think you love her, too. You could see that if you let yourself forgive her.”

  He did see it. The truth was, he’d forgiven Shelby almost from the first day he’d returned.

  * * *

  Shelby thought having a fun outing at the movies last night would bank her some goodwill with Emma when they looked for a new place to live today. It didn’t. This child was very vocal in her disdain of everything. The apartment didn’t have a yard where she could practice her soccer skills and she wasn’t allowed to play ball inside. That was a point to her. The condo was dinky and dark. Her words and she wasn’t wrong.

  But the little house was cute, lots of light and had a nice yard. Emma simply said it was stupid. There was a lot of stupid going around but Shelby claimed most of it for herself. Last night went a little late and today her daughter was showing clear signs of not enough sleep. On top of that she was adamant in her aversion to this move.

  Shelby was driving them home after looking at the last rental property. The next time she was doing it solo. If Emma needed therapy because she wasn’t included in the decision, so be it.

  “Mommy, why can’t we just stay with Grammy?” The whine in her voice wasn’t any more attractive now than when she was two.

  “I already told you why.” Shelby’s patience was unraveling. She was tired too because Luke was on her mind all the time and made sleep hard to come by. It hurt so much that he lived right next door but was lost to her. As far as her heart was concerned he might as well be halfway around the world. “Look, sweetie, we’ve imposed on Grammy long enough. I should have moved out a long time ago.”

  “But don’t you want to stay with your mother? You told me you wanted me to stay with you forever.”

  “That’s just an expression of how much I love you.”

  “And Grammy loves us. She doesn’t want us to move.”

  “Did she say that?” Shelby couldn’t handle it if her mom ganged up on her, too.

  “No, but I know it.” The whine was replaced by defiance.

  “And I know she believes it’s best for me to stand on my own two feet.”

  Even as she made that statement, Shelby was well aware that Emma would use it against her. The next time she wanted to go to the mall without an adult. She made a mental note to apologize to her mom for all the times she was mouthy and stubborn.

  Come to think of it, her mom had looked a little strange this morning. She’d said Luke returned Emma’s backpack last night, then changed the subject. Probably the prospect of her and Emma moving out had thrown her off her game.

  “Mommy, you know if we move away that Daddy won’t be next door anymore.”

  “Yes.” After braking for a red light, she glanced over at her daughter in the passenger seat. “And you realize that he’s selling the house and will be living somewhere else no matter what we do, right?”

  “He might not sell it. Just because there’s a sign, that doesn’t mean anything.” This time her tone was part whine, part pout and 100 percent disapproving.

  The light changed and Shelby accelerated without responding. What could she say to make this child feel better? The answer was nothing. Kids had to learn about disappointment and Emma had known his intentions from the beginning. Luke came back for the sole purpose of selling his mother’s house. He painted the inside a neutral shade, including Emma’s room over her obvious displeasure, so it would appeal to the vast majority of buyers. Everything he’d done had been with the mind-set of leaving. She’d slept with him knowing that and it wasn’t fair or smart to expect anything more.

  Shelby made the familiar turn into the housing development. After a couple more lefts and rights, she went slowly up the street, really looking at the houses. Most of her life she’d lived here. She went to school, fell in love, had her heart broken, gave birth to a daughter, graduated from college and became a teacher, then fell back in love with the same man. Moving away would be hard. Really hard. But also symbolic of her independence. She’d survived losing Luke once before and she could do it again.

  The secret was out. Emma knew and loved her father which was the most important thing. Shelby would miss being able to catch glimpses of him getting out of his truck, bringing in groceries, working in the yard. But life went on.

  And there he was out in the yard when she pulled her car into the driveway. How was it he could look so darn good in those worn jeans and an old T-shirt. She sat there for a few moments with the engine running while she memorized the lines of his body and the fit of that shirt hugging his broad shoulders. Her breathing grew a little shaky—

  “Mom, look!” Emma was pointing to the real estate sign in his yard. “He did it.”

  “Did what?” Shelby saw the sold sign that was new and her heart squeezed painfully. He actually sold the house.

  It wasn’t a surprise that he followed through but Shelby’s feelings overwhelmed her. She’d experienced this hollow, aching pain once before, ten years ago, but this time the awfulness was even worse. Before she could catch her breath, Emma removed her seat belt and got out of the car.

  “I can’t believe he did it.” Then she slammed the door behind her.

  Shelby watched her march around the front of the car and her expression was not unlike the way she’d looked that first day Luke came back. When she’d knocked on his door and demanded to know if he was her father.

  Awareness sliced through her pain and galvanized Shelby into action. When she got out of the car, Luke was right in front of her with their daughter. Emma was glaring up at him.

  “How could you?” she shouted. “I thought you liked it here.”

  “I do, kiddo—”

  “That’s a lie. You sold Gran’s house to total strangers.”

  “It’s not what you think. If you’ll just listen to me for a second—”

  “I don’t believe you. You sold it to someone stupid. Another kid will be sleeping in my room. Probably a dumb boy.” Her hands were balled into fists. “I’m glad you painted it that stupid, boring color because now they’ll have to live in it, not me. But I bet they won’t like it either. You make me so mad. I just—”

  “Do not say the word hate,” Shelby warned. “You’re angry and hurt but you don’t mean that.”

  “I kn-know.” Anger drained away and tears filled Emma’s eyes then rolled down her cheeks. “I love you, Daddy. I don’t want you to go.”

  “I’m not, honey.” He went down on one knee in the grass and met her gaze. “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you. I bought the house.”

  “You did?”

  “Yes—”

  “Oh, Daddy—” Emma slid her arms around his neck and hugged him so tight his answer was cut off.

  Shelby couldn’t believe she’d heard right. “I don’t understand.”

  He looked up at her. “The plan was to sell it and buy something because I had to live somewhere. I already had loan approval and made an offer to my mom which she accepted.
Her retirement is secure and I’ve got a house in a desirable area with awesome neighbors and the best schools. I hear it’s a good place to raise kids.”

  “I just thought of somethin’ awful.” Emma left one arm on his shoulder and now glared up at Shelby. “Dad will be here but we’re moving.”

  “About that—” Luke looked up at her, too.

  “Daddy, I’m gonna go tell Grammy you’re staying.” Emma raced around the car before either of them could say anything.

  Shelby stared after her. “I wonder how Mom will take that news.”

  “Maybe better than you think.” He stood and there was something different in his eyes. Peace, maybe?

  “How can you say that? What happened?”

  “Last night I brought Emma’s backpack over. An excuse to see you,” he added.

  Her heart fluttered, but she put the feeling aside for a moment. “And?”

  “She invited me in.”

  Her eyes widened. “I don’t know why I didn’t feel that disturbance in the force.”

  “I know, right?” His smile was a brief flash before he turned serious again. “She admitted she was wrong about me. Apologized and said she hoped someday I could forgive her.”

  No wonder he was at peace. His harshest critic might now be a fangirl. “It’s about time. But the house, Luke. I don’t understand. What about the bad memories?”

  “Yeah.” He stared at his front door. “But there are good ones, too. Because of that house, I met you and we had Emma.”

  “That tore us apart.”

  “At first. But I’ve thought a lot about this. We were so young. If you’d told me about her, I would have done the right thing, even though I was leaving to join the army and get my head on straight.” He met her gaze. “There’s a better than even chance what we had would have been screwed up beyond repair by doing that. We’ll never know.”