Prairie Fire

by Djuna Shellam

  “Yeah, she’s somethin’, that one. Funny, gregarious as all git out, and quite the little flirt, too, I might add.” Dot laughed. “I would have never taken that little red-haired pistol for the legendary Super Woman, but damned if she isn’t. I mean, look at you—I mean, you’re walking!” Dot beamed with pride. “And they said you never would. Well, you and Prairie are showin’ them, aren’t you?”

  Em looked at her plate, filled with mixed emotions. For a long time she didn’t believe she’d ever walk again—almost willing it upon herself that she wouldn’t—and she couldn’t tell Dot that. And now, with Dot so proud of her, Em was more afraid than ever of letting her down. “I’m… I wouldn’t have… um… gotten this far… if it weren’t for you, Dot. You and Prairie.” She paused, trying her best not to get emotional again. “But sometimes, I feel… I feel so… ashamed, because…”

  Dot interrupted her, “Shush. I know what you’re thinkin’, and you’ve got to stop and remember where you were mentally, Em. Golldarn, don’t be so hard on yourself, gal. It’s not easy what you’re goin’ through. Looky here.” Dot waited a beat for Em to look at her, then continued.

  “I’ve already given you this speech, but it seems you need to hear it again. Em, you had a life-altering injury. That isn’t easy to get through. You know I’ve seen grown men beaten by less than what you’re dealin’ with. It’ll get easier, and it has already, but it may always be hard in some way or t’other. You just keep a’workin’, stop beating the crap out of yourself all the dadgum time, and one day you’re gonna look back and you won’t believe just how far you’ve come. It’s a promise.” Dot looked at Em with sincerity.

  Em nodded. She had come a long way since the accident. No, she wasn’t walking on her own, but she was able to get around mostly with her walker, except around the hospital or on extended excursions, and she could get dressed and use the bathroom without help. She still needed help showering, but every day seemed to get easier, even if the improvement seemed minute. Yes, Dot was right. Of course. Dot was always right. Em looked at the woman sitting across the table with appreciation, and still couldn’t believe they’d become friends.

  “Um, I… Ivey’s nice,” Em said, hoping for a diversion before she started to bawl again. “She’s so sweet and… pretty,” she added shyly, still fighting back the tears.

  Dot smiled knowingly, willing to let Em change the subject if she needed to in order to keep her emotions in check, especially since the subject was Ivey. “She is, indeed.” Of course she agreed—Ivey was the love of her life.

  ~/~/~/~/~

  Dot weighed when she should share with Em who exactly Ivey was to her. She’d been mulling it over ever since she and Ivey planned a vacation together to visit California. She studied Em’s face long and hard. Was it the right time? Would their secret, Dot’s and Ivey’s, be safe? Dot smiled. Yes, of course she could trust Em.

  “Actually, Ivey… and I… we’re…” Dot stammered, then took a deep breath. It was hard being open after being in the closet for so many years.

  “You’re together.” Em stated, almost surprised to realize it, immediately understanding, as she watched Dot struggle, what she liked so much about Ivey. It was how Dot was with Ivey—softer, sweet, in love. Em smiled, immediately filled with happiness.

  Startled for a brief moment, Dot laughed. “You…” Dot clicked her tongue. “Yes. We are together. We’ve known each other for some time now. And we… dated a few years ago. We were, for all intents and purposes, a couple, deeply in love. But… I just couldn’t handle the stress of worrying about getting caught. It was eatin’ me up inside, so… regretfully, I ended things when I rotated to Goodfellow.”

  “Oh. I’m sorry.” Em could see how it upset Dot.

  “Yeah, me, too. I regretted it every minute we were apart, and we were apart for too long. We stayed friends, kept in touch, but after your… you and Alice,” Dot paused and breathed in, holding her breath for a moment. “What happened to you gals really affected me, and made me reevaluate what’s important. Took me back to her and that boy of hers. And for that, I’ll be grateful to you and Alice for the rest of my life. Kills me how you all had to suffer so that I could pull my head outta my own…” Dot shook her head. “Well, anyway, I’m incredibly appreciative of the price you paid so I could be happy.”

  Em was a little shocked that her own tragedy had affected Dot so deeply that it would move her to change her entire life. She couldn’t believe that the witch hunt on base that caused Alice to freak out, and her to try and drink her sorrows away, resulting in tragedy, might have actually had a positive impact in the end. It was almost too much to comprehend.

  Em shook her head a little to clear it of the memories threatening to overwhelm her. “How did you meet?” Em asked, eager to change her focus, but also genuinely interested.

  “I was… her instructor. Well, that’s not entirely accurate. I was a guest lecturer when she was going through Officer Training.” Dot smiled to herself. “There was an immediate spark, and lots of dry, dry, tinder between us.” She laughed. “And, the rest, as they say, was bonfire history.”

  Em smiled but didn’t say anything. She wanted to ask Dot so many more questions, but that just wasn’t her way. She couldn’t believe she even asked Dot how she and Ivey had met. Em felt it was more polite to let people tell their stories in their own time.

  “Anyway…” Dot sighed thinking about the lost years with Ivey. “So, I’m taking an assignment in D.C. for a year—it’s a bit of a promotion—to get me to my twenty and my pension, and then…”

  “Promotion?” Em interrupted. “Does that mean what I think it means?”

  Dot flashed a big smile at Em. “Nah. Just a title. I got a long ways to go before they’ll give me my star. And I’m not gonna stick around to wait for it.” Dot heaved a great sigh of joy mixed with relief.

  “Oh.” Em’s disappointment was evident.

  “I know. Sometimes I can hardly believe it, but y’know what? I gave up a lot already for Uncle Sam. It’s not worth giving up more just for that dad-blasted star, and having people call me General. I’ve done really well—full bird and a command by thirty-eight. Not too shabby, and not just for being a woman. Not sure it was worth it in the end, what I gave up in trade, but I’m gonna take that assignment for a year, and not a minute more. I’ll have my twenty and retire with a nice pension. Ivey will resign her commission to coincide with my retirement. After that, well, the three of us will figure out where we’ll live. With my pension, and some inheritance I squirreled away from when my folks passed, we’ll be set.” Dot’s gaze was momentarily someplace in the future.

  “Well, anyway,” she said, coming back to the present. “We think maybe California, which is partly the reason for our trip out here, but who knows at this stage of the game. Could be Tennessee… Texas… though right now, I doubt it. They’re both kinda stiflin’ if you get what I mean.” Dot waved her hand in the direction of the Promenade. “Sittin’ out here in the dead of winter, having lunch outside?” Dot laughed heartily. “California’s gettin’ my vote!”

  “The three…” Em said, thinking about what Dot had said earlier, she was momentarily confused, and then remembered. “Oh, right, Ivey’s little boy.”

  “Yeah,” Dot immediately beamed, “Wave. Waverly Paul. He’s a little guy, not quite four, and the greatest kid—ah, I just love that boy like crazy. A ready-made family.” Dot chuckled. “Ivey and I just have to keep a low profile and make it through another year. And then…”

  “You can be happy,” Em finished Dot’s sentence, knowing exactly what she meant.

  “We’re already happy. Free is more like it.” Dot shook her head and smiled at Em. “So there it is. My last big secret. Well, at least my second to last big secret.”

  Em looked at Dot, confused.

  “Dadgummit… I may as well tell you now,” Dot said, somewhat embarrassed. “Y’all probably already figured it out, but…”

  “What is
it?”

  “Well… I’m kinda robbin’ the cradle,” Dot confessed sheepishly. “I got ten years on Ivey. She’s always said it’s no big deal to her, but… I don’t wanna up and die on her and leave her alone in her old age.”

  “Oh, Dot…”

  “Well, it’s probably what’s gonna happen.” Dot shrugged.

  “That’s crazy. You’re healthy, you sure don’t look… older than Ivey, and I don’t mean she looks old. You’re just…” Em had never seen Dot so vulnerable before. It was a new and endearing trait. “Gosh… I think you’re great together. You’re… fine. It’s really not that big of a deal. Not to me. And don’t worry—your secrets are safe with me, Dot,” Em solemnly vowed.

  Dot sighed. “Aw, I know they are,” she winked at Em, enjoying getting to know her better. Dot was still uncomfortable about the age difference between her and Ivey, but for some odd reason, Em’s reassurance felt comforting to her.

  “Retirement. Wow.”

  “That’s what I say. At least I’ll still have my good looks,” Dot cackled and took a sip of her coffee. “Not everyone can say that when they retire.” Dot laughed. “And what about you?” she asked, still obviously tickled about her good looks comment.

  Em cocked her head. “Me?” she asked, puzzled.

  “Yes, you. Don’t act all innocent with me, youngun’,” Dot teased. “I couldn’t help but notice there seemed to be a teensy weensy spark between you and Prairie last night. Did I smell a little tinder smoldering? Hmmm…?”

  Em blushed, shaking her head. “No…” she insisted weakly.

  “Ooooh, aha!” Dot snickered, tickled by the prospect. “I’m right!”

  Em felt guilty about Alice and even the idea she might have feelings for someone else so soon. The guilt written all over her face was unmistakable.

  “Oh no no no, no you don’t. Don’t you do that to yourself, Em. You’re human. Prairie’s a real nice little gal. And cute as hell if I don’t mind sayin’ so myself. And, a person’d have to be blind and stupid not to see she has feelings for you that go way beyond her job and friendship. I’m not sayin’ you’re stupid, ugh, you know what I mean. I mean, those big baby blues were pinin’ for you all night long. You know what I’m talkin’ about, right?” Dot asked, but Em’s face said otherwise.

  “I’m right,” Dot said with authority. “If I weren’t already spoken for, I tell you what, I’d want a little bit of that spit-fire wantin’ all over me.”

  “Dot…” Em protested, embarrassed, and a little surprised. She’d never seen Dot so open about her sexuality. “Anyway, I don’t think Prairie likes me. Not in that way. I do like her… a lot, but even if she… Um… I’m… not ready for… I…” Em struggled with expressing her feelings because she truly did not know how she felt about Prairie. She was conflicted with her feelings for Prairie and her loyalty to Alice.

  “I know. I know. It isn’t easy. Look, just go with the flow, kiddo, and for Pete’s sake, don’t shut yourself down. Life goes on, gal. You lost Alice—God rest her soul—but that doesn’t make you dead. You’ll know when it’s right to move on. You’ll know. You gotta trust yourself, Em.”

  “You ladies need anything else?” asked their tanned, teenage waiter with the tousled, sun-bleached blond hair. As he expertly filled their water glasses, he asked “Can I interest you ladies in our dessert menu?”

  Dot looked to Em who shook her head no. “No, son,” Dot replied with a smile. “Check’ll be fine. Thank you.”

  “Yes ma’am. May I take your plates?”

  “Be my guest,” Dot answered, smiling as she moved back slightly in her chair to give the waiter room.

  Em nodded as the waiter scooped up their plates. “I’ll be right back with your check,” he said, then hurried off.

  “That’s a nice young man. Could use a haircut though,” Dot said matter-of-factly as she quickly and expertly applied lipstick, the only makeup she ever wore.

  She contemplated sharing with Em that she and Ivey would be visiting with Eve, Alice’s sister, later in the week, but ruled against it. No sense in dredging up the past when Em was moving into the future.

  “What say we go see what Ivey’s up to?” Dot asked as she placed her lipstick in her purse. “She’s havin’ lunch with Wave and the nanny. They ought to be done by now.”

  “Sure. Okay,” Em replied.

  “You up to a little sight-seein’ with us this afternoon?” Dot inquired. “We were thinkin’ about Hollywood Boulevard and Grauman’s Chinese Theater. None of us have ever been.”

  “They don’t call it that anymore—I think it’s Mann’s now,” Em answered.

  “Oh. Huh.” Dot shrugged. “Well… hell’s bells, they can change it to whatever they want. It’ll always be Grauman’s to me.” She giggled. “Remember that I Love Lucy episode with John Wayne and the sidewalk? You know the one I’m talkin’ about… I always loved that one.”

  Em shook her head no.

  “Tsk tsk. Don’t you watch reruns? It’s only been on a million times since you were born,” Dot ribbed Em.

  Em rolled her eyes playfully.

  The waiter appeared again and laid a long rectangular navy blue vinyl folder on the table. “When you’re ready, ma’am.”

  “Thank ye,” Dot said and proceeded to open her purse. Em reached into her pocket.

  “Oh no ya don’t,” Dot warned with a smile. “This one’s on me. Call it your birthday lunch if you need to—and don’t give me any lip, either.”

  “Thank you, Dot,” Em said, resigned. She knew better than to try and argue with Dot.

  “So whaddya say? Wanna see the sights with your old pal and her girlfriend?” Dot grinned to herself—it sounded good out loud.

  “Well, I…” Em was worried it would be too much for her. The last thing she ever wanted to be was a burden.

  Never missing a thing, reading Em’s body language, Dot added, “Hey now, if you get too tired, don’t forget, I’ll be pleased as punch to push you around. We got your chair in the trunk just in case.” She laughed. “Anyway, you know it’s my specialty. Pushin’ people around. And you know I’m good at it, too. I am still a Commander, y’know.”

  They both laughed, knowing all too well how right she was.

  “C’mon, kid,” Dot pushed her chair back and stood up. “Let’s blow this pop stand. Need to hit the latrine first?”

  Somewhat chagrined, Em reluctantly nodded her head.

  “Me, too.” Dot laughed as she helped Em with her walker. Waiting for Em to stand up, Dot closed her eyes and drew in a deep breath, letting the overwhelming feeling of California freedom wash over her. Someday, she thought.

  SEVENTEEN

  Crossing Lines

  17.1—Hooky

  “Let’s play hooky today. Whaddya say, Em?” Prairie helped Em sit down on the edge of her bed. She had already taken the day off, but hadn’t yet told Em. “I think we should take a nice long drive and be bad, bad girls,” she proposed as she knelt down to the floor to tie Em’s shoes.

  “Really? Where would we go?”

  “Well… the world is our oyster!” Prairie laughed. “Okay, maybe not, but I don’t know. I borrowed Gwen’s Prelude for the day so we can easily take your chair in case you get tired.” Prairie’s brand new RX7 just wasn’t made for carting a full-sized wheelchair around. “We could go to Venice Beach, Big Bear, Santa Barbara, San Diego, Palm Springs, Idyllwild… wherever you want. Seriously.”

  ~/~/~/~/~

  They drove north on Pacific Coast Highway in search of a classic beach restaurant for lunch. The late winter weather was perfect for playing hooky—sunshine, clear, mid 70s, a slight breeze. Traffic was light for mid-week. They were invigorated, each for their own reasons, getting away from the hospital and the city, even if just for one day. Prairie turned to Em who was completely immersed in the adventure, with the window rolled all the way down, letting the wind blow her black curly hair every which way. Prairie’s heart skipped a beat or two, reminding
her how much trouble she was in.

  “Isn’t this great?” Prairie asked, smiling broadly, her voice raised just slightly to cut through the sound of the wind and the radio playing in the background.

  Em nodded blissfully, as she breathed in deeply. It was wonderful. It was the best she’d felt for a long time. Her gratitude to Prairie for planning this day could not be measured.

  “Oh man, I love this song!” Prairie exclaimed, turning the stereo up loud, blasting The Knack’s My Sharona. She began to sing along with enthusiasm. “Mamamamama my Sharona!”

  Em smiled and tried to join in, though her singing was timid and unsure.

  By the time they came upon a small, nondescript, fish shack on the beach, Em had broken out of her shell and joined Prairie singing along with the cranked up radio.

  “How about here?” Prairie asked loudly, slowing down as she prepared to turn into the driveway. “Look good?”

  17.2—Sand, Salt and Surf

  “I wish I could just go out there and play in the waves. I miss that,” Em pined.

  They were sitting in Gwen’s Prelude, parked on a bluff overlooking the Pacific Ocean. The sun was in the process of setting over the horizon. Not thinking it through, Prairie’s original plan for them to sit on a blanket on the beach to watch the sunset, which had the romantic element she had hoped for, had proved too painful for Em. A short drive back down the coast was necessary in order to find the perfect spot to view the sunset from the car.

  “Patience, Grasshoppa,” Prairie replied with a terrible imitation of David Carradine’s Kung Fu character, Kwai Chang Caine.

  Em looked at Prairie, puzzled.

  “Didn’t you ever watch Kung Fu growing up?” Prairie asked incredulously.