Run To You: The Damaged Series - Book Four

by Shayne McClendon

  Vibrant green eyes held hers and Nina knew he had more information. “Join Rowan for a pamper day tomorrow afternoon. She doesn’t take nearly enough of them and if your rehearsals are taking so much from you, a massage will be just the thing. Say you will.”

  “I…” Nina hesitated but Rowan gave her an excited nod. “Alright.” Her friend clapped her hands silently.

  “Sit beside me because they’ll talk business and I’ve had ten hours of that today.” Rowan looped her hand through Nina’s arm and led her around the table.

  James pulled out Rowan’s chair.

  Owen pulled out Nina’s.

  As he stepped back, she could feel when James’ eyes landed on her but she wouldn’t look at him. She couldn’t.

  Rowan asked softly, “Are they making you starve yourself for this part? You’re already so slender, Nina.”

  “No, I-I didn’t feel well last week and dropped a few pounds.” She shrugged. “I’ll go for dense calories tonight.”

  “They have the most incredible cheesecake…”

  So began three hours of playing the role of a person who was calm, together, and normal. Owen flirted with her and she made an effort to flirt back.

  It was who she was.

  Who she’d always been.

  Close to midnight, the strain of her performance, her inability to eat, and the chill she couldn’t shake made her stand.

  Beside her, Owen stood as well.

  “I’m going to head home, Rowan. Let me know when you want to meet tomorrow.”

  Her friend stood. “I’ll pick you up.” Tilting her head, Rowan asked, “Nina...are you alright?”

  “Yes. Just tired.” Touching her temple, she added, “This is one play I never should have auditioned for.” She laughed softly. “A director I’ve never worked with makes us go through each scene again and again. Some of the dancers can barely stand at the end of the day.”

  “But...you’re the lead. That means you perform more through the whole show.” Nina nodded. “Then you’re even more exhausted.”

  “I’m okay. Ibuprofen, sleep, and I’ll be fine. Promise.”

  Rowan didn’t look convinced. “Maybe you should get two massages. You barely ate a thing. Nina...”

  “You worry too much.” She held her gaze intently and Rowan nodded.

  Owen extended his hand. “Allow me to see you home.”

  She took it and squeezed softly. “I appreciate that, Owen. It’s kind of you but...I need to lie down. I’ll take a cab.”

  “Absolutely not,” Bennett said from across the table. “Our driver will take you home. I must insist, Nina.”

  “Thank you for a lovely evening. I needed the break.” Leaning forward, she pressed her cheek to Rowan’s and murmured, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  Straightening, she walked rapidly for the exit and got in the Jefferson’s limo without looking back.

  At her building, she accepted assistance from the driver to the street. Swaying on her feet, she managed to get the outer door unlocked.

  In the lobby, she felt dizzy and strange. Holding the rail, she climbed the first flight of stairs with flashes in front of her eyes. She was half a dozen steps from the top when the world seemed to tilt crazily.

  Nina lost her footing, lost her hold on the railing, and tumbled backward down the stairs.

  Chapter Twelve

  Flashing lights, voices through a radio, and several unfamiliar voices were what greeted Nina when she opened her eyes.

  “Ma’am, can you hear us?”

  “Yes. I fell down the stairs.” She met the eyes of a fire rescue worker leaning over her.

  “Have you been drinking?”

  “No. I may be dehydrated. I got dizzy and my equilibrium gave out. I’ve been eating poorly.”

  “Do you have an eating disorder?”

  “Just stress that’s made my appetite non-existent recently. I’ll be fine. Can you help me up?”

  “We need to take you to the hospital, ma’am.”

  She shook her head. “No. I’m alright. A few bruises and nothing more. No broken bones or concussion…”

  “How do you know?” he asked with a frown.

  “I’ve had them before. Thank you for your help.” She met his eyes and said firmly, “Help me up.” He shared a look with his partner and they took her arms. When she was on her feet, she asked, “Who called you?”

  “Your downstairs neighbor heard you fall.”

  Glancing around, she met the eyes of the elderly woman who ran the bodega. “Thank you, Mrs. Cortena. I’m okay.”

  “You need to eat, Nina. Too thin. Too thin!”

  “I’ll do better.”

  “I’ll bring you a plate.”

  She smiled and looked at the firefighters. “Do you need to give me a breathalyzer or have me sign a statement refusing treatment?”

  Ten minutes later, the firetruck and ambulance were gone. Mrs. Cortena patted her arm and returned to her apartment. Nina stepped out of her heels and placed her hand on the rail.

  “I think not, sweetheart.” James lifted her into his arms and started up the stairs.

  He looked livid.

  At her apartment, he put her on her feet and she took the key from her bra. As she pushed it open, he lifted her again and carried her inside, kicking the door shut behind him.

  James set her on the couch and lowered to the coffee table in front of it. “You could have died, Nina.”

  “I didn’t.”

  He held her gaze for a long moment in silence. “Tell me what happened. Don’t lie to me, Nina.”

  “I miscarried a child I didn’t know I was carrying on my bathroom floor six weeks ago.” His breath caught. “My cycles have never been normal, my symptoms less so. I thought I’d pulled a muscle.”

  “The broken condom…?”

  At the shocked expression on his face, she released a bitter laugh. “I imagine you want to ask but won’t. Such a gentleman. There’s been no one else. No one else in almost seven months, James. I want to thank you for that. For removing the one outlet I had to remain sane.”

  “Nina…”

  “I am not a goddamn damsel in distress. Do you understand? I don’t need or want you to save me. I don’t want anything from anyone. I exist. I’m sorry it’s not to the fucking level of happiness that you think I need but that is what I do. I exist. I wake up, I count the minutes, I go to sleep. You are a complication I did not need.”

  “Fuck.” Reaching out, he took her hand. “You’re grieving.”

  Unable to control her shaking, she resented him for so many things that weren’t his fault. “Someone like me should never be a mother. I’d create a monster just like me.”

  “No, Nina. No.”

  She closed her eyes. “I’m tired. I’m sore. I need to sleep.”

  James stood and pulled her to her feet. Guiding her to her closet, he took down her hair and unzipped her dress. Hanging it up, he removed a soft t-shirt and dropped it over her head.

  “You’re going to bruise from head to toe, Nina. I wish you’d let them take you to the hospital…”

  “Unnecessary and I don’t bruise.”

  Exhaling roughly, he said, “Brush your teeth and whatever else you need to do. I’ll set up your bed for you.”

  She walked into the bathroom and removed her bra, brushed out her hair, brushed her teeth, and shook two ibuprofen into her palm.

  Glancing at the bottle of powerful pain medication in the medicine cabinet - received the night she took a cab to the hospital after she started bleeding and didn’t understand what was happening - she considered taking the entire fucking thing.

  Staring into her own eyes, she growled softly, “You will not quit, you weak bitch. You will not.”

  In the main room, she took a glass of water from James and swallowed the pills.

  He tucked her into her bed and her eyes widened when he stripped to his boxers and climbed in beside her. Sealing himself to her back, he wrapped her
in his arms.

  “Rest, Nina. I’ll hold you.”

  They laid like that without speaking for a long time but she knew he wouldn’t sleep. She held in the pain for as long as she could and when silent tears fell to his skin under her cheek, his hold tightened around her.

  She didn’t know what she needed until James gave it to her without conditions, without preaching at her about everything she did that caused her to lose her child.

  Something she’d done to herself many times over the previous weeks.

  He didn’t talk. He didn’t grope her. He simply held her while she cried tears that felt as if they’d never stop.

  Sore from her fall, exhausted, and hurting inside and out over a child she hadn’t known existed until she lost it - but grieved nonetheless - Nina cried herself to sleep.

  Early morning light filled the small space when she opened her eyes and James breathed deeply against her hair.

  Rolling over to face him, he blinked sleepily. One side of his mouth lifted in a smile. “The most beautiful sight I’ve ever woken to. Thank you.”

  “James…”

  “Nina, I want you to wrap up your life here. Live in one of the cottages on the estate and get your feet under you. Breathe, heal, and take what you need when you need it from me. Will you consider that?”

  “No.”

  “I hoped, but knew you wouldn’t.” He smoothed her hair away from her face. “Things are going to change a lot, Nina. The next six months will be packed but I’d like you to clear your schedule toward the end of the year. Not for me.”

  She frowned. “Bennett…?”

  “Is worsening. I’m going to need you close to help Rowan.”

  “You can’t tell me more?” He shook his head. “Alright. After the summer schedule, I won’t take any other projects. The current play will be done, I-I have a couple of commercials, a photoshoot in Canada, all things I can move or cancel if needed.”

  “Thank you.”

  Maintaining eye contact, she whispered, “I can’t fuck you, James. I mean that literally. I hurt in-inside. I had to have a procedure to-to…”

  “Ssh. It’s okay. I understand.” He kissed her forehead, her cheeks, then her lips with a delicate touch. “While fucking you is hands-down my favorite thing to do on the entire planet, I happen to find everything about you interesting. Tell me what you’ve been up to since I saw you last.”

  They laid on her sofa bed, the rising sun making their similar features glow, and talked. She’d never done such a thing with a male but...it was nice.

  When she needed to use the restroom, she came back to find he’d made coffee and gotten dressed.

  “Running downstairs. I’ll be back in five.”

  He returned with orange juice, pastry, fruit, and the sausage rolls Mrs. Cortena made fresh every morning.

  “First things first, you need to eat, Nina.”

  He made her a plate and she did.

  After he cleaned up, he shrugged into his jacket and hugged her tightly. “I need to get back to Bennett. Mary-Margaret and I are the only ones who know how serious things have gotten. He’s keeping everyone in the dark.” Leaning back, he cupped her face. “I’m sorry about the baby, Nina. I would have loved to have a child with you but it wasn’t anything you did. You’d make a wonderful mother...maybe we can talk about that sometime.”

  James made gentle love to her mouth and left.

  Walking to the window, she watched as he exited her building and got into the passenger seat of a waiting car.

  She loved him.

  It slipped into her mind, shook her to her core, and filled her with instant, debilitating terror…

  But she loved him anyway.

  Chapter Thirteen

  2003 - Age 26

  A few months later, the hated play closed and Nina patently refused to go to the wrap party.

  Isaiah took her aside and asked, “Are you alright?”

  “I’m fine. I won’t hang out with that asshole or her asshole husband or any of her asshole friends a moment longer than I have to. I did my job. I didn’t complain. Now that job is done and I’ll never work with her again.”

  “I’ve been acting as the go-between with the rest of the cast for months since no one would deal with her directly. Why didn’t you tell me, Nina?”

  She shrugged. “It was too late. I don’t start something I don’t intend to finish.”

  “You were spectacular as the lead. Truly brilliant work. The way you’ve handled this circus was a real show of leadership.”

  Grinning, she told him, “You’re biased. Listen, I was going to audition for the next production but I need to take some time off…”

  “What’s happening? Try being honest.”

  “Such a stickler for the rules. My friend - Rowan, remember?” He nodded. “Her husband is sick. Really sick.”

  “What? Bennett…?”

  “I know he’s in your uber-wealthy circle but you can’t say anything to anyone, Isaiah. That’s why I’m taking time off. I was going to work through the summer season but I-I want to help her if I can.”

  “Do you need money?”

  She laughed. “No. I save all my pennies. The woman who ran the home where I grew up always said to be grateful for money if you got it but pretend you were ten minutes from losing every dime. Keeps you focused on what matters.”

  “Smart woman.”

  “Yeah.” Nina stared at the floor. “I think...I might be done for a while, Isaiah. Acting, singing, dancing...I’m tired.”

  He pulled her into a hug. “You’ve been different the last year. Less risky behavior but a lot more sadness.” She nodded against him. “Is there anything I can do, Nina? Any way I can help?”

  Against his chest, she murmured, “No. Keep being my friend despite my bullshit. That’s it.”

  “Done.” He kissed the top of her head and let her go. “I’m going to miss you around here.”

  Swallowing hard, she stared at the floor. “This was a home to me when I needed it most. Thank you for that, Isaiah.” Lifting her gaze, she smiled. “Stop cycling through starlets and find a nice woman to help you build your legacy.”

  He winked. “Wanna audition for the part?”

  “Absolutely not. I’m not built for the home and hearth shit I know you’re secretly looking for. Wealthy playboy on the outside and gooey sentimentality on the inside.”

  “Busted.” He sighed. “I’ll keep an eye out for the perfect candidate. I’m not holding my breath.”

  “Oh, she’s out there. You’re the perfect package. Miss Jeffries would say have faith...I’m going to tell you to be more selective with who you date.” Blowing him a kiss, she turned to go and added over her shoulder, “Look for the one different from all the rest. You need normal, Isaiah.”

  “Be careful out there, Nina.”

  “I’m a badass. Don’t worry.”

  She packed up her dressing room. There was surprisingly little considering it had been her personal space for six years. All of it fit in her dance bag.

  Slinging it over her shoulder, she took one more look and turned off the light. She was friendly with the rest of the cast and crew but none of them could be considered friends.

  Isaiah and his younger brother were the only exceptions.

  Ezra took her hand as she entered the backstage area. He was the more serious of the Zelder siblings. “Hey. Isaiah said you’re leaving…”

  “I’m not going to another planet, drama queen.” She grinned at him. “Just taking some time off.” She pressed her cheek to his. “Keep an eye on your brother. You know he’s gentler than he lets on.”

  “Of course. Do you need anything?”

  “One of Teddy’s brownies and a cup of that coffee she makes that I’m pretty sure has crack in it. Other than that, I’m good.” She squeezed his arm. “Thank you for everything, Ezra. You guys made my life considerably less shitty.”

  With a quick stop at the catering station, Nina made sma
ll talk with the adorable woman who made sure the divas and crew ate like humans.

  Over the years, Nina had been careful not to expose the far more innocent woman to the way she lived her life.

  The petite chef pressed a wrapped packet of brownies on her and laughed as Nina took one to eat right away. She handed her a cup of coffee and said, “Extra light and sweet.”

  “You’re a rock star, Teddy. See ya.”

  Waving, she left the building and decided to walk to her apartment. It was several miles and God knew she didn’t need the exercise but…

  She needed the air.

  A few blocks from the theater, a black car pulled to the curb and Nina eased the knife she always carried from the outer pocket of her bag.

  Her mouth fell open when James stepped from the back. He inclined his head at her hand.

  “Nina. Why are you holding a knife?”

  Folding it, she put it back in the pocket and shrugged. “The streets of New York can get dicey sometimes.”

  Taking her dance bag off her shoulder, he tilted up her face and kissed her lips. Pulling back, he murmured, “It’s always so fascinating.”

  “What?”

  “The things you choose to lie to me about.” She didn’t answer and he whispered, “Happy birthday, Nina.”

  Eyes wide, she replied, “Thank you.”

  “How do you feel?”

  She frowned. “What do you mean?”

  “Physically. How do you feel?”

  “It’s been months…”

  “Answer the question, Nina.”

  “I-I feel fine. Back to my normal...such as it is.”

  “Excellent. The hotel has outstanding room service. Will you come with me?” She nodded. “Thank Christ. My need to fuck you is making it hard to form words.”

  He hustled her into the back of the car and they were silent as they drove across town to one of the newly renovated hotels.

  Pulling her behind him, he strode inside and into the elevator. They made the trip in silence. Only when the suite door was closed behind them did he slam her against the wall and kiss her breathless.

  Needy, wanting, she managed to ask, “How are you here?”