Out of the Blue Bouquet (Crossroads Collection)

by Amanda Tru

  I forget, though, Lord. Help me remember that yesterday’s prayers are just as important as today’s or tomorrow’s. Music filled Kelsey’s mind, drowning out Michelle’s words. A line… two.

  Lost in a prayer she couldn’t have vocalized if she tried—not without her guitar, she almost missed the squeeze of Reid’s hand as he was called to the front.

  “—is Reid Keller. Reid came to us as a brand-new Christ-follower. His desire to learn and serve humbled me. Outside The Prayer Room, he’s a driven, fun-loving guy. He’ll hold his own in any argument, and asks a million questions if he thinks you’re wrong.” Michelle winked at him. “Yeah, you thought I didn’t know that about you.”

  Reid shrugged. “My culinary arts teacher taught me to do that.”

  “But here… in this place…” She put an arm around his shoulder. “Reid becomes another man. He’s quiet, reserved. People come in to pray, and he comes to sit with them—listen if they’re praying aloud. He’ll pray for them if they ask, and if he thinks they want him to but don’t ask, he’ll offer. Just an amazing guy.”

  Embarrassed, Reid tried to brush it off. “And here I thought I was just a guy.” He glanced her way. “I think you should listen to her…” He gave a ruddy grin and added, “She makes me sound good.”

  The way the entire room laughed, Kelsey decided the town must have been gossiping about their date already.

  But before Kelsey could think up a retort worthy of his reply, Michelle continued. “But folks, you’ve got to hear this guy’s story. Too often we expect a ‘Prodigal’ type story when a young man comes to Jesus, but this guy… Well, I’ll let him tell it.”

  For months, she’d wanted to know more about Reid’s past—what had sent him to prison, how he’d found Jesus, how he’d become a chef—but the purpose of The Prayer Room was prayer rather than fellowship. Their few minutes chatting by her car each evening, interacting at other events, or texting on a weekend hadn’t been conducive to asking a rather personal question. Now she’d finally learn his story.

  Reid stood behind the mic, his eyes roaming the room in what appeared to be an unexpected case of stage fright. But at the sight of her, he smiled. A few chuckles rippled around the room, and he shrugged. “I defy anyone to look at her and not smile. Okay. I had a moment there. I got up here and tried to figure out how to talk about me and froze. But it’s not about me, is it?”

  Oh, man. If I weren’t half in love with him already, I would be now.

  “This is about Jesus and what He did in me. Here goes. So, I had a pretty typical American childhood. Little league, campouts in the backyard, and teenage angst.” A shake of the head—of his voice. Reid shrugged. “I made a lot of stupid choices in high school, but doing drugs wasn’t one of them. Got drunk a few times, but I didn’t like the way I felt afterwards. Just figured drugs would be ten times worse. But then I found out just how much a desperate kid would pay for the smallest bit of meth.”

  At those words, Kelsey froze. Don’t… no… no… no…

  “—started dealing in tenth grade. By halfway through my junior year, I was making more money each month than my mom was.” He tossed her a sheepish look and shrugged. “I was one of the few successful ones. I dropped out, convinced I’d have a drug empire before I hit thirty. I dreamed of mansions, a nice home for my mom, cars… the works. And I was on my way, too.”

  She couldn’t listen anymore. But despite ordering her feet to flee, Kelsey sat rooted to the chair, trapped by words she didn’t want to hear. Why? Just… why?

  “Six days after my twenty-first birthday, I found out the cops knew all about me. They waited until they had enough proof to nail the case and I went to prison. Five-year sentence.

  “Look, when you’re a scrawny kid who looks more like fifteen than twenty-one, prison is…” He gave Michelle an apologetic look. “Sorry, I don’t know what else to call it. It was my idea of hell. I didn’t think anything could be worse.”

  Well, it could. You could have been your customer. You could have been lying on a slab in a morgue. In her mind, she’d screamed the words. But Reid kept talking as if he hadn’t heard a thing. Why don’t you listen? You sold drugs to innocent kids! How could you do that?

  “—met a guy inside. He’d been there for a long time—repeat offender. He became kind of a mentor to me. Told me to get my GED. So, I did. He protected me when I would have become bate.”

  From the crowd, someone called, “What’s that?”

  “Recruited to a prison gang. It’s spelled b-a-t-e… like on probate for the gang.” A shudder—Kelsey watched one ripple over him. “Guys, look. I don’t know how to explain it, but inside, you don’t get to make that choice. And it was coming. But Harv—the guy I told you about. He protected me. It got me bumped into an anti-recidivism program. And as part of that program, we had to attend group sessions. We had choices, but I took the religious one because I figured if I said a few things about wanting God and to change, I’d get a pass.”

  No longer did Kelsey regret not eating more at dinner. By that point, she only wished she hadn’t eaten at all. Her stomach churned as two sides of herself began to war against each other. You’d forgive him if he’d murdered someone.

  No… that’s the problem. Drug dealers are murderers!

  Now you’re just being judgmental. Jesus died for those sins. He’s paid his debt to society, and the Lord paid his debt for sin. It’s done.

  Doesn’t mean I have to like it.

  So what? Now he’s not good enough for you?

  That thought snapped her out of the spiraling swirl of doom. Okay, Lord. Help me be honest with him, though. He needs to know it’s a problem I’ll struggle with.

  Reid’s voice broke through her thoughts. “Who knew my trying to cheat the system would change my life for the better?” He swept the room with a rueful look, and when his eyes met hers, he faltered. Confusion replaced the eager expression he’d worn.

  “Even Harv told me to watch out for those ‘religious nuts.’ He said once they ‘reeled me in’ that I’d never really be ‘one of them.’ They just wanted numbers and more money from their people.”

  A few murmurs of protest rippled around her. A couple of men growled, “Not true.” A woman wept. “I’d be the biggest outcast of them all, then, but no one ever makes me feel less-than.” She choked back the words when her eyes landed on Kate Whyte. “Almost no one, anyway. There’s always someone who feels they were born saved.”

  Reid nodded as they spoke. “Yeah. That’s what I tell him. See, I still write him. And so far, I can still say no one in the church has ever asked me for or made me feel pressured to give anything. It’ll happen someday—either out of need or because the church is full of messed up people like me. I mean, aren’t we all in some ways? That’s what my Bible says anyway. It’s what keeps me from feeling like I don’t belong when I meet people who have probably never deliberately broken a law in their lives.”

  He’s talking to you. Now how do you feel? Is he right? Do you judge him and feel better than him because your sins are all nice and neatly hidden where only the Lord knows about them or what?

  When the testimony ended, she didn’t know. Kelsey sat there, tears streaming down her face faster than she could mop up the mess. By the time Reid reached her and put an arm around her shoulder, she didn’t even know if she cried for repentance over her own hypocrisy or because a fresh wave of loss hit her at the incessant reminder that Reid had been one of those guys. He’d sold drugs to inexperienced, unsuspecting kids who just wanted to know what it was like. He could have killed people with them.

  Just like that creep who killed Kenny.

  With the doors of The Prayer Room locked, and a burger feast spread out on chairs between them, Reid waited for Kelsey to finish food he’d nearly had to force her to order. As he waited, he prayed. Don’t know what happened, but it’s not good. Michelle said once that everyone has some “unpardonable sin,” as if God blew it when He said He’d wash them
all away. Maybe drugs are hers. Protest welled up in him. But I never actually did drugs.

  Kelsey wiped her mouth, the burger only half-eaten, and sank back against the chair. “We have to talk.”

  A crass saying he hadn’t used since junior high tried to surface, but Reid stuffed it back down and simply said, “I figured.”

  A word—two—five? He couldn’t tell just how many she’d actually attempted to speak. One second she’d taken a deep breath and rattled off a few incoherent words and the next, tears poured again. She might hate him now for all he knew, but Reid couldn’t stand to see raw pain without at least attempting comfort—even if it did mean she pushed him away.

  But she didn’t. As he moved to the chair on the other side of her, Kelsey clung to him and sobbed. Between snorts, sniffles, and guttural wails that broke his heart, words emerged. “—Kenny.—little brother.—first time.—OD’d.—organ failure.”

  It’s all he needed to know drugs most definitely were the issue. “I’m so sorry.”

  “How could you do it?” She sat up, almost glaring at him through the still-watery eyes. Accusation etched every feature. “You gave drugs to kids like Kenny! How?”

  For the first time, the answer he’d always used to justify didn’t comfort him anymore. “They were going to get them somewhere. I figured, why not from me?”

  “And some jerk like you gave a kid, one who didn’t know how to even use the stuff right, over a hundred fifty milligrams of methamphetamine.”

  I’m a jerk now because I used… Something deep in his spirit ordered him not to become defensive. Then he heard the real pain behind her words. “How old was he?”

  “Sixteen.” Streaks of blackish brown smeared across her cheeks like war paint. “We still don’t know where he got the syringes—”

  “Wait, he injected a point and a half of meth? The first time?”

  Kelsey nodded, her eyes fixated on the floor in front of her or possibly her shoe. “He was a scrawny kid—short. Too much. And that stupid dealer knew it was his first time. He could have told him, but he didn’t.”

  The hims jumbled in Reid’s mind, but the meaning—clear. “Well, a smart dealer would have.”

  Her head shot up. “What? Like dealers care.”

  “A lot don’t. You’re right. But a smart dealer tells you to find someone who knows what they’re doing.” The incredulous look she shot at him prompted a reply before she could challenge him. “Kelsey, dealers want repeat customers. Frankly, they want people addicted. It’s good business. Dead customers don’t buy more.”

  But Kelsey shook her head. “That’s not what this guy said when I found him. He said there was always someone else to buy.”

  Stomach churning, Reid nodded. “He’s right. There is. But that doesn’t make it good business. I bet he used. Can’t believe he talked to you, though.”

  Her face flushed. “He didn’t know who I was—not until his trial. I found him, talked to him, made him think I wanted some, bought it—fifty bucks for that point whatever!” She must have seen his admiration because she ducked her head. “Then I took it to the police, gave it to them, and told them where I found him. I thought they could match the batch and prove it was him.”

  Even as she spoke, Reid shook his head. “How long after?”

  “Yeah. That was the problem. It was two months—new batch. Still, they got him with my testimony.”

  He’d never heard such venom from her—didn’t know she had it in her.

  The furnace kicked on. A metallic ting followed by a muffled bang somewhere below as metal expanded marked another round of silence between them. Reid rubbed her back, waiting. Kelsey wrung her hands together as she worked through emotions he couldn’t even imagine. A whispered question finally broke the muffled whoosh of hot air through the vents. “Did any of your customers die?”

  Denial rose up in him—defensive, adamant denial. But Reid chose frank honesty. “I don’t know. I never heard of anyone.” When she gazed at him as if to determine if he spoke truth or a lie, he added. “They didn’t even try to pin anything like that on me.”

  “Why didn’t he just tell Kenny how to use it? It’s basic protocol. You never give people any kind of drug without basic dosage—”

  Reid couldn’t help a smile. “Kelsey.” She glared at him. “No, really. Listen to yourself. You’re thinking like a nurse. That dealer wanted a buck. He only cared about that buck right then. Probably to justify using himself. He sounds like a real loser.”

  “You would have told him? You would—?”

  “I would have told him to have an experienced friend there.”

  Her shoulders slumped. “Kenny was a good kid. He didn’t have any experienced friends.”

  She’d hate his next response, but Reid chose to stick to truth. Just don’t let her hate me more than she does already. With that prayer shooting heavenward, Reid blurted it out. “Then I’d have introduced him to someone if I could. But if he insisted on buying without it, well…”

  “You’d have sold it to him.”

  He nodded. “I would have. At least he’d have good stuff from me. I didn’t sell bad ice. But he’d buy it from anyone if he was that determined, so I’d have sold it.”

  Jumping up from the chair, Kelsey ranted as she began pacing. “Why did he have to be so curious about everything? He’d be alive if he hadn’t gotten curious about what the big deal was.” Mid-stride, she whirled to face him and almost lost her balance. Reid jumped up to catch her and found himself gazing into her eyes, lost and aching in the pain he found there.

  “Would you today—if you had it? Would you sell it again?”

  “Never.” With his thumb, Reid wiped away a tear. “Yesterday, I would have said because it’s illegal. And that would have been enough for me now. Today…”

  She searched his face for some answer, inching a little closer with each second. Kelsey dropped her head to his chest and shuddered as she whispered, “And today…?”

  Reid cradled her face in both hands and waited until she found the strength, courage—he hoped love—to meet his gaze. “Today I couldn’t after seeing how much it hurts you. I guess I see why it’s illegal, finally.” He shook his head. “No… that’s not right. I knew why. Now I feel it.”

  Her hands slipped around his neck, and she would have kissed his cheek, but Reid chose to alter the target. Over six months of waiting. He’d never shown that kind of self-control. Worth every second of it, his heart shouted as Kesley rocked back on her heels before curling in a ball against his chest. Does life get any better?

  A muffled murmur dashed cold water against his overconfidence. “This is still going to be hard for me. My head says sin is sin. The hole Kenny left in my heart says there’s a special place in hell for drug dealers.”

  It might drive her from him again, but Reid found himself unable not to say the words burning in his heart. “Even those washed by the blood of Jesus?”

  The scent of wood smoke and cinnamon candy wrapped comforting, nostalgic arms around her as Kelsey burst into Uncle Mel’s living room, calling for him. The little man with his plaid flannel sleep pants and Rockland Warriors t-shirt appeared with a cup of hot chocolate—it couldn’t be anything else—sloshing over his feet. He yelped and asked, “What’s wrong?” at the same time.

  “Your feet!”

  But Uncle Mel had already begun to pull off his socks one-handed. “Never mind them. Nothing a little aloe can’t fix.”

  Kelsey attempted another protest, but the man had a bottle of aloe in hand and had led her to the couch before she could finish it. “I didn’t mean to startle you,” she ended with a lame attempt at an apology.”

  “Yes, yes. You are just the foulest thing ever to live and should be tortured for your crimes.” He winked as he squeezed another dollop of the greenish gel on his foot. “There, do you feel better?”

  “Do you?”

  Uncle Mel’s look. No parent on the planet had ever perfected it better than her
stand-in for a father and mother all rolled into one. They sat, staring at one another in a silent impasse. Kelsey capitulated first. “Reid… his prison record?”

  “Yes. You knew about that.”

  “Yeah. He went to prison for dealing drugs!”

  With feet propped on the coffee table and a twinkle in his eye, Uncle Mel nodded. “I know. Would you mind wiping up the chocolate and bringing me what’s left?”

  She’d made it as far as the paper towels before his words, “I know,” registered. “Wait! How did you know?”

  “I looked it up when you first mentioned it.” As she handed him his cup, Uncle Mel added, “Didn’t you ever think to do an internet search?”

  She hadn’t. Kelsey dropped into the chair she’d done her homework in, sat in with the letter from Rockland University welcoming her as the newest “Warrior,” wept in as the officers came to tell them about Kenny. “I guess I knew stuff like that was public record, but I never even thought…” She scowled at him as a second revelation dawned. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “I figured maybe the Lord kept you ignorant of that particular fact for a reason. Who was I to interfere?”

  “You’ve interfered in enough things over the years,” Kelsey snapped.

  “Kels…”

  “Why did it have to be drugs?”

  And at those words, Uncle Mel held out his arms and pulled her close as she leaped through the air separating them. “I have a theory about that…”

  “You and your theories.” But despite the asperity in her tone, Kelsey snuggled close and allowed the familiar warmth and comfort that only Uncle Mel could offer to work its wonders in her attitude. “What’s this one?”

  “I think the Lord allowed you to remain blind to the one area that you couldn’t be objective about until your heart was knit too closely with Reid’s to sever easily. In the beginning, you might not have given him a chance, but I know how much you care about him.”