by Ana Gibson
I get up to fix Logan's plate, but she grabs it from me and fixes it instead. Why does she keep doing that? Clearly, she's not used to being taken care of. Hell, I'm not either, but I want to do this. I need to say how sorry I am.
CHAPTER 13
FAITH
December 22nd
Oh Damn.
The front door slams hard, subtly rattling the house. Clayton comes in early, angry enough to be Satan himself. I had forgotten all about him living here honestly. He didn't come home last night. I haven't heard from him either and to be honest, I was the least bit worried. The only thing I was focused on was that family I have in here. I should've told him about it. I forgot. I just simply forgot.
“Faith?” He yells for me again. I throw the covers off of me and sit on the edge of the bed. This is not going to blow over well. I can see it already. I really wasn't expecting him to come home so early either. No time to prep a story or nothing.
Angry, hard footsteps stomp up the wooden stairs and into my room. I jump to my feet as he swings open the door.
“So this is what you've been doing behind my back?”
Aight, wait, I'm confused. What is he talking about? I should be asking him the same thing, given the fact he walking in here at 7:30 in the morning. He steps a little closer to me.
“What are you talking about?” I ask like I don't know.
“Who is that little girl you got downstairs? You know damn well I don't want any kids up in here. If it ain't your nieces and nephews, they have no business coming into this house. Even with your own family, you know I don't like it.”
What am I supposed to say? That it's some random guy's lil’ girl that I'm letting stay here? That's not going to make it better.
“Send her home.”
“What?”
“You heard me. Send that little shit home.”
“I can't do that,” I say, now standing a tad bit closer to him.
“Then I will.”
I hurry and grab my robe and put it on, chasing after him. My heart's ‘bout ready to leap out of my chest and chills of anxiety rides swiftly up my spine. But then he stops mid-step.
“What?” I look at him.
“Am I hearing things or is there somebody else in here?”
I choose not to answer. He looks over to the guest bathroom and slowly goes over. He presses his ear up against the door to listen. I'm going to faint.
“Who's in here?” He looks to me for an answer. Again, I choose not to give him one though I know my facial expression is giving it away. Clayton then twists the doorknob but finds it locked. I'm in trouble now.
“Whoever is in here better open this door, now!”
“Okay look, let me please explain.”
I take him by the arm to move him away from the door.
“You got another man in here?” He shoots me his death stare. I know my mouth is moving, but nothing is coming out.
“Open this door, or I'll break it open.”
The lock releases and the bathroom door creak open. Yep, Jesus is not going to be able to save me from this one. Paralysis takes over me. Devin emerges from the bathroom. Clayton drains ghostly white.
“Is my mind playing tricks on me?” He says. I look at him confused. “What do you mean?”
He stops talking and paces the floor back and forth as if guilt of some sort has been riding his back. I motion for Devin to walk past me to go into his room.
“He's just a friend, Clayton, that's all.” Probably not the best choice of words right now. He shakes his head and stops directly in front of Devin.
“Who are you and why are you in here with my woman?”
Devin still has yet to move even though I've told him to.
“Who are you?” He answers.
“Weren't you that guy that was asking me for some money not too long ago?” Clayton asks. I look to Devin confused, trying to understand what's going on. Devin looks at me and then back at Clay and tries moving past him, but Clayton jumps right back in front of him.
“Why are you in here and why is that little girl in my house?” He asks the both of us simultaneously. Before I can even speak, Devin jumps in.
“That's my daughter, Logan. You remember the one that you called my bait, and then you gave us a nickel? Yeah, that's her. That's us. But whatever you do, don't ever call her a little shit. She's my child,” he says. The dots are connecting. This is the homeless man that Clay came home ranting to me about.
Someone's phone goes off. It's not mine. And I don't think it's Clayton's. Devin looks into the bathroom and starts towards it, but Clayton shoves him out the way and finds that the ringing is coming from Devin's phone. He holds it up in our faces and scoffs a laugh.
“I'd like to have my phone, please.”
Why is he so calm?
Clayton chuckles, looks at the phone and then throws it against the wall with all of his might, breaking every piece of it. I jump at the crash.
“Fuck you and your phone.”
Devin steps forward, fists balled and jaws tight. I grab his arm and pull him back a little bit.
“Devin…”
“I want him out of here, Faith. I want them out now.”
“No problem. We will be gone shortly.”
“But where are you going to go?” I interrupt.
“Why are you worried about it?” Clay says. Devin looks at him with an unmoved stare and then back at me.
“I have to go meet somebody anyway.” I know he's lying. He doesn't have anyone he's got to go meet. And this calmness he's got going on, I don't know how to take that. It's like the calm before the storm. Maybe this is his warning.
“But you can't leave,” I tell him, brushing past Clay.
“And why not?” He pulls me back by the arm. I peel his fingers off my robe and look up at him.
“Because, he's,” I start, but the desperation in Devin's face tells me to shut my mouth. So I think up something quick. Something that Clay could buy for the time being.
“What?”
“He's a college friend of mine. Umm, he's meeting up with his girlfriend tomorrow and needed a place to stay. I told him he could stay here, so he didn't have to pay for a hotel. He's surprising her. Isn't that right, Devin?”
But he looks at me like it's the dumbest story he's ever heard and so does Clayton. I'm lost. I have no idea what I can say other than the truth.
“You take me for a fool, don't you? I don't know what kind of game you're playing right now, but I advise you to get your story together. Get them out of my house, today!”
I look past Clay, only to find that Devin is no longer standing there. I want to cry, but I can't show Clay that. So I agree regretfully to his request. He then rolls his eyes and brushes past my shoulders and goes into our room, slamming the door shut. With everything in me, I try to muster up the courage to talk some sense into Devin. I don't want him to go. I know it's not ideal, but I really don't want him to leave.
I walk in the room. He's putting on his winter gear and packing Logan's bag again.
“You don't have to say anything,” he says.
“Yeah, I do.”
“No, you don't. I appreciate everything you've done for us. Honestly, I do.”
“Devin, you can't go.”
“You should probably listen to your husband.”
“He's not my husband.”
“Still…”
“Where are you going to go? It's freezing out there. What are you going to eat? What about Logan?” I ask a million and one questions. I just need to know. I have to know.
“What about her?” He stops and looks at me with all sorts of emotions swimming in his eyes.
“What do you mean?”
“Your boyfriend, or whatever he is to you.”
“Devin, I really was trying.”
“You know what, it's all good. I've got to go. Thank you again for everything, Faith. Honestly.” He moves past me and out the door down the stairs.
&nb
sp; “Come on baby, we gotta go,” I hear him tell her. My heart rips into tiny shreds as I go downstairs and watch them from afar.
“Where are we going, daddy?”
Stop them Faith. Stop them. They don't have to go. Put your foot down and stand up to that punk ass upstairs. This isn't his house. This is yours. Why you letting him run you? Don't let them leave. For once you'd actually be really stupid if you let them leave.
“Where is Ms. Faith?”
“She can't come with us.”
“But why? I thought we were staying here for Christmas?”
“That's enough questions. We've got to go.” He hurries to zip up her coat and put on her hat and gloves. He sees me. My lips part but nothing comes out of them. I need to look away cause’ the fear and sadness in her eyes are going to break me.
“Devin?” I call out to him in a raspy whisper, but he never looks my way as he opens the front door and motion for her to go. All hope has been stripped from this little girl. From him too and I can't bring myself to stop them. She tells me goodbye, and he closes the door.
What…just happened?
CHAPTER 14
DEVIN
Day before Christmas Eve
I’m not even sure if I can blame her. She tried. But trying ain't always enough. Not when it comes to situations like mine. Part of me wants to hate her—hate her because she sold us a dream, saying that we'd be okay. Maybe I let my guard down way too quick, trying out this hope and faith thing. It's clear it doesn't work for me. Was I just apart of her community service in her mind? A charity case? I just know it hurts like hell going back and forth with uncertainty. Or maybe I hate the fact that she probably didn't have much say in what to do. That sorry excuse of a man she's with probably don't know what this feels like and probably never will. I can't blame her for his ignorance, but what I can blame her for is not sticking her ground.
“Daddy?” Logan breaks my train of thought.
“Yeah Lo?”
“Where are we going?”
My tone a little more harsh and rude this time around, I answer.
“I don't know.”
“Did Ms. Faith kick us out?”
I don't want to answer that, but reality is that's exactly what happened.
“It was something like that.”
“Was it me?”
“No.”
“Was it you?”
“Probably.”
“That guy came in and saw me first, and he looked pretty mad. I didn't say anything to him.”
“That's okay. You won't have to worry about him anymore.”
“He seems mean, dad. I don't think he likes me.”
I look down at my little girl seeing how serious she is. They say children can see through adults better than we do ourselves. And I have no doubt that my girl shouldn't feel this way.
Faith
Hours have gone by since this morning's ordeal. All of my thoughts lead to me wanting them back here. I need them back here. They made me feel so—Alive. I felt like they could see me, like I existed. They made me feel like I was somebody too. And now being stripped away just like that, in the blink of an eye, I can't blame anyone but myself. I told them that they'd be okay. I told them that they'd have a place to stay as long as they needed to, only for that idiot to rip it from under their feet. Maybe I could've told the truth, and he'd understand. I don't know, but for the life of me, I can't let them live that way and I do nothing.
“Faith?” He yells for me from upstairs. I roll my eyes and stop washing the dishes.
“What?”
His footsteps eager and noticeable, he comes into the kitchen. His attitude is a lot different than earlier.
“Listen, the guys want to go out tonight to the bar before everyone leaves for their holiday get together, so I'll be leaving soon.”
“Just like that huh?”
“Just like what?”
“If you have to ask, then maybe you are as dumb as you look.”
He grabs my arm again, this time tightening his grip even more.
“You still haven't learned to watch your mouth have you?”
This is getting old, and after going through all that drama this morning, that button is getting pressed down even harder. I'm so close to walking away. I look at his huge hand wrapped around my arm like a fleshly bracelet and then bring my gaze back to his.
“You have one more time to grab me like I'm some disobedient child of yours. Have you lost your everlasting mind?”
He loosens his grip but keeps his gaze fiery, burning holes right through me. I stand my ground as long as I can until he lets me go.
“You think I'm supposed to apologize for what all went down in here earlier, don't you?” He says. My lips tighten, and brow lifts an inch.
“You had a man in my house. A homeless man at that. You think I'm supposed to be good with it? Let him come up in here and rob us? I don't think so. So you can get out of your fantasyland and stop trying to save everybody. You can't even save yourself. Look at you.”
His tone cold and dark, he goes on to say, “You couldn't even keep that baby inside of you. Everything you touch gets ruined.”
My breaths get stolen in an instant. I fight back the pressure of wanting to cry. He laughs again and sucks his teeth with irritation.
“You just don't know how good you got it. If it weren't for me, you wouldn't have any of what you have. And you think I'm gonna let you sit up here and share it with some random guy you picked up on the street like a stray dog? He and that little girl are lying to you.”
Ugh. There goes a tear. His words pin me down. The recklessness in this one-man conversation is getting to me. Not only does he remind me of what happened but he's catching on to Devin and his situation, and the last thing I want for him is to get in trouble in any kind of way. If I know Clayton like I think I do, he'd go any length to mess up someone's life out of anger. So I think of something quick.
“So you think he's homeless because he asked you for change?” I wipe my face and look him in the eye. He takes a step back as if I just made a valid point.
“Well, like I told you that night, if he ain't homeless, he sure enough is a panhandler, and that's exactly why that bum got a nickel out of me. I don't know what kind of lies he's told you about him and that Lil girl of his, but they're pulling the wool over your eyes.” He's so sure about that assumption.
“He needs some money, he needs to get a better job. Out here asking hard working people for theirs like it's a right.”
I bite my lip and return back to doing the dishes. This is where I want him. Not knowing the real truth. If this will save Devin from any more hurt from people like Clayton, then so be it. I'm willing to take that risk.
“Go be with your friends, Clay,” I mumble. He then goes into the fridge and grabs a cold water. The bottle top cracks open and I wait for him to chug it down. If it goes down the wrong pipe, that'll be great.
“Panhandler or not, you didn't have to treat them like that.”
He stops drinking and catches his breath. “Excuse me?”
I say, “What if that was your mother or somebody?”
“First, I can treat anyone how I please. You had a man and his daughter up in our house without my knowledge, and you expect me to be okay with that? Second, it's not my mother so you can stop with all these empathetic scenarios to try and get me to change my mind, Faith.”
I shake my head. “So you can help yourself and go cheat with every Sue, Beth, and Tonya, but as soon as you see me helping a random stranger and his child, it's automatically an issue? Get out of here with that, Clayton. You're so full of yourself. You know what, this ain't gonna work.”
“So you breaking up with me?”
“Maybe I am.” I look at him with all seriousness. He laughs heartily and then turns away from me, taking down that last sip of water.
“I'll believe it when I see it. Anyway, like I said, I'm going out. I'll catch you later. You
better not ever have anybody up in my house like that again, friend or not, homeless or whatever, I don't care what's going on with them.”
He can kiss my ass. I drop my dishwashing duty and head upstairs, put on some clothes, gather my hair in a ponytail and grab my purse. I do my best in erasing the thoughts of Clay out of my mind and head out the door. I'm going to get my Christmas tree. I'm going Christmas shopping, and I'm going to go find them. The biggest gift of all, I'm letting go of him.
Devin
Logan and I walk and walk in no real sense of direction. The sun is soon to set, and I need to find somewhere warm for her to be. As we meander along, I take notice of all the people doing their Christmas shopping. I can't remember the last time I've done that especially since Logan was born. To be honest, seeing all of it makes me kind of jealous.
“Are we going to a shelter tonight?” Logan asks.
“I'm hoping so.”
Shelters in the area are slim to none for homelessness like mine. No one takes in a father and his daughter. It’s all men or all women, mainly battered women and their children that organizations cater to. And the unisex shelters are so far and few between, it’s nearly impossible to get to there in time, and I’m praying, if it counts for anything, that once we get there, a bed will be available. I'm down to my last dime. I've only got enough for a one-way ticket. After that, I'm all out. Still have yet to know how we're going to eat. Neither of us has eaten all day since leaving Faith's.
We wait a while for the bus to come, cold and shivering to no end. A woman sits down beside us and smiles.
“How are you two doing this fine evening? Keeping warm?” She asks. I'd love to tell her what's really going on.
“Trying to,” I say, instead.
“Ready for Christmas?”
I shrug and look out into the distance wishing not to give an answer, but that'd be pretty rude of me.
“Not really.”