The Return of Her Lost Knight

by Melissa Oliver

‘No,’ she said softly, placing her hand on Ralph’s sleeve. ‘Stephen is not worth your troubles.’

  ‘You know as well as I what this bastard has done in the past and what he was about to do again.’

  ‘Yes, but it is over, thank God,’ she muttered. ‘Do not allow Stephen to get locked inside your head. If you end his life, now, in this way, then it will become a stain on your conscience. You do not need to do that, Ralph.’

  ‘But he tried to hurt and take advantage of you again.’

  ‘And because of you he did not succeed.’

  Indeed, she finally felt free of the wretched man—of his threats, manipulations and intimidations, which in truth exposed him to be weak and deficient. Gwen realised then that she need never be fearful of Stephen le Gros again.

  Ralph dragged his cousin along the pathway and dumped him on the ground.

  ‘Listen to me, you vile, pathetic bully.’ He scowled. ‘I shall escort you to the gatehouse and out of this castle where you will leave for good and never return. I never want to set eyes on you again. If you come anywhere near here, Kinnerton or especially Gwen ever again, I shall kill you. It is that simple. Do we understand each other?’

  Stephen gave a single nod as Ralph continued to drag him back to the entrance of the castle. He pushed him through the gatehouse and ensured that the man mounted his horse and left with just his accompanying squire who had been waiting patiently for him.

  Incredibly they both stood side by side as they saw the last of Stephen le Gros, without his usual loyal supporters propping him up. One by one they had swiftly turned their backs on him, after Ralph’s decisive win. The man was now alone and dejected in the world, as he deserved to be.

  Gwen’s forehead furrowed in the middle. ‘Do you believe that Stephen will keep to his promise?’

  ‘That is not easy to predict when one considers who we are discussing.’ Ralph turned around to face her. ‘But I hope so.’ He studied her for a moment before continuing. ‘What I would like to know is why you ventured back to the castle alone? Surely you knew the dangers that you might possibly face.’

  ‘Yes, of course, but in that moment of euphoria after your triumph, I overlooked that possibility. I thank you, by the way, for coming to my aid.’

  ‘Always, Gwen. Never doubt it.’ He fixed his gaze on to hers, making her flush. ‘But you still haven’t answered why you left so suddenly.’

  Gwen did not quite know how to respond. All she knew was that in that moment she had needed time to be alone and reflect on her future, now that Ralph’s seemed, finally, to be resolved. And to make her last final arrangements before her impending journey to the convent. In any case, Gwen never dreamed that she would be missed for such a short time.

  She shrugged. ‘It was nothing of import and I hardly know now.’

  ‘I see.’ He sighed. ‘And you are sure that you are well? Stephen did not hurt you?’

  ‘No, I am perfectly well, I thank you.’

  ‘Good,’ he muttered, as they descended into an awkward silence.

  ‘I had better go,’ she said finally. ‘I am sure Brida would be wondering where I have got to.’

  ‘I hope to see you this evening, my lady, at the banquet to celebrate today’s success.’ He bowed over her hand.

  Gwen knew that she should not stay. It would be best to prepare for their journey on the morrow, but that look in Ralph’s eye made it impossible for her to refuse.

  ‘Of course, I would not miss it for the world. Until later.’ She inclined her head and made her way back inside the castle.

  * * *

  The evening banquet that served as a celebration of Ralph’s victory and his restored castle and lands was the most spectacular that had been staged during the tournament. Torches had been lit, with garlands of seasonal greenery and flowers decorating the trellis tables that were covered in linen cloths. Trenchers of mutton, beef and pork with delicate spiced sauces to accompany the meat had been laid out on the tables. Warm rolls of bread, rounds of cheese and small savoury pastries were stacked on to platters, along with dried and fresh fruits. And, of course, the tables groaned with plenty of ale and silver goblets of red wine.

  ‘Are you unwell, my lady, only you have hardly touched your meal?’ Brida hissed from beside her.

  ‘I just am not particularly hungry, that is all.’ Gwen sighed, placing her meat knife down. Indeed, for some strange reason, her stomach seemed to be knotted in a perpetual state of nervous apprehension.

  Brida lowered her head close to hers, so her voice would not carry beyond Gwen’s ears. ‘Try for something. After all, the choicest cuts have been selected for our trencher.’

  Gwen forced herself to take small bites of food, knowing her friend was right, but everything tasted dry in her mouth, despite the obvious care and attention that the meal had been prepared with. What was wrong with her? It was as though she anticipated something this eventide, although she had no possible notion of that. She surreptitiously glanced in the direction of Ralph, who was sat with King Henry, the Marcher Earls, and William de Clancey and Hugh de Villers. Thomas Lovent also sat with the noble men, laughing and talking boisterously. It seemed everyone present on this eve was vying for Ralph’s attention.

  Gwen could not be happier for him, he deserved nothing less. Yet she could not help but feel a little empty inside, knowing that soon their lives would pull away from one another, once they went their separate ways.

  She sipped her spiced wine and returned her attention to her meal, just as musicians assembled at the end of the hall and began to strum their instruments before beginning to play. Their first few ditties were famous melodies from Poitiers. Gwen attempted to join in with the merriment and clapping. The next, however, was something so unexpected that she snapped her head up, blinking in a daze. It was a beautiful Welsh ballad sung to the most beautiful melody. And Gwen remembered it instantly from the far reaches of her mind.

  She began to hum the tune as she tried to remember the beautiful words sung about a warrior returning to his love and waiting on the hillside to be reunited with her after many long years apart.

  Ar y llechwedd hwnnw y byddwn yn cwrdd â fy nghariad eto.

  Sut y byddai’r tymhorau’n mynd heibio cyn y gallem fod gyda’n gilydd eto.

  Gwen could recall how her mother would smooth back her hair and sing it to her as she tried to coax her to sleep, when she was a child. The memory was so potent and immediate that it brought a lump to her throat.

  There was only person present in the hall who would know of this faded memory which was so utterly precious to her. One of the very few she had left of her mother. Gwen lifted her head and caught Ralph’s eyes watching her with such ardour that she felt her cheeks heat.

  She felt so touched that he had remembered this that her eyes unexpectedly filled with tears. Feeling annoyed with herself, she quickly turned her head and wiped them away with the back of her hand before anyone could bear witness to anything so mortifying. And in the middle of a celebratory banquet as well. Really, it was all too embarrassing.

  Gwen turned back around to find Ralph standing in front of their table, looking down on her, his dark eyes glittering. Oh, but how handsome he looked, standing there with a ready smile and his dark hair combed and swept back. His long, muscled legs were encased in dark hose and braies, and with it he wore a matching linen tunic with a blue quilted gambeson, belted at the waist, that moulded to the contours of his broad shoulders and hard chest.

  ‘My lady,’ he said softly, holding out his hand to her. ‘Would you care to dance?’

  Gwen exhaled slowly and nodded, not quite trusting herself to speak. She rose to her feet and took Ralph’s outstretched hand. They moved to the centre of the hall as others also gathered there. Hugh and Eleanor joined them, as did William and Isabel. Gwen even spotted Thomas approach Brida, whom she noticed refused the poor man w
ith a vigorous shake of the head.

  Yet none of that seemed to signify. The way Ralph was looking at her was as though no one else existed but them. It made her feel as though she would swoon with this strange hopeless longing she knew she could not give in to. She must stand strong and think of the sadness that would eventually come if she gave into her desires now. It was best to keep this contained as though they were mere friends and nothing more.

  The melodic music enveloped them as they circled around one another in graceful, fluid moves.

  ‘You seem quiet this evening, Ralph.’

  ‘Am I?’ he muttered from behind her as he flexed his fingers around her waist and lifted her up before lowering her back down. ‘I had not noticed.’

  ‘I am not surprised. This has been an incredible day.’

  ‘Indeed.’

  ‘Tell me, how do you fare?’ she said as she moved around him and another couple before coming back around and resting the tips of her fingers on his.

  ‘Very well, now that I am finally able to have a moment with you.’ He winked at her, giving her a wicked smile before his mirth faded to be replaced with a look of contemplation. ‘And what of you, Gwen? I hope that you are now able to put Stephen and his subsequent demise behind you?’

  She considered this question before eventually answering. ‘It’s strange but now that the nightmare of constantly watching and worrying about him seems to be at an end, I feel...you’ll laugh when I say this, but I feel a little numb from it all.’

  ‘That is not something that would provoke my levity.’ Ralph frowned. ‘Not after everything that he put you through.’

  ‘That he put us through,’ she corrected.

  ‘Yes.’ He moved away from her in the dance sequence before turning back. ‘And the feelings you describe are understandable. However, I’m hopeful that it soon will pass.’

  ‘Yes, I am sure it shall.’ She smiled. ‘I would not want to be continually bound to him in such a meaningless way.’

  ‘That would not serve you well.’ He slid his hand over her fingers and slowly pulled her towards him. ‘In time Stephen le Gros would all be forgotten.’

  ‘And we should start tonight by never mentioning his name. For too long he has dominated our shared past.’

  ‘I can accede to that.’ He laced his fingers with hers and gave them a gentle tug. ‘Come, let’s get away from here for a moment.’

  ‘What? We cannot do that,’ she hissed. ‘This banquet has been given in your honour, with King Henry, the Marcher Earls and other dignitaries present.’

  ‘No one shall notice.’ He grinned sheepishly. ‘Besides, I have been in discussions with them all day. I believe I can surely now have a moment alone with you, if you would honour me with your company.’

  Gwen blinked, wondering whether it would be wise to be alone with him. But knowing that this could be the last time she conceded. ‘It would be my pleasure.’

  They continued the group dance, but gradually pulled away a little at a time until they found themselves at the side of the hall.

  ‘Come along.’ He chuckled as they stepped outside the hall.

  No, it would not be wise at all.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  It was a cool, quiet evening with a clear night sky festooned with stars. Ralph seemed to be in a hurry as he tugged Gwen’s hand through to the outer bailey.

  ‘Where are we going in such haste?’

  ‘You’ll see. Come.’

  They continued along the path that brought them to a stone gatehouse.

  ‘We’re leaving the castle? At a time like this?’

  ‘No better time than here and now, Gwen.’ Ralph’s lips twitched in the corners. ‘Besides, we shan’t be going far.’

  They made their way out of the castle and around the castle curtain where she was surprised to find Ralph’s squire holding his horse’s reins.

  ‘Not going far, did you say?’ She crossed her arms as she shook her head. ‘And this excursion does not seem as spontaneous as I believed it to be.’

  He ran his hands down Fortis’s smooth flank. ‘I admit it has been done quite by design.’

  ‘So it would seem.’ She chuckled softly as she stroked the animal’s muzzle.

  ‘However, we shall not be venturing far. Just far enough.’ He held out his hand to her. ‘Shall we?’

  ‘Yes.’ She nodded. ‘Let’s.’

  They mounted Fortis and turned the horse around before galloping away from Pulverbatch Castle. Gwen sat side-saddle in front with Ralph’s protective arms wrapped around her.

  ‘By the by, I wanted to ask whether you had anything to do with selecting the beautiful Welsh ballad earlier?’

  ‘I may have.’

  ‘Thank you, it was one my mother used to sing to me.’

  ‘I recall you telling me.’

  ‘I am surprised you remember something as insignificant as that, after all this time?’

  He pulled the reins, making the horse come to a halt and leant over her shoulder, his breath close to the side of her neck.

  ‘Not so insignificant, Gwenllian. And I hope this night is filled with yet more surprises.’

  The low timbre of his voice sent a frisson of excitement through her as well as a touch of confusion. What surprises?

  ‘Then, my lord, allow me to say that I am touched by your courtesy and thoughtfulness.’

  ‘It was my pleasure.’

  They continued to gallop through familiar woods and even a low-level stream, riding further west, with the moon and the stars as the only guiding beacon of light.

  Finally, Fortis climbed a hilly mound that brought them somewhere Gwen had not believed she would ever see again—Kinnerton Castle, far across the valley yonder and perched on a low hill, but still visible.

  It was standing in magnificent splendour, with a motte surrounding the high curtain walls and five stone towers including the keep linked together in fortification. It looked peaceful now, this place that had been the cause of so much turmoil and upheaval.

  They both stared out into the night, lost in their own private contemplation of old memories now faded in dreams.

  ‘I cannot believe that this is the same place I have been dreaming of, for so long. It seems so much smaller than I remember and only but yesterday when we were last here,’ Ralph muttered softly. ‘And yet also a lifetime ago, as well.’

  She nodded. ‘So much has happened since then. So many changes, both good and bad.’

  ‘And here we are...back again.’

  She wrapped her arms around herself as the breeze whipped around her. ‘Why are we here, Ralph?’ She frowned. ‘Why have you brought me here?’

  ‘Because this is the place where it all began and where everything must now surely be settled.’

  * * *

  Ralph jumped down and helped her dismount.

  ‘Yes, for you this is a proud moment to savour. To know that all your endeavours, all those hopes and dreams you spoke of have finally become a reality.’

  ‘But not for you, Gwen?’ He caught a stray tendril from beneath her sheer veil and tucked it behind her ear.

  ‘No.’ She sighed. ‘My path, as you know, will take me on a different route. Far from here.’

  ‘And you would be happy then, once you reach that journey’s end?’

  ‘Must our lives be measured by the extent of our happiness?’

  He stared at her for a long moment before answering, ‘I do not see why they can’t. But mayhap the pertinent question is whether you believe you have the right to be happy?’

  No. She did not. Happiness was not something that she considered to be of any importance in her life. ‘All I seek is a little comfort. That would suffice.’

  ‘I’m afraid I do not agree.’ He turned her around slowly to face him. ‘I believe tha
t you are worthy of more than that.’

  ‘Stop this, Ralph.’ She screwed her eyes shut. ‘Do not make me want things that I cannot have.’

  ‘Why?’ he murmured. ‘Why can you not have what your heart desires?’

  This was something she did not want to contemplate. It would open a chasm of want and need that she had shut out and contained for so long, it might otherwise threaten to burst open.

  ‘Gwen?’ he said softly. ‘Sweetheart, look at me.’

  Her eyes fluttered open to find Ralph looking at her with such intensity that it made her pulse trip over itself. The truth was that what he offered tempted her so much that she wanted to reach out and take it, but she could not do it. It would end up hurting them both in the end and she could not bear to gain his eventual disgust.

  ‘I love you Ralph de Kinnerton.’ She swallowed. ‘But you and I cannot have the ending we once hoped to have.’

  He raked his fingers through his hair irritably. ‘Just say the word, Gwen, and I shall escort you to whichever convent you wish to go, if it would be the means to your happiness.’

  ‘Why would that be of any consequence?’

  ‘Because it matters to me. You matter to me, for the love of saints.’ His eyes held a storm of emotions still warring with the injustices of the world. But just as quickly it faded. ‘You say you love me, yet you are prepared to relinquish that love.’

  ‘Only because I have no other choice.’

  ‘Oh, I think you do, but you stubbornly refuse to see it.’

  ‘That is neither fair nor true.’ She moved away, looking over the valley beyond. ‘Don’t you see that this is for the best? I am convinced that, one day, you shall come to realise that.’

  ‘Will I indeed? I very much doubt it.’ His lips twisted in annoyance. ‘What is it that you think you are doing, Gwen? Protecting me, again?’

  ‘Not just you, but both of us, I imagine.’

  ‘Oh, sweetheart.’ He reached out for her and she went to him. ‘Whatever you may believe, I want you to know that you deserve happiness and more than that you should be cherished and loved.’