I Hate You, I Love You

by Bailey B

  “But not in her actions,” I whisper.

  “Hmm?”

  “Look, ma’am, Melody doesn’t like me for whatever reason and she’s made it clear that I’m on her radar. I want out of that class.”

  Cherrybroom’s thin lips press into a line. “Miss. Winters, I’m not sure how they did things at your old school but here at St. A’s, students don’t make demands.”

  “With all due respect, ma’am, you’ve glanced at my file. Last year was shit.” My Apple Watch vibrates, alerting me that my heart rate is well above normal for a resting rate. I bet it is. Just thinking about last year makes my skin crawl. “You don’t want to intentionally subject me to additional bullying and risk me hurting myself or others as an act of retaliation. Do you?”

  Miss. Cherrybroom raises one perfectly shaped, penciled in eyebrow at me. “Do you honestly think changing one class is going to make any difference?”

  “Did you really just ask me that?”

  Miss. Cherrybroom sighs and sags back into her seat. “No. I guess I didn’t. Let me see what I can do.”

  3

  Danika

  I smile down at my new schedule. Miss. Cherrybroom moved P.E. to second period, swapping it with math. I know she’s right, switching one class won’t make a huge difference if Melody is intent on making my life hell this year. But the less time I spend with her, the less opportunities she has to try and torment me.

  “Hey!” I shout as the paper is snatched from my fingers.

  Logan glances at my new class list, a frown falling across his face and even then he’s still beautiful. Beautiful but hateful. I bite the corner of my bottom lip. These feelings he’s stirring up are going to break me if I don’t get them under control. I do not like him. I do not like him. I do not like him….

  “Are you stalking me?”

  “Says the guy who sought me out and stole my paper.” I reach for my schedule, but Logan holds it in the air, just out of my reach. Black ink of a tattoo peeks from beneath the long sleeve on his left arm, which instantly knocks Logan’s hotness down from nine to one. I hate tattoos. Do I though?

  “You switched your roster to be in two of my classes.”

  I stop jumping and set my hands on my hips. A crowd has begun to form around us and I refuse to be their circus monkey. “Why are you being such a dick? This isn’t like you.”

  Logan shoves the paper at my chest, knocking me back a step and against the locker. He leans in close, whispering, “I swear to god, Danika, if you breathe one word about that night, I’ll end you.”

  “What night?”

  “Exactly.” He pushes off and strolls down the hallway, grabbing the red-headed girl from P.E. by the hand as he goes. She’s more than happy to follow, skipping like she’s just won the lottery.

  I swallow hard and try to remember that somewhere deep deep inside Logan is the kid I used to be friends with. Whatever it is he thinks I know has got him wound up tighter than a gnat's ass.

  “What was that about?” Sarah asks, looking over her shoulder as Logan pulls the red-head into an empty classroom.

  I shake my head. “I don’t honestly know.”

  Sarah shrugs and links her arm in mine. “Men.”

  I stare out the window on the ride back to my house. Sarah’s rambling on about her day and the newest gossip. I’ve tuned her out, trying to scan my memories for whatever secret Logan thinks I know.

  We went to school together from kindergarten all the way through the eighth grade, as did more than half of the senior class. I didn’t know Logan back in my elementary years. I mean, I knew him but didn’t know him. That was when boys sat with boys and girls sat with girls. Except for Piper. When she came in the second grade, Cooper never gave her the chance to sit with us. He took Piper to her own table and it’s been that way ever since.

  I didn’t take notice of Logan until halfway through the sixth grade. He was always the quiet, blend into the background type. That particular day both Piper and Cooper were absent. Sixth grade was when the cliques began to form, the same stupid cliques roaming our high school halls today. Logan sat by himself that day, not having any friends of his own that weren’t Cooper’s, and I felt bad for him.

  That was the day we became friends.

  We ate lunch together up until we graduated middle school, just the two of us, even though it made Sarah ridiculously jealous. But nothing we talked about stands out. I can’t for the life of me figure out what it is he thinks it is that I know.

  Sarah waves her hand in my face. “Earth to Danika.”

  “Huh?” I blink twice and realize we’re sitting in my driveway. “Sorry. I guess I zoned out.”

  “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah,” I sigh.

  Sarah looks at me skeptically. She was the only person that kept in touch after I moved. Even though years had passed since we’d hung out, we picked up this past weekend like I’d never left. “I know Melody can be a royal cunt but give her time. She’ll get used to you.”

  “I don’t know. She seems to hate me.”

  “Don’t take it personally. Melody hates everyone, herself included.”

  I force a smile and Sarah squeezes my arm. “Hang in there. It’ll get better. First days are always the worst.”

  We both turn our heads at the roar of Logan’s engine as he skids into his driveway. He gets out, slamming his car door and glares our way. I know he can see me; Sarah’s windows are barely tinted. Logan flips us the bird then hurries up the front steps into his house.

  Sarah lets out a breath the same time as I do. “I’m sorry you guys are neighbors.”

  “Me too.” I chuckle, but it’s in no way happy. I realized we’d moved next door to each other yesterday. Logan was wheeling his trashcan to the road, and I had just set mine out. I smiled and waved, recognizing him immediately. He glared and flipped me the bird. Embarrassed, I ducked my head and went back into the house as fast as my feet would carry me.

  “I thought you guys used to be friends. What happened?”

  I shake my head. “No clue.”

  4

  Logan

  P.E. and math. Why the fuck did Danika have to switch into my P.E and math class yesterday? She’s fucking everywhere. My lunch table, my neighbor, my hallways, and now my classes. But worst of all, she’s in my head. I can’t stop thinking about her pretty little lips and what they could spill.

  “Fuck!” I beat my fists against the steering wheel. I need to get this situation under control. I almost wonder if I could sit down and just talk to Danika. She used to be sweet, reasonable. But she’s been gone a long time, and people change. Hell, I have.

  I punch the steering wheel, the horn sounding in the parking lot, turning a few heads my way. Fuck’em all. If anyone has a problem, they can come and tell me to my face. Otherwise, they can keep their judgmental thoughts to themselves.

  Someone knocks on my window, making my racing heart jump. I look up and who is it? Danika fucking Winters. I push the button on my door and roll down the window. “What?”

  “Are you okay?”

  I stare at Danika like she’s stupid because she has to be. Or maybe she hasn’t figured out yet that she’s an unwelcome pest that needs to be exterminated. But the reality is that I don’t want to make Danika’s life any harder than it’s already been.

  If things were different, I’d pull Danika into my arms and ask how life in California was. I want to know how she’s doing without her mom. She was my first real friend. The only person who had nothing to gain by being near me. No popularity by association—not that I was the popular one, Cooper was and always has been. No lurid acts, no leverage for one thing or another. The sad fact is, if I let her, she would still be the only person like that.

  “I’m fucking fine,” I growl, rolling the window up.

  Danika stands upright, shakes her head, and leaves. Good. I don’t like having her around. I’m too conflicted, torn between picking up where we left off and intimidating
her to make sure she keeps her mouth shut.

  I lean forward, resting my forehead against the steering wheel, and take a breath. I need to calm down before I do something stupid.

  My passenger door opens and I squeeze my eyes shut, immediately recognizing the rosewater fragrance that is uniquely Danika. “Are you so stupid that you can’t take the hint?”

  Danika closes the door, her scent smothering all air-space. “Probably, but something’s up with you, Logan. I don’t care that it's been a few years, people don’t change this much. What happened?”

  “You know what fucking happened!” I snap my gaze up to meet hers. Why is she doing this? Why is she forcing me to say what she already knows? How could California have hardened her so much?

  I grip the handle of my door and get out. She can stay inside and suffocate on her rosewater air for all I care. “Fuck. You.”

  I lean against my locker and scroll through my phone, my thumb hovering over my Dad’s number. Should I tell him the Winters are back? I’m sure if he knew he would pay them a visit and remind Mr. Winters of what’s on the line. Mr. Winters, Dad, Sheriff Tomlinson, and me, we have a lot to lose if my secret comes out.

  I change my mind and slip my phone back in my pocket. I can handle this myself. It would be my luck Dad would have a tail because of one of his clients, and everything would come out if he visited the Winters’ house anyway.

  Across the hall, Melody sticks her foot out, tripping Danika as she passes on the way to class from her locker. The books and notebook she’s holding spill to the floor and she falls to her knees.

  I stick an unlit cigarette between my lips and chew on the filter. My initial instinct is to run to Danika and help her to her feet, but I stay put. This is what I wanted. Melody will make Danika’s life miserable, I’ll add my own touch of cruelty to the mix, and she’ll be too scared to defy me.

  Danika climbs to her knees and reaches for the book nearest to her. Melody raises her red-soled heel to Danika’s back and pushes her down. “Let’s get one thing straight, California. Logan is mine. Everyone here knows it, and now you do too. If I catch you even looking at him again, you’ll be sorry.”

  Danika clenches her fists and pushes onto her knees again, but Melody kicks her back down.

  Damn it, Melody. That’s enough.

  Danika groans, but covers the sound with a dark chuckle. “Have you told Logan you don’t want to share anymore? He seemed pretty happy to have me in his car this morning. Even happier after I left.”

  I smirk and light the end of my cigarette. I didn’t see that coming. Danika’s newfound edge could be problematic to my plan, but damn if her suggestion that we hooked up this morning isn’t hot.

  “You little bitch!”

  Melody raises her foot to kick Danika in the back again but this time Danika is ready. She rolls onto her side and shoves the sole of her Converse sneaker into the leg Melody is balancing on. Melody goes down with a shriek and Danika climbs on top of the self-crowned queen, pinning Melody’s hands to the ground with her knees.

  “Get off me you little wench!” Melody screams.

  Danika sits on Melody’s hips, an amused smirk playing on her face. People heading to class stop in the hallway and stare. Danika is a dead girl walking, everyone knows it, but watching someone take down the queen is a sight to see.

  “You’re fucking dead. Deader than dead. You think Piper has it bad, just wait. I’m gonna—”

  Danika draws back and punches Melody in the mouth. “We could have been friends. But no. You had to be an Effing.” Punch. “Bully.” Punch. “And I hate.” Punch. “Bullies!”

  I take a drag of my cigarette. It’s half spent, wasted while watching my girl kick some ass and damn if it isn’t a turn on. I exhale and chuckle at the thought bouncing around in my head. I bet she’s just as feisty in bed.

  Gunner snakes his arms around Danika’s waist and lifts her off of Melody, who’s a bloody mess crying on the floor. “Easy there, doll face,” he says, rubbing his hands on Danika’s arms.

  She’s breathing heavily, likely coming down from the adrenaline rush that comes from a good fight. Gunner pulls her into a hug and I have the sudden urge to smash his face in. I like this fire in my chest, it’s better than the nervousness Danika inspires, or the numbness I usually feel. I know what to do with fire.

  I toss what’s left of my cigarette at their feet and walk off. He needs to know that Danika is mine. And no one touches my shit.

  5

  Danika

  Logan wasn’t in my P.E. class this morning like I assumed he would be, but surprisingly Piper was. We didn’t talk—I’ve noticed she, like Logan, rarely speaks to anyone—but she did smile at me. So, that was cool.

  I didn’t necessarily punch Melody in the face because she’s a bitch to Piper too. Although, I’d have no problem doing it again if she needed me to. I did it because Melody is a bully and someone needs to knock her down to size. Piper’s name just happened to be the last straw.

  By the time lunch period arrives, nearly everyone is whispering about what happened in the hallway. Melody went home, probably too embarrassed to show her bloodied face, but that doesn’t mean the people at her table are any less vicious. Her friends, most of whose names I haven’t figured out yet, glare at me as I set my tray next to Sarah. She seems keen on not looking at me, intently poking her soufflé with a spoon.

  The only person who appears remotely happy to see me this afternoon is Gunner. “Hey, doll face.”

  I smile up at him, not particularly fond of the pet name, but happy to be making a friend. “Hey, Gunner. What’s up?”

  “You want to go down to Riverside with me tonight? Check out the stars and whatnot?”

  I remember Riverside. Even back in the eighth grade, it was a known hook up spot. I guess some things don’t change. I smile politely, prepared to let Gunner down easy. I’m not that kind of girl. I’ve had boyfriends before. Made out with them. Explored a few of the bases even. But I’ve never gotten a home run and believe me I could have. Giving someone my virginity is a gift I can never get back. I’m not against premarital sex, I just haven’t found someone I like enough to do that with yet. And I’m nowhere near ready to play ball with a guy I just met, even if he is cute.

  Before I can decline, a football spirals through the air and hits Gunner in the back. He grimaces and turns, looking for his assailant. Everyone at the table seems as shocked as I am, but Gunner quickly finds who he’s looking for and excuses himself.

  No sooner than he’s gone, Rachel says, “You can’t sit here tomorrow.”

  Tad and some guy whose name I can’t remember smirk. I half expect Sarah to stick up for me, but she’s too busy dissecting her dessert. I get it, I’ve put her between a rock and a hard place. We may be old friends, but in the eyes of everyone here I’m new and now more so than ever a target. If she has to choose between our friendship and surviving this year unscathed, I understand why she’d pick the latter, but it doesn’t bother me any less.

  Even though my feelings are hurt, my poker face is untouchable. I stab a tiny red tomato from the pathetic excuse of a salad our school has today and lift it to my mouth. “I’ll sit where I want.”

  “Let me rephrase,” Rachel folds her hands on the table. “You won’t want to sit here tomorrow. Melody is a snake, constantly ready to attack. You didn’t just poke her, you tried to cut off her head. The retaliation won’t be pretty.”

  “I appreciate the warning, but I can take care of myself.”

  She shakes her head. “It’s your funeral.”

  I twist the cap off my coke and sit at Melody’s table again. I know I should pick somewhere else to sit. Anywhere else, but people have dodged me all week. It’s like I have a grenade strapped to my back and everyone is trying to avoid the explosion. It’s fine. I’ve made my bed and now I have to lay in it. I will say two good things have come out of the fight on Tuesday:

  Melody is no longer a raging cunt. While it is cle
ar she doesn’t like me, for the moment she’s not actively making my life a living hell. Dodged a bullet there.

  Logan’s no longer being a dick. Probably because he’s not around. The only time I’ve seen him in the hallway this week was when his face was attached to someone else's. And lunch, he’s been at Piper’s table.

  Can’t say I’m not disappointed. I wanted us to be friends again. Friends would satisfy the insatiable need I have to be around him. Friends would satiate my urge to touch him. Friends would fix everything!

  We are not friends. Not enemies, but not friends.

  Gunner, the guy who‘s shamelessly flirted with me all week, and the only person happy I’m still at the table, winks and keeps talking to his friend, Jake Brito. My stomach growls, reminding me that the bowl of oatmeal I ate this morning wasn’t enough to sustain me all day, but the cafeteria doesn’t offer much in the way of vegan food and I’m not about to brown bag it.

  “Oh look, you’re back again,” Melody’s manicured nails curl into a fist under her cheek as she leans on the table. I’m waiting for the hat to drop, but Melody isn’t stupid. She’s probably already plotting her revenge, buying her sweet time and trying to make me sweat in the process.

  It’s not working.

  “So, new girl,” Tad slides off the top of the table and into the open space next to me. I don’t like Tad. Outside of lunch I avoid him at all costs because he’s got an icky vibe I can’t shake.

  “It’s Danika,” Gunner interrupts, defensively.

  I smile up at him. Gunner is classically handsome with a jawline that gives Gene Kelly a run for his money. He’s walked me to class and made it more than obvious that he likes me, but Gunner doesn’t make my heart race the way it does when Logan’s near. In fact, the only reason I’m even giving him a chance is to wash my infatuation with Logan away.