Unlikely Hero

by Marie , Jordan

“You have?”

  “If I get kisses like that, you can call me Mouse any day of the week and twice on Sundays,” she says, her voice completely serious, but tinged with a sweetness, a wonder in it that I laugh without thinking.

  I feel joy… despite the blackness inside of me.

  Chapter 9

  Jessie

  “Jessie.” Allen’s voice wakes me up.

  My eyes open slowly and I look around. I’m on my sofa, lying against Allen’s side. His arms are around me and my head is on his chest. I close my eyes again and drink in the pleasure of being here—like this—with Allen. It’s been a perfect night. Well, it has been since he decided to stay. We talked, we held hands, ate pizza and watched a marathon of Bruce Willis movies.

  “Hi,” I whisper, opening my eyes once again, but more slowly this time.

  “Sleepyhead.” He smiles as his finger drags across my cheek. “I take it you’re not a Sixth Sense fan?”

  He’s right… I’m not. I saw the outcome of that movie a mile off, the first time I watched it. But I’m a very big fan of Allen. This might be the single best night of my life and he has barely kissed me.

  “I liked the Die Hard ones.” I grin. His finger slides back and forth, closer and closer to my mouth. When I smile his thumb rests on my lip. It brushes against the small opening where my lips meet. On instinct I open, letting the thumb push deeper in.

  “You’re a dangerous woman, Jessie Hart,” Allen murmurs, his dark eyes staring at me so intently they shine, reminding me of liquid—hot, molten liquid.

  I find myself licking the tip of his thumb. I don’t do it intentionally; I just can’t stop myself. I watch Allen’s face tighten, and he takes a breath that travels through him so noticeably I’m hypnotized at the way his chest moves. I bring my gaze back to his face and I can read the desire there.

  Desire for me.

  “Dangerous?” I ask, every nerve ending in my body feeling as if it is on fire.

  “Very dangerous,” he responds. His thumb pushes deeper and I bite on the tip, my eyes never leaving his. “Dangerous to my peace of mind,” he says and then his thumb is gone and his hands latch onto my upper arms and he pulls me against his body.

  “Allen,” I gasp, just as his lips crash down on mine.

  It’s an intense kiss that takes my breath away. He takes control of my mouth, devouring me. Our tongues tangle as if they’re warring with each other. His hand moves to my neck and he holds me in place, leaving me unable to pull away even if I wanted to—which I don’t.

  It’s a kiss like I’ve never experienced. It steals my breath and my ability to do anything other than to submit to his demands. I do that willingly. Without realizing it, my hands go to his back, my nails digging in, and he groans into my mouth. I swallow it down, matching it with my own. His fingers move down to the curve of my breast. I feel him squeeze it, his fingers brushing against my nipple. I whimper because it feels so good, but I wish I could feel it without my shirt and bra in the way.

  Allen pulls away and I cry out in disappointment. I open my eyes, dragging air into my lungs. His hand tightens almost painfully on my breast.

  “You’re so dangerous,” he groans.

  “I wouldn’t hurt you, Allen,” I tell him because something in his eyes compels me to assure him of that.

  “You could hurt me more than anyone ever has, and that’s admitting to more than you could ever guess, Jessie.”

  “Allen—”

  “I better get home.”

  “What if I asked you to stay?”

  “I want to,” he answers, and joy begins to spread through me—right before he ends it. “But I won’t.”

  “Allen—”

  “Not tonight, sweetheart. But I’ll be back tomorrow.”

  “I don’t want you to go,” I tell him, completely honest.

  “And I don’t want to, but I’m going to.”

  “I—”

  “There’s things you don’t know, Jessie.”

  “So tell me,” I urge him.

  “If this keeps going in the direction it is, I will, Mouse. I promise,” he says, his fingers combing through my hair.

  “I really like you, Allen.” My words make his lips twitch so that he almost smiles. I want him to smile and suddenly I need him to… because I can see sadness in his eyes. I want that sadness gone. “I like you so much, I don’t even mind your calling me a rodent.”

  That does it. He does smile and this one helps to lift the sadness from his gaze and for tonight that feels like a victory. With Allen, I’m beginning to realize being with him might be a war… which means victories—no matter how small—are a good thing.

  Chapter 10

  Allen

  “You’ve found her, haven’t you?”

  I look up at Roman as he walks toward me. We’re at the pool beside the luxury resort that we’re staying in. Ana and little Roman are playing in the kiddie pool. My eyes haven’t left them.

  That’s not unusual. My job is to watch my sister and nephew constantly, to make sure they’re always safe. I’m grateful that Roman has developed enough trust in me to give me this job. When I look at them sometimes my heart hurts in my damn chest. I don’t deserve to still have Ana in my life. I blamed her for so much. I pushed her away, I put her life in danger… Fuck.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about, man,” I lie. I know exactly what Roman is talking about.

  Jessie.

  Roman’s right. I have found the one. She hit my life like a keg of dynamite the first time I saw her. I was dazzled, completely enraptured in her. She’s the one. She’s most definitely the one. The one thing Roman doesn’t understand is…

  I’m not him.

  “Bullshit,” Roman says, shaking the ice in his almost empty scotch. “Don’t fuck with me, Allen. I’ve built my life on reading people.”

  “I can’t have her, Roman.”

  “Why the hell not?”

  “I’m not you, okay? I am who I am and nothing is going to change my past,” I growl.

  I watch as Ana plays with my nephew’s boats and they’re laughing. Ana’s so happy. She deserves all this and more. I’m here because of her, but there’s not one thing about this life that I deserve—not after the things I’ve done.

  “You’re right,” Roman says with such finality I jerk my head around. I mean, I knew what I was saying was true, but I at least expected the bastard to try and talk me out of it.

  “I—”

  “Your past is fucked up. So was mine. You weren’t alone in that room that day exacting your revenge on that bastard. I was right there with you and, Allen, you’ve worked with me enough to know exactly how I deal with men who cross me,” Roman says and I rub the back of my neck, working on the tension gathering there. “You know exactly what I expect from the men who work for me to protect my family. I’ve never been good enough for Ana or my son. I never will be.”

  “Bullshit—”

  “But they’re mine,” he says, interrupting me and sitting down in a lounger. I jerk around to look at him. His face is completely closed off but there’s a fire in his eyes. “And I’d kill any son of a bitch who would try to harm them or take them away from me.”

  “Roman—”

  “It’s not about being a good man, Allen. I’ve never been a good man and I once roamed the same fucking streets you did. What brought us to the roads you and I travel might not be the same—but they’re not all that different.”

  “She deserves better than me, Roman, and no matter what you say, man… it’s not the same. I’ll never be clean. There are times I shower in water so damn hot my skin feels like it will boil, until I fucking bleed—”

  “Allen…”

  “And I still don’t feel clean. I’ll never feel clean.”

  “You need to get back into therapy.”

  “It was bullshit. It’s all bullshit. Nothing they say. Nothing I do can erase the past or the things done to me. They are inside of me, they’
ve become a poison in my system and I might have pulled my life together thanks to you and Ana, but that poison still sits inside of me, reminding me. Every. Damn. Day.”

  “So let it live inside of you, but claim your woman.”

  “Jessie deserves better.”

  “So does Ana, but I’m keeping her and I try every day to make sure she never regrets being with me. Trust me, Allen. Do the same. You will regret it the rest of your life if you don’t.”

  “And Jessie will regret it the rest of her life if she finds out. I can’t do that to her, Roman. She deserves better.”

  Roman stands and claps his hand on my shoulder. Our gazes lock and that fire is still burning in his eyes. It’s burning so bright it feels like it’s touching me.

  “In my book, Allen, there is no better. You might have started off Ana’s brother, but you’re mine now and I couldn’t be prouder.” He walks off after delivering that message. I just remain here once he leaves, feeling like I can’t breathe. I watch the man who saved my life, who helped me recover when I was below the bottom, a man I love and admire, walk away after claiming me as part of his family. I close my eyes against the emotions that brings to the surface and my hands tighten into fists.

  When I open my eyes it’s not Roman I see. It’s not even Ana or my nephew. It’s a vision that’s not even there. It’s a picture in my mind of Jessie smiling at me, her lips swollen from my kiss, her eyes filled with desire… desire for me.

  Christ.

  Chapter 11

  Jessie

  “You know, I’ve lived here forever and I’ve never done this,” I laugh as Allen lifts me up in the horse-drawn carriage.

  “Then I’d say it’s past time,” he says once he’s settled in beside me. He leans down and kisses my nose. Which is probably not sexy but it feels good, especially when he puts his arm around me. I lean into him, happier than I can ever remember being in my life.

  “This is one of the reasons I love this city. The architecture of the buildings and just the atmosphere in general, it makes you feel like you are transported back in time. It honors our past… The city is entrenched in it.”

  “You never thought of moving?” he asks.

  “Not really. St. Augustine is home.”

  “I get it. I’ve settled in Miami. It might not have been where I would pick, but it’s home now. It’s where my family is.”

  “Your family?”

  “My sister Ana, my nephew, and Ana’s husband Roman.”

  “He’s the man you work for, right?”

  “He’s my boss, but he’s more than that. I’ve never really had a friend before, but Roman has been there for me when no one else was. Actually I drove everyone else off and Roman refused to move. I mean, I get he was there because of my sister, but he didn’t have to be. I owe him everything.”

  “I would have been there for you, Allen,” I tell him, my hand squeezing into his leg. I know I haven’t known him long, but I can’t imagine not being there for him anytime he needed me. I feel that drawn to him in ways I can’t truly understand. There’s a connection between us that defies explanation and I’m just going to embrace that—I’m that confident of it.

  Allen’s dark eyes hold mine and there seems to be a storm brewing in them. Something in them—which I can’t name—sends a chill of alarm down my spine. Before I can question him, his hand comes out and slides against the side of my face.

  “No, Mouse. You wouldn’t have been. No one could have saved me back then, especially you. I would have hated you for trying.”

  I think over his words. They hurt me. There’s so much pain and self-loathing inside of them you can literally feel it. I bring my hand up to Allen’s and I hold him there. Needing that connection with him.

  “It wouldn’t have mattered. I still would have been there,” I tell him, my voice strained by all of the emotions I’m feeling. It doesn’t make sense I feel this deeply for someone—especially so quickly, but I do. I’m not about to hide from it. It’s too important.

  Allen’s too important.

  “You didn’t know me back then, Jessie. I wasn’t a good person.”

  “I can’t believe that.”

  “Then you’re being naïve.”

  “I’m not.”

  “Let’s not talk about this right now, Jessie.”

  “But I want to.”

  “I’m only in St. Augustine for a limited time. I’d rather not ruin our time together talking about my past.”

  “You’re leaving?”

  “I’m here for another week, but… My life is in Miami.”

  “So I only have a week with you?”

  “Jessie—”

  “I should warn you of something, Allen.”

  His face changes and he tilts his head to study me.

  “What’s that?”

  “I’m going to do my best to make you want to stay with me.”

  “You won’t have to try very hard, Mouse,” he says quietly and he reaches down, bringing our lips together in a kiss that is definitely sweet but tinged with sadness too.

  A kiss that tells me I have my work cut out for me if I’m going to reach Allen like I want to.

  Chapter 12

  Allen

  “Hey beautiful.”

  “Hi,” she whispers, blushing prettily as I let her in my hotel room.

  This is our fourth actual date. I thought they couldn’t get better than pizza at her apartment. Then, the carriage ride left me thinking that it couldn’t get any better. The following night, I picked her up at work and took her out to dinner. I kissed her goodbye at her door and as much as it hurt, left without asking for more.

  That was going to be my goodbye. I was going to leave with the memory of perfect dates, a beautiful woman and the knowledge that despite how twisted my world is, for a moment—however brief—I had known good, touched sweet, and tasted clean.

  Instead, when last night ended, I invited her over to my hotel. As soon as I asked, I felt like an idiot, but it was just out there between us and I couldn’t call the words back, it would have hurt her.

  I’m nervous. I’d forgot that feeling. Since getting clean and Roman helping me face my biggest demon… I haven’t worried about nerves. Things were a tight, steady routine and that’s how I liked it. I didn’t want surprises, upheaval. I’ve had enough of that and if I was truly going to survive in this world sober, I needed predictability, mundane… boring.

  Jessie is definitely not mundane. There’s not a damn thing boring about her. The woman has me obsessed with her. It’s hard for me to believe that I could be this caught up over a woman I’ve barely had any time with. Maybe Roman is right and you just know the minute you find someone. It hurts that I have to give her up, but I will.

  There’s no way around it.

  Jessie deserves nothing but good in her life. She’s the type of woman who should be surrounded by kids, a house with a picket fence, drive a minivan and shuffle back and forth to soccer practice and cheerleading for the kids.

  “What are you thinking about?” she asks, and I didn’t realize how quiet I was. I don’t know how long I’ve been standing there thinking about all of this, so I shrug it off.

  “Just thinking that I’ve not done much in life right at all, but whatever I did to deserve getting to know you leaves me grateful.”

  “You really do give a lot of compliments Allen.”

  “Do I?”

  “Definitely, I’m not sure how to take them.”

  “They’re compliments, by the very definition, I think you’re supposed to take them as honesty that someone thinks you’re a wonderful person, Mouse.”

  “Oh wow, your hotel room is bigger than my whole apartment,” she gasps, finally looking around.

  It’s weird, you would think after the life I’ve led, I’d look at things like that, be grateful for the luxury that I have experienced since Roman has taken me under his wing. But, the truth is, I barely notice any of it. I go through the day in ste
ps, doing my best to just make it from sun up to sun down and start it all over again the following day.

  “I guess. I never really thought about it.”

  “I guess you’re used to things like this,” she laughs and I can tell I’ve made her feel self-conscious.

  “Not really, Mouse. Trust me, I wasn’t born into this life. I don’t truly belong here.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  I’m a trailer park kid. I was what most call trailer trash--literally.”

  “You could never be trash, Allen.”

  “You have no idea. Anyways, I had room service bring us dinner. I ordered you chicken since that seems to be what you gravitate towards when we go out.”

  “You notice?”

  “I notice everything about you, Jessie.”

  “You’re wrong you know.”

  “About what?”

  “You’re not trash.”

  “Jessie—”

  “We all have pasts, Allen,” she says stepping into me. Her fingers curl into my shirt as she goes up on the tips of her toes to grab my attention. Our gazes locked and I swear I can hear her heart beating in my ears, though there’s no way that’s possible. It feels like mine is beating in the same rhythm.

  “Jessie, you don’t understand. There’s a lot—”

  “I know that however dark your past is, you aren’t in it anymore. People fight that fight every day and die doing it. You survived and from everything I see you live a good life now. I don’t know what your past is, but I know that here in the present you just might be the best man I’ve ever known in my life.”

  “You need to shut up now, Jessie.”

  “I do?” she asks, shock moving over her features.

  “Yeah, because I really need to kiss you now.”

  “This is me, shutting up,” she giggles and even though I feel raw inside, I laugh too…

  Right before I kiss her and try to tell her all the things I want her to know, but am too afraid to give voice to.