Guide Me Home

by Ana Gibson

  “Faith this is just…I think one of the best Christmas' I've ever had.” I lean into her for a simple hug, whispering thank you. In the moment, her arms squeeze just a fraction tighter, and my breathing becomes slower. I melt into her embrace, closing my eyes momentarily. It holds all of the soothing qualities of an amazing woman. I can't help but relish in the peaceful energy that radiates through her. It's as if the arms that she locks me in speak of a language that she knows all too well—my language—and it's more comforting than I expected it to be. Please don't let me go.

  But within seconds, she unknowingly declines my request.

  “You are so welcome, Devin. Now we've got to figure out what to do with all that hair.”

  I run my fingers through it. It's a mess for real. And I know ain't no barbershops open. Even if they were, I don't have the money to get it cut.

  “You don't like my hair?” I joke with her. She snickers and looks at my head funny.

  “Don't even remember the last time I got it cut,” I say.

  “Let me help you with that.”

  “You? Cut my hair? Nah I'm good.”

  She rolls her eyes, and I chuckle. Right now feels so good. I haven't had this kind of laughter with another adult in a long time.

  “No. I'll just call my girlfriend over to fix you up real quick,” she says and gets up from the sofa. Suddenly her phone rings and she goes off into the kitchen to answer. I fiddle around with my gifts, opening my cellphone box and start to put things together while listening in.

  “Faith, Merry Christmas. How's everything going over there?”

  She finger-combs her hair to the back of her head and leans onto the counter, looking my way.

  “Everything is good actually.”

  “Good. How did Clayton do?”

  “Got rid of him.”

  “Hallelujah.”

  I laugh about it. Seems like I'm not the only one who doesn't like him.

  “You can say that again. I thought about everything you said.”

  “That's my girl.”

  “There's a dilemma though. I don't know how I'm going to tell my Mother. You know how she is.”

  “Yeah well, what's important is that you were sure about it and that you know in your heart you made the right decision. Don't worry about her. You've got to learn to be true to yourself. Remember what I told you.”

  “Yeah, I guess you're right.”

  I wonder what he told her?

  “You know I'm glad about it. Now maybe you can find the one you're supposed to be with. Could be sitting right under your nose and you don't even know it.”

  She giggles and then looks my way like she's trying to hide her conversation.

  “No, I'm just going to do me for a while. There are some things I need to get right first.”

  “I hear you. Well listen, I'm still having Christmas dinner with the family, and I still want you to come.”

  “Mama gonna be there?”

  “Well…yeah, she is.”

  “How Exciting.”

  “It won't be that bad, I promise.”

  “Unc, I know she's your sister and everything but let's get real, is anything ever not that bad with her?” Faith says. He even laughs about it.

  “You've got a point. But I'll see you soon anyway, right?”

  “I suppose you will,” she says. “I'll call when I'm on my way.”

  “Sounds good.”

  She hangs up and drags her hand down her face, heavily sighs and subtly shakes her head.

  “You cool?” I ask. She takes both her hands banding them around her hairline, pulling them back towards her hair. With her eyes closed, she answers, “Yes…no.”

  “You ain't looking too great over there. You wanna talk about it?”

  “I don't want to concern you about my issues.”

  “Well, I'm certain any story could be more interesting and entertaining than mine.”

  She reluctantly giggles.

  “It's just that my uncle wants us to come over for dinner.”

  “What's so bad about that?”

  “My mom is going to be there.”

  “Okay?”

  “I love my Mother, but she is a pain. And if she sees me walking in there with a guy who is not Clayton and has a child, she's going to start with the interrogations and I just don't feel like it today.”

  “But it's not like I'm your boyfriend or anything. I'm just a guy who you're helping. That's it.”

  “Yeahhh, that sounds even worse than it is.”

  “Oh, well I mean—“

  “You know what, I'm not going. They won't miss me.”

  “They might.”

  “No, they won't.”

  She scoots past me to take a seat at the table. Contemplations of worry reflect on her face.

  “Faith, Listen. I get it. This whole you helping a stranger out in this way isn't normal. I understand how it would look if you brought me with you, so we can stay here. It's not a big deal to me.”

  “No, no, no, it's just that, you know…I—“

  “Faith, I'm so serious. I really am okay with it. It's Christmas. Everyone should be feeling joyous. Or at least pretending like they are.”

  “What's that supposed to mean?”

  “Whatever you want it to mean.”

  “Were you throwing shade?” She kinda laughs. I don't even know what the hell that is.

  “What's that?”

  “Never mind. You know what, I'm sorry. All I was doing was thinking about me. You deserve to eat and be merry too. Besides, you may end up finding you a new boo. I'm sure one of my cousins will be ready to jump on you.”

  I shake my head, smiling.

  “Nah, no new boos for me right now, but I would love to feel what it's like to be around a loving family again. Haven't had that in a very long time.”

  Her smile slowly fades. I go back into the living room with Logan and help her with the rest of her presents. Today is starting off pretty good I must say.

  

  Faith

  His last statement gave me a reality check real quick. Can't just think about me today. So with time on my side, I take advantage of it, text Sareta to see if she can swing by and cut Devin's hair so he can be presentable. Hours later, she arrives and bangs on the front door yelling as I hurry to answer it.

  “Girl, open this door. It's freezing out here.” I move out of her way as she struggles inside of my house with her caboodle of barbering supplies.

  “Here, take this,” she says, giving me her suitcase. Looks like we're going to need Devin's help. I call him down.

  “I got it.” He takes the mobile chair from her. “Thank you,” she says, seemingly confused.

  “Come on, you can do it in the dining room.”

  Just as she gets herself settled, she takes a deep sigh and looks at both Devin and Me. She gives a confused, yet disgusted look on her face once she cut her eyes at him again.

  “This your friend?”

  “Yeah!”

  She cuts her eyes to me again. “What?”

  “Can I talk to you for a second?”

  “Excuse us, Devin.”

  He leaves out of the room, hopefully nowhere in earshot. Whatever she's about to say, I don't need him hearing it.

  “What is going on?” She asks.

  “What?”

  “Who is he?”

  “He's a friend, Sareta.”

  “Does Clay know about this friend?”

  “He sure does.”

  “And he's okay with him being here dressed like that?”

  I giggle. “Dressed like what?”

  “He's got grey sweatpants on, Faith. You know that’s like the male lingerie for women. Guys only wear grey sweatpants when they know they bout to smash or wanna show a part of their body below the waist if you know what I mean.”

  That is really hilarious.

  “You’re a fool, girl. It ain’t even going down like that. His daughter is here. We are st
rictly friends.”

  “And you sure Clay is okay with this?”

  “I never said he was okay with it. I just said he knows about it.”

  “So wayment, you got another dude in here and your dude ain't cool with it?”

  “That's right,” I say nonchalantly. I know it's getting under her skin. I'm only playing with her. Sorta.

  “See, now I'm confused. What's really going on here? Fill me in, please. Are you cheating on Clayton?”

  “No Sareta. If you must know, I kicked Clayton out.” I say. She snaps her neck back.

  “Kicked him out? What happened? I thought you two were doing good last time we saw you.”

  “Well you know, things change.”

  “Noooo, things don't change that quickly boo. Something has been going on.”

  “Sareta, look, Clayton and I was not a good match. I broke off the engagement and I kicked him out.”

  “But, for why though?”

  “Partly because of Devin.”

  “See I knew you were cheating on that man.”

  “No, actually, if you want to know the truth, I moved Devin and his daughter in here because he is going through a really tough time right now. You know me, if I can help somebody, then I will. She's a student of mine, and she's a great student at that. I can't just let that go by without me being able to help, so, yeah…”

  “But I mean, where is her mother? Like they don't have family to help them out? I just think it's a little weird to me that all of a sudden you and Clayton break up because this guy comes along.”

  That's probably what I get for hiding the truth of our relationship so well. I guess I shouldn't expect her to understand, but it'd be nice if she did.

  “Sareta, I said this is just one of the issues. Clay and I had problems long before Devin came along. We just weren't meshing. I didn't love him, and he doesn't love me. We just faked it for y'all.”

  “You had to have loved him to wanna marry him.”

  That ain't always true. Rich people marry all the time without love.

  “It was a superficial love. And quite frankly, I just got tired of it. He didn't respect me. He's selfish, he's arrogant, he's everything that I don't want in a man, and if I stayed any longer, I really would've lost my mind. I couldn't do it anymore. Not only that, but the way he carried Devin and Logan, that was the last straw for me. He violated them, which in turn violated me. So there you have it.”

  “I don't know if I'm all the way following but aight. Well, if that's what it really was, then I respect that. I want you to be happy, and if he wasn't doing that for you, then it's best to let him go.”

  I don't think she really means that though. Just the way she said it don't sit well in my spirit.

  “Thank you. Now, can you just cut my friend's hair and go on back home to your loving man?”

  She smirks and then rolls her eyes. She pulls out her clippers, scissors and all the other hair necessities and prepares the chair for Devin.

  “I guess. But I know you leaving out a whole bunch of details. I'm going to find out one way or another.”

  “Girl, bye. I promise when things finish blowing over, I'll tell you everything. Right now, I just want to enjoy Christmas and help him.”

  “Uh huh.”

  Well, I wasn't expecting that, but anyhow, I go upstairs to get Devin, tell him she's waiting.

  “Should I be afraid?” He asks.

  “Nah. She's okay.” I don't think he buys that though.

  “I don't know. She might cut me. She knows something is up,” he says getting up from his bed. I wave him off.

  “She ain't crazy. I already told her what the deal is. But if she starts asking you all sorts of crazy questions, just ignore her.”

  He shakes his head with a bit of a snicker beneath his breath.

  “We'll see how this goes.”

  I nudge him, giggling to myself. We will definitely see how this goes.

  CHAPTER 18

  DEVIN

  She waits for me behind the chair with a comb and scissors raised in her hands. Feels like I'm about to get the deepest cut of my life and it won't be my hair either.

  “Come on and sit, Devin.”

  Even though this don't feel right, I do as I'm told anyway.

  “So how you doin'?” She ties the barber strip around my neck, firm and cracks open the cape next.

  “I'm good. How about yourself?”

  Never mind my question. She goes straight to the hard hitters.

  “I'm cool. How long you been here with Faith?”

  “Not that long. A couple days maybe,” I tell her. She gently pushes my head forward and turns on her clippers. The subtle vibration tickles me as she places them against my head.

  “Mmmm hmmm. I see. That's your little girl out there?”

  “Yea.”

  “She's gorgeous.”

  “Thank you.”

  “You and the mom still together?”

  Now I know she's being super nosey and trying to intrude. But I'm used to the questions. I know people gonna wanna know.

  “Nah, we split some time ago.”

  “Oh. Faith was telling me she's in her class.”

  “Yep.”

  “So, I take it you've known her since when…the beginning of the school year?”

  “Something like that. We didn't really get truly acquainted until about a month ago. We just clicked,” I say, playing into her assumptions. I know she thinks Faith and me got a thing going on. It tickles me that she thinks she can intimidate me with her questions. I know her kind. What I'm trying to figure out though is how Faith ends up with people like this in her life—the kind of people that always got something to say or ask, thinking they know you.

  “Just clicked huh?”

  “Just like that.”

  I close my eyes as she continues to run the clippers over my head.

  “You know she was going to get married until she met you.”

  “Aye, I have nothing to do with that. Whatever went on between them was their business. All she was doing was helping out a friend. Nothing more.”

  “Mmmm hmmm.”

  “One thing I would never do is disrespect anyone's relationship. I wouldn't want them to do that to me. Their reason for breaking up had a lot more to do than just me coming along.”

  I don't know why I feel like I have to explain myself. Maybe because I feel like Faith needs someone to believe her. I don't care what they think about me. People always going to stick with their opinions, but for Faith, they should know her better than that. And what she's doing is all out of purity. It's honest and with good intent. I may not know all of her, but I do know so far that she's good enough to hold down in the face of others—best friends, mother's, whoever.

  “Okay, I hear you. Well whatever your situation is right now, I hope it gets better for you. Maybe this whole thing y'all got going on is good for her. I don't know. Who are me to judge?” She says, laughing. I laugh with her. Who are me to judge? That's different.

  “I just thought we were best friends and that she would've told me about all of this. I ain't want to find out about you this way.”

  “Well, she may have a good reason.”

  “Hmmm. Maybe.”

  Right now, I don't really care what she thinks, as long as she don't sit here and purposefully mess up my fade.

  

  “Alright, all done.” She shoves the hand mirror in front of me, her reflection behind mine. She's still got that crazy look on her face but who cares. All I know is that this fade looks hella good. I hadn't seen this face in a long while. Clean and groomed.

  “Yooo, this is nice. I love it.”

  Her smirk turns into a wide grin as she brushes my neck and cape.

  “You like that?”

  “Yeah, this looks real good,” I say still looking at myself. I don't want to put the mirror down.

  “You look good. Casket sharp.”

  Hold up, what she tryna say?
<
br />   “I'm going to try and do better.” I give her back the mirror and let her finish doing her thing. She unbuttons my cape and gives me one good swipe of the shoulders and lets me go.

  “Faith, I'm done,” she yells. Footsteps hurry down the stairs. She appears from around the corner.

  “Woooowww, look at you.” The excitement in her voice got me feeling all bashful and shit.

  “Don't he look good?” Sareta asks her. She nods, coming over to me to touch my head and caress my beard. Girl, you better keep your hands to yourself before something else goes down. You just don't know.

  “How much I owe you?”

  “Fifty!”

  Faith leaves the room, and it's just me and Sareta again. I look at her trying to contain my approval of my new appearance. As she begins packing up her things, she says to me, “Whatever is really going on, just know I'm waiting and watching.”

  People and their idle threats. This woman don't know me.

  “You're probably going to be waiting and watching for a long time then.”

  Hope it sounded as mean as I meant it. She rolls her eyes, tucking away the rest of her things. “Smart ass,” she mumbles. Good. I don't like when people think they can say whatever they want and not get a smart-ass reply back.

  Faith comes back into the dining room with money in her hand and gives it to her. That beautiful grin of hers creeps back up on her face again.

  “Wait till Uncle Vincent sees this.”

  “I'ma go and chill with Logan.” I leave out the room to let them have their girl time.

  

  “Hey.” Faith finally makes her way downstairs to us. I still don't know what it is about this girl, but she captures me every time. She stands in the entryway of the stairs and the kitchen, dressed in a mustard yellow sweater and a pair of off-white jeans. Her feet nestled within her camel-colored ankle boots and she got that good hair fixed up with mini swoops of edges decorating her hairline just as they reconnect to the thick, lustrous waves brushed into that signature bun she loves to wear. Just grabs every inch of my being. And those curves, my goodness, how I would love to put my hands around her waist. But instead, I keep control of myself and decide it best to just compliment her.