by L A Cotton
She flushed. “What they don’t know won’t hurt them.”
“Scandalous.”
Our laughter ushered the Giles’ living room into silence as we entered.
“About fucking time.” Jason grumbled around a mouthful of pizza. “Get over here.” He patted his lap, pulling Flick onto his the second he could reach her.
“Hey, Mya, how did you enjoy puppy season at the shelter?” Hailee asked, pushing a half-empty pizza box toward me.
“It was... just what I needed.” My eyes found Asher across the room. He offered me a small nod in greeting but didn’t say anything.
“What are we watching?” I forced myself to look away, even if I could still feel his intense gaze on my face.
“Yeah, Cam, why don’t you tell them what we’re watching,” Jason teased, throwing a handful of popcorn at him.
“There is nothing wrong with The Kissing Booth.”
“Did you suddenly grow a pussy overnight?”
“Jase!” everyone yelled.
“Oh, lighten up. If Cam wants all of us to get in touch with our feminine sides, I’m down. Just don’t blame me when I raid the place for ice cream and want to braid your hair.”
“You’re so weird.” Felicity rolled her eyes.
“Is that so, Giles?” He cocked his brow. “Takes one to know one.” Jason attacked her with his mouth, planting wet, sloppy kisses all over her face.
“Get off me, you big jerk.” She tried to bat him off, but it was futile. His arms were wrapped tight around her waist, anchoring them together.
Hailee and Cameron shared a knowing smile, in that way only two people in tune could. And me and Asher, well, we sat there pretending everything was fine.
“Guys, seriously?” He finally groaned.
“Sorry,” Jason replied. “We’ll do better.” He moved Flick off his lap and tucked her into his side, before grumbling. “Are we watching the movie or what?”
I sat there like a statue while I was pretty certain Felicity and Jason spent more time watching each other than the movie; they were barely able keep their hands off one another. Hailee and Cam weren’t much better, and by the time the credits rolled, I jumped up, desperate to escape the overpowering sexual tension.
I escaped to Felicity’s bathroom. It had been the longest two hours of my life, my body hyper aware of Asher sitting across the room in Mr. Giles’ favorite armchair. After washing my hands, I dried them on a fluffy hand towel. I liked Felicity’s house. It wasn’t small but it wasn’t huge either. I felt at ease here. Comfortable. Unlike Asher’s house where I’d always felt out of place. Like Cinderella swept up into a fairytale.
Except Cinders had gotten her Prince in the end.
Clutching the rim of the basin, I took a couple of deep breaths and looked at myself in the mirror. I could do this. I could totally do it. All I had to do was go back out there and pretend like everything was fine.
“Asher,” I gasped as I opened the door to find him standing there.
“You took your time.”
“I...”
“I’m joking, Mya.” His lip curved into a tentative smile.
“Oh, right. Well, I guess I’ll just get out of your way.” I went to move around him, but he filled the space, making no effort to move. Our chests brushed as I tried to wiggle through the tight gap. His smell, the cologne I loved so much, punched me right in the stomach.
But then, Asher was backing me into the bathroom, giving me no escape.
“Asher, what are you—”
“I’ve tried, Mya. I’ve tried so fucking hard to give you space, to figure out how to fix this.” He motioned between us. “So you need to help me out here. You need to tell me what I have to do to fix it.”
I edged back as he advanced with slow, sure strides. The air crackled around us, the bonds between us twisting and tightening. “Tell me what to do.” Asher loomed over me, the edge of the counter pressing into my back.
“Asher...” My hands slammed against his chest as I desperately tried to resist his charms. His smell. The way he looked at me with so much love and yearning. “It’s not that simple.”
“It is that simple,” he countered. “I love you. I fucking love you, Mya.” Asher’s chest heaved with the weight of his words as he leaned in to touch his head to mine. “I need you, babe. I need you more than I need air. It’s like I can’t breathe when you’re not around.”
A tremor tore through my reinforced walls, shaking their foundations. He sounded so desperate. I wanted nothing more than to take away all his pain. Even now, I wanted to fix him.
“Asher, it’s not—”
“Ssh, don’t say it. If you don’t say it then there’s still hope.” His eyes shuttered as he inhaled a shaky breath, trying to rein in his emotions.
Oh God. What was I doing?
The boy I loved more than anything was standing in front of me breaking and I was forcing myself not to put him back together. But if I gave in, if I fixed this, I knew it would only be temporary. Because there was still his father to contend with. The trial. His mom, and Jermaine. Not to mention come the fall we would both be at colleges across state.
“Asher, look at me.” He opened his eyes and I fell headfirst into a pool of sparkling blue. “I love you, I do. But sometimes love isn’t enough.”
“It is.” His hands cradled my face, brushing his lips over mine. “It is enough, Mya, and I’m going to prove it to you. I just need you to wait for me. Promise me, you’ll wait for me while I figure out how to fix this.”
I let out an exasperated breath. “Asher, I’m not—”
“Promise me.” There was so much pleading in his eyes, so much emotion, I couldn’t deny him.
But I couldn’t say the words he wanted to hear either.
So I pressed my lips together and gave him an imperceptible nod, all while my heart was screaming, don’t let me down.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Asher
I didn’t go to school Monday. I wasn’t ready to see Mya again. Not until I figured out how the hell to fix everything. So I spent the day at the hospital, sitting with Mom. She was in and out of it for most of the morning, but I kept reminding myself the doctors said it was to be expected.
“A- Ash,” she stuttered, her voice a low croak as she crooked a shaky finger toward me.
“Hey, Mom,” I moved to the side of the bed, taking her hand in mine. “It’s good to see you awake, but try not to talk, okay?”
She gave me a weak smile. Her skin was pale and her eyes sunken into their sockets. She’d definitely seen better days, but she was here. She was lucid and she knew me.
For now, it was enough.
“Son,” Dad entered the room behind me, but his eyes immediately went to Mom. “Julia, you’re awake.” Hope filled his voice.
The man was transformed. From brooding, cold businessman to warm, concerned husband. The way he came around the other side of the bed and affectionately gazed at Mom, brushing fuzzy hair from her face. “I just spoke with your doctor. He’ll be by shortly. Can I get you anything?”
She gave a little shake of her head, squeezing my hand. “I- I have... all... need.” Her speech was slowly returning, which the doctors had told us was a good sign, but it was going to take time. Lots and lots of time. With rehabilitation and therapy, they expected significant improvement, but given the nature of her injury and damage to her brain from the cardiac arrest, they couldn’t say whether she would make a full recovery.
“My-ya… o- okay?”
I froze, my eyes wide as I tried to figure out if I’d heard right.
“Darling, I don’t think now is the time to—”
“Ssh.” Her eyes slid from his to mine, tears collecting in the corner. “I sorry, A- Ash. S-so sorry.”
“Ssh, Mom, it’s okay.” I leaned over to press a kiss to her head, guilt snaking through me as I fought my own tears. It was the first time she’d been lucid enough to try and engage in a conversation and of cour
se, this was what she wanted to talk about.
“You don’t need to apologize for anything,” I said, giving her a warm smile.
“N- not your fault,” she rasped, each word taking her at least twice the regular amount of time to get out. “N- not her fault.”
The room felt like it was closing in around me. I stood up and said, “I’m going to get some air, okay? I’ll be right back.”
“A- Ash… didn’t m- mean upset...”
“I’m okay, Mom. I’ll be okay.” I gently pressed my head to hers, relief slamming into me.
She was here, and she was okay.
That’s what I needed to cling to.
I slipped out of the room and sat in one of the chairs lining the corridor. Tipping my head back, I closed my eyes and inhaled a deep, steady breath. It had been almost a week since she’d woken up. A week of trying to accept my new reality. Of me and Mya tiptoeing around each other. Of trying to wrack my brain for a way to fix everything.
Mya was right. I needed to fight for her. I needed to show her that I chose her, regardless of the consequences. But it was fucking hard when I was so preoccupied with Mom. Even when I’d gone into school, my mind had been elsewhere.
Then we’d all been at Felicity’s and I’d caved. Cornering Mya in the bathroom had been a jerk move, but I just needed to talk to her, to touch her, to feel something—anything—from her. A small sign we could find our way back to each other.
“Can I sit?” Dad’s deep voice pulled me from my thoughts, but he didn’t wait for my reply as he dropped down beside me. “She’s asleep. One minute I was talking, the next...”
“The doctors said that’s to be expected in the early days.”
“I know… I know… it’s just… Jesus, it’s hard,” he breathed. “I’ve never been more terrified than I was holding your mother, covered in blood—”
“Don’t, Dad, please don’t.” I remembered every second of that night. The blood was imprinted on my soul.
Would be for a very long time.
“I swear my whole life flashed before my eyes,” he went on, and I realized it was the first time he’d wanted to talk, really talk, about what had happened.
I guess I just didn’t expect he’d want to talk to me about it.
“All the mistakes, the way I’ve treated you both.”
“If this is the part where you apologize and we become a shiny happy family, you’re about ten years too late,” I said with a resigned sigh. I couldn’t even find it in me to be angry anymore. I was too exhausted. Like I’d finally woken up from a month-long bad dream.
In some ways, I guess I had.
“You think I don’t know that? The damage is done; between us at least,” he trailed off, silence stretching out before us. “I can’t change the past, Son. But I can change the future. I can try to change who I am.”
I gave him a sideways glance, raising a brow. “Actions speak louder than words.”
“I know they do.” He let out a shaky breath, as if he was purging his need to control everything. Transforming right in front of my eyes. “I’m going to make this right, Asher. Your mother has always been there, right by my side; the dutiful, loving wife. When I think of how I’ve treated her… treated you both…”
“Dad,” I warned, grinding my teeth together.
I didn’t want to do this. Not now.
Not ever.
Did I want him to be there for Mom and make things right? One-hundred percent. But I didn’t want to listen to his bullshit excuses about why he’d been such a cold-hearted bastard most of my life.
“I’m sorry. I just…” He exhaled. “They say it takes losing everything to realize what you had, and, well, almost losing your mother, it was like something shifted inside me, Asher. Something fundamental.”
Didn’t I know it?
I’d lost Mya, let her slip through my fingers.
And now when I needed to fight for her, I wasn’t sure how to do it.
Actions speak louder than words. The thought hit me like a wrecking ball and I blurted out, “Will you be okay sitting with Mom for a while? There’s something I have to go take care of.”
His eyes narrowed a fraction, but not in their usual cold, assessing way. “Do I even need to ask where you’re going?”
“You can ask, but you won’t like the answer.” Standing up, I loomed over him. “You said almost losing Mom shifted something inside you. Well, it changed me too, Dad. And do you know what? Life is too short. It’s too fucking short to worry about what people think or what they might say if you go against the grain.
“I love Mya. I love her so much. And I pushed her away. I pushed her away because I thought it was what I should do; what you and everyone else thought I should do. But screw that. Mya is a good person. So much better than you or me. She’s strong and brave and beautiful on the inside and out, and I’m so lucky to have called her mine.” And such a fucking idiot for ever pushing her away.
Dad stared up at me, his lips pressed into a thin, disapproving line. This was usually the part where he went off at me about responsibility and reputation and all the other bullshit rules he’d lived his life by. But I realized now, this wasn’t his life.
It was mine.
“What?” I said, disarmed at his silence. “Don’t you have anything to say?”
“Oh, I have plenty to say.” His expression softened in a way that rendered me speechless. “But something tells me you’re not going to listen anymore, so I think I’ll save my breath.”
My mouth tipped at one corner. “I think that’s the most real thing you’ve said to me in years.”
He chuckled at that.
It was weird.
The whole fucking thing was weird.
We’d been at odds for so long, I’d forgotten what it felt like to be on the same side. Even if we were still sitting at either end, a vast space between us. It didn’t matter though. He needed to focus on Mom. If he was going to prove he’d changed, that losing Mom had made him realize what was important in life, then he needed to let me walk away and make my own decisions. He needed to let me walk my own path.
A path I hoped led me straight back to Mya.
“You sure about this?” Jason asked as I folded the last note and added it to the pile.
“Never been surer.” I looked at my two best friends and grinned. “But if this doesn’t work, you’ll probably have to lock me up in a cupboard until graduation because I can’t promise I won’t do something stupid.”
“Don’t talk like that.” A dark look crossed Cameron’s expression.
“I’m joking,” I laughed. “It was a joke.” Well, for the most part. Although I was pretty certain I would go off the deep end if Mya didn’t take me back.
I needed her in a way I couldn’t explain.
A way I didn’t even want to try to understand.
“I gotta say, man,” Jase said, “I didn’t know if you had it in you.”
“Fuck off,” I grunted. “We can’t all be like you.”
“What do you think he’ll say?” Cam asked me, wariness in his eyes.
“Honestly, it doesn’t matter; not anymore. He hasn’t been my father in a real long time.” I hesitated.
“Tell me I’m not going to have to kick Mr. Bennet’s ass all over town, because you know I’ll do it, even if it’ll land me in a whole world of trouble with Penn.”
“There are some things I need to tell you, yeah.” I dragged a hand down my face. “But I want you both to know that the only reason I didn’t tell you is because I was ashamed. Well, that and my father is a piece of shit and as good as blackmailed me.”
“What the fuck, man?” Jase’s eyes bugged, the vein in his neck throbbing violently.
“If I tell you—”
“When, when you fucking tell us. I’m not kidding, Ash, if something happened—”
“Jase.” Cam laid a hand on his shoulder. “Let him talk.”
“Thanks.” I gave my calmer friend an a
ppreciative nod. “If I tell you everything, I want something from you in return.”
“Anything, you know that,” Cam said without hesitation.
“It ends with us,” I said. “As much as it pains me to say this, Mom is going to need him and he’s changed, I really believe he has. I don’t want what I’m about to tell you to go further than the three of us, okay?”
“But Mya knows?” Jase rubbed his jaw.
“She does.”
“Good,” he said, his shoulders dropping. “I’m glad you have her, man.”
I didn’t have her yet, but if my plan worked out, I would soon enough.
First though, I needed to lay all my secrets to rest.
I needed to tell my friends the truth.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Mya
I didn’t see Asher all week. By the time Friday rolled round, I was beginning to think he’d given up on us.
On me.
Then I found it. A folded white note that fluttered out of my locker when I’d gone to collect some books I needed.
* * *
Mya
I thought long and hard about how to fix things between us… in the end I realized actions speak louder than words.
* * *
I love you more than words can say
And I know you love me too
So take a risk on me today
And let me show you the story of me and you
* * *
I glanced round, half-expecting Asher to leap out from somewhere and say, ‘gotcha’. But no one appeared. In fact, no one paid me any attention as I re-read the note, absorbing every detail. It made zero sense. Until my cell vibrated.
* * *
Asher: Your driver awaits outside.
* * *
He was serious, he really wanted me to cut class.
* * *
Me: You’ve lost your damn mind.