When We're Thirty

by Casey Dembowski

  With a final withering look at his family, Will walked out of the office, stopping on the threshold for the briefest of moments. “Consider this my resignation.”

  Chapter 43

  Hannah

  Hannah watched her intern, Camila, skip down the street to her car from the window of her apartment. She’d never met anyone as happy as Camila, especially not someone who also loved emo and punk rock. But Camilla was like that every time Hannah had seen her in the few days since being officially hired. That morning, she had shown up with Starbucks in hand, having already memorized Hannah’s order. They had worked through lunch, trying to cover the top three finishers from the Battle of the Bands they’d attended the night before. Camila had taken the runner-up, her favorite of the three and a band she’d seen more than once around the city. Hannah had decided to let her off early to get her weekend started after all her hard work.

  Once Camila reached her car, Hannah returned to her desk and opened a blank document. She checked the clock. It was nearing two in the afternoon. Hannah didn’t know the nap schedule at Riley’s house, but this seemed like the usual time. Still, she shot Riley a text just in case. God help anyone who called and woke the girls. Riley hadn’t left a message when she’d called during Camila’s interview. Camila was good—raw but talented. She’d be a great asset to Deafening Silence Boston if she wanted to stay on.

  Hannah rolled out her yoga mat and fell into Forward Fold, shaking the tension from her arms. Two Sun Salutations later, Hannah’s phone rang. Riley’s voice came through, abnormally high pitched. “Are you sitting down?”

  Hannah stepped back into standing from her Downward-Facing Dog and then sat cross-legged. “I am now.”

  “We have a cover article for you.” The pause between Riley’s sentences was weighted, and Hannah sat there for what felt like forever before Riley continued. “Leonard Nulty has granted us an exclusive for the Boston launch.”

  Hannah gripped her phone. “What?”

  “Surprise!”

  Holy. Shit.

  “Are you there?” Riley asked, laughing.

  “When?” Hannah croaked. She could barely breathe. This was everything. Already, the panic was setting in. Leonard was notoriously awful to interview. He gave dry answers without room for follow-up questions. His music was personal enough, so in interviews, he kept to the basics. But an exclusive? He’d never—to her knowledge—granted anyone an exclusive.

  “Later next week. I’ll email you the details.”

  “Okay,” she said, barely able to get the word out. She had an exclusive with Leonard Nulty. Holy shit.

  “Hannah?”

  “Yes?”

  “Breathe.” Riley hung up.

  Hannah pulled her laptop down onto the floor with her and stared at the empty Word document. She was supposed to be writing an article about... Hannah’s mind went blank. Who cared about whichever no-name band she’d just interviewed? She had an exclusive with Leonard Nulty. She had to call Will. The thought came to her unbridled before she could stop it. She’d heard her mother’s advice loud and clear, but she still hadn’t found the strength to call him. She would. Soon. But when she did, it had to be about him, and right now, it wouldn’t be.

  Hannah FaceTimed Kate from her laptop instead. She stretched a leg out in front of her and folded over herself. Both her legs straightened under the pressure.

  Kate picked up on the third ring. She sat at her desk and held a steaming cup. She was bundled in a cowl-neck sweater that Hannah knew was paired with those brown riding boots they’d found on super clearance right after Christmas.

  “Hey, Bostonite.”

  “I’m a New Yorker, remember?”

  Kate laughed. “One who lives in Boston.”

  Hannah smiled. She missed their Kate-and-Hannah banter. She missed Kate and Hannah. Between wedding planning and the Thornes, Hannah had spent most of her free time with Madison, and when she’d seen Kate, it had almost always been as part of the trio they’d been becoming. Anger boiled under the surface, and she shook the thought of Madison from her head.

  Kate’s eyes shifted from Hannah’s face to her legs, and she nodded approvingly. “It’s nice to see you with both legs on the ground.”

  “I’m interviewing Leonard Nulty next week.” The words flew from her mouth in an excited yelp.

  “Holy shit.”

  Hannah laughed. “That’s what I said.”

  “I’m so proud of you.” She paused, and Hannah could already anticipate her next question. “Are you going to tell Will?”

  Hannah nodded. “Yes, I just... I don’t know what to do about him yet.”

  “Answering his calls would be a start.”

  Hannah met her best friend’s eyes through the screen. “Do you think he still has feelings for Madison?”

  Kate sighed. “If you’re asking me if I think something is going on between Will and Madison, then no, I don’t. He loves you and only you. That said, of course he still has feelings about her. Wouldn’t you?”

  The words weighed on her heart with their truth. Madison, Will, Jon, and even Hannah would always be bound to each other once Madison became a Thorne. Hannah had separated her anger with Madison from her issues with Will as her mother had suggested, but even so, they were tangled together irrevocably.

  Kate met her eyes through the camera, her expression gentle and sympathetic. “You trusted him enough to marry him. You need to trust him now.”

  Levelheaded and sound advice—exactly what she’d expected and needed from Kate. Hannah opened her mouth to respond but found Kate staring down at her phone, her expression twisted with concern.

  “What’s wrong?” Hannah asked, her heart rate ticking up a beat.

  “I just got a text from Madison.”

  The words slammed into Hannah, denting the armor she’d built. “You’re still talking to Madison?”

  Kate gave her an incredulous look as if to say that wasn’t the point before her expression softened. Hannah could almost feel the hand that would’ve been on her shoulder if they were face-to-face. “Hannah,” Kate said, “according to Madison, Will’s in the hospital.”

  Hannah was on her feet in an instant, looking for her phone. If Will was in the hospital, someone would’ve told her—someone other than Madison.

  “She’s lying to get my attention,” Hannah said, grabbing her phone from her desk. Kate responded, but Hannah couldn’t hear anything over the buzzing of her phone. Her vision narrowed, fixing on the contact flashing across her screen—Daniel.

  Chapter 44

  Hannah

  Traffic was mercifully sparse on the drive back to New York, only picking up when she neared the city. She’d made it from Boston to New York in incredibly good time for a Friday, and Daniel had promised to keep Will held up with tests and observations until she arrived. Will would be annoyed at being detained at the hospital for hours over a fainting spell, assuming Daniel’s account of Will’s incident was accurate. At least they hadn’t called an ambulance.

  Hannah stared up at the emergency room entrance, her phone clenched in her hand. She’d never been so thankful for an intern as she was for Camila, who’d agreed to cover all shows for the weekend and take care of Binx—all free of charge. Whoever took over in Boston had better hire Camila full-time. Hannah would have to talk to Riley about it.

  Hannah spotted Daniel waiting for her outside the secure entryway.

  “He’s fine,” Daniel said, giving her a hug. “I think he had a panic attack and then fainted. Grayson overreacted.”

  “What was he doing?”

  Daniel’s eyes shifted to his hands. “He was in a private meeting with our uncle. Things have been a bit tense this week.”

  She wanted to ask more questions, but it was clear that Daniel was planning on protecting Will’s privacy on the matter. She followed him through the door to the ER and attempted to prepare herself. It was no use. Seeing Will would shake loose everything she’d been keeping in, a
nd seeing him again for the first time in a hospital bed wasn’t going to help.

  Daniel pulled back the curtain on E10, a space tucked into the back corner of the room. Will looked up with contempt in his eyes and a complaint on his lips, but when his gaze panned to Hannah, he clamped his jaw shut.

  A pain—both sharp and dull—settled in her stomach. He looked ashen and crushed. A fading bruise crested his cheekbone. Gone was the brightness that was innately Will’s.

  “I told him not to call you,” Will said as Daniel removed his IV. Will’s voice was rusty with disuse, and the gentleness he always used in his words with her was replaced by an unfamiliar sharpness. He didn’t look at her. He kept his face downcast, watching Daniel’s hand work at the tape marks on his arm.

  Daniel’s brow furrowed, and he ran a finger over the puncture site. “I told you not to play with your IV. This is going to bruise.”

  “Can I go now?”

  Daniel nodded. “Let me print out your paperwork.”

  Will chafed at his brother’s words.

  “Ten minutes max, William.”

  Will lay back on his small hospital bed, a hand over his face. Hannah stood awkwardly, equally afraid to say something and stay silent. Had she done this to him?

  “Are you okay?”

  “You shouldn’t have come.” Even muffled by his arm, his statement was more than clear.

  “I’m your wife. Of course I came.” She kept her voice steady, but she felt shaky all the same. After two weeks of silence, she hadn’t known what to expect, but it wasn’t this.

  He looked at her now, his face drawn and cynical. “We both know wife doesn’t mean what it should.”

  Ouch. Someone was on the warpath.

  “It still means something to me.”

  He shrugged. “You being my wife didn’t seem to matter two weeks ago when you walked away.”

  Hannah crossed her arms. The middle of Daniel’s ER was not the place for this conversation. “I’m invoking Rule 5.”

  Whatever response Will was trying to elicit from her, he hadn’t planned for that. Hannah could literally see the effect on him as his face scrunched in consternation. He knew what Rule 5 was. Our friendship is the most important thing. No matter what, we stay friends.

  WILL SORTED THROUGH his keys, his fingers finally settling on the one he wanted. He unlocked the apartment door and pushed it open without ceremony. Stale air greeted them. He had given little explanation as to why they couldn’t go back to the penthouse on the drive downtown. Hannah wanted to push the topic, an uncomfortable seed of worry rooting in her, but his mood had only slightly improved since the hospital. Instead, she had sat with her hands in her lap as they drove into Tribeca. There was so much to be said, but fighting with him then seemed like an awful idea, and she didn’t want to send him back to the hospital with a second panic attack.

  “Welcome to my apartment,” Will said, stepping aside so she could enter the space.

  She knew it was going to be fancy after seeing the lobby, but the sheer beauty amazed her. She couldn’t even fathom what he must pay for a space like this. A pang of jealousy ran through her. She would’ve loved living here instead of the penthouse. Binx would have never moved away from the floor-to-ceiling windows gracing the living room. The furnishings were patently Will, more so than anything she’d seen at the penthouse. Had any of it been his?

  Will shuffled around in the kitchen. “Do you want something to drink? I asked Clara to restock the place last week, so I’m sure there’s wine.”

  “You moved back in?” she asked, picking up a figurine. A similar one had adorned Madison’s dresser in her apartment with Jon.

  “No, I’m staying with Daniel right now, but I can’t do that forever. And despite what you may think, I can’t afford two rent payments.” Will offered her a glass of red wine and placed a water for himself down on the table. Annoyance came off him in waves. He didn’t want to be here. She couldn’t blame him for feeling that way, but this was his fault.

  She picked up a family photo, spotting Madison in the mix. Madison sat on his lap near the beach. Her arms curved around his neck. Jon and Daniel stood behind them, arms slung casually over each other’s shoulders. Will looked different—younger, happier. There was a light expression on his face that she hadn’t seen on him since college. The truth of his relationship slammed into her more than it had after Madison’s profession of love.

  “How could you not tell me?” she asked, anger backing her words despite her earlier resolve to avoid an argument.

  Will took a sip of his water and looked up at her calmly through his eyelashes. “So much for Rule 5.”

  “Rule 5 doesn’t mean we can’t argue,” Hannah said sharply. “It means we can’t be cruel about it, which was exactly what you were being at the hospital.”

  “Says the wife who—”

  Hannah pinned him with a death glare.

  Will held up his hands in supplication. “I wanted to tell you, but then Madison was your friend—”

  “Madison was not my friend!” The only thing she was certain of in all of this was that Madison was not, and never had been, her friend. “Friends don’t tell friends’ husbands they are in love with them.”

  “Hannah.”

  “I deserved to know that she was your ex-girlfriend.”

  “And I deserved a chance to explain before you simply moved out, but here we are,” he said, his tone turning icy. “What good would’ve come from you knowing about Madison? You never would’ve let her help you through PT. Every family event would’ve been completely awkward. We still would’ve been forced to be around them.”

  “Exactly!” she exclaimed, her hands flying frantically above her. “I wouldn’t be friends with someone who is in love with my husband. With someone who has the gall to declare that love despite the ridiculous triangle—square—or whatever we’re all in now.”

  A hint of a smile played on Will’s face despite the circumstances. “I promise you there’s no square.” She watched him battle with his own memories and frustrations before he looked her directly in the eyes. “I love you.”

  His words were slowly snaking their way into her, but she wasn’t ready to acquiesce. She couldn’t. “Then you should’ve told me.”

  “I know that.”

  She stepped closer to him, still maintaining a safe distance from any chance contact. “Tell me now.”

  He stared at her for too long and then took a breath. “I dated Madison for three years before everything happened. And when I found out about Jon, things got complicated...” Will paused, and it felt like a hole had been punched through her.

  “Complicated how?”

  He palmed his face before looking up at her resignedly. “She used to call me for sex. It only happened once. Right after everything happened with her and Jon. Months before I proposed to you.”

  Hannah sat down on the couch, afraid her feet wouldn’t support her as a fresh onslaught of tears spilled down her cheeks. “Did you use me to get her out of your system? To get revenge on them? Was that what this whole pact was about?”

  “No. It was never about revenge or cleansing. You know... I’ve made it more than clear how I feel about you, how I’ve always felt about you.”

  “Then why?” She couldn’t keep the whine out of her voice. If he’d just told her, they wouldn’t be here. They’d be happy and in New York. They’d be together.

  “The last nine months of my life have been hell. You are the only bright spot in all of it. My girlfriend cheated on me with my brother for a year. I’ve had to support them through all these wedding events, put a smile on my face, and laugh at stupid jokes his friends make. Jon asked me to give a speech—a fucking wedding speech—to smooth things over.” He closed his eyes, a pained expression coming over him. “You were the one person in my life who didn’t look at me with complete pity. I couldn’t lose that.”

  Her pain at Will’s betrayal was mirrored in his eyes but a thousand times
worse. She reached across the table and wrapped a hand around his. Warmth seeped through. It would be so easy to let this pass, but they needed to work through it, not around it. She had to know the truth. “Do you still love her?”

  “No.” He walked around the table and came to sit next to her. Her senses awakened at his closeness, and she breathed in his scent as he wiped a tear off her cheek. “If you believe anything I said, believe that nothing is going on with Madison, and I don’t want there to be. You are my future. I love you, Hannah.”

  The memory of who Will Thorne had been to her—the last boy she’d truly trusted—was tarnished. Trust was why she’d agreed to marry him—her perfect boy. But the man standing in front of her wasn’t perfect. He was flawed and broken, and she had fallen in love with him, wholly. She couldn’t walk away from him any more than she could go back to being just friends. “I love you too.”

  Chapter 45

  Will

  Tell me about Madison. It had been a simple request, but Will hadn’t expected it. He wasn’t sure how detailing his history with Madison was going to help either party, but if she wanted to know, he’d tell her everything. Had they been deeply in love? Yes. Had he planned to marry her? Yes. Did he know she was still harboring feelings for him? Hell no.

  Hannah had peppered him with questions throughout the morning. Over a perfectly enjoyable cuddle session, she’d asked how they’d met—at a townie party in the Hamptons over MLK Jr. weekend. During an episode of Scrubs, she’d inquired about the state of their relationship when things started with Jon—totally and perfectly normal. They’d just gotten back from a ten-day trip to Wellington Thorne’s newest island resort. Ten minutes ago, she’d wanted to know if Madison had ever explained why Jon happened in the first place. He could only guess at this, but something always told him it had to do with Madison’s thirtieth birthday and the lack of an engagement ring on her finger. Though how exactly an affair was supposed to help with that problem, he couldn’t say.